The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Hamaki]

Dear Day 2

Thanks for the clarification. I was initially under the impression that comity may have been the opposite of gravedy.

Sincerely,

It's called reciprocity in my field

 

[Beernik]

Dear Breweries,

Beer bottles do not need glittery foil condoms. Bits of it always end up looking like smegma floating in the foam.

Sincerely,

I will rant about this every time I open a beer with a foil condom

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear New Brewery,

I realize you want your brand out there, I get that. But why would you refuse to fill a growler that doesn't have your logo on it, even though I know people who have done exactly that without covering the logo on the growler (in NC)? The growler has my home brewery name on it, but I super promise I won't pass it off as my own.

Sincerely,
Probably happier drinking homebrew anyway

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear StoutSeason365,
Thank you for always being there when we want you. And also for making the BMC Light only crowd cringe and make up ridiculous rumors about what you really are. We find those entertaining.

Sincerely,
Everyone

 

[Beernik]

Dear Adele,

You blatantly ripped off the rhythm of Fetty Wap's Trap Queen.

Sincerely,

The Turtles

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear MT & ID retailers:
Enough with the cinnamon pinecones! They're NASTY! They make my eyes water every time I walk by, if I spend more than 30 seconds smelling that offense crap, it gives me a headache. Put those sacks of nastiness outside!
Sincerely, a victim of olfactory assault.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear MT & ID retailers:
Enough with the cinnamon pinecones! They're NASTY! They make my eyes water every time I walk by, if I spend more than 30 seconds smelling that offense crap, it gives me a headache. Put those sacks of nastiness outside!
Sincerely, a victim of olfactory assault.

Dear grinch,
Happy Hanuka!

Sincerely,
And a happy Kwanzaa

 

[Onkel_Udo]

Dear GM engineers of the 1990's,

I hate you. I really, really hate you. Or maybe I hate the accountants that binned any quality improvement you might have put forward.

Riveted ball joints for the sake of production efficiency...check
Grade 5.8 fine pitch bolts into captive nuts on suspension pieces...check
Transmissions with clutch material adhesives only rated for 210 f...check

I could go on but you know what you did.

Sincerely,

Three vehicles in pieces waiting on parts

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear Starbucks haters,

I'm not a a huge coffee guy, so I don't really pay much attention to coffee cups. But, a cranberry red cup with a white and green logo right smack in the middle just screams Christmas to me. Even if they went with an all black cup, my question is still "Who the hell cares?"

Sincerely,
Surely you have better things to do.

 

[drainbamage]

Dear better things to do,

Black and white cups, year round. Can't have anyone getting offended.

Sincerely,

This is why we can't have nice things

 

[slym2none]

Dear cars from the 1990's,

***Y U NO KEEP YOUR HEADLINERS FROM FALLING DOWN?***

Sincerely, Mr. Headliner Hat

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear cars from the 1990's,

***Y U NO KEEP YOUR HEADLINERS FROM FALLING DOWN?***

Sincerely, Mr. Headliner Hat

Dear Headliner Hat,
Thats the new rage now. You have to pay extra for that feature. Plus you can blame your kids for pushing against the headliner.
Sincerely,
I wore headliner hats before it was cool.

PS. You want to have a fun day/weekend full of annoyance? Try reinstalling the headliner.

 

[Onkel_Udo]

Dear automakers,

Drum brakes have no place in a non commercial vehicle
All cars should have certain options north of the Mason Dixon Line:

Heated mirrors
Heated drivers seat
Windshield wiper defrosters
Block or oil pan heater

What I do not need is:

Lane departure warning
Blindspot monitoring...just give me decent mirrors
Adaptive cruise
Fake engine noises of any type
Cars without a spare unless it is a track toy
Multi-zone Climate control...I am driving, do not like the temp add or remove clothes as required
No manual transmission option...90% of the time I will pick the manual...but I appreciate the option not to.
Any sunroof that does not open.
Any sedan that does not have folding seats.

Sincerely,

I just want a real car not a Play Station.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Retail Cashiers:
When you're giving me my change, don't touch me. Seriously, this is the cold & flu season, you deal with hundreds of people every day, many of them coughing into their hands before you touch them, then you touch the next customer in line, spreading the disease. I don't want to hold hands, I just want my change, you can give me my change without touching my hand. It's bad enough the money itself is so filthy & contaminated, you don't need to add to the problem.
Sincerely, Not Phobic, Just Aware.

 

[Onkel_Udo]

Dear Not Phobic, Just Aware,

Two words...Use plastic.

Sincerely,

What is this, 1990?

 

[TXCrash]

Dear Retail Cashiers:
When you're giving me my change, don't touch me. Seriously, this is the cold & flu season, you deal with hundreds of people every day, many of them coughing into their hands before you touch them, then you touch the next customer in line, spreading the disease. I don't want to hold hands, I just want my change, you can give me my change without touching my hand. It's bad enough the money itself is so filthy & contaminated, you don't need to add to the problem.
Sincerely, Not Phobic, Just Aware.

Dear phobic,
You still write checks too, don't you?

Sincerely,
I feel your pain. Don't touch me. Ever.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear freaks -

There is this new thing called washing your hands. Many people who brew do it often. As do folks in food service. In cold and flu season there are people who redouble their efforts to wash hands. Most people who abide by this ritual use a radical new product called 'soap'. It has become so popular that most grocery stores sell it.

Sincerely, Mr Tactile but Clean

 

[Zekk]

Dear Mr. Tactile but clean,

Or hand sanitizer, keep a bottle in the diaper bag. Its not just for teenagers getting drunk anymore!

Sincerely,
No pink eye

 

[TXCrash]

Dear pink eye,
People come in to my office to use my hand sanitizer. It's weird. Buy your own.

Sincerely,
Don't touch my chit.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear freaks -

There is this new thing called washing your hands. Many people who brew do it often. As do folks in food service. In cold and flu season there are people who redouble their efforts to wash hands. Most people who abide by this ritual use a radical new product called 'soap'. It has become so popular that most grocery stores sell it.

Sincerely, Mr Tactile but Clean

Dear Mr. Tactile:
I wash my hands (on average) about 50 times a day, that's NOT an exaggeration.
Sincerely, Still Not Phobic.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear automakers,

Drum brakes have no place in a non commercial vehicle
All cars should have certain options north of the Mason Dixon Line:

Heated mirrors
Heated drivers seat
Windshield wiper defrosters
Block or oil pan heater

What I do not need is:

Lane departure warning
Blindspot monitoring...just give me decent mirrors
Adaptive cruise
Fake engine noises of any type
Cars without a spare unless it is a track toy
Multi-zone Climate control...I am driving, do not like the temp add or remove clothes as required
No manual transmission option...90% of the time I will pick the manual...but I appreciate the option not to.
Any sunroof that does not open.
Any sedan that does not have folding seats.

Sincerely,

I just want a real car not a Play Station.

Dear Play Station,
I agree with most of your requirements, though the ass heater is not necessary. A heated steering wheel (or cooled for summer) would be nice though. Also, I could not possibly agree with you any more about having the manual transmission option (Usually you have to get the stripped down version of the car for this), and the full sized spare.
Sincerely,
a Truck Guy

 

[slym2none]

Dear Retail Cashiers:
When you're giving me my change, don't touch me. Seriously, this is the cold & flu season, you deal with hundreds of people every day, many of them coughing into their hands before you touch them, then you touch the next customer in line, spreading the disease. I don't want to hold hands, I just want my change, you can give me my change without touching my hand. It's bad enough the money itself is so filthy & contaminated, you don't need to add to the problem.
Sincerely, Not Phobic, Just Aware.

How is this supposed to happen, then? I mean, as a former cashier, I hated when people would put their money down on the counter and I had to scoop it up. I always thought it rude to NOT put money in the person's hand, esp. when 98% of the people stand there with their hand out waiting for the change.

 

[drainbamage]

How is this supposed to happen, then? I mean, as a former cashier, I hated when people would put their money down on the counter and I had to scoop it up. I always thought it rude to NOT put money in the person's hand, esp. when 98% of the people stand there with their hand out waiting for the change.

Dear @slym2none ,

You didn't follow the format...

Sincerely,
I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul

 

[slym2none]

Dear no rewards,

****.

Signed, FML

 

[Onkel_Udo]

though the ass heater is not necessary.
Sincerely,
a Truck Guy

Optional was the point.

Try buying a Truck these days with a stick...not so easy. Even used, not so easy to find.

 

[slym2none]

Dear options:

Automatic transmissions are for limousines & cargo vans.

Signed, Clutch Pedals 4 Life

 

[gratus fermentatio]

How is this supposed to happen, then? I mean, as a former cashier, I hated when people would put their money down on the counter and I had to scoop it up. I always thought it rude to NOT put money in the person's hand, esp. when 98% of the people stand there with their hand out waiting for the change.

It is possible & easy to put money into someone's hand without your hand or fingers touching theirs; gravity works.
Regards, GF.

 

[slym2none]

Dear GF,

I can & have put the bills in their hand, but at some point with the change, skin touches skin. It's inevitable, and not slimy & gross. If you can't handle a little hand-touching, maybe regular social life isn't for you. I am not throwing money into people's hands.

Sincerely, Not Trying To Gross Anyone Out But Human Contact Is Inevitable At Some Point, And It Makes Me Wonder How People Like This Ever Have Sex

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear GF,

I can & have put the bills in their hand, but at some point with the change, skin touches skin. It's inevitable, and not slimy & gross. If you can't handle a little hand-touching, maybe regular social life isn't for you. I am not throwing money into people's hands.

Sincerely, Not Trying To Gross Anyone Out But Human Contact Is Inevitable At Some Point, And It Makes Me Wonder How People Like This Ever Have Sex

Dear Slym:
It IS possible, I put money into the cashier's hand without touching their hand EVERY TIME. I just think they should have the common courtesy to do likewise & lower the risk of disease transmission. Nobody is "throwing" anything. It's not the water dance. You're starting to sound like I'm accusing you personally, I'm not. I just don't like it when strangers touch me; I find it OFFENSIVE. I also consider this the end of the discussion.
Regards, GF.

 

[Zepth]

Dear clutch 4 life,

My workplace is scrapping 2 automatic cargo vans. Trannies are shot, and auto lets people over-rev because they don't know how to drive. Block leaks oil now too. Both less than 100K miles.

Sincerely,
Keep your automatic out of my commercial vehicle.

 

[biochemedic]

Dear Phobic Non Hand Touchers,

The Money is just as dirty as their hands...

Sincerely,
Did you think the bacteria and viruses only stick to skin?

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Dead Horse,
Take that! And that! And a this! Ha! Flying Dragon Kick!
Sincerely,
Hint Hint

 

[Renegades_Brew]

Dear Dead Horse,
Take that! And that! And a this! Ha! Flying Dragon Kick!
Sincerely,
Hint Hint

Dear Hint Hint,

I think it still needs to be hit a few more times before it gets the point.

I have seen too many things killed, brought back to life, only to be killed again...

Sincerely,
Maybe I watch too many zombie movies...

 

[TXCrash]

Dear Hint Hint,

I think it still needs to be hit a few more times before it gets the point.

I have seen too many things killed, brought back to life, only to be killed again...

Sincerely,
Maybe I watch too many zombie movies...

Dear zombie,
Does hand sanitizer kill zombies?

Sincerely,
Hand washer

 

[slym2none]

Dear Slym:
It IS possible, I put money into the cashier's hand without touching their hand EVERY TIME. I just think they should have the common courtesy to do likewise & lower the risk of disease transmission. Nobody is "throwing" anything. It's not the water dance. You're starting to sound like I'm accusing you personally, I'm not. I just don't like it when strangers touch me; I find it OFFENSIVE. I also consider this the end of the discussion.
Regards, GF.

Dear GF,

I apologise if I made it sound personal. I never meant it that way. Please don't yell at me.



Sincerely, slym.

 

[1977Brewer]

Dear Slym,

Nuh uh.

Sincerely, 77

 

[slym2none]

Dear 6 Years Younger Than Me,

Yuh-huh!

Sincerely, Turning Into A Grumpy Old Fart More & More Everyday

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear GF,

I apologise if I made it sound personal. I never meant it that way. Please don't yell at me.



Sincerely, slym.

Dear Slym:
No worries, I didn't mean to come across like I was yelling, just trying to emphasize, while still using my polite voice. Sometimes I fail at that. I might be coming down with a case of "oldfartitis" myself, I'll have to get that checked.
Sincerely, GF.

 

[Hamaki]

Dear GF,

Sounds like someone needs a hug from a congested cashier...

Sincerely,

Paleoflatus

 

[Beernik]

Dear restaurants of northwest Washington,

I know I've only lived here for a week. The food is very flavorful. I enjoy it.

However there is something I want to introduce you to. It's called "peppers". Curry and Mexican food should be cooked with peppers. Hot peppers.

I'm not saying it has to melt my face, although occasionally that is nice. But give me some heat, any heat.

Sincerely,

Stop spicing stuff like my Swedish grandmother