The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Kent88]

Dear Wonderful Husband,

When I asked why you were lying on the couch instead of starting to organize the spare room (like you said you would do today, if I cleaned the bathroom), the answer "I'll get to it maybe tomorrow" was not the answer I was looking for.

Sincerely,

Your slightly annoyed wife who has so far deep cleaned the garage and bathroom this weekend, and will shortly be making your favorite dinner, and also has to make devilled eggs for bbq tomorrow

Deviled eggs? Can I have a look at your spare room for some eggs?

 

[balrog]

Deviled eggs? Can I have a look at your spare room for some eggs?

Oh yeah, @seatazzz , for some deviled eggs I could really get a fairly ambiguously defined, definitely pretty good, beginning of a start, on organizing a spare room!

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Devilled Egg lovers,

The farts will clear any room you are in, I promise.

Sincerely, Master Devilled Egg Maker

 

[Kent88]

Dear Master Devilled Egg Maker,

While that type of egg usually causes some rumblings from my system, I don't think it's ever resulted in a room clearing. What are you putting in those things?

Sincerely,
Egg Enthusiast

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Egg Enthusiast,

Wouldn't you like to know.

Sincerely, guarding my recipe in a locked vault, like coca-cola

*really, the secret is Johnny's seasoning salt, just a dash. Also I boil two extra eggs so I can really stuff them with the yellow part. And shredded sweet pickles.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear HBT Egg lovers,

Because I just finished making my devilled eggs for our friends' bbq, thought I would share the recipe here. Also I've been drinking.

Step 1: boil a lot of eggs (I use an instant pot, can fit 14 in there)
Step 2: after chilling and peeling, cut them in half (eat the whites that fall apart, more yolks for the filling I say)
Step 3: dump the yolks in a mixing bowl then wonder why the house reeks of sulfur
Step 4: Add mayonnaise, mustard, and shredded (NOT diced) sweet pickles, also a couple of shakes of Johnny's original seasoning salt, mix until it looks right, add more pickle juice if needed
Step 4.5: place white halves in one of those nifty devilled egg trays from Amazon (really these are the shiznit)
Step 5: after mixing the yellow stuff (make sure no chunks, those are gross), use a spatula to get it in a ziploc bag (this is MUY important)
Step 5.5: lick the bowl
Step 6: cut a tiny corner from that ziploc bag and VOILA (which is French for Ta da!!!) you have a disposable pastry/frosting/icing bag thingie
Step 7: squeeze the yellow stuff into the divots on the whites (this is oddly satisfying)
Step 8 (optional): sprinkle a little (or a lot if your hands are a bit shaky) paprika over the tops so they don't look so bland and plain
Step 8.5 Suck the rest of the filling out of the bag
Step 9 (if you're me): hide the tray in the kegerator to keep husband's grubby paws off them.

Sincerely,

This Mosaic IPA is so damned tasty.

 

[balrog]

Dear This Mosaic IPA is so damned tasty, @seatazzz ,

You forgot
Step #9: Taste test at least 3 random samples. (n-1) statistics suck if you test less than 3. Or maybe 5. Depends on how many IPAs I’ve you’ve had.

Sincerely,
Always seeks scientific proof
(Edit: and as my daughters love to say when I share cooking/eating things, “those look like they would ship well, even to Massachusetts” — don’t bother shipping to @Kent88 , that’s the Midwest where it’s too hot already)

 

[Kent88]

 

[day_trippr]

Good lord all my salivary glands fired looking at that pic

 

[Kent88]

Dear bracc,

I hope that you are well and not dead or in prison.

Sincerely,
Some internet rando

 

[seatazzz]

Dear My Pets' Splendid Veterinarian,

Thank you for your honest and informative opinion on the cause of my dog's seizure last Friday. And thank you from the bottom of my pocketbook for telling me 'let's just wait and see if he has another one before we go all crazy with tests that cost $$$$$$$$$'. And for the helpful tips on what to do if/when he does have another one.

Sincerely,

Happy dog owner whose bank account still has $$ in it

p.s. an MRI for a dog can cost $8000. Yep you read that right. Egad.
p.p.s. Watching my beloved dog in the midst of a seizure was just about the scariest thing I've ever seen.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear My Pets' Splendid Veterinarian,

Thank you for your honest and informative opinion on the cause of my dog's seizure last Friday. And thank you from the bottom of my pocketbook for telling me 'let's just wait and see if he has another one before we go all crazy with tests that cost $$$$$$$$$'. And for the helpful tips on what to do if/when he does have another one.

Sincerely,

Happy dog owner whose bank account still has $$ in it

p.s. an MRI for a dog can cost $8000. Yep you read that right. Egad.
p.p.s. Watching my beloved dog in the midst of a seizure was just about the scariest thing I've ever seen.

Yep. My nickname for my dog is "the ten thousand dollar dog". He's very healthy now, but the first year of his life I think he was growing too fast for his GI tract and so we were having all sorts of GI issues and going through test after test to rule out it being something serious.

Good thing we brought him home right before the pandemic when it's not like we were going to be spending money on vacations or dinners out at restaurants!

 

[Kent88]

Dear Egg Enthusiasts,

Sincerely,

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Xfinity (or whatever your name is this week),

I hate you.

Sincerely,

I have internet but no cable, and a very cranky husband who has nothing to watch (despite aforesaid working internet and oo-scoobs of streaming services) and is annoying me.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear @Kent88 ,

Thanks ever so much for reminding me that I need to get up off my lazy a** and go to the store for eggs, so we and our wonderful neighbors have something to snack on while we all get schnockered on Tuesday during our annual 'sit in chairs in the street and comment on the idiots in our neighborhood' fiesta.

Sincerely,

I see devilled eggs in my near future. Also CBD chews for my pets. I hate this time of year.

p.s. also I need more pickles.

 

[balrog]

Dear Knees,
Sorry about the last few days, up to 50mi/day, up to 5500’ elevation gains, for views of mountains and such. You can relax now.
Sincerely,
Me Like Bike Trip to Oregon

PS I almost forgot, yard needs mowing, so, get on that.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Beautiful Younger Dog of Mine,

It hurts my heart to see you go through two seizures in less than 12 hours last night and this morning; hopefully the Splendid Vet will be able to get your prescription taken care of today, and recommend something in the meantime to keep you calmer.

Sincerely,

Frightened dog owner who is giving up baseball game today to stay home with my poor baby, and researching everything I can find on safe calming/relaxing aids until the phenobarbital prescription kicks in.

 

[seatazzz]

Last one along these lines for a while I hope.

Dear Spacey Groggy Drugged Up Dog o'Mine,

First dose of your new seizure med has you in a haze right now, but the fact that it is working is giving me hope that you'll be fine.

Sincerely,

Your somewhat relieved human who hopes to soon have her non-groggy dog back but it can wait until the f**ktards around here are done with the kaboombooms

 

[Kent88]

Dear seatzzz,

I hope your doggos are ok. I also live in a place where people are really inconsiderate of their neighbors during fireworks season. I can certainly understand how having an extra groggy dog right now could be better than one constantly freaking out at kabooms.

Sincerely,

 

[balrog]

Dear @seatazzz
Best wishes, and random thought, Groggy Doggo Kabooms would be a great name for spent grain dog treats.
Sincerely
CantHelpMyself

 

[Kent88]

Dear Low Self Control,

I would avoid any doggo treats called Groggy Dog Kabooms. I would assume that they're for constipated canine friends. I'd imagine their advertisements would be something like

"Groggy Dog Kabooms! Is your dog reluctant to drop a deuce while awake? Try Groggy Dog Kabooms! The dog fiber supplement that kicks in when your dog is sleepy with less sphincter control. Groggy Dog Kabooms! Try them before you're awake enough not to step in doggy poo!"

Sincerely,
You're welcome

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Dear You’re welcome,
You could write for SNL. As you may know, their fake commercials have backslid over the past decade or so.
Sincerely,
Take this as a compliment

 

[Kent88]

Dear comedic commercial appreciator,



Sincerely,
Not affiliated, just a fan

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Comedians of HBT,

No seizures today. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Came home to a very happy, wobbly, goofy dog who was uber happy to see me. And who is giving me the cocked head look right now as I laugh my a** off at your shenanigans.

Sincerely,

Cautiously optimistic that we might have this epilepsy thing if not beaten, then subdued enough that maybe one a month is the norm. I can deal with that.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear Perfect Angel,

Thank you for not freaking out during KaBoomBooms like a lot of other doggoes. With your GI tract issues, the last thing we need is a bunch of anxiety.

Sincerely,
The guy who cleans up your KaSquirts when your GI tract acts up

 

[seatazzz]

Dear KaSquirt Cleaner,

We're trying CBD treats this year on both of them. Older one doesn't get the squirts, just anxiety, and GAS. That clears the room. DruggedupDoggo is now fairly acclimated to the seizure medication and is also going to get some. And a really loud TV once the comcast guy finishes fixing whatever is screwed up. Said doggos are extremely pissed that they are shut in the garage with me and can't go guard the house from said comcast guy.

Sincerely,

The older I get the more I hate loud noises

 

[Kent88]

Dear Snapchat,

I remember the good ol' days where your Stories section (or maybe it's Discover? Idk) had interesting stuff. Clips from documentaries about animals, science-y stuff, heck even your stuff about cooking wasn't terrible and your short stories were occasionally worth a read. I actually still like Mr & Mrs Bee Rescue. When did you decide you were going to get away from recommending that kind of thing and switch to pushing stories you found on Reddit that include unnecessarily long backstories, or now I suspect AI generated stories, and gross pimple popping videos. I never want to see pimple popping, and I've probably blocked a dozen of those "channels", but you keep recommending them. Please stop.

Sincerely,

Even some memes would be better than pimple popping

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Pus-o-phobe,

I watched Dr Pimple Popper once. ONCE. I still have flashbacks. Urrrrgh.

Sincerely,

There's yet another reason I don't watch much tv anymore

p.s. at least youtube respects my choices; it's beer, serial killers, strange diseases, violins, cats & dogs. Also young sheldon.

 

[Kent88]

Dear Pus-o-phobe,

I watched Dr Pimple Popper once. ONCE. I still have flashbacks. Urrrrgh.

Sincerely,

There's yet another reason I don't watch much tv anymore

p.s. at least youtube respects my choices; it's beer, serial killers, strange diseases, violins, cats & dogs. Also young sheldon.

I've worked on farms, I've seen some nasty cases of mastitis, I've watched big abscesses be ruptured, and once I saw the manager's dogs come in the maternity pen and eat some ripe three day old placenta. I can handle some gross stuff, but I don't seek it out. I certainly don't seek it out in my leisure time.

P.S. Any particularly good fiddle music lately?

 

[balrog]

I'm just afraid what's gonna happen to our search algorithms now that we've all read those posts.

I can't wait to see what Home Depot and Amazon suggest for me the next time I visit.