Stupid Joke Thread!

[soccerdad]

There was poor sanitation in the kitchen at the Conference Of Museum Curators.

Mass diorama.

 

[Jhedrick83]

Did you hear about the guy who got hurt playing peek-a-boo?

He had to go to the I C U.

 

[soccerdad]

One landlord had 5 ants in his building. Another landlord had five ants in his.
Together they had tenants.

 

[BongoYodeler]

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
"What an interesting pet," the bartender says. "What's his name?"
"Tiny," the man replies.
"What an odd name," the bartender says. "Why do you call him tiny?"
The man holds Tiny in his hands. "Because he's my newt."

 

[BongoYodeler]

A guy at a bar is talking to the bartender. "I have a half brother."
"Different fathers?" the bartender asks.
"Shark attack," the guy replies.

 

[Steveruch]

One landlord had 5 ants in his building. Another landlord had five ants in his.
Together they had tenants.

 

[BeerAndTele]

A guy walks into a bar with a big chunk of asphalt under his arm.
"I'll have 2 beers please," he says to the bartender, "One for me, and one for the road."

 

[soccerdad]

An Australian pub had a popular lunch of soup and salad.
A kangaroo was enjoying lunch there when the waiter snapped at him. "Buddy - every single time I walk past your table you ask for another bowl of soup.!"
"I can't help it," says Roo, "I'm a Moresoupial."

 

[balrog]

A novice programmer was explained the meaning of RTFM. He showed up the next day saying: "So I went out and bought the Kama Sutra. Now what?"

Meta-joke: If you tell the joke above to a non-programmer, he will ask: "What's RTFM?" A programmer will ask: "What's Kama Sutra?"

Meta-meta-joke: If instead of laughing in response in the meta-joke above you have asked "I knew both, now who am I", then you are probably a programmer over the age of 30, who has realized the value of social skills, and who may even be married, but who is still an uber-geek who takes things way too literally.

If you have asked "I googled both, now who am I", then you are probably a high-school kid who reads stackoverflow and takes things way too literally, but who had not yet known about RTFM or Kama Sutra. Congratulations, you are well on your way to becoming an uber-geek. Please try to acquire some social skills along the way. You may not think so now, but they do come in handy.

 

[soccerdad]

 

[BongoYodeler]

Not really a joke, just something funny I saw on FB.

Standing in line at the grocery store. Lady behind me says “you can move up and stand on that X on the floor”
I politely said “No, I’ve seen far too many Road Runner cartoons to fall for that... ”

 

[BongoYodeler]

Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain...

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[BongoYodeler]

*In my best Andy Rooney voice* - Did you ever wonder why the song "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame?

 

[BongoYodeler]

Did you ever notice that Barbie sure has an awful lot of things for a girl whose knees don`t bend...

 

[Sailingeric]

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

View attachment 761510

Took me a minute. Had to read it twice before I got it.

 

[Hans O. Lowe]

Me too. Halfway through the second reading the cadence kinda fell into place!

 

[balrog]

I'm guess I'm just the right age where it was something listened and danced to along with pop goes the world and other fluff. Cuz it's hard to get a whole room full of people to dance to dark side of the moon or immigrant song no matter what those do to you.

 

[Sailingeric]

I tried donating blood today ... NEVER AGAIN !!
Too many stupid questions. Who's blood is it ? Where did you get it from ? Why's it in a bucket ?

 

[BongoYodeler]

Is it just me, or does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore?

 

[Sailingeric]

Is it just me, or does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore?

As some one who has sailed through it many times, I have yet to disappear.

 

[balrog]

As some one who has sailed through it many times, I have yet to disappear.

.......or are you just an ethereal presence on the interwebz?........

 

[soccerdad]

And nobody wears Bermuda Shorts anymore. Maybe the two are related.

 

[Sailingeric]

My wife left me because of my gambling addiction
But I know I can win her back

 

[BongoYodeler]

Regrettable life choices: not learning how to syphon gas...

(Not me, I know how. It was something a friend said to me yesterday, and she was being serious. Also, it's not a joke, it just made me laugh).

 

[Sailingeric]

Little known fact: Before the crowbar was invented.
Crows simply drank at home

 

[Hans O. Lowe]

I checked the value of my car today on Kelly Blue Book. It asked if the gas tank was empty or full!

 

[Broothru]

As some one who has sailed through it many times, I have yet to disappear.

I used to fly in it quite frequently. I always reappeared. Amazing how it doesn't work so efficiently.