How to handle a previously mistreated dog

[Misplaced_Canuck]

The girl I am seeing has a German Shepherd mix that she got from a shelter. Apparently, the dog was found on the side of the road, but the foster family must have been really tough/abusive on that dog. The dog does fine with her owner, and one other person.

As I'm the "new guy", she shies away from me trying to come close to her, she won't accept food from my hand, she continuously keeps an eye on me just to make sure that she won't get roughed.

I've never had to handle a dog that was mistreated. Any ideas?

For now I'm just ignoring her and avoiding eye contact. If I look at her, she retreats back and is pretty nervous.

Here she is.

While I know that cuss words at foster family are well deserved, they're not gonna help us much.

MC

 

[broadbill]

Get all Cesar Milan on that dog...don't anthropomorphize her and treat her like she is your child. She is a dog and she has dog-needs. She is acting that way because she isn't getting her dog-needs fufilled.

She is skittish because she hasn't been around humans or if she has been she hasn't had a good experience with them. Dogs are pack animals and she doesn't have a pack. You need to be her pack leader and avoiding her because you don't want to scare her is telling her that you aren't her pack leader. Pack-leaders don't do that.

She does well with those other people because she sees them as pack-leaders. By how those people act, they give your dog a signal (whether they mean to or not) that they are the pack-leader and she should fall in line...this is where she is more comfortable. I would guess those people have alot of experience with dogs.

I thought all of this was BS fru-fru dog psychology crap until I tried it...and for whatever reason it works. In my opinion more people should think about what makes a dog tick and how we interact with them. Just my 0.02 because you seemed a bit in the weeds here....Good luck!

 

[Misplaced_Canuck]

Gotta keep in mind that I can't pi$$_off the girl by being too alpha with that dog.

I'll take it easy on the first day (it's the first day after all) and try to be more pro-active with that dog.

MC

 

[broadbill]

You certainly need to be alpha with that dog. That's the point. The problem is our idea of "alpha" and a dog's version of "alpha" are too different things.

Our idea of alpha is to be aggressive, to yell, push, take things from others and tell them what to do.

The dog's version of alpha is to be calm but assertive. She is waiting for someone to tell her how to act and what to do. A pack leader tells the pack when they move, when they sleep, when they eat and when they hunt, all without aggressively dominating them.

She is scared because nobody is doing that and it appears that nobody is stepping up to do so. She'll be scared for a little while longer, then she will get off the couch and start doing her own thing. At that point she has decided that she is on her own and that she is the alpha. She will attempt to put others in her pack (you, your children, other dogs)...when a dog misbehaves, this is the source for alot of that behavior.

Again, I think you would really find what Ceasar Milan says about this really helpful.

 

[s2cmpugh]

Don't force yourself on the doggy with treats and stuff. It's up to the dog when SHE wants to come to you.

Greet the doggy in a happy voice everytime you come in the house. Also, if the dog is around you and your GF at the same time, you guys should both hug and be close to each other and happy so the dog will see and feel that.

Just give it time and it's better to have the dog be a little afraid then way too aggressive!

 

[nyer]

I'm on my second dog that was treated the same way before we rescued them. I'm definitely not an expert but we let the dogs decide when they were ready to trust us. When they were ready they would come to us for affection, we never forced it. Our first one would attack at the beginning if you tried to pet her because people abused her so bad. After a short time they learned that we could be trusted and both dogs turned out great. All they want is to be loved and to be treated well. It just takes them time to trust people again. Once they start trusting you they will be the most loyal and grateful dog ever.

 

[E-Mursed]

Be the one that feeds the dog.
Be the one that takes the dog for walks.
Be the one that greets the dog positively.
Have the girl work along side you to interact with the dog together.

You have to initiate pack and pack leader behaviors.
You have to provide the signals and inputs.
Otherwise that dog is going to be confused.

+1 to watching Dog Whisperer and treating the dog as a dog...not a person.

 

[GodsStepBrother]

I got a badly abused dog, he hates men. We have had him for 2 years now and he still gravitates towards girls instead of men. We let him come to use first, when we first got him he would just run to the darkest place in the house. He still does to this date, he is a happy dog now but if someone says something to loud or laughs to hard, he gets really nervous and runs for the darkness.

Thats the bad, the good is that he is a totally different dog. He will greet anybody that comes into our house with an open heart. I think you just need to feed the dog, take him /her our for walks. He will eventually realize your not a dick, and open up. The sad part is the dog will always be somewhat skittish. My dogs loyalty is like no other dog I have had, we can take him everywhere without a leash and he is glued to our hip. He hangs out with me when we brew and just watches me on his bed.

I would say just give this dog love, lots and lots of love. Once he breaks you'll have one of the best dogs you have ever had.

 

[broadbill]

Gotta keep in mind that I can't pi$$_off the girl by being too alpha with that dog.

If you a following what this pack leader mentality is about, you will realize that her feelings don't matter (to her anyway; you've decided they matter to you is all).

Pack animals aren't concerned about feelings, they are concerned about being in a/the pack and that there is a leader.

That is why dogs are great and why we've evolved such an affinity to them over the millenia...once they give themselves over to the pack, its a complete act.

Any "unstable" behavior that a dog exhibits is because there is some disturbance in the pack.

I'll take it easy on the first day (it's the first day after all) and try to be more pro-active with that dog.

MC

That dog doesn't care/remember anything from the last 5 minutes and doesn't care what the next 5 minutes bring. Dogs are creatures that live in the moment, and act as such.

 

[DakotaRules]

I have a rescue that sounds the same. Shes shy towards others but her master. Leaves the dog alone till she's ready to approach you but dont be scared of her or go out of your normal habits. Do what you do and the dog will come always show your hands open to her and don't try to pet if she runs away. Shell warm up but it takes time.

 

[Pumbaa]

all the advise received above is good stuff but NOT for you . . .

The girl I am seeing has a German Shepherd mix that she got from a shelter.

This is all stuff your girlfriend needs to take care of because (and I'm not trying to be a pr!ck) you may be in a more temporary position then her dog

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

all the advise received above is good stuff but NOT for you . . .


This is all stuff your girlfriend needs to take care of because (and I'm not trying to be a pr!ck) you may be in a more temporary position then her dog

THIS!

For a minute I thought I was missing something.

This isn't his dog to master. He is not this dogs "pack leader".

 

[Zamial]

While I agree with Gilla and Pumba on this, I do also understand not wanting to be seen as the "bad guy" in the dogs eyes. I learned a little trick a LOOONG time ago when we had a dog that was abused. Squat down and calmly call the dog over to you with your hand streched out with your palm facing down, fingers togeather. This is a semi-submissive manuver that invites the dog to sniff you (what all dogs love to do). Just let her get some good sniffs in, that is it. Continue this occationally until eventually she will come forward instead of away and place your hand on her head usually. This let's the dog decide if you are a good guy or a bad guy and what you intentions are.

YMMV but I have had overwhelming success doing this even around strange dogs. FYI if a dog is being very vocal this is NOT the right thing to do and opens you up to be overtaken/bit, it does not sound like this is the case here...

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[broadbill]

yep, Gila and Pumba are both correct...if this isn't your dog then you have no need to be pack-leader.

That being said, there is no reason to ingratiate yourself to the dog via Zamial's technique. You ignore the dog as it's not your dog, just like you should do with ALL dogs. Getting in a submissive posture just to pet a dog (which is more for you edification than for the dog's) sends the wrong message to the dog. That being said, if the dog comes to you and is presenting the correct attitude for a dog (calm submissive) then feel free to give attention/affection. If they aren't (too hyper, aggressive, jumping up on you) either ignore or correct. If you are correcting, then you are also assuming a pack-leader status, and should be calm-assertive. Gets tricky in this situation.

 

[Homercidal]

I think the best thing at this point is to show each other affection and petting/stroking (What a great excuse!) so the dog can see it.

When we got new cats they were afraid of the dogs. I called them over and petted them gently and you should have sen the cats suddenly become interested.

Now the cats snuggle up with them and lick their ears. Their attitude change was immediate when they saw the dogs getting petted and being submissive.

Just be nice to him and give him time. Abused dogs can take a while to trust people. Let him come over to you. Maybe bribe him and not pay attention to him. That way he won't feel threatened, yet still want to come closer.

 

[DregAddict]

I have a German Shepherd that I adopted 2 years ago. He was extremely timid at first but given the proper care, routine, and discipline(calm but assertive) he adjusted quickly and is honestly the best dog I've owned.

The previous posts are giving a lot of good advice, but if I could add anything it would be to just act as normal and casual as possible. Don't even pay attention to the dog. She will eventually become more and more comfortable with your presence. It just takes time. Try to accompany your GF when she walks the dog or does other activities that the dog enjoys. But let her take the lead as the pack leader. You'll just be someone who is along for the ride.

One word of warning. Others have suggested that you and your GF act affectionate with each other around the dog. While this is a good idea, be aware that many dogs(German Shepherds especially) are very loyal and protective of their owners. So much so sometimes that normal human behaviors such as hugs, handshakes, and other forms of touching can be misunderstood by the dog as their owner being harmed. Just keep that in mind, and be mindful of the dogs reactions to your behaviors.

 

[Homercidal]

...

One word of warning. Others have suggested that you and your GF act affectionate with each other around the dog. While this is a good idea, be aware that many dogs(German Shepherds especially) are very loyal and protective of their owners. So much so sometimes that normal human behaviors such as hugs, handshakes, and other forms of touching can be misunderstood by the dog as their owner being harmed. Just keep that in mind, and be mindful of the dogs reactions to your behaviors.

Good advice. So tell your girlfriend that SHE should be the one petting and stroking YOU! This way the dog sees the pack leader giving affection instead of the other way around.

It's only what's best for the dog!

 

[Jota21]

All good advice. It's definitely a state-of-mind issue with dogs. Ours came to the shelter by a woman who saw him thrown from a moving vehicle, and was TERRIFIED of men. He couldn't even handle being in the pound, so they put him in a foster home with a single woman, who slowly and patiently exposed him to new people/settings. He was still skiddish when we brough him home, but now he's the best dog in the world

Most important piece of advice: DONT GIVE UP ON HER. What happened to her is not her fault. Just be patient, and keep us posted.

Good luck!

 

[Cromacster]

all the advise received above is good stuff but NOT for you . . .


This is all stuff your girlfriend needs to take care of because (and I'm not trying to be a pr!ck) you may be in a more temporary position then her dog

THIS!

For a minute I thought I was missing something.

This isn't his dog to master. He is not this dogs "pack leader".

yep, Gila and Pumba are both correct...if this isn't your dog then you have no need to be pack-leader.

Wrong, Wrong, Wrong...

Edit: broadbill does correct this statement later in his post

While the girlfriend needs to be the "pack leader", anyone else that is involved in the dogs life (children, significant other, friends) all need to understand and act as a pack leader when it comes to interacting with the dog. All dogs, for that matter.

It does sound like the OP gf needs to do some work with the dog, especially a strong working breed like a german shephard. Exercise and proper training are of utmost importance. Along with introducing the dog to new people constantly (as long as it is safe to do so) and teaching the dog that every person is dominant over it.

For the dog to benefit, all the people that come into contact with it need to know how to act as the "pack leader". Especially someone as close as a boyfriend. you are probably spending a significant amount of time with the dog and should probably participate in all of the exercise and training of the dog. Doesnt matter if its "not your dog"

No dog is above a human and every owner and dog should know that.

 

[Bedlam]

That dog doesn't care/remember anything from the last 5 minutes and doesn't care what the next 5 minutes bring. Dogs are creatures that live in the moment, and act as such.

I'm sorry but this is incorrect. Very, very wrong. Memory runs long in dogs and many other animals. There are many studies about this, including a rather famous one involving learned helplessness (in the context of victims of repeated trauma) which used beagles.

OP, I agree that being calm and assertive is the correct route, but also keep in mind that you are strange, your smell is strange and that you aren't there all the time. It is confusing for the dog. S/he doesn't know where you are in the order of things, hence the confusion that creates anxiety. Might be helpful for you to leave a worn t-shirt or somesuch around your gal's house so that your scent becomes more familiar. It is a start. Continue forward with patience and gentleness. Best of luck and keep us informed!

 

[Jacob_Marley]

They give meds to dogs for things like separation anxiety ... I wonder if they use meds for circumstances like you describe too. Makes sense that they would.
This might remove some of the resistance to getting used to you and allow new patterns to develop in their place.
With humans, a large percentage of people who get drug therapy for depression, go into remission which lasts beyond the immediate course of medication ... gets em over the hump ... allows new wiring, so to speak ... for the dog, some help in removing the emotional barriers to change that the dog is stuck behind might do the same thing.

 

[broadbill]

I'm sorry but this is incorrect. Very, very wrong. Memory runs long in dogs and many other animals. There are many studies about this, including a rather famous one involving learned helplessness (in the context of victims of repeated trauma) which used beagles.

I'm not saying that dogs/other animals do not possess long-term memory potentiation (if they didn't they would not be able to be potty trained for example); what I'm saying that this dog's current state of mind isn't really being influenced by what happened previously nor it is concerned about what is going to happen (was we humans frequently are). I was commenting on the fact that the OP, deciding that the dog was previously abused (something he does not know for sure), has decided that was why the dog was acting the way she was. He is expecting that another dog would be acting much differently in that situation (they probably would not be). The real reason she is acting like that is it is a new situation, there are no pack to take cues from, and she is unsure how to act. A very unstable environment.

OP, I agree that being calm and assertive is the correct route, but also keep in mind that you are strange, your smell is strange and that you aren't there all the time. It is confusing for the dog. S/he doesn't know where you are in the order of things, hence the confusion that creates anxiety. Might be helpful for you to leave a worn t-shirt or somesuch around your gal's house so that your scent becomes more familiar. It is a start. Continue forward with patience and gentleness. Best of luck and keep us informed!

...and I think this scent idea is wrong, wrong, wrong. Dogs will encounter 100-1000s of strange scents every day, how could they possibly function in a world of strange scents if simply smelling them sent them into a cowering position? If you are worried about scent confusion, how do you think the OP putting on the GF's T-shirt will make things more clear??? In addition, its not even clear where the GF is in this situation, or if she has even interacted with this dog yet.

I think people make this much more difficult than it really has to be (yet another feature of our species!).

 

[Cromacster]

I think people make this much more difficult than it really has to be (yet another feature of our species!).

People personify dogs. Dogs cant be coddled. They only see coddling as a form of submission and with an unstable dog it can lead to a dangerous dog.

As a human, at least a caring human, it is a natural reaction to feel sorry for abused animals and some people want to help them. Which is great! But these are the dogs that need the most discipline (and no I don't mean hitting the dog).