Fedora
Glorified Janitor
That joke was so bad it killed the thread.
New Joke thread. Let's keep it reasonable
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planker101
Well-Known Member
A baby seal walks into a club... Ahahahahaha
mcspanner
Well-Known Member
Hamaki
Well-Known Member
How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It takes two, one to screw in the lightbulb, and one to hold the peni-, fathe-, LADDER!
Why do Marx and Engels drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Whats the difference between an etymologist, and an entomologist? An etymologist knows the difference.
The masochist said to the sadist hit me and the sadist said no.
Descartes walks into a bar. Beer? asks the barman. I think not replies Rene, who disappears.
Why do Marx and Engels drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Whats the difference between an etymologist, and an entomologist? An etymologist knows the difference.
The masochist said to the sadist hit me and the sadist said no.
Descartes walks into a bar. Beer? asks the barman. I think not replies Rene, who disappears.
Reminds me of one of the best jokes I've ever heard/read, thanks to Reddit.
Never teach philosophy to prostitutes. That's putting Descartes before the whores.
A couple more puns to add:
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
I wasn't sure about my beard at first... then it grew on me.
I once saw a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
BBQB
Well-Known Member
...as big as as a house...a house, a house , a house
Fedora
Glorified Janitor
Fedora
Glorified Janitor
What did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall?
Fedora
Glorified Janitor
Dam!
Fedora
Glorified Janitor
What do you get when you combine an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Fedora
Glorified Janitor
El-if-I-know!
omg
Fedora
Glorified Janitor
I almost posted a joke about an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with diarrhea, but I thought better of it.
MindenMan
Well-Known Member
What do you cal a clairvoyant prostitute?
MindenMan
Well-Known Member
A fokking know it all.
MindenMan
Well-Known Member
What is a lesbian's favorite bread? A dill dough.
Fedora
Glorified Janitor
That's in poor taste, minden. Shame on you.
Scout
Well-Known Member
Last year someone started writing jokes on the office whiteboard. It was filled up about three times before we stopped. Some that I remember...
What do you do when you break your foot?
Call a toe truck.
When light is bad, it goes to prism.
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Two Nazis walk into a BAR...
Dad moron and baby moron are standing at the edge of a cliff. Dad moron falls off. Why didn't the baby?
It was a little more on.
What do you do when you break your foot?
Call a toe truck.
When light is bad, it goes to prism.
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Two Nazis walk into a BAR...
Dad moron and baby moron are standing at the edge of a cliff. Dad moron falls off. Why didn't the baby?
It was a little more on.
Scout
Well-Known Member
A pirate walks into a bar. He's got a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper. The bartender asked about it, and the pirate says " Arrgh, it's driving me nuts"
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender tells it he doesn't serve rope. The rope goes outside, ties himself into a square knot and frays his ends before going back inside. The bartender says "Aren't you that rope I just threw out?"
"Nope, 'fraid not."
Two electrons sitting at a bar when one turns to the other. "I think I just lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yup, I'm positive."
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
A guy walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
A blonde walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks "Anheuser Busche?" She replies "Just fine, now how about that beer?"
A couple e. coli bacteria go behind the bar. The bartender twls them they can't be back there. They say "it's ok, we're staff"
A bartender makes an announcement. "If you can drink 30 pints in 30 minutes, it's free!"
O'Malley hears this, gets up and walks out. Forty minutes later he walks back up and tells the bartender he'll accept the challenge. The bartender pours pint after pint, and O'Malley puts them all away. The bartender says "Wow, that's impressive! I've never seen anyone drink all thirty! But tell me, I saw you leave when I announced it. Where did you go?"
"I had to go to Jack's Bar down the street to see if I could do it first."
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender tells it he doesn't serve rope. The rope goes outside, ties himself into a square knot and frays his ends before going back inside. The bartender says "Aren't you that rope I just threw out?"
"Nope, 'fraid not."
Two electrons sitting at a bar when one turns to the other. "I think I just lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yup, I'm positive."
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
A guy walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
A blonde walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks "Anheuser Busche?" She replies "Just fine, now how about that beer?"
A couple e. coli bacteria go behind the bar. The bartender twls them they can't be back there. They say "it's ok, we're staff"
A bartender makes an announcement. "If you can drink 30 pints in 30 minutes, it's free!"
O'Malley hears this, gets up and walks out. Forty minutes later he walks back up and tells the bartender he'll accept the challenge. The bartender pours pint after pint, and O'Malley puts them all away. The bartender says "Wow, that's impressive! I've never seen anyone drink all thirty! But tell me, I saw you leave when I announced it. Where did you go?"
"I had to go to Jack's Bar down the street to see if I could do it first."
Amadeo38
Well-Known Member
A guy goes out and gets trashed, vomits all over his shirt, then goes home around 2am. Stumbling and banging into everything on his way to bed, he awakens his wife who sees the state he's in. Furious, she yells, "If you ever come home drunk like this again it's over! We are getting a divorce!"
A couple weeks later, the guy gets trashed and vomits on his shirt again. He exclaims to his buddy, "Oh no! My wife's going to see the vomit and know I was drunk, and then she'll divorce me!" His buddy says, "Just put a $20 bill in the front pocket of the shirt and tell her 'some guy at the bar puked on my shirt and gave me $20 to pay for it'." So he does, and heads home. He stumbles in and his wife wakes up, exclaims, "You're wasted again and puked on yourself - it's over!" The guy slurs, "No wait! Check the front pocket!" After pulling out $40 from his pocket, the wife asks, "What's this?" He replies, "That's $20 from the guy at the bar who puked on my shirt." She retorts, "But there's $40 here..." He explains, "Oh yeah, the other $20 is from the guy who **** my pants."
A couple weeks later, the guy gets trashed and vomits on his shirt again. He exclaims to his buddy, "Oh no! My wife's going to see the vomit and know I was drunk, and then she'll divorce me!" His buddy says, "Just put a $20 bill in the front pocket of the shirt and tell her 'some guy at the bar puked on my shirt and gave me $20 to pay for it'." So he does, and heads home. He stumbles in and his wife wakes up, exclaims, "You're wasted again and puked on yourself - it's over!" The guy slurs, "No wait! Check the front pocket!" After pulling out $40 from his pocket, the wife asks, "What's this?" He replies, "That's $20 from the guy at the bar who puked on my shirt." She retorts, "But there's $40 here..." He explains, "Oh yeah, the other $20 is from the guy who **** my pants."
vanishingpint
well- known member
Guy walks into a bar and says do you serve women in here ? The bartender says no you have bring your own.
Grammar jokes.
A woman walks into a bar. "What'll you have?" asks the bartender. "An entendre," she says. "And make it a double." So he gives it to her.
A subject and a verb had a disagreement in a bar and one of them pull a gun.
A bar was walked in to by the passive voice.
A woman walks into a bar. "What'll you have?" asks the bartender. "An entendre," she says. "And make it a double." So he gives it to her.
A subject and a verb had a disagreement in a bar and one of them pull a gun.
A bar was walked in to by the passive voice.
RobertHunter
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Whats an echo?
Is the only thing that can deprive a woman of the last word
Is the only thing that can deprive a woman of the last word
RobertHunter
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A woman was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her husband walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner.
Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she laboured away on the weeds, she snapped, "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Pretend I'm out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!"
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer.
His wife walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, "Where's my dinner?"
"Huh? I thought you were out of town."
Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she laboured away on the weeds, she snapped, "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Pretend I'm out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!"
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer.
His wife walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, "Where's my dinner?"
"Huh? I thought you were out of town."
jr72023
Active Member
I remember when the guy who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. They had one hell of a time at the mortuary, getting into the casket. They put his left foot in............
Scout
Well-Known Member
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
Scout
Well-Known Member
Guy walks into a bar and orders half a dozen shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them, and watches as the guy driving inks them all one after another. "Hey man" he says, "you shouldn't be ink like that."
"You'd drink like this too if you had what I have."
"Oh? What do you have?"
"About two dollars"
"You'd drink like this too if you had what I have."
"Oh? What do you have?"
"About two dollars"
arturo7
Well-Known Member
Could you please go over that again? We're not so smart here and we need old, tired jokes to be explained in great detail.
EDIT: or just change your post
EDIT: or just change your post
Scout
Well-Known Member
You mean like "Pee Wee's Dry-cleaning?" Where the sign says "Drop your pants and jacket off"? That is also a play on words, "jacket" having a double meaning...
cloudybrewer
Well-Known Member
It's amazing how certain jokes are told by people all over the country.
Scout
Well-Known Member
I once wrote a screenplay on language.
It was a play on words.
It was a play on words.
vanishingpint
well- known member
Woman walks into a grocery and picks up a banana, a can of soup and some celery .The clerk looks at her items and says I'll bet you're single.She says how did you know that? He replies cause you're so so damn ugly.
RobertHunter
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I hate when someone steals my idea before I've had it.
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