Stupid Joke Thread!

[day_trippr]

At the risk of being accused of misogyny...Those @mikeandjoelle shorts are great - as long as joelle doesn't interject comments while mike is riffing through the joke. She has an assignment, and talking isn't part of it...

 

[balrog]

At the risk of being accused of misogyny...Those @mikeandjoelle shorts are great - as long as joelle doesn't interject comments while mike is riffing through the joke. She has an assignment, and talking isn't part of it...

Yeah but that killer Aussie accent is awesome

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

I had a terrible dream last night.
I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor.

At first I was afraid.
Then I was petrified.

 

[agentbud]

I had a terrible dream last night.
I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor.

At first I was afraid.
Then I was petrified.

Gonna be humming that song all day now.

 

[balrog]

What part of the body always loses?

Defeat.

 

[balrog]

A software tester walks into a bar
Runs into a bar
Jumps into a bar
Dances into a bar
Crawls into a bar
Walks backward into a bar
Flies into a bar
And orders a beer
Orders two beers
Orders 32,769 beers
Orders -1 beers
Orders 0 beers

Testing complete

A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is, and the bar explodes.

 

[agentbud]

When I was a boy, my momma would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs. You can't do that these days... too many damned security cameras.

 

[agentbud]

Good friends know the exact number of drinks you can handle before you start making poor choices.
Great friends hand you that next drink.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.

I'm in the hospital now, still waiting to be seen.

 

[balrog]

The Wife told me to put ketchup on the grocery list.

What a mess, now I can't even read it.

(yes, I capitalized "Wife" on purpose, I'm like that)

 

[ncbrewer]

The Wife

If she reads that, you're in deep sh**

 

[homebeerbrewer]

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says: "I'll have 5 beers please."

 

[Rish]

The local fishing supply shop had a big sale on paddles.
It was quite an oar deal.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

The wife and I have a sure fire secret to making the marriage last—we go out twice a week to a nice restaurant, eat nice food, have some wine and a nice conversation.

I go on Tuesdays. She goes on Thursdays.

 

[BongoYodeler]

The wife and I have a sure fire secret to making the marriage last—we go out twice a week to a nice restaurant, eat nice food, have some wine and a nice conversation.

I go on Tuesdays. She goes on Thursdays.

Was that Henny Youngman?

 

[balrog]

To the person who invented zero,
thanks for nothing

 

[homebeerbrewer]

My sister texted me that she had just baked some synonym buns.

I replied, you mean just like the ones grammar used to make?

 

[bailey mountain brewer]

I told my one employee his nickname is C-section

Afraid of labor.

 

[BongoYodeler]

Hooked all my wrist watches together and made a belt.

Turned out to be a waist of time.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

I think it’s awesome that no matter how badly you pronounce Benadryl Cucumber’s name, everyone knows exactly who you’re talking about.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

I think it’s awesome that no matter how badly you pronounce Benadryl Cucumber’s name, everyone knows exactly who you’re talking about.

The really sad thing is...

...I know exactly who you're talking about.

 

[balrog]

I’ll have a pint of Less

What’s that?

I dunno, but my doctor wants me to start drinking it.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

Cleric: You just pulled a broadsword out of your butt!
Rogue: My back pocket is a +3 Bag of Holding. I carry lots of weapons.
Cleric: Ah. That means you have
Rogue: Don't say it
Cleric: Quite the arse enal.