Said in jest, SWMBO not amused

[Hophunter]

To preface, we have 2 boys (2.5 and 9 mo). Needless to say, private time has not been as frequent as before.
Last night, she says she got a news update (read spam mail from a news outlet) about a new female libido enhancement pill being approved by FDA. I quickly responded "they taking orders yet?." The look I got could've castrated a spartan army.

Who else had said something you thought was funny but caused you to sleep with one eye open?

 

[JonM]

SWMBO brought home a new piece of furniture. "It's an occasional chair!" she says. I responded "What is it the rest of the time?"

 

[Inkleg]

Who else had said something you thought was funny but caused you to sleep with one eye open?

I'm married, I've always slept with one eye open.

 

[Melana]

You boys are too funny.

 

[AkBrew907]

When my wife was pregnant with our first there was a couple times her ankles swelled up pretty good. The one time she asked me to look at her ankles I asked "what ankles"

apparently that wasn't the correct answer..

 

[Inkleg]

You boys are too funny.

Yeah, but my wife has body bags in the trunk of her car and people who will help her move a body.

 

[WI_Wino]

A good friend of mine described his then girlfriend as "beefy" in what he thought was a very flattering manner. She did not agree.

 

[invictusbrew]

Yeah, but my wife has body bags in the trunk of her car and people who will help her move a body.

...coroner?

 

[Inkleg]

...coroner?

Forensic Death Investagator.

 

[cannman]

Sorry bro. Kids are now 18mos and the libido is still lost somewhere in that delivery room. Can I have that link?!

 

[Craigmn]

Accidental post

 

[Venari]

My ex and I used to say to eachother all the time that "we'd be together forever" and one day, she asked "what if we're not?" with a worried look on her face.

At the time, I had bought some supplies to hang a hammock, so I pointed to the chain and said "I got that covered".

 

[firerat]

We're watching TV and some insanely hot chick in a random commercial in a bikini or something comes on the screen.

Wife: Do you want me to look like that?

Me: You can do that?



Does anyone know of an actual comfortable pull out couch bed? Mine is freaking uncomfortable as hell.

 

[beernbourbon]

You boys are too funny.

but we speak truth.

My wife is addicted to the ID channel....one day I just looked at her and said "should I be worried?"

"of course"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
uh......

 

[Venari]

Does anyone know of an actual comfortable pull out couch bed? Mine is freaking uncomfortable as hell.

Check out Ikea.

 

[TheCADJockey]

When I was dating, my (now) wife picked me up from a frat party. The apartment we lived in was horrible, the door to my bedroom would get stuck and had to be forced open. As I was holding the house hallway wall up, she kicked my door open for me in all her tiny glory. My liquor-soaked wit immediately kicked in and I managed to spit out the sickest variation of her name:

Me - "Yeeeeah, Mandar the Barbarian!"
Her - "What?"
Me - "Manda....."
*slap*

That is the one and only time I've been slapped in my life.

Although, now we pick on each other constantly. There's no dog house or sleeping on a couch. Ten years later, she still picks me up when I get silly. The only difference is that now she makes me put myself to bed. If I pass out halfway up the stairs, thats where I sleep. She's pretty much the best.

Does anyone know of an actual comfortable pull out couch bed? Mine is freaking uncomfortable as hell.

Futon with two futon mattresses.

 

[Rhumbline]

A good friend of mine described his then girlfriend as "beefy" in what he thought was a very flattering manner...

I have a vivid imagination, and I can't come up with any way someone could say that to a girl in a way that would be well received.

 

[k1ngl1ves]

The only time I'm positive my wife is listening to me is when she's rolling her eyes.



She's become numb to me being obnoxious...

 

[Inkleg]

I have a vivid imagination, and I can't come up with any way someone could say that to a girl in a way that would be well received.

Become a Supporting or Lifetime member and try the Boneyard.
Just saying.

 

[Melana]

but we speak truth.

Now you see the problem. There's truth and truth.

 

[Melana]

Become a Supporting or Lifetime member and try the Boneyard.
Just saying.

I have tried the boneyard... Sadly no boning.

 

[doug293cz]

The only time I'm positive my wife is listening to me is when she's rolling her eyes.



She's become numb to me being obnoxious...

Been there for years. I have to work really hard these days to get a reaction.

Brew on

 

[firerat]

I have tried the boneyard... Sadly no boning.

.

 

[cannman]

The real secret that must be protected is that when you are banished to the couch, you've just been sent to the room with the largest TV.

 

[Hophunter]

Most of the time, it's just eye rolls. Sometimes though...you strike a nerve. We started dating in college. Back then i was doing nothing but drinking, weight training, and occasionally studying. She is a petit woman all around. We were laying in bed nekkid and I said "I think I have more cleavage than you." Mouth meet foot.

 

[Melana]

Most of the time, it's just eye rolls. Sometimes though...you strike a nerve. We started dating in college. Back then i was doing nothing but drinking, weight training, and occasionally studying. She is a petit woman all around. We were laying in bed nekkid and I said "I think I have more cleavage than you." Mouth meet foot.

Awesome!

 

[beernbourbon]

Now you see the problem. There's truth and truth.

HAHA! Fair 'nuff. Brutal honesty is definitely NOT the way to go. Honesty sprinkled with a good amount of filtration is best.

 

[OlDirtyJohn]

I was home on vacation from work, got the infamous honey do list knocked out quick. It was about 10am and the wife asked me if she could pour me a drink. I replied with, "kind of early for that isn't it? ". Knowing me all too well she looked puzzled and asked "too early for a drink?". Apparently the correct response from me was not "too early for stupid questions, of course I want a drink!"

 

[FloppyKnockers]

Wife: I think I'm getting sick.
Me: What makes you say that?
Wife: I'm having trouble swallowing lately.
Me: Been getting sick since we got married then, huh?

 

[beernbourbon]

OWWWW....damn.....

(and here I thought my medical records were private....stoopid X-ray tech)