Not all that drunk but I think its a pretty funny drinking story. I was at the Crescent Lounge, the watering hole where I met my now-wife. The Cress isn't a gay bar perse, but the then-owner is a gay man, and quite a few of the clientele are his friends. One of said group of friends was a rather outgoing fellow named Francis.
Im sitting next to Francis, who is having a conversation with John behind the bar, when an older gentleman comes over to chat me up. He wasn't doing anything gross or wrong, just the usual "what do you do, do you come here often..." yada yada. It didn't seem right to blurt out "hey Im straight!" since the guy wasn't exactly asking me out or flirting, but his intentions were pretty clear. Getting out of this awkward conversation would not be easy without being a total jerk.
Francis turns to me and whispers in my ear "just go along with me".
Francis stands up, looks to the man, and throws his cocktail napkin on the floor. "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING TALKING TO MY BOYFRIEND WITH ME RIGHT HERE?!"
I'm not sure what the hell I should do, so I'm silent, trying not to piss myself with laughter. John's chin has not left his chest, because he doesn't want to betray the smirk on his face. "Oh Im so sorry I had no idea. I didn't mean any disrespect!" Francis tells him its ok but he needs to pay better attention. He then puts an arm around me and plants a kiss on my forehead. I'm turning purple Im trying so hard not to laugh.
Guy goes over to the couch and sits down with his drink looking pale as a ghost. I felt kind of bad for him actually. John was no damn help, he starts asking Francis about our relationship. Francis still has his arm around me, giving fake answers to where we met, how long we've been together. Only person not in on the joke is the poor bastard on the couch, and to a certain extent me, so the entire bar is cracking up.
Alas, the story has a very sad ending. A few years later Francis moved to Hawaii with the intention of "building a house in the woods". We didn't know that he was dying of AIDS and wanted to spend his last days in nature. I don't know if he ever managed to build the house, but I do know he stopped taking his medicines, and passed not long after.
We still toast to "James's boyfriend Francis" on the rare occasions the old crew get back together.