The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Zepth]

Dear hotter is better,
Did you know Aliester Crowley fancied himself a chef? Made a pretty good curried rice recipe that goes great ALONGSIDE hot dishes. Or butter chicken.
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Sincerely,
Just posted a curry recipe

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Neighbors' Car,

I kinda wanna poop on you now that it's negative temps.

Sincerely,
I Hate People And Their Cars

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear hotter is better,
Did you know Aliester Crowley fancied himself a chef? Made a pretty good curried rice recipe that goes great ALONGSIDE hot dishes. Or butter chicken.
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Sincerely,
Just posted a curry recipe

Dear Just posted a curry recipe,

Remove ghost pepper from plant and/or bag. Insert into mouth.

Sincerely,
Just posted a better curry recipe.

 

[Zepth]

Dear better recipe,
I have a pepper grinder full of ghost pepper flakes. Recently a friend who claimed to "have a weak sense of smell" popped the lid off of took a hell of a whiff out of the top. She started coughing and tipped over. I laughed.
Sincerely,
No stranger to Bhut Jolokia.

PS. Well actually, your recipe wasn't curry related.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear better recipe,
I have a pepper grinder full of ghost pepper flakes. Recently a friend who claimed to "have a weak sense of smell" popped the lid off of took a hell of a whiff out of the top. She started coughing and tipped over. I laughed.
Sincerely,
No stranger to Bhut Jolokia.

PS. Well actually, your recipe wasn't curry related.

Dear Recipe wasn't curry related,

Guilty as charged. But sick of restaurants wimping out on the heat because they don't think I can hack it. When I order curry (especially vindaloo) I want it as hot as your grandmother made it, not what you think my palate can handle.

Sincerely,
Bring it on, marthafloccer.

 

[liquiditynerd]

Dear future LiquidityNerd,

Don't ever freaking do that again that was extremely stupid. Remember Bill and Ted?, exactly, idiot.

Sincerely,

Past LiquidityNerd

 

[azscoob]

Dear life,

Stop getting in the way of my brewing, it's getting old

Sincerely,
Adjusting priorities still doesn't help

 

[Zepth]

Dear liver.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
This evening.

 

[BBQB]

Dear Nashville,

I miss prince's hot chicken.

Sincerely,
Myassmissestheburn

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Myassmissestheburn,

Prince misses your ass too.

Sincerely, Sorrycouldntresist.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Sorrycouldntresist,

Where the flocc is that Mind Sanitizer?

Sincerely,
Why Do Y'all Hate My Brain?

 

[MarshmallowBlue]

Dear driver in front of me,

The yield sign is for the people the sign faces, not you.

Sincerely,
The person slamming on their brakes behind you.

 

[Beernik]

Dear stomach flu,

You kicked my ass but at least I lost 3 lbs.

Sincerely,
I have got to get back to work

 

[Psylocide]

Dear Winter,

**** you.



Also could have done without 5" of snow on my birthday yesterday.

Sincerely,

Freezing

 

[Zepth]

Dear Freezing,
You aren't alone. -26 C without the wind. "Very cold temperatures in the wake of this front, combined with moderate winds, will result in wind chill values near or below minus 35 Wednesday afternoon..."
source
Sincerely,
Your Frosty Pal.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Freezing,

At least you didn't go from nearly 70F on Sunday to 4 inches of snow today. I'd take the consistently cold.

Sincerely,

For f***s sake, weather, just pick one.

 

[azscoob]

Dear 4wd SUV drivers,

You have sweet traction control, more computer power in our driveline than the Apollo space program, all wheel drive, ground clearance,

Why am I blistering by you in a 222k mile civic that's 15 years old because it snowed 3 inches????

Sincerely,

Learn how to drive you shyteheads

 

[Psylocide]

Dear 4wd SUV drivers,

You have sweet traction control, more computer power in our driveline than the Apollo space program, all wheel drive, ground clearance,

Why am I blistering by you in a 222k mile civic that's 15 years old because it snowed 3 inches????

Sincerely,

Learn how to drive you shyteheads

Dear azscoob,

You must have lived around this **** long enough to know that snow is a natural *******-traffic-flow-constrictor magnet.

"Ermagerd Sner! DRIVE 50 MILES UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT!"

Sincerely,

Dude... I feel your pain.

 

[Dan]

Dear Peoples of the Internets,

Defiantly is not the same as definitely. I know spell check doesn't catch it... it's up to you, the user, to have some idea of the word you're trying to spell. If it doesn't look right, sound it out.

Def - I - Ant - Ly. No, that's not quite right, is it?

As much fun as it is to read about you defiantly pouring a pack of yeast in your carboy with your fist in the air, I don't think that's quite the image you're going for.

Sincerely,

The Grammar Police

Dear Psylocide,

Definitely defiant my brain is. Words are letters put together. Meaning is

 

[Dan]

Dear Peoples of the Internets,

Defiantly is not the same as definitely. I know spell check doesn't catch it... it's up to you, the user, to have some idea of the word you're trying to spell. If it doesn't look right, sound it out.

Def - I - Ant - Ly. No, that's not quite right, is it?

As much fun as it is to read about you defiantly pouring a pack of yeast in your carboy with your fist in the air, I don't think that's quite the image you're going for.

Sincerely,

The Grammar Police

Dear Psylocide,

Definitely defiant my brain is. Words are letters put together. Meaning is words spelled wrong but intent pure

D

 

[Dan]

Dear Peoples of the Internets,

Defiantly is not the same as definitely. I know spell check doesn't catch it... it's up to you, the user, to have some idea of the word you're trying to spell. If it doesn't look right, sound it out.

Def - I - Ant - Ly. No, that's not quite right, is it?

As much fun as it is to read about you defiantly pouring a pack of yeast in your carboy with your fist in the air, I don't think that's quite the image you're going for.

Sincerely,

The Grammar Police

Dear Psylocide,

Definitely defiant my brain is. Words are letters put together. Meaning is words spelled wrong but intent pure

Dr Gevsashet

 

[Dan]

Edit

Double post 😊

 

[azscoob]

Dear karma,

Please swing your mighty hammer down upon those who are due a serious whooping.

Sincerely,
You know who we are talking about....

 

[Zepth]

Dear self,
Hide under something hammer-proof.
Sincerely,
Self.

 

[azscoob]

Dear karma,

Thanks for listening! and if what seems to be unfolding is correct, you totally deserve a high five, and a knuckle bump.

Sincerely,
Better than I had hoped and with FAST delivery....

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear next door neighbor,
I am very sorry that yesterday my father got stuck at the bottom of my icy driveway and in attempting to get unstuck ended up in your yard. I have made every possible concession to not mess up your yard though my driveway is narrow. Yes occasionally people drive slightly off it and make a little mud. No you do not need to put up coat hangers to mark the side of the driveway. Also, there is actually a foot of my yard on that side of the driveway. You really did not have to bang on my door today to tell me off, I saw the damage. It will be fixed.
Cheers,
Me.

Oh and

Dear new clothes washer and dryer,
Must you sound like an epileptic cell phone? And why is it I would have to buy the expensive model to be able to adjust the volume of the notification tones? You are annoying and I am going to have to locate a diagram to see if I can remove/disable your speakers.
Sincerely,
Beep beep beep beeeeeeep, gaah!

 

[ChefRex]

Dear next door neighbor,
**** off! Just kidding, I'm civil.
Cheers, Me

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Morning Me,

Please get to work on time. I'm putting the keys next to your empty six pack of southern tier ipa. One day left buddy, you got this.

Sincerely,
Inconsiderate Thursday Night Me

 

[rlmiller10]

Dear Client,

I had planned to just be finishing up brewing a brown ale by this time tonight. Instead I am just finishing up a rewrite of the project kickoff presentation. And why did I spend my night rewriting it? Because you are a micro-managing ahole. You think you aren't because you give no instructions as to what you want at the start. But after I go ahead and make the kickoff document, just like I have done for numerous other clients, you crap all over it and want every slide changed, sections deleted, and sections added. Had you said what you wanted when I first asked I could have done like you wanted and been brewing tonight.

Now I am just drinking

Only happy because the rates are good

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear 2015:
Please don't suck like 2014 did.
Sincerely, Me.

 

[Renegades_Brew]

Dear Beep beep beep beeeeeeep, gaah!,

Our upstairs neighbor who is deaf must have the exact same machine... And does laundry at 8-9pm and leaves it in the dryer all night. The dogs do not enjoy the sound coming through the ceiling... Nor do I...

Sincerely,
I have to be up for work at 4:30am... thanks for no sleep on laundry days.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Saturday Morning,
How about you give me a break and postpone your usual 5am wake up to, say, noon or so, so that I can experience a Friday night with my homebrew like most other homebrewers?
Sincerely,
WhyTF do I need to be to work so damn early

 

[Inkleg]

Dear Saturday Morning,
How about you give me a break and postpone your usual 5am wake up to, say, noon or so, so that I can experience a Friday night with my homebrew like most other homebrewers?
Sincerely,
WhyTF do I need to be to work so damn early

Dear Early to Work

Thanks for taking one for the team.

Sincerely,
Slept in till 6am


Dear Black Island Brewer

Today a LOT of hops will give their all in your Colorful Dreams DIPA that I'm brewing. I swapped Simcoe for Citra, as I have some that need to be used and think it will play well with the other hops.

Sincerely,
Thanks for the recipe
PM me an address and I'll sent a few bottles your way.

 

[jhoneycutt]

Dear Beep beep beep beeeeeeep, gaah!,

Our upstairs neighbor who is deaf must have the exact same machine... And does laundry at 8-9pm and leaves it in the dryer all night. The dogs do not enjoy the sound coming through the ceiling... Nor do I...

Sincerely,
I have to be up for work at 4:30am... thanks for no sleep on laundry days.

Dear beep beep,

Have you discussed this with deaf dryer?

Sincerely,
Don't miss my apartment days for the same reasons

 

[Beernik]

Dear body,

At some point you will have recovered from this stomach flu enough that I can drink again.

Sincerely,
Longing for some beer and Scotch

 

[Teromous]

Dear UPS Driver,

I am, in fact, at my house. Please stop leaving notices on my door, and knock or use the doorbell for once.

Sincerely,
A person who pays for express shipping for a reason.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear UPS Driver,

I am, in fact, at my house. Please stop leaving notices on my door, and knock or use the doorbell for once.

Sincerely,
A person who pays for express shipping for a reason.

Dear express shipping purchaser,

At least your driver leaves slips. I often have to find out about final delivery attempt from tracking.

Sincerely,
Hate it when something gets returned to sender with no notice it was ever here

 

[Zepth]

Dear unhappy with courier service,
I feel your pain. I had a guy leave the message with his office that "No such address" after driving past an 11 story tall tower. Guess it blended into the field beside it too well.
Sincerely,
Can't tolerate stupidity.

 

[Melana]

Dear winter,
Please warm up just enough for the pipe we can't find to thaw.
Sincerely,
Never to shut the heat off again.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear winter,
Please warm up just enough for the pipe we can't find to thaw, all over the living room.
Sincerely,
Never to shut the heat off again.

.