Stupid Joke Thread!

[Steveruch]

 

[Brooothru]

View attachment 837235

Too true.

If you're lookin' for proof, I'm the truth.

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

 

[Sailingeric]

I audit mortgages and reviewed one for a conductor for a big city symphony and damn
..they get paid way too much
..($100k+ per month).

 

[Jhedrick83]

I audit mortgages and reviewed one for a conductor for a big city symphony and damn
..they get paid way too much
..($100k+ per month).

In fairness, a good conductor typically meets little resistance.

 

[balrog]

The Mobius Strip of workshop logic:

Always use the right tool for the job.

When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail.

Anything can be used as a hammer.

 

[Brooothru]

The Mobius Strip of workshop logic:

Always use the right tool for the job.

When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail.

Anything can be used as a hammer.

In my younger days, the most common tool I grabbed for was a 9” Crescent Hammer.

 

[lumpher]

Anything can be fixed with a crescent hammer, duct tape, and rebar. Screw it on, torque it, beat it into place, tape it so it doesn't leak or move, and use some rebar so it doesn't bend and choke.

 

[ba-brewer]

Anything can be fixed with a crescent hammer, duct tape, and rebar. Screw it on, torque it, beat it into place, tape it so it doesn't leak or move, and use some rebar so it doesn't bend and choke.

think your tool kits needs a vise-grips-hammer and bungee cords for the temporary fixes.

 

[pvtpublic]

An old Canadian proverb:

 

[Brooothru]

At the end of the day, you only need two things in your tool box. Penetrating oil if it’s ’sposed to move, and Super Glue if it ain’t.

 

[balrog]

 

[BongoYodeler]

A new music genre just announced: LOVE HONK

 

[balrog]

A new music genre just announced: LOVE HONK

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

The joke is bad enough.


But the incorrect grammar is grating.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

think your tool kits needs a vise-grips-hammer and bungee cords for the temporary fixes.

I once patched a hole in a church bus muffler pipe with a coat hanger and a steel GatorAid can. It went from headache mode to kitten purr with that fix. I was in high school at time, and the mechanic who fixed it when we got back never let me forget it.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

After my girlfriend broke up with me, I saw her get hit by a snow plow which was awkward for me.

Because I'd never driven a snow plow before.

 

[Brooothru]

View attachment 837870

But wait. Isn’t Sagittarius A star actually a binary star system instead of a single star? If so, Orion’s Belt is actually four stars. I guess there’s another notch to let out.

 

[tracer bullet]

But wait. Isn’t Sagittarius A star actually a binary star system instead of a single star? If so, Orion’s Belt is actually four stars. I guess there’s another notch to let out.

I think you have that, and the stars in Orion's belt, confused with each other.

 

[Brooothru]

I think you have that, and the stars in Orion's belt, confused with each other.

 

[Brooothru]

Yeah, I conflated Sag. A with Beetle Juice. Sag. A is actually the supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy. Betelgeuse is a massive star, orders of magnitude greater than Sol.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

Yeah, I conflated Sag. A with Beetle Juice. Sag. A is actually the supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy. Betelgeuse is a massive star, orders of magnitude greater than Sol.

In the whole expanse of the universe, it was a teeny-weeny error.

 

[Brooothru]

In the whole expanse of the universe, it was a teeny-weeny error.

That’s what my wife said.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

That’s what my wife said.

Your wife must be a smart lady!

 

[balrog]

Why does an Irish pot of chili have only 239 beans?


Because if it had 1 more it would be two fahrty.

 

[balrog]

If you mix Absolute Vodka with Coke Zero, do you get absolute zero?

 

[Cheshire Cat]

If you mix Absolute Vodka with Coke Zero, do you get absolute zero?

What do you get when you mix the absolute temperature scale with a fashion house.

Kelvin Klein.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

If you mix Absolute Vodka with Coke Zero, do you get absolute zero?

I think you get an absolute hangover.

 

[Brooothru]

I think you get an absolute hangover.

Absolutely

 

[balrog]

 

[Brooothru]

View attachment 838646

Had to closely examine the font to make sure the ‘zero’ (0) wasn’t an ‘oh’ (O). O.K.? Cool!

 

[balrog]

Seen online, very true:

If you have 3 children and they're suddenly all getting along and being quiet, do **NOT** congratulate yourself on your parenting skills. Because they are plotting something. The oldest is the mastermind, the youngest is the scapegoat and the middle one who thinks they're made of rubber and gives ZERO fs will enact the entire dastardly plan.

Do **NOT** leave them alone. Go check on them.

 

[balrog]

Yeah, mnemonics never really worked very well for me either....

 

[Agent]

When I die, I will specify that my children are the Pallbearers so they can let me down one last time.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[lumpher]

View attachment 838730

Not sure why, but this got a good laugh out of me.