The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[DisturbdChemist]

Dear Alcohol,

You are always ready to party. You never say no. You make the hangover the next morning better once you show back up. You make me dance like Micheal Jackson and look cool doing it. You make me more social but one thing I do not like that you do.. Whisky Dick.. Can you please stop? If you do that then you will be perfect. Solutions to all lifes problem.. and some of the cause but that is not your fault.

Sincerely,
Your best friend

 

[LAHammer]

Dear Strung Out,
Marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me... the last time. The first time, not so much.
Sincerely,
Keep trying till you get it right


Sent from my flip phone using Morse Code.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear tomorrow - Friday, 9:00 AM.

It's taken a year, $16k, lots of stress, and a glued shut mouth, but you're almost here.

Sincerely,
Watch out ladies. That creepy mouth breather is almost legally single.

 

[Komocabo]

Dear Crash,

Good luck makin' e-mail stick to the wall.

Sincerely,
I sense a storm of awesome coming

Edit: no pun intended

 

[Fedora]

Dear Mouth Breather,
May it rain relief and grilled cheese.

Sincerely,
Kenny

 

[Scele]

Dear life,
Stop getting in the way of my drinking and hobbies.

Sincerely
Scele

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Scele,
Saying "Drinking and hobbies" is like saying "stouts and ales". Drinking is a hobby and stouts are ales.
Sincerely,
The Semantics Nazi

 

[ColoHox]

Dear panicky woman on Friday,
You had all week to do this, have fun coming in over the weekend.

Sincerely,
Getting my sh!t done on time guy

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear fart,

Please restrain yourself a little longer. Please wait until the hot chick is out of range.

Sincerely,
Fit to burst.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear fart,

Please restrain yourself a little longer. Please wait until the hot chick is out of range.

Sincerely,
Fit to burst.

Dear Fit to burst,

Frrrrrrrpppppppp!

SIncerely,
The fart that didn't want to wait.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear The fart that didn't want to wait.

I will hold a lighter to my arse and burn you for that.

Sincerely,
My life is getting out of control.

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear The fart that didn't want to wait.

I will hold a lighter to my arse and burn you for that.

Sincerely,
My life is getting out of control.

 

[jcoxen]

Dear Scele,
Saying "Drinking and hobbies" is like saying "stouts and ales". Drinking is a hobby and stouts are ales.
Sincerely,
The Semantics Nazi

Dear Semantics Nazi,

If you think drinking is a hobby, you're doing it wrong. Drinking is a profession. Work is a hobby.

Sincerely,
It's the amateurs who give the rest of us a bad name.

 

[LAHammer]

Dear New York City,
Now that you have the ebola, please quarantine yourself for the proper period so the rest of us don't get it. No bowling until you're in the clear.
Sincerely,
Not in my back yard (or front yard either)

 

[cannman]

Dear potato that has sprouted,

All day I planned to eat you. I picked the perfect side dishes to go with you. Salt-crusted, you were going to be delicious. Now look at you. All withered with white legs sticking from every eye. I am ashamed to have spent 1.99 a lb on baking potatoes to have you do this. What do I tell the cheesy veggies that were going to top you? The full fat cream and butter mixture to bathe you in? You're so f***ing inconsiderate POTATO.

Don't look at me with those eyes,
Hungry Man

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear brewing partner,
Way to hold out man one vagina for the rest of your life. But seriously congratulations. Happy for you and the future misses.
Sincerely guy that used to brew alone and now won't brew without you.
PS we rocked the pumpkin saison.

 

[Zepth]

Dear Hungry Man,
Tell the cheesy veggies that their potato companion is going to have to be substituted with additional cheese. Hopefully they take the news well. Also note that potatoes are calories. Replace potato calories with beer calories. Or do as I do, and ferment potatoes. Kartoffelferienbier!
Sincerely,
Carbless dinner guy.

Dear Nottingham,
You used to be cool. Now you've let me down twice. What gives?
Sincerely,
Developing a finer palate.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Fart,

When I said you could come out play, I meant just you, not you and your....friend.

Sincerely,
Gambled and lost

 

[cannman]

Dear developing a finer palate,

Danstar's Nottingham did me wrong x8 gallons 2 years ago...

Sincerely,
Never looked back

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear congress,
Please give Texas back to Mexico, it is undermining our credibility.

Sincerely,
The IRA

 

[drainbamage]

Dear homebrew supply companies,

Self-scrubbing carboys. Seriously, get on that.

Sincerely,
How much sludge can 2 oz. of hops make?

 

[cannman]

Dear How much sludge can 2 oz. of hops make?,

Suggest looking into better SWMBO utilization.

Sincerely,
I shower with my carboy

 

[ubnserved]

Dear hop plants,
I want to thank you for your contribution to the excellence of beer. Your variety keeps me interested in brewing the finest ales known to man. Without you I would have to make wine or distill something and I do not have the patience for that.

Sincerely the broken drunk guy on the porch.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear Toe,

You didn't see that ottoman coming? Seriously?

Sincerely,
Ouch.

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear HBT,

Help!

Sincerely,
Cold Feet

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear Junk,

What's the deal!? You fall out of my undies most of the day, and I embarrass myself trying to put you back in......Then....When I go for a pee, I can't find the undies hole to get you out!!

Sincerely,
Problematic undies guy.

 

[cannman]

Dear Cold Feet,

Grab some liquid-confidence, give it the finger.

Sincerely,
One in the stink

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Dear HBT,

Help!

Sincerely,
Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet,
Don't do it! Run while you still can!


Just kidding, drink some apfelwein and you won't worry, or feel anything for that matter.

Sincerely,
Still not married after 15 years and 2 kids

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear Cold Feet,

Don't worry, no one will be looking at you anyway

Sincerely,
Everyone will be checking out your new wife.

 

[Beernik]

Dear Work,

I will no longer check my email or answer phone calls when I am sick because all you do is criticize my attempts to help you. I also apologze for not memorizing every random factoid about the project you were inquiring about.

Sincerely,

Sick Guy.

 

[jbaysurfer]

Dear Sick Guy,

We know you're home watching internet porn and eating pizza while you wait for you hangover to subside.

Sincerely,
Work

 

[number40fan]

Dear, Royals.

Don't let us down.

Sincerely,
He who hates everything in California.

 

[jbaysurfer]

Dear He Who Hates everything in California,

You are missing out on some of the best beer in the world, and you are also missing out that everyone here who is an A's Angels, Dodgers, or Padres fan is rooting for your boys.

Sincerely,
No Pliny For You.

 

[Komocabo]

Dear Giants,

Get it done. I don't want to watch another game.

Sincerely,
Streaming the game on my work PC...

 

[ubnserved]

Dear someone who plays baseball,
Win already the game is soooo boring and needs to be removed from my tv. Not that will help much with the boredom because even dumber things like fake singing shows and the all important "I'm a **** so marry me" shows will be on. TV just sucks anymore.

Sincerely,
Grouchy not so old f#!\ who would rather retire at 55 than pay for cable who is stuck at home till his broke a$$ can walk more than 5 minutes.

Maybe I should relax and have a home brew.... #/% <| can't do that either cause I'm out! just not my year.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear baseball season,

Please be over now. And take American football (pro and college) with you. You're getting in the way of my hockey and my football (the kind actually played with feet). And otherwise, you're getting in the way of everything else on TV.

Sincerely,
Me.


Dear Network TV Executive People,

Why come you have to always air every f***ing American football game, and every f***ing baseball game on network TV at night, but you won't play every game of the Stanley Cup FINALS on network TV let alone the rest of the playoffs, let alone the regular season. Let alone EVER playing football outside of Saturdays. I mean, yeah, you gave me more Premier League coverage on the weekends, but DC United is never on TV without cable. And I don't want to pay for cable. And I can't get a decent stream half the time. And even then, still usually have to watch Spurs via stream because you never air them. And almost always have to watch Caps on stream.

Sincerely,
Really doesn't want to pay for cable, and even then couldn't get my wife to go along.



Dear ******s Who Make Both of the Above the Case...

I know where you live and I know where you sleep. You know who you are.

Sincerely,
Me


Dear Giants,

HA HA

Sincerely,
I don't care who wins but I just wanted to mock someone.

 

[cannman]

Dear World Series,
Why are you soooo dull??? This is SO dull that I just might start watching soccer... in SPANISH!

Sincerely,
My NHL Center Ice Free Preview is over

 

[Komocabo]

Dear Balls,

Thank you for always being a blast. But who decided on having them outside of the body? You know what Billy_Klub does to them, right?

Sincerely,

Who made that sh!t up/

 

[b-boy]

Dear Really doesn't want to pay for cable, and even then couldn't get my wife to go along,

If Hockey and 'Soccer' could make enough money for the networks they'd be on TV (The networks are greedy bastards after all). Unfortunately, they are niche sports to most of the country. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

Sincerely - 'Merica

 

[Newsman]

Dear Really doesn't want to pay for cable, and even then couldn't get my wife to go along,

If Hockey and 'Soccer' could make enough money for the networks they'd be on TV (The networks are greedy bastards after all). Unfortunately, they are niche sports to most of the country. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

Sincerely - 'Merica

Dear 'Merica,
As far as I'm concered, ALL professional sports could leave TV and I'd never miss 'em.
Sincerely,
Anti-pro sports