The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Colorowdy]

Dear teenager,
What would you like to see? A proctologist or a pediatrist? Because you are gonna have to have a foot removed from your @$$.
Sincerely,
Pissed off adult

 

[boydster]

Dear pissed off adult,

Might I suggest scheduling the appointment with the proctologist? The foot should be in much less pain than the ass.

Sincerely,
Parent of a teenager with similar near future diagnosis

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Dear Parents of Teenagers,
HaHaHaHa.

Sincerely,
Parent of Former Teenagers

PS. One of mine is still a bit of a PITA.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear driving in Memphis,

Blind Spot Mirror

Sincerely,

You're welcome

Dear Billy-Klubb
Will you please punch elkshadow in the berries for bringing up more traffic s**t?
Sincerely,
Do it while he's looking in his blind spot mirror.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Parents,

Don't tell me your troubles.

Sincerely,
Not parent

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Thursday at Work,

Please make it quick and painless.

Sincerely,
You can take our lives, but you'll never take our freedom!

 

[Newsman]

Dear weekend...
Can you please come a day early???
Signed,
Overworked and anxious for the fun this weekend!

 

[DisturbdChemist]

Dear GABF,

Can you let me inside you... I'll travel to you.


Sinecerly,
Guy that wants to go back to you

 

[ubnserved]

Dear kitty
If you don't want your little toes stepped on please quit taking off the collar with the bell. I cannot see you without every light in the house on.
Sincerely, damaged 4th cranial nerve

 

[LAHammer]

Dear Monday
Why are you here again? I thought there was only one of you every week but you keep coming back.
Sincerely,
Will Friday ever get here?

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear 7 day week,
Why didn't you grow up to be 8 days, with 3 for weekends?
Sincerely,
A guy with a full freaking schedule

 

[Fedora]

Dear Coffee And Spicy Ramen Noodles,

Please make me feel human again.

Sincerely, Rough Night

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Dear Denver,
I love you and want to stay here longer than a week.
Sincerely,
Guy enjoying vacation out here

 

[b-boy]

Dear Denver,
I love you and want to stay here longer than a week.
Sincerely,
Guy enjoying vacation out here

Dear Guy enjoying vacation out here,

Hey dude, quit bogarting the duby.

Sincerely,

What I imagine I would be doing if I was in Denver on vacation (and it was 1974).

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Arnold Palmer,

Your sport of choice sucks, but your beverage is might tasty.

Sincerely,
Thirsty lad who laughs at people playing <span style="text-decoration: line-through;">hit a ball with a stick and chase it</span> I mean <span style="text-decoration: line-through;">one person fetch</span> I mean golf

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Dear Guy enjoying vacation out here,

Hey dude, quit bogarting the duby.

Sincerely,

What I imagine I would be doing if I was in Denver on vacation (and it was 1974).

Dear b-boy,
I'll be passing the *legal* doobie. And drinking good beers to rid the cotton mouth.
Sincerely,
Half-baked tourist

 

[brew_ny]

Dear b-boy,
I'll be passing the *legal* doobie. And drinking good beers to rid the cotton mouth.
Sincerely,
Half-baked tourist

Dear Half-baked tourist,

please work on becoming fully done for me

Sincerely

one who would love to be there

 

[Mongrel]

Dear Beer Judge at the 2014 COHO Spring Fling,

8+3+16+3+8=38 and not 35 as the total was shown on my scoresheet.

Sincerely,

Hefeweisen Entry #0127

BTW: I still wonder that if the scores were added up correctly, would it have medalled.

Dear Hefeweisen Entry #0127
As a judge at this event, but not in your category, I could ask who judged that flight at next month's meeting, but maths are hard when you have to judge as many beers as we did this year, but the the medals go to what we thought was best. Also, sorry for not seeing this earlier. Also, one of the guys who judged my beer at this event forgot to put his name on my score sheet. I'd like so sign him up for one of Billy-Klubb's berry punches.
Sincerely,
We can get a little drunk judging

 

[number40fan]

Dear wife,

Thanks.

Sincerely,
My penis.

 

[UWDawg13]

Dear wife,

Thanks.

Sincerely,
My penis.

It took 349 posts to get to this??

Close the thread. This post wins the Internet.

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Fellow Blue-Collar Workers,

Sincerely,
Overworked Drawing Machine

ps. See you on the other side...

 

[Newsman]

Dear 5:00 PM,
Why can't you hurry up?
Signed,
Tired-a$$ working stiff!

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear beer I have in the fridge at home,

I want you inside me

Sincerely,
My belly.

 

[beavers]

Dear inattentive starter maker,

Please, no more sticky stuff on my face!

Sincerely,
Your stove top

 

[drainbamage]

Dear liver,

Brace yourself...it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Sincerely,
Two bachelor parties in one weekend

 

[Zepth]

Dear Me,
Don't hit that keezer yet. Don't crack any bottles yet. You have to finish assembling control panel and electric kettle. Buckle down and get it done.
Sincerely, Responsible me.

Dear Responsible me,
You're no fun.
Sincerely, Me.

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear coworkers,
You guys are a bunch of rocket surgeons. You people are the model of efficiency. I really hope the boss doesn't take any quick turns. Mostly because you will all suffer broken necks. Plus you should also be nominated for Billy- Klubbs berry punches.
Sincerely,
Breaking in to the secret stash

 

[Yoseff]

Dear Monday,
Feel free to take a vacation this week. Sunday said he'd fill in for you.
Sincerely,
A baker who does not look forward to not having any help next week.

 

[drainbamage]

Dear seasons,

Thursday was 85, today is 55. Go home, you're drunk.

Sincerely,
Sinuses

 

[biochemedic]

Dear Sleep,

Where are you?

Sincerly,
Trying to unsuccessfully switch from days to nights...