How do you quiet that little voice...

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jwalk4

jwalk4

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... that urges you to make major life changes?

Move. Get a new job. Shake things up a bit?

How do you keep an even keel?
 
The little voice in my head just tells me to follow strangers and go through their trash, figure out their daily routines, then - through some fairly simple manipulation - work my way into their social circle and ultimately, their lives.

But no... sounds like you have a real problem.
 
Lol. No. No real problem. I have a good life comparatively speaking. I've worked hard, but I'm sure that I'm not the only one with the urge to just up-root and change everything.

So, I want to know: How do you fight the urge to stay the course?
 
We'll if it's just you, you should do what you want.

If you have responsibilities like a family you should probably talk with someone or buy an expensive car? Whichever is cheaper.
 
Sometimes, those major life changes are beyond our control. My "new normal" as a widower was most definitely NOT at the top of my list of changes to be made. Now that the change has been made for me, I have other changes I must face, and in good time, I will face them.

glenn514:mug:
 
GilaMinumBeer said:
Make up your damn mind. Are we fighting to not make changes or are we fighting to make them? I am confuse.
Click to expand...
Rockn_M said:
We'll if it's just you, you should do what you want.

If you have responsibilities like a family you should probably talk with someone or buy an expensive car? Whichever is cheaper.
Click to expand...

Forgive me. I'm not looking to base 100% of my life direction from the internet, but I am at a point in my life where I have to make tough choices: I'd like to hear some POV.


Ultimately, you're both right. Do I have responsibilities? Sort of. I have 2 dogs and a girlfriend. No kids/ (official) dependents. So I still have some mobility.
 
glenn514 said:
Sometimes, those major life changes are beyond our control. My "new normal" as a widower was most definitely NOT at the top of my list of changes to be made. Now that the change has been made for me, I have other changes I must face, and in good time, I will face them.

glenn514:mug:
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Acknowledged, Sir.

I'm sure you have many life lessons to impart.
 
Nothing wrong with change. It keeps things interesting. If you don't make a few mistakes along the way, you're doing it wrong.

The older you get, the harder it gets, so do it while you can.
 
jwalk4 said:
Forgive me. I'm not looking to base 100% of my life direction from the internet, but I am at a point in my life where I have to make tough choices: I'd like to hear some POV.





Ultimately, you're both right. Do I have responsibilities? Sort of. I have 2 dogs and a girlfriend. No kids/ (official) dependents. So I still have some mobility.
Click to expand...


So do you want a new dog, a new girlfriend, or both? Man, adding a 3rd dog and/or 2nd girlfriend can be tough!
 
jwalk4 said:
Lol. No. No real problem. I have a good life comparatively speaking. I've worked hard, but I'm sure that I'm not the only one with the urge to just up-root and change everything.

So, I want to know: How do you fight the urge to stay the course?
Click to expand...

I think age and maturity settle me down. Oh, sure, I still have fantasies to run away and live on the beach with Eddie Vedder, but generally those are recognized as just that- fantasies. I think wanting a change is maybe why women change their hairstyle or color, or get a tattoo, since they usually are responsible enough to not ditch their jobs and spouses and kids.

It's not that I've "settled" for what I have- I really feel like I'm lucky to do mostly what it is I want to do, with a great relationship. But when I was younger, I wanted to go out there and "change the world" like other 60s kids. I felt more restless and more easily bored with my work and life then, and today I feel like I"m living my life the way I want for the most part.

Some things are totally out of our control (like Glenn being unexpectedly widowed!) so that will definitely change as it comes.

Asking yourself what you want, and why you want it, will help to narrow the decision making to what is really just wishful thinking, and what really could be the path to take. Going back to school, a career change, kids or not, etc- those are all huge decisions! I'm glad I'm way past that stuff.
 
bwarbiany said:
Seriously? They're my impetus to uproot...

...with a disguise, a new social security number, in a city where they can't find me!
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HA!

I adore my wife, cherish every day with my ******* kids, and love my house with it's 15 more years of burden.

Which can only mean I am moments away from divorce, foreclosure, and being disowned.

Any itch, will scratch itself.

Seriously tho', I have decent income, good benefits, and a pension. I've already traveled all of the US I want to see, and have little desire to travel abroad. My kids are healthy and happy. My wife is happy, most of the time. The rest, no-one understands why, not even her.

But otherwise we have a large, affordable house with few maintenance issues. And live in a relatively safe hospitable community.

I worked my ass to the bone to get where we are today and by god I am fvcking loving every day of it.
 
jwalk4 said:
... that urges you to make major life changes?

Move. Get a new job. Shake things up a bit?

How do you keep an even keel?
Click to expand...

Ask yourself if it's worth the time, effort & money. Moving sucks & costs money. New job might be worth it if it pays more money and/or would make you happier. "Shake things up a bit"? To me this means something like "get out of the same old rut." Take a trip, go see a movie, try a new hobby; no need to make life-altering changes for that. That being said, it's YOUR life, you've got to live it the way YOU want to.
Regards, GF.
 
I embrace that voice. Of course, my voice has never tried to persuade me to do dumb things like leave my wife or abandon my kids. But start a business? Why not? Move to a different state? Can be great. Learn a new job skill or hobby? All for it.

EDIT: but I guess knowing your age and family (wife/kids) situation is helpful to answer. When I was under 30 and had no wife or kids, I had this "itch". I just send out resumes to a strange city I had visited twice in my life, in a different state...when I got a job, I packed up and left. Easy to do, really. Now, if that voice tells me to leave the state, I have to tell it "not until kids are out of school".
 
No kids/marriage? Do it! Get out there and see the world! Maybe your girlfriend can go with you. If not, then maybe she'll be there when you get back. Maybe not. Someone will.

I think the key is just to start looking for opportunities in far-away places. Just make sure that those opportunities have a high ceiling - you don't want to uproot your life for a dead-end job. If you find the right opportunity, you'll know it.

If you have the itch to take on a new profession entirely, start with taking courses somewhere part time to get you on that path.

Or new hobbies. That's what I do since I don't have your freedom.
 
Ridire said:
But start a business? Why not? Move to a different state? Can be great. Learn a new job skill or hobby? All for it.
Click to expand...

I think the other side of this coin, for me, is that I have done these things and the voice doesn't have a whole lot to say anymore outside of "she looks fun" or "you should eat that" or "you should have another".

Easy enough to ignore that ******* tho'.
 
Try to think things out a few steps ahead.

If I decide to drop everything and travel the world for a year, is life as usual going to be waiting for me when I get back? Do I even care?

If I change careers and move across the country...then what? Is the new job worthwhile in the long run, or just a whim brought on by feeling burnt out?

Although, I have to say that where I am currently in life, I'm fairly content with the big things. Most of my time is spent telling the voice in my head "no, I can't punch this person in the throat, because prison."
 
Grow a beard. No s**t, ever since I did that, all the younglings in my department treat me like I'm Mr. Guru, the Fountain of Wisdom. It's truly mindblowing.

(And if you have a beard already, lay off the Just For Men. The "wiseman" thing only works if it's at least partly gray.)
 
What worked for me was the recognizing the difference between happiness and contentment. I could work my ass off to buy a new fancy car, and be totally stoked that I have it...for about six months. Then it would just be my regular car. But the piece of junk car that I had when I joined the service in '02 was fairly easy to maintain. Even after a decade it was still Drew's Army car, with a lot of miles between family and base. After putting 200k miles on it, I sold it after it got smashed in the parking lot by a plow truck a couple years back. No other vehicle will make me content, but I still want one... Want is the most dangerous thing in life, it creates all manner of greed and anger. It's important to differentiate if fulfilling that desire will make you happy (short-lived) or content (life-long).

I think that fills my old man rant quota for 2016, but I'll add that contentment is usually cheaper and easier to come by.
 
A lot of good advice above, I agree with all of it. :)
Seriously, don't hold back from trying things you like. But before starting, ask yourself if they will land you in jail, hospital, morgue or civil court. The question about happiness and contentment is very valid. There is also lifespan to consider: I sailed my boat to Florida last year, I'm going to do more cruising this year. I've wanted to do it all my life, my wife kept saying "next year". So I sailed without her (I did come back). I couldn't let myself grow too old to start (I'm in my mid fifties). We all make choices, we all end up with some regrets. The things I regret most are the times I did wrong, and hurt people. Job changes, cars or boats, travel, not so much. Sure, I could have done better, hindsight is 20-20. But I'm doing fine now. A small house, an old boat, a good wife. Did I mention sailing to Florida?
:)
 
How's she goin' eh? Here's what you need to do eh, go to Timmy's, have a few Timbits, go home drink a few Blues, watch some hockey, everything will be better real soon.
 
PGEduardo said:
I think the key is just to start looking for opportunities in far-away places. Just make sure that those opportunities have a high ceiling - you don't want to uproot your life for a dead-end job. If you find the right opportunity, you'll know it.
Click to expand...
Doesn't even need a high ceiling. In my 20's I answered an ad in the Oregonian. 2 weeks later I was living in Northern Thailand. Stayed there for almost a year. The pay was crap, but I lived really comfortably on it. 15 years later, I would do it again in a heartbeat.
 
I buy Power Ball tickets. When that doesn't pay out, I tell the voice "See! I told you that wouldn't work!", until the next time...
 
I know people who had their life planned out by the time they were 10. They knew what they wanted to do, where they wanted to go to school, where they wanted to work, how many kids they wanted, etc... They had every decision made in advance, and followed it like it was a road map. That totally freaks me out. :eek:

I've traveled, gone back to school, changed my profession, and worked a lot of crappy jobs. I've done pretty well, and I really think my life experience has helped me get to where I am. It's made me unafraid of taking on any challenge, and it's given me a lot of experiences to draw from when I encounter a problem.

You only live once. You may as well make it a little interesting. :D
 

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