Is there a difference between pre boil gravity and what BS, for example, calculates as your og? Or just different terms for the same thing?
Also do you need a refractometer for that? My understanding was hydrometers are calibrated for room temp
Yes, "pre-boil gravity" is different than "original gravity". OG is taken after the boil but prior to fermentation. Pre-boil gravity is taken after mashing/sparging and before boiling.
Pre-boil gravity isn't really used for much other than to determine if you're in the right neighborhood for starting your boil. Beersmith (and I'm sure other programs) estimate the pre-boil gravity based on the recipe and mash efficiency variables plugged into it. It's a way to measure if you've collected enough sugars to begin your boil. If it comes in very low, then you'll know your efficiency suffered and you'll have to compensate in some way (adding DME/LME to raise the gravity, or just boiling longer but having less beer).
As for measuring, no you don't need a refractometer. It can be helpful for taking quick readings, but it isn't required. And both hydrometers and refractometers are calibrated to "room temp", but with a refractometer you're using such a small sample (just a few drops) that the sample cools relatively quickly - at least enough so to give a fairly accurate reading.
Personally, I always use a refractometer for an "on the spot" reading, but at the same time fill my hydrometer test tube with a sample and stick it in the freezer to chill to ambient temps because refractometers are not the most precise instruments (at least not the cheap plastic ones we use for homebrewing). So I use the refractometer to get a ballpark number, and if it looks right I'll start the boil. In about 10-15 minutes I'll check the hydrometer sample now that it's cooled, and take a more accurate reading. This also helps me to monitor how accurate the refractometer is reading.
Once I record the hydrometer sample's pre-boil gravity, I dump the sample back into the kettle to boil, so there's no wasted wort (the main reason people don't like taking hydrometer samples so much is how much wort is needed compared to the few drops of a refractometer).