Stupid Joke Thread!

[Broothru]

Speed has never killed anyone.


Suddenly becoming stationary is what will get you

Yeah. For certain, that would leave a mark, depending on velocity.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[Broken Crow]

Speed has never killed anyone.


Suddenly becoming stationary is what will get you

Yeah. For certain, that would leave a mark, depending on velocity.

 

[Broothru]

Well, let’s see. Hhmm.. (9.8m/sec)^2 x (mass of a swallow) x h(height in meters) = terminal velocity > the speed of heat. Kinda?

 

[balrog]

Well, let’s see. Hhmm.. (9.8m/sec)^2 x (mass of a swallow) x h(height in meters) = terminal velocity > the speed of heat. Kinda?

Depends on the cross section of whatever said swallow is laden with I should think. V^2 drag of that and any carelessly tied bits of creeper used in the ladening.

 

[balrog]

A slice of pie in Barbados is $2.00
A slice of pie in Jamaica is $2.50
A slice of pie in Trinidad is $5.00

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

 

[balrog]

A man went on a trip to the Holy Land with his wife and her mother. While there, the mother sadly passed. The undertaker said it would be $150 to bury her in the Holy Land and $5000 to ship her body home. He said he would ship her home. When asked why, the man said, “2,000 years ago, someone was buried here who rose again after 3 days. I can’t take that chance,”

 

[balrog]

Husband: “I’d like you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my grandmother”

Wife: “Why does it say ‘Do not resuscitate’?”

 

[day_trippr]

 

[Steveruch]

 

[Broothru]

View attachment 837235

Too true.

If you're lookin' for proof, I'm the truth.

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

 

[Sailingeric]

I audit mortgages and reviewed one for a conductor for a big city symphony and damn
..they get paid way too much
..($100k+ per month).

 

[Jhedrick83]

I audit mortgages and reviewed one for a conductor for a big city symphony and damn
..they get paid way too much
..($100k+ per month).

In fairness, a good conductor typically meets little resistance.

 

[balrog]

The Mobius Strip of workshop logic:

Always use the right tool for the job.

When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail.

Anything can be used as a hammer.

 

[Broothru]

The Mobius Strip of workshop logic:

Always use the right tool for the job.

When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail.

Anything can be used as a hammer.

In my younger days, the most common tool I grabbed for was a 9” Crescent Hammer.

 

[lumpher]

Anything can be fixed with a crescent hammer, duct tape, and rebar. Screw it on, torque it, beat it into place, tape it so it doesn't leak or move, and use some rebar so it doesn't bend and choke.

 

[ba-brewer]

Anything can be fixed with a crescent hammer, duct tape, and rebar. Screw it on, torque it, beat it into place, tape it so it doesn't leak or move, and use some rebar so it doesn't bend and choke.

think your tool kits needs a vise-grips-hammer and bungee cords for the temporary fixes.

 

[pvtpublic]

An old Canadian proverb:

 

[Broothru]

At the end of the day, you only need two things in your tool box. Penetrating oil if it’s ’sposed to move, and Super Glue if it ain’t.

 

[balrog]

 

[BongoYodeler]

A new music genre just announced: LOVE HONK

 

[balrog]

A new music genre just announced: LOVE HONK

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

The joke is bad enough.


But the incorrect grammar is grating.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

think your tool kits needs a vise-grips-hammer and bungee cords for the temporary fixes.

I once patched a hole in a church bus muffler pipe with a coat hanger and a steel GatorAid can. It went from headache mode to kitten purr with that fix. I was in high school at time, and the mechanic who fixed it when we got back never let me forget it.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

After my girlfriend broke up with me, I saw her get hit by a snow plow which was awkward for me.

Because I'd never driven a snow plow before.