SWMBO does not approve of brewing...

[ohiobrewtus]

The wife loves my beer---even more so since I built the kegerator and she can pull a pint whenever she wants and doesn't have to worry about me refilling the fridge with bottles. She's even a bona fide hophead. We've been married for a year and a half, been together 10 years...and still have separate checking accounts and credit cards. She likes it that way, as do I...we never get into arguments about $$ for brewing stuff, mainly because I pay for it all and do all the work and all she has to do is put a glass under the tap and pull the lever, so it's not such a bad deal for her. I was a bit surprised at how supportive she was of the kegerator project. She would actually hassle me to get off my ass and work on it. Now that's love!

We've run into some obstacles...such as stacks of ugly cardboard boxes full of beer bottles sitting in our finished spaces...or brewing when I should be doing something else. But over time, I've gone out of my way to come up with better storage options, and have consolidated my equipment as best I can to keep it out of her way. I've also gotten my brewday down to about 4 hours for a batch, and will wake up really early on a Saturday just so I can get it done before lunch. She sees this effort and is genuinely appreciative, and has come to trust me 100%. For instance, we were sitting around on Friday night with some friends and one asks what we were doing this weekend. I said I was thinking about brewing on Saturday, wifey gets a surprised look on her face, and my friend says "uh oh", expecting her to scold me. Instead she says, "no, it's cool, I trust him. He gets up early and does what he has to do." Word! She rarely participates directly in the operation, but she's at least somewhat interested, which is nice...all around, it's a healthy situation. Which will all change when we decide to procreate, but that's another story...

To the OP...communication is key, as is showing a genuine effort to minimize the negative effects on her. Oh, and Go Skins!

My wife and I do the same. All the bills get paid, then she has her money and I have my money. She can't bitch at me about buying beer stuff and I can't bitch at her about buying tons of clothes.

She used to help me bottle before I started kegging. She's even bought a couple of kits and brewed a couple times.

I'll have to second the kegerator deal, too. It's a lot easier to get her drunk and take advantage of her when there's beer on tap in the house.

 

[Soulive]

Wow, I thought it was weird for us to have our own checking accounts. We have the joint account for bills/groceries and then our own accounts. We didn't think other people did that...

 

[Desert_Sky]

my wife ******* if the kegs are empty........

 

[cd2448]

my wife hated it at first because i left the kitchen in a real mess (same problem whenever i cook anything

now i have things somewhat more organized, she's cool with it. she likes beer although she mostly drinks wine, and has been quite impressed with how the brews just keep getting better.

even better, since i explained how it all works, she has more than once described the use of Malt Extract as "cheating" and is pressing for a move to AG. all i need is a bigger cooler and it is so on.

 

[Evan!]

Oh, yeah, she hates, hates, hates the smell of brewing in the house. Dunno why, I love it. Smells like hot cereal to me during the mash. Anyway, that was a major point of contention (I'd brew, the house would smell, she couldn't get to sleep), but I haven't done an indoor brew since I got turkey fryers the thanksgiving before last.

 

[Jester369]

My GF loves (good) beer. She loves that I make beer. She loves helping make beer. She bought me my first CO2 setup, and my SS conical.

No complaints here!



But I think kornkob has some good points - you want those you love to be happy, and if doing a hobby makes them happy then you support them in it, unless there are other deeper issues at work. It's worth the effort to find out, even if it turns out to be not such a big deal. Makes for much stronger relationships.

Just my $0.02, though.

 

[Evan!]

Heh, yeah, Kornkob certainly is our resident Dr. Phil.

And Jester, to say that your woman supports your endeavors would be a bit of an understatement.

 

[Professor Frink]

I think it was just the Sheetz that kept her happy throughout that day. j/k, but boy I love me some Sheetz!!!

Everytime the SWMBO and I go to the homebrew store, she asks "we're going to Sheetz first right?". Gotta love the Schmuffin.

 

[Jester369]

And Jester, to say that your woman supports your endeavors would be a bit of an understatement.

heh heh heh, yeah, well, I did sorta hit the SWMBO lottery

 

[Evan!]

heh heh heh, yeah, well, I did sorta hit the SWMBO lottery

Until she goes pro, and leaves you for some co-star named "Rod Hammer" or some sh*t.

 

[Bobby_M]

my wife hated it at first because i left the kitchen in a real mess (same problem whenever i cook anything

now i have things somewhat more organized, she's cool with it. .

This is so true. I find that anytime you're doing something that SWMBO can't really understand or appreciate, you MUST leave the house in better condition than you found it. It's win win.

SWMBO likes beer but would rather drink Coors Light. No, I can't change it. As much as she tries to like more flavorful brews, it doesn't happen. She uses my time/money spent brewing as ammunition in arguements but she feels like sh!t about it afterwards.

Let's face it, no matter what your obsession, they just don't like feeling like they come second EVER. Of course, maybe the answer is that you're with a selfish as$hole but you have to come to that realization on your own ;-)

 

[Bedlam]

Wow, I thought it was weird for us to have our own checking accounts. We have the joint account for bills/groceries and then our own accounts. We didn't think other people did that...

Oh, absolutely! It's the only way to go. We keep a joint account that we each contribute to monthly (a fixed amount) for mortgage, utilities, car insurance, groceries, plus a certain amount for home improvements/emergencies. Otherwise, our money is our own.

When you think about it, couples' disagreements come down to SMIRK...Sex, Money, In-laws, Responsibilities, Kids. Knocking out money fights decreases feuding at least by a solid 20%. It works for us.

Not sure where homebrewing fits into the acronym, though.

 

[Soulive]

When you think about it, couples' disagreements come down to SMIRK...Sex, Money, In-laws, Responsibilities, Kids. Knocking out money fights decreases feuding at least by a solid 20%. It works for us.

Not sure where homebrewing fits into the acronym, though.

That's great. Sounds like we're not alone...

 

[Donasay]

That's a very tough one but you probably need to spend some time trying to get to the root of whatever the problem is--- it's probably not beer. It's one thing for a SWMBO to not be supportive... it's quite another to be openly disdainful of something that makes you earnestly happy.

Making an effort to udnerstand what upsets her about it. It's entirely possible she feels like she doesn't have a comparable hobby or that the household budget pays for more stuff for 'your' hobby than it does for hers.

One thing that is sure to piss someone off is when you get things that directly benefit your hobby under the guise of being something for the house (or worse--- for her).

Be sensitive to the fact that it might not be about the brewing or the money. There may be another issue in your relationship that is the source of the trouble and if you have any interest in a long term relationship it is far better to figure it out now than letting it fester.

When you really care about someone, you want them to do things that make them happy--- even if you don't appreciate them yourself. If your SWMBO is trying to do harm to something that you enjoy, then there is a defect in your relationship that will lead the 2 of you down a dark road.


But that's just my opinion.

My experience: My SWMBO doesn't care for the beer I make and doesn't understand why I enjoy making it so much but she appreciates that I enjoy it and is tolerant of it and supportive to a point, although she doesn't buy me anything for it.

Kornkob for the resident crazy uncle, you sure give out some kickass insightful advice. I wish my crazy uncle had taught me some important stuff other than just how to put penny's on the railroad tracks.

 

[Donasay]

Oh, absolutely! It's the only way to go. We keep a joint account that we each contribute to monthly (a fixed amount) for mortgage, utilities, car insurance, groceries, plus a certain amount for home improvements/emergencies. Otherwise, our money is our own.

When you think about it, couples' disagreements come down to SMIRK...Sex, Money, In-laws, Responsibilities, Kids. Knocking out money fights decreases feuding at least by a solid 20%. It works for us.

Not sure where homebrewing fits into the acronym, though.

Not having kids and co-habitating instead of getting married takes care of the In-laws for the most part, so along with money fixing those other things you boost your odds of getting along by 50%.

 

[Rhoobarb]

I think Kornkob makes some good points. I'd never put someone I loved off of a hobby unless it were illegal or endangering themselves or others. So, for someone to complain about it at every turn probably points to somethng other than the hobby itself.

I'm lucky. My fiancee supports my hobbies and has kind of taken them up as her own - to a minor extent. They both take time and cost money. On hobby #2, model trains, I spend lots of money - maybe $3-4,000.00/yr. She helps me with that, goes to model train shows with me, goes railfanning (where you go somewhere and sit and wait for trains to pass by so you can take pictures - yes, we really do this) and helps me when I brew.

She's been actively participating in the design of my keezer. She calls it "our bar". She wants it to have a nice wood cladding/surround with deep green marble on top so that it becomes furniture - a part of the house. Not just a piece of homebrew equipment. We're going to the NHBC in Cinci this year and she has met and made friends through our homebrewing. It probably helps that she went from Bud drinker to beer geek/IPA freak soon after we met!

Still any major money spent on either hobby, I discuss with her first. 99% of the time she doesn't care and says, "Sure, buy it". But at least she knows ahead of time.

 

[cubbies]

SWMBO is pretty good about brewing. Like others, she hates the smell (have sense moved outside, so that is fixed), and she will use it as ammo in a fight, and she did b!tch about money when I went from extract to all grain and from bottling to kegging (both pretty expensive and one after the other), but for the most part she knows that is makes me happy, and she knows that I do my best to make it appeasing to her, so we rarely ever fight about it.

 

[Homercidal]

I have lots of hobbies, and my wife is very understanding of them. Of course it helps that I am a good husband, and father, and that we get along very well to begin with. I deposit a specified amount of my paycheck into our account, and the rest (usually) goes into my car restoration fund, and/or other hobby). Money is not a huge deal. I have enough equipment to do extract stuff, and only brew when I can afford it.

Now, she doesn't drink beer, and rarely drink much of anything anyway. I really wish she could appreciate my beers, but I know it will never happen.

She doesn't care much for the good smells produced by the brewing process, but it's usually gone pretty quick, and I dont' like the smell of her nail polish remover, so we're even. She'll even help if I need her too (although my 8yo is now right by my side make beer with me, so I get some good help from her).

It helps that when I make beer now, I'm more careful about bacteria, etc., so the kitchen is usually much cleaner than normal, and I don't leave my stuff laying around like I used to. I've learned that it's much better to do the right thing, and it makes her happy too.

I don't think any of us have, or should, tried to coerce, or trick out SWMBO's into appreciating our hobby. As previously mentioned, there is something wrong in the relationship if she is against something that makes you so happy. I can only speculate what might cause such a reaction. Likely there is something else to blame other than "She doesn't like my brewing".

I'd say, focus on improving the relationship, and the hobby will fix itself. Most of the time, the cause of relationship problems stem from too little understanding and communication.

 

[kornkob]

Not having kids and co-habitating instead of getting married takes care of the In-laws for the most part, so along with money fixing those other things you boost your odds of getting along by 50%.

"in laws' can still apply in any long term relationship. The lack of a legal document doesn't change the fact that she has family and you have family.


Now in my case her family either likes me or doesn't care one way or another and the feeling in both cases is mutual. Fer has the same feelings about my family. Thus we have no 'in-law problems'.

Personally, I've never understood 'in law' problems. Most of those I've had descried to me are really other problems in the relationship being manifested through the relationship with the in-laws. And if it wasn't 'in-laws' those problems woudl manifest in the So's friendships or other ways.



We also have no friend problems really-- she has hers, I have mine, some we share. there are friends she has I don't like and vice versa--- we make an effort not to inflict those people on each other.

 

[Brewing Clamper]

That's a very tough one but you probably need to spend some time trying to get to the root of whatever the problem is--- it's probably not beer.

+1. My SWMBO dislikes anything that gets my attention more than her. She feels quite threatened by video Games and to a lesser extent this forum. However, she understands how brewing is my way to relax, and since every time I brew I always try to include her, it's not at all a problem. She actually enjoys giving a hand a lot of the times. I just have to make sure I'm not neglecting her.

If you've not 'hung out' with your SWMBO alll week, and the first thing you want to do on your time off is anything other than being with her, expect for her to dislike whatever that anything may be. At least that has been my experience.

 

[TheJadedDog]

I'm lucky in that my wife and I have an understanding that there are things we each spend money on that the other doesn't understand. For example, I spend money on brewing and gaming, she spends money on shoes and bags (how someone can spend 3 hours walking up and down canal street looking for a knockoff designer bag is beyond me).

I'd be willing to bet it's the same thing with your wife. Find out what she spends money on and have a conversation about it. If she still has an issue with the homebrewing then the issue isn't really money and she is just using that as an excuse. Again, having the conversation could go a long way in finding out what the real issue is if it's not just the money.

 

[Skins_Brew]

I really wish she could appreciate my beers, but I know it will never happen.

Man, i feel the exact same way. I wish she could enjoy the fruits of my labor but she just does not enjoy anything anything besides miller lite and mikes hard lemonaide.

We have yet to have an actual fight about my homebrewing. She just comments whenever i say i am going to buy something homebrew related. We are not married yet (engaged), but she always uses the 'saving money for the wedding' as ammo. Since she lives in MD and i live in VA, i am starting to just not tell her about my purchases, which is not very much anyway. Homebrewing is actually cheaping then my former hobby, which was trying new beers. I was going to the Gourmet beer store and spending like $60 a week. Next time we discuss it, i am going to tell her it makes me happy, so that might help silence her argument.

 

[Moonshae]

I get the "this is turning out to be another expensive hobby" comments, and the eyerolls. She doesn't drink beer at all. Can't stand the stuff. However, I don't get any real resistance when I need to buy more ingredients, or some equipment, etc. I'm still trying to warm her up to the keggerator idea. I think I'm going to use "my half" of the "economic stimulus" check to do it.

 

[Madtown Brew]

One thing that really helped for me was to introduce my homebrew to her friends, and their husbands/boyfriends.

Now, instead of saying "ugh, you're brewing again? Don't you already have enough beer?" She says, "will this one be ready for that party we're going to in two weeks?"

 

[Onescalerguy]

My gal is as crazy about brewing beer and drinking it as i am.No complaints.
Cheers

 

[98EXL]

Mrs. 98EXL (oh god, if I ever called her that she'd never marry me, oh well, I'm continuing) is on the left. She'd just woken up so that is why she has the 'Bucks and not brews, but they came. She loves it, and there is her first brew ever (AG of course) behind me and it looks as beautiful as she does.

Cliff Notes: SWMBO likes teh homebrew

(did I mention she only drives manual transmission, and likes football probably more than I do...scary)

edit:damn that pic sucks of her, oh well it was after a night of lots of Michael Collins Irish Whiskey

 

[quickerNu]

My SWMBO couldn't care either way about my brewing. She does not like beer at all, or really any drink but an occasional bloody mary. We have twin toddlers, so we don't have much free time. When we do, I spend it with her.
Guess what makes it work is when I brew. She needs her 8-9 hours of sleep a night, and I don't like much more than 5-6. We put the kids to bed, I start the mash. She loves the smell! I normally start brewing 11 or 12 at night. Also, money is a bit tight, so I have never spent a dime of our money on brewing. I e-bayed all the old motorcycle crap accumulated in my garage, and so far it has funded all of my equipment and enough ingredients for 13 batches. AHS takes paypal, so nothing ever comes out our account. Garage sure is getting bare, though....

 

[BigKahuna]

My SWMBO is just happy that I've quit buying guns and cameras. This way, we visit the LHBS every 2 weeks, I chat here, talk about it all the time, but at the end of the month...it's one hell of a lot cheaper than any of the other 10,000 hobbies I have. And with my OCD / ADD syndrome, I have given up everything else to brew...until something else catches my attention.:cross:

 

[HenryHill]

One thing that really helped for me was to introduce my homebrew to her friends, and their husbands/boyfriends.

Now, instead of saying "ugh, you're brewing again? Don't you already have enough beer?" She says, "will this one be ready for that party we're going to in two weeks?"

There is a lot to this.

She hates beer; it's rum, vodka, or tequila mixes.

She started out saying 'no, you are not' which I did not accept without 'who are YOU to tell me what MY hobbies will be?'

Then came the full blown Sanyo.

Now it's "Honey, all my friends want you to build them a kegerator for their husbands (who DON'T even brew...) and they'll pay the 900 dollars," (they wouldn't flinch at the cost) and she proudly shows of the thing, at all the chick parties. I don't even try to explain the unsuitability for their use and just segway off the subject.

Funny how it's not WHAT you are doing, but HOW it FITS into who THEY are....

 

[sAvAgE]

My Wife and I make a day out of it. I do ask first before I buy. she knows this is my hobby, and she likes to help as well.


She will clean bottles, and I will fill them. Last year she made a wheat beer and another extract. she enjoys it as well.

I know I used to get the same sorta evil eye.

I then started asking, before I bought, everything seems to be ok