Stupid Joke Thread!

[homebeerbrewer]

How do you know if Santa Clause is epileptic?

He seizures when you’re sleeping.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What’s the most depressing thing for a lover to get on Christmas morning?

A sweater, instead of a screamer or a moaner.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What do you call a fly when you cut it’s wings off?

A walk.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What do you call Teddy Swims if you cut his arms off?

Teddy Sinks.

 

[Agent]

What do you call an armless, legless man tossed into the sea?

Bob.

 

[scrap iron]

How do you get a one armed man out of a tree. Wave at him. [sorry, old dad joke]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What do you call a guy who lost his right hand?

Lefty.

Where do you get Lefty a Christmas present?

A second hand store.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

What do you call a fly when you cut it’s wings off?

A walk.

…and remember, “a bird can fly, but a fly can’t bird!”

 

[Closet Fermenter]

“ Time flies like an arrow.”

“Fruit flies like a banana.”

 

[balrog]

“ Time flies like an arrow.”

“Fruit flies like a banana.”

And "Time keeps on slippin slippin slippin, into the future"

 

[ncbrewer]

An old one, but for those who haven't heard it...


What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter - he won't come anyway.


What do you calla dog with no legs, in front of the door?
Matt

 

[Broken Crow]

 

[jcav]

My dog has no legs, what a drag.....

 

[agentbud]

What do you call a doe with no eyes:
No ideer.

What do you call a doe with no eyes and no legs:
Still no ideer.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

I'm pretty sure Maxwell's equations never made me laugh before...until now.

 

[balrog]

Lacy thinnnnnnnnnnnnnngs, she's been missin'
Didn't asssssssssssssssssssk her permission

 

[balrog]

 

[doug293cz]

Lacy thinnnnnnnnnnnnnngs, she's been missin'
Didn't asssssssssssssssssssk her permission

View attachment 865046

I know what you did...

Brew on

 

[pvtpublic]

What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino?

Helephino

 

[balrog]

I told my date I am 50 but I have the body of a 20 year old. They were impressed, until I walked over and opened my freezer.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

I told my date I am 50 but I have the body of a 20 year old. They were impressed, until I walked over and opened my freezer.

They who?

I’m sorry; I am just not into the new pronoun thing; makes absolutely no sense to me. I sometimes have to read news reports several times to figure out what is being said. Was there more than one injured? I thought it was a single car accident with a lone driver???

 

[Broothru]

Q: What do you call a convention of chess players bragging to each other in a hotel lobby?

A: Chess nuts boasting on an open foyer.

 

[balrog]

I love board games.
Especially the one where they put meat and cheese on a board, with some crackers.

I'm really good at that one.

 

[balrog]

My wife told me to take the spider outside instead of killing it.

So I did.
Went out.
Had a few pints.
Nice guy.
He's a web designer.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

What would bears be without bees?

Ears.

 

[doogster]

View attachment 865777
What would bears be without bees?

Ears.

We must have had the same 2024 Dad Jokes calendar!

 

[balrog]

I went to an antique auction the other day.



Four people bid on me.

 

[balrog]

I injured myself yesterday measuring radio frequencies.


It still Hertz.