Paraphrased conversation with SWMBO

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

OK, bear in mind that I am recalling the conversation about my brew day on Sunday from an entirely biased perspective.

Wifey: What the f#ck are you doing!?

Me: I am commencing the process of brewing, my dear. I am about to perform the last rites of John Barleycorn. I am creating art.

Wifey: Like f#ck you are! I had a whole day planned of doing stupid girly sh!t and dragging your ass around with me and boring the crap out of you for the entire day!!

Me: But my love!! Do you not recall the agreement we made just this Friday past? We had cordially committed that I should practice the art of brewing, and that we would both make merry on that joyous occasion. The stage is set, the players are dressed. 'twould be folly indeed to deny the audience their reward!

Wifey: You are sooo full of sh!t! Since when did you feel the need to brew EVERY f#cking week!!?

Me: But dearest, I have had not the chance to brew these last three weeks for fear of it making interruption to your wonderful and righteous garage sale. This has been but my first opportunity in a long while.

Wifey: Hmmmph!!! OK then, but don't forget you are cooking out tonight. F#ck you, I'm going to Walmart. I will be taking an electric cart because I'm too fat to walk. My clothes will all be two sizes too small, and I will probably be farting a lot.

Me: Farewell, my love. I await your return with baited breath. In your absence, I will ponder the ways I can make you more happy.

Wifey: F#ck off.

(Later that day)

Wifey: Are you STILL f#cking brewing!?

Me: yes, my dear. I have pondered your objections about my regular observance to the ritual of the beer gods, and have devised a plan to make us BOTH happier! I have taken it upon myself to make TWO brews in the same day! Thus, we shall have a happier future together whereby I may pay more attention to your loveliness with my time saved!

Wifey: You f#cking ******!!

Me: But, but, my love! I strive only to make you happy!!

Wifey: F#ck off, *******!

Me: Have I upset you my dear? You complained that I appease the beer gods too often, and I have sought a way to solve our problem!

Wifey: F#ck off F#ck off F#ck off F#ck off F#ck off!!!

 

[bob1852]

I'd love to hear your version, not her's.

 

[Clann]

I think we are only getting one side of this story

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I found my person 'twixt a rock and a hard location......And honestly, those were her exact words as far as I heard them in my noggin.

 

[mrk305]

My obsession with brewing and fermenting things was just one more reason for my wife to divorce me. At this point in my life I could not be happier. I got the house, custody of our son and yes, I can brew whenever I want. It took a while, but I am doing okay.

After we got married my wife gained a lot of weight. After we got divorced she gained a whole lot of weight. She gets our son on the weekends so that is usually when I brew. Last weekend she took him to the zoo and I brewed on Saturday and went fishing Sunday. They left early because the elephants were throwing peanuts at her.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Last weekend she took him to the zoo and I brewed on Saturday and went fishing Sunday. They left early because the elephants were throwing peanuts at her.

Now, I had already made up a joke in my head about your son, and his place in the zoo before I even got to the intended punch line!

Sorry for my evil thoughts.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

By the way....My wife is NOT fat!!

She is just big boned....REALLY big boned. I'm talking T. Rex bones here. If the Titanic were a bone, then she would be as big as it, and go down on you twice as fast.

 

[mrk305]

............ and go down on you twice as fast.

If there was more of that going on, we might still be married.

 

[brewmcq]

Prosted.

 

[Airborneguy]

All I got from that was you are a typical Brit and she is definitely a typical American.

 

[Revvy]

MRS LGI...................................................LGI

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

All I got from that was you are a typical Brit and she is definitely a typical American.

A point well made sir. A point such as that crafted on the arrow of a bowman of the highest standard. My good wife is, indeed of American stock in the same mould as the mightiest eagle. The mightiest, bitchiest, pain in the assiest American eagle.....And yes, I'm a bit English too.

Ah f#ck it, I'm gonna brew tomorrow too!!

 

[Dynachrome]

....I just bought enough supplies to make about twenty cases of beer (seriously). I forgot to mention it to HER.

....and then the fight started.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

....I just bought enough supplies to make about twenty cases of beer (seriously). I forgot to mention it to HER.

....and then the fight started.

Get her accustomed to the idea of 20 cases, then push it to 21!

 

[mrk305]

....I just bought enough supplies to make about twenty cases of beer (seriously). I forgot to mention it to HER.

....and then the fight started.

Yeah, but you are from Wisconsin

 

[rhoadsrage]

I can't wait till you open an over-carbed bottle of beer in the clean kitchen.
You have to get that on video (in case you are not alive to share the details)

 

[lou2row]

Oh, your British!

From listening to your end of the conversation, I was guessing the problem was you were Homer Sexual.

 

[Xaphoeous]

She is just big boned....REALLY big boned. I'm talking T. Rex bones here...

I laughed so hard my face hurt and I thought I was going to squirt blood out of my pores. That sh!t's just awesome!

 

[unionrdr]

You told her you were brewing today too,f'it!
..& then the fight started.
You said you'd even make dinner & do the dishes...
& then the fight started.
She said she was leaving,& packed her bag. You were drunk,went for a wizz,realized it was her suitcase...
& then the real fight started.

 

[jsweet]

Heh, I can relate a bit... We have two small children, and my wife has a lot of home improvement projects in mind for me to do as well, so getting her to actually agree to let me brew often proves tricky.

Usually I wait for her to leave the house, then as soon as the van pulls out of the driveway, I run down in the basement and grab my brewing stuff. I only got caught once, and then also last night she smelled it when she came home -- but that worked out fine, because she said, "What did you cook, that smells awesome!" and so I told her, and then she bragged about on Facebook the next day about that being one of the perks of being married to a homebrewer. Nice!

So yeah... I'm cheating on my wife with homebrew.

 

[jsweet]

When my wife called to check in last night:

"Hey honey, I think I'm coming home soon. What are you up to?"

"Um. I'm uh, cleaning the kitchen. Yep, just having a boring night cleaning the kitchen, that's all."

Which was technically true, it's just that I was cleaning it up from all the homebrew supplies that I had laying out...

On a serious note, I find it greases the wheels a LOT that I always leave the kitchen cleaner than when I started.

 

[scotched]

Married people

 

[rfavors]

For me there are two keys to keeping my wife happy with my brewing:

1) Never leave a mess

and more importantly

2) Make sure her tap is always stocked. I added a tap to the keezer for her and keep styles she likes on tap there. As long as her tap is flowing, I get no complaints....

 

[Ricand]

Married people

I'm married to an awesome woman. She keeps telling me we need a walk in fermentor, and I am resisting due to the space it will take up. If I want to brew we decide when we have a free day and I schedule it. Not everyone has to fight about it. When she wants to do something, we figure out our next free day and she schedules it. Respect, communication and compromise are the keys. Don't be soured on marriage, it can be amazing to share your life with an equal partner. Just celebrated 22 years with mine

Having said that, I know someone on this board who complains about his wife and yet she is pretty amazing, puts up with his s*** and isn't as bad as he depicts her to be. Sometimes when guys get together, it's kinda de rigueur to complain about the lady. Wonder how many of the complaints we hear here are similar?

 

[scotched]

^ Married person

 

[Airborneguy]

Married people

Single, I was taking home a lot of money. Married, we are taking home a sh*tload of money. Sometimes there's selfish benefits.

 

[mrk305]

I remember telling my ex that I brought home something to help her look sexy.

She said oh really? What did you get?

I said I got a 12 pack off beer and a half gallon of whiskey....

..... and that's when the fight started.

 

[scotched]

I remember telling my ex that I brought home something to help her look sexy.

She said oh really? What did you get?

I said I got a 12 pack off beer and a half gallon of whiskey....

..... and that's when the fight started.

what a charmer

 

[bniesen]

I bought some bling for my kettles today on-line, I had saved up some of my petty cash for it. I came home late from work (15 minutes late) and told her that I was at the bank depositing my cash to off-set the puchases I made. She shoots me an evil look and continues to berate me cause I put the purchases on our card. I told her " I can't just shove dollar bills throught the computer to pay for stuff." Then she appologizes for being a bitch and reminds herself that she is running low on tampons.

 

[mrk305]

This thread is definatley going the wrong way......

When I was a little kid I went to the drugstore and asked for some tampons.

The guy at the store asked me what kind I wanted, and you know, I didn't know.

He said they came in all different sizes. Large medium small or super. There were different kind of insert things. They made cardboard or plastic. I didn't know.

Then, the guy at the store said, well you have the regular tampons, or the panty liners, or the panty liners with wings. I didn't know.

I told him that I saw a commercial that if you get the right kind, you can ride a bike, do gymnastics, go swiming or ride a horse.

I told him that I have a brother who is 6 years old that can't do any of those things so what kind do you think I should get?