No matter what- You too will do stupid shiz

[gratus fermentatio]

Last night I made chili. Because my wife and I both like a little more heat in our chili than just cayenne, and because my stomach cant handle scotch bonnets, I sliced up about 6 nice red jalepenos. And then I did it. What's the one thing you are told over and over again NOT to do?

Yup, I rubbed my eye. 20 something years of hearing chefs and yutzes on the morning shows warning you not to rub your eyes when you have handled hot peppers, and here I was... jumping around my kitchen shouting "F'! SH!T!"

SWBO "WHAT?!"
ME: "I just rubbed my eye...!"
SWMBO: "oh no! flush it with water!!"
ME: "I CANT! Its still on my hands!
SWMBO: "OK I'm coming!"
ME: "Get the vinegar for my hands, I cant see!" *bumps into her and shouts F'! again"*
SWMBO: "I cant reach it, the shelf is too high!"
ME: "WHY ARE YOU SO FRIGGING SHORT?!"
SWMBO: "Be nice! Now come to the sink!"

Thats right, I wound up bent over the sink flushing my eyes in my wife's cupped hands. All the while saying "wow, Im an idiot, Im REALLY an idiot. That was dumb."

So yeah, what's something you know you shouldn't do, you've been told a million times, and yet you still do/did it. In before you, Chapp, yeah yeah, clicking on a CreamyGoodness thread. RDRR. Humpf.

If you are wondering, by the way, the chili still came out darned good. I put beans in mine. Some of you will just have to deal with that.

Creamy, I think you need your own reality show!
Regards, GF.

 

[Whattawort]

Creamy, I think you need your own reality show!
Regards, GF.

Only if it features his fantastically bizarre fermentations. I really want to see vid of the okra bobbing up and down.

 

[glenn514]

My SWMBO said, after I shared some of the posts in this thread: "Ya know, if I did those things to myself, I sure wouldn't want to advertise it!" So, I will choose NOT to share any of the stupid shiz things I've done to myself over the course of my 66 years!

glenn514

 

[TCHDNSD]

Years ago, my X-GF was making us dinner. I was sitting on the kitchen counter talking with her. She was crunching up some dried habenero for whatever it was she was making. She proceeded to get frisky with me. She apparently had tasted the pepper prior. Neither one of us gave it much thought I guess. Seconds later, I'm pushing her head off of me and running for the bathroom. Next thing I'm standing in the shower with my junk in a big glass of milk. Didn't help much. But she took care of it. Finished the job with ice cream in her mouth.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

All threads eventually spiral towards oral sex.

 

[jerrodm]

All threads eventually spiral towards oral sex.

One can only hope.

 

[bottlebomber]

impaled my right eye socket on the Mooose antlers we had just put up on the wall.

Moose had last laugh

Spilled scalding bacon grease on myself last week. Believe it or not, this is my arm looking much better.

Pig had last laugh

I was chopping up habenero for chili. Went to take a leak. My little friend felt like he was on fire. For some reason I thought milk would help, so there I was, standing in the bath room while my girlfriend poured milk on my tallywhacker.

Peppers and GF had last laugh, and me too

 

[pnj]

I can one up you regarding hot chiles. I was dicing up some habeneros for chili and I wasn't wearing any gloves. I washed my hands and continued about my day.

Shortly after the wife and I start fooling around. Things are getting hot and heavy when she starts backing off of my hand. She then asks "Babe, did you wash your hands after cutting up the habeneros"? Apparently I still had some residual oils that didn't come off with the first hand washing and she was on fire inside.

Needless to say, that escapade was finished.

Thought I was the only one with this story. 'cept, I've done it more than once. The look in here eyes was AMAZING. we never stopped the love making though, that's just silly.

I've also put contacts in after cutting jalapenos. touched my dick many times, touched my eyes, etc.

I used to cut peppers everyday so over the years, that stuff is bound to happen.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

We had moved in 2 weeks prior to this and were still decorating the house. I was playing fetch in the house with our cattle dog Kronk (RIP). He never returns the ball all the way to you, just gets close and rolls it at you. On the last fetch of that day I missed his rollback and spun around, started to bend over to get the ball and impaled my right eye socket on the Mooose antlers we had just put up on the wall.
My wife was on the phone with or youngest daughter in Texas and all she heard "Holy F***ing Sh!t" and me grabbing my face and falling to the floor.
Long story short, we put a cold compress on it and she started rushing me to the hospital and about halfway there, I got this intense pain and pressure in the socket and my eyeball actually slid back into place. Ended up with a hole though the eyelid and an eyepatch for 2 weeks.
Moral - never hang pointy things on the wall!

I also include a mix of pinto, black and kidney beans in my chili. I always make 2 pots, 1 spicy and 1 mild and I always include a couple of tablespoons of unsweetened bakers chocolate, it makes the chili more velvety and rich.

I forgot to mention that I've used the dark chocolate trick when making braised short-ribs but never chili. Will have to give that a go!

 

[Subsailor]

I forgot to mention that I've used the dark chocolate trick when making braised short-ribs but never chili. Will have to give that a go!

Oh man, that sounds good on short ribs! Unsweetened/bittersweet Chocolate works great in many foods, I like it in mole sauces, time for more experimenting. The wife is going to be in Arizona for 2 weeks; that will be great time to try some recipes.

 

[headbanger]

I forgot to mention that I've used the dark chocolate trick when making braised short-ribs but never chili. Will have to give that a go!

Oh yeah, really deepens the flavor but don't over do it. Just a bit of peanut butter will really make the flavors pop too.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

At least you didn't go take a leak before washing the chili off of your hands...

I have done that more than once. I'm a slow learner.