Calichusetts
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Having a baby is a lot like turning 21: You gonna have a lot of experiences you've never had before but you suddenly find life is a lot more expensive
Gonna have a baby, is my life over
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No kids myself, but your life IS going to change. Your life changed some when you got married didn't it? You could make time to do all that you listed but you will not be able to do them whenever you want. You will have to make plans. You will probably want to spend time with the child through his/her life, so you might not even want to spend as much time doing your other hobbies as you have so far.
Psylocide
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steveoatley
someone has to fail, so the rest of you look good
OP
Mine is 8.5 now....he likes to tell me that
I know that I will only get another 4 or 5 years - before he wants nothing to do with me - i was the same as a teen.... i can only expect the same from my own flesh & blood.
So.. You will WANT to spend every minute you can with your child.
I want to - and i try to spend as much time as i can.....because soon he'll be more interested in his friends, and then girls, and then Cars...
then i'll only see him at breakfast & dinner......and when he asks for money ( sound familiar? )
Save your hobbies for when you retire, they are just hobbies, right......?
And you can sleep when you're dead.
2 more cents
Steve
Mine is 8.5 now....he likes to tell me that
I know that I will only get another 4 or 5 years - before he wants nothing to do with me - i was the same as a teen.... i can only expect the same from my own flesh & blood.
So.. You will WANT to spend every minute you can with your child.
I want to - and i try to spend as much time as i can.....because soon he'll be more interested in his friends, and then girls, and then Cars...
then i'll only see him at breakfast & dinner......and when he asks for money ( sound familiar? )
Save your hobbies for when you retire, they are just hobbies, right......?
And you can sleep when you're dead.
2 more cents
Steve
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I have an 9 year old, and a 7 year old. Both boys.
(1) My life began
(2) Possible, but over rated. chances are you'll be so busy being a good father, and husband it won't matter.
(3) Up to you, but they come back when the kids are old enough to be in them too.
(4) Hobbies come and go. You'll find several that coincide with the kid.
(5) that depends on her and how useful you are. My sex life got better after kids. Just saying.
(6) If you want to. Most likely their lifestyle won't jive and you won't care.
(7) Sure. Even drink it sometimes.
(8) Sure, if you want to listen to her about what you left her to do on her own while you were gone most of the day/all day.
(9) It's not.
(10) It will.
(11) Up to you.
I always remember going into the office of a young colleague to return a book to find him surrounded by a group of other young fellows one of whom was asking "When do they come home?" from which I deduced he had just sired his first. When he answered "Tomorrow" the other fellow responded with "I want you to go home and get the last full night's sleep of your life." Such wisdom from a young man!
Here's a few things I did AFTER having kids (3 daughters).
Bought a vintage sports car
Acquired a room full of fine archtop guitars
Recorded and released a couple of CD albums
Started cycling and completed a Century ride
Started running and finished a marathon
Learned to brew beer
And that includes none of the special things I've done with my kids, or the pride gained from watching their accomplishments.
As long as YOU are alive, life's just beginning.
this. the children simply get folded into the mix of what you do. yeah, it isn't exactly the same as before but it also isn't like you need to become a completely new person (unless you want to). i've finished two basements, built a bathroom, built an outdoor sauna, extensive business travel, etc. all with kids. mine are 8 and 9 now plus a new little guy that isn't even six months. hell, even with all that i've been working on my basement brewery build for the last eight months. you just fold them into the mix...
theseeker4
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It isn't quite that bad, but it is a huge change in your life. 100km bike rides are probably going to have to be reduced, but sex, hanging out, watching sports, brewing, etc. are all still there, they will just be less frequent (at least some of them will be). Some people definitely go to the extreme and make it so they are only living for baby, and nothing else has any time or room, but it doesn't have to be that way. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship both with your spouse and your child, it SHOULDN'T be that way.
It does depend a LOT on your wife, of course. If she tries to make everything about baby, and no time for anything else, you will have a bad time unless you can convince her she doesn't have to do that to be a good mom. Talking early and often about how things will be is the best way to avoid conflicts as your lives change. Make sure to schedule time for just one another. If family is close and trusted to babysit, that is perfect. Even if no one is nearby, it is worth finding a reliable and trustworthy babysitter, because nothing will make the walls close in faster than NEVER having time for just the two of you.
Especially early on, babies are easy. Yes, they can be very demanding at times, especially with the crying, never sleeping longer than an hour or so, etc. But if you work early on getting the baby on a schedule for feeds and naps, you will have quite a bit of downtime during which you can do other things. You won't be as free as you are now, obviously, to go watch a movie on a whim, or stay out at a bar or show late without a lot of planning for who will watch the baby, but those things don't have to be eliminated entirely.
To put things in perspective, my wife gave birth to our son when I was working a 9-5 job, and our lives changed. Lots of the things we took for granted were reduced. However, I am right now finishing up medical school, which I started when our son was 1.5 years old, and even with that demanding schedule, I still have had time to spend with my wife, to pursue hobbies, etc.
Don't freak out, your life is not over, not even your social life is over, it is just changing. One last word of warning, don't be surprised if your single and childless friends seem to disappear. Suddenly, you will have a lot less in common with these friends than you used to, or at least you do in their minds if not yours as well, and that can definitely affect how willing they are to hang out. Even if that isn't a factor, simply having a lot less free time available can cause some friends to retreat a bit, so don't be shocked if you suddenly have a hard time getting some of your friends to hang out. Free beer is always a good motivator
Good luck, and again, talk to your wife, even if you don't think there is anything to talk about yet. Best to start these conversations when you aren't both running on 3 hours of sleep a night and mutually frustrated over how difficult and different it all seems at first.
LandoLincoln
Well-Known Member
Well, to be fair, it is a pretty inane question that's been asked a million times. The question you need to answer is, "what type of dad are you going to be?"
A really crappy dad that values his own hobbies and desires over that of his family? Your life won't change that much, other than the child support payments.
A really good dad that values the upbringing of his child over his own desires? Yes, your life will change a lot, mostly for the better. You won't get to do many 100k bike rides, but you won't really miss them that much. But it's easy to get burned out, hanging out with a small dictator that demands constant attention and care. You're going to have to figure out the proper balance between fatherhood and personhood. Just like every other dad has had to figure out for themselves.
I don't know... really? that basket of puppies sounds awesome! I've got two kids, trade you one for the puppies.
this. the children simply get folded into the mix of what you do. yeah, it isn't exactly the same as before but it also isn't like you need to become a completely new person (unless you want to). i've finished two basements, built a bathroom, built an outdoor sauna, extensive business travel, etc. all with kids. mine are 8 and 9 now plus a new little guy that isn't even six months. hell, even with all that i've been working on my basement brewery build for the last eight months. you just fold them into the mix...
That little tike looks like hes in the splash zone
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Better to not let him be the boil over alarm.
Yes, you are lucky in that regard. One of the hardest things when parenting is arranging child care under any and all circumstances, and if your parents are willing, you have a lot of that done.
Will things change? Of course they will--but that's part of growing, of moving through your own cycle of life.
Having parents nearby means, among other things, they may take the little one on a Saturday or Sunday and guess what? You can brew!
My own take on this is that you might look at it as akin to a hobby. Lots of people want to have kids, but they DON'T want to be parents. You need to be a parent, which means being engaged, and not simply turning your kid over to others to raise, like the schools or whatever.
It's an adventure. Don't let anyone tell you it's not--and enjoy it as such.
Congratulations!
sorefingers23
Well-Known Member
Another thing I'm really happy about is my brother is gonna have His first baby a month before me, and we're very close so at least I will have someone who's going through the same thing at the same time
1977Brewer
Free Dan Hess.
These 2 cousins are going to be best friends or mortal enemies.
Aside from that, congrats! Your life is going to change, for sure. You'll love the kid so much it won't even bother you.
You've got seven months for "the old you" to finish living. After that, "the new you" will be born at the same time as your baby. A year from now, you'll hardly remember what life was like as "the old you." You'll barely have the time to remember. My life was completely disrupted for about 10 years. But having kids was and will probably be the best thing I will accomplish in this life. It's important to get the right, positive mental mindset, because there is no going back. Congratulations!
Edit: oh, and as a father of a 10- and 12-year-old, I'll add: parenting is very difficult, but also very rewarding.
Edit: oh, and as a father of a 10- and 12-year-old, I'll add: parenting is very difficult, but also very rewarding.
Life as you know it is over.
Not as you know it.
Hope you like cartoons.
Not until she wants another one...
Only friends with kids.
Tough one... but can be done with proper wife management.
Cars are much more efficient to traverse great distances.
Overall it's a positive experience.
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My youngest daughter will be heading off to college in August and my wife and I will be empty nesters. I'll always be their dad but it is going to be different and difficult not seeing either of my kids for weeks or even months at a time.
So my advice is to try to enjoy every minute of fatherhood you can as I can't believe how fast the time has passed.
I started brewing in 1991 while in grad school and my first was born in 1993 and second in 1997 but I kept brewing right until I took a break around 2007. My girls have never shown the slightest interest in my brewing but they never got in the way of it either.
So my advice is to try to enjoy every minute of fatherhood you can as I can't believe how fast the time has passed.
I started brewing in 1991 while in grad school and my first was born in 1993 and second in 1997 but I kept brewing right until I took a break around 2007. My girls have never shown the slightest interest in my brewing but they never got in the way of it either.
Late to the thread, but father of two girls, both now married, and I still see them and there husbands all the time. Scanned all the responses and did not really see anything like this.
When you are confronted with the absolute awesomeness and wonder the day your child is born, it won't matter to you what it does to your life. There honestly is nothing cooler than the birth(s) of your children. You will instantly know that your life is more about them and you won't care because you will want it that way!
Will it change your life. Absolutely! Like everybody said, it will. But because YOU will change your priorities! You don't have to give up anything you love and should not. But trust me, you will love them more! Grats man. My babies are the best thing that has ever happened to me!
When you are confronted with the absolute awesomeness and wonder the day your child is born, it won't matter to you what it does to your life. There honestly is nothing cooler than the birth(s) of your children. You will instantly know that your life is more about them and you won't care because you will want it that way!
Will it change your life. Absolutely! Like everybody said, it will. But because YOU will change your priorities! You don't have to give up anything you love and should not. But trust me, you will love them more! Grats man. My babies are the best thing that has ever happened to me!
Quoted for truth.
Pretty much me in every way. The friend I hang out the most with is my cousin, and it's when we are able to brew together. He also has two kids. For me, the changes didn't really start happening until my oldest was walking and running. That's when things like the "no sex" starting getting less frequent. So, you still have a couple of good years even after Jr gets here. Better buy up what you need now though.
I will say this. Nothing will ever EVER compare to the first time you lay your eyes on him/her. My oldest will turn seven in June, but I still remember vividly the very day he was born, seeing his little arms and legs flaying as he entered the world. It's a pretty powerful emotion and probably the best moment of my life since being a dad (my second boy's birth was just as emotional, he's three). Father's Day has become one of my favorite days to look forward to every year now.
On a side note, the sex part got better after we discovered she was pregnant up until delivery. I mean, what's the point in using protection, she's already pregnant, right? Talk about total freedom and holy cow did her boobs get huge!
Congrats on the new addition!
moreb33rplz
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How many of your wives raise the kid 80% of the time?
Singletrack
Because it's judgement that defeats us.
They have a pretty good idea what causes that (kids) these days.
Most people come from a long line of families who had kid(s), so its no surprise that people, in general, think that kids are great.
Most people come from a long line of families who had kid(s), so its no surprise that people, in general, think that kids are great.
madscientist451
Well-Known Member
My Qualifications: 3 kids, now 22,19 and 18.
Get used to it, your life like it was before children is over.
If you don't want that to happen you are a self centered jerk.
Sorry, but that's the way I see it. I see some parents that want to carry on like the kids aren't all that important. They're only young once, soon enough they'll be out of the house, probably moving out of state and you probably won't see them very much. So then you can resume the 100km bike rides and hanging out with friends. But while they're small, go bike riding with them, hang out with them, show them how to make beer and other things you do. Teach your children well.
V-Fib
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Well Sore your life is definitely going to change. I had the best thing that ever happened to me 2 years ago. My way to expensive mountain bike has only towed my daughter around in the past 2 years. My road bike... last I checked the tires were flat from just sitting there and covered in dust. I still see all my friends and we still drink beer together but not till the sun comes up since all but one is married with kids now. I've seen Happy Feet 1 and 2, The Good Dinosaur, How To Train Your Dragon 1000 times each. I can't tell you the last time I watched a full hockey, football or baseball game. Granted in the 2 years I've had my daughter I've also bought a house, fixed it up, completed college and have a full-time year round job and a full-time seasonal job on top of that but I wouldn't change anything. My daughter has opened up a entire new side of me and has made me experience emotions I never thought I a male could have. Good luck, congratulations and enjoy the ride
You will have a new best friend that you love beyond anything you've ever imagined. I also liked what dcbarisax1 said..
BlkWater_brewer
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What they said about free time - gone. Expensive toys are probably a thing of the past as well. Got rid of my motorcycle and Porsche as well. Never regretted it for a minute, and you won't either. My two girls are grown and gone, still close though. As for free time.... I have a ground floor apartment converted to my brewery and still don't have any time. Of course that is because I now do grand-daddy day care for the past 5 years for my 5 year old Isabel and now her 9 month old brother. Love every minute.
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Congrats man!! Becoming a dad is the greatest thing I've ever done. Period. We do everything together - he's only ten but he helps me brew, we work on the hot rod, go fishing...you name it. God, I love that little dude. Enjoy every second, it'll be over before you know it.
Just saw this post. All I can say is I have 3 sons, all in their twenties now. Getting married and having my children is the best thing that has happened to me. I am married 30 years and my wife and I had our children when we were young. We had our first son when we were 24 yrs old. We wanted to be the best parents we could be. I love being a father. It was great having them young as I was young enough and had the energy to do stuff with them all the time. Taking them fishing, playing football, hockey, baseball with them, coaching their sports, hanging out with them on the weekends, going to church and everywhere on vacation with them, supporting their interests and hobbies. My kids are my life and I have raised three incredible, solid young men, and that is what is most important to me. In fact one has been married for five years and one is getting married in November. Your life will change and it will not be your own any more so to speak. But that is not bad. You will still have time for you and some hobbies. You will work out a balance to it all. Some guys are selfish though and only think about themselves and they feel the kids are in the way, and cramping their style. It sounds like you want to be a good father and you will be if you make that a priority. Kids are a blessing. Congrats, your a very lucky man!
John
John
wallybangbang
Well-Known Member
Best thing I ever did was have two awesome little boys! Life will change but for the better.
FYI of the hobbies I had to give up brewing was not one of them. Brewing at least keeps me at the house-which SWMBO approves of. Hope it is the same for you. Congrats!
FYI of the hobbies I had to give up brewing was not one of them. Brewing at least keeps me at the house-which SWMBO approves of. Hope it is the same for you. Congrats!
Me: 1/3.
My wife: 2/3 plus 1/3 with me messing everything up. Lol!
I'd trade places with her in a heartbeat. I've missed most of the "milestones" with both my children in their early years. Unfortunately, a steady income is a necessary burden for a solid family. I did see my second child crawl for the first time though. I didn't stop smiling for at least a week. That was the greatest day of my life up to that point.
She won't trade places though. She says two little bosses is better than one big boss. I tend to agree...
Congrats! Will life change? Of course it will and you and your wife will transition some things will go great others may take more time, but you'll work it out. You wife will appreciate the help you give her with the baby and with some house work. The reward? She just might have some energy for you sex isn't over, time for hobbies isn't over... You are a brewer, you know how to have patience. Fatherhood, make it great.
sex isn't over, time for hobbies isn't over... You are a brewer, you know how to have patience. Fatherhood, make it great.
steveoatley
someone has to fail, so the rest of you look good
I was a stay at home dad for first 2 1/2 years of my sons life.
I was only working part time up until he was 4
So I have only been working Full time from 4 to 8
My wife and I are 100% parents - 100% of the time
there is no 50/50 crap - you are either all in or your not !
If you put in the time to be a parent - early - teach them right from wrong
then you shouldn't have to worry about those teen age years.....
what they are doing over at so and so's house - when the are no parents home.
we have only 1 kid - so we have to get it right the first time !
2 more cents - now you have 6 - that and 4,50 will get you a coffee
Steve
If your brother lives close by, that will be awesome! Especially if your wives are friends. My former BIL and his wife had two kids while we had our three. We hung out together a lot, with the kids and sometimes we'd get a grandparent to babysit them all so we could go out.
My kids all love their three uncles, they're kind of like a more fun Dad.
I agree with most of what has been said. I have 4, including one with special needs. Wouldn't change a thing!
As an aside. I was training for the MS 150 some years back while pulling my son in a trailer. When it came time for the ride, without the 35 pound sail on the back I absolutely FLEW. Never before did 70+ miles feel so easy.
As an aside. I was training for the MS 150 some years back while pulling my son in a trailer. When it came time for the ride, without the 35 pound sail on the back I absolutely FLEW. Never before did 70+ miles feel so easy.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
"I don't know when. But we'll get together then, Dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
"I don't know when. But we'll get together then, Dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."
I have a 3 year old son and another baby due in October. Yes everything will change, I rarely hang out with my single friends anymore and most of my free time is spent at home, and when I want to go out (rarely), I have to make arrangements for someone to baby sit. My son is 3 and I still don't get enough sleep, but I'm lucky that my parents want to watch him once a week which I use as my brew day.
Looking back after 3 years, I wouldn't change a thing. My kiddo is easily the best thing that's every happened to me. Nothing can beat coming home after a crappy day at work and be greeted by a little one that acts your arrival is the greatest thing in the world.
Looking back after 3 years, I wouldn't change a thing. My kiddo is easily the best thing that's every happened to me. Nothing can beat coming home after a crappy day at work and be greeted by a little one that acts your arrival is the greatest thing in the world.
NickTheGreat
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We're almost through our first year with our little girl. She's great, being a father is great, all that jazz.
Honestly though, at least for the first year you won't have time for mountain biking. Or brewing or sports. Or not nearly as much. Hell, I barely have time to mow the yard! But you won't care, because it's so much fun!
But we're odd in that we don't have any family within a few hours drive. So Grandparents come down for weekends here and there, but we can't just drop little one off for a few hours on a weekend. And I don't want to be the guy who leaves in the evening and makes my wife clean all the bottles, and dishes and cooking and . . .
People told us it gets easier after 3 months, and they were right!
Honestly though, at least for the first year you won't have time for mountain biking. Or brewing or sports. Or not nearly as much. Hell, I barely have time to mow the yard! But you won't care, because it's so much fun!
But we're odd in that we don't have any family within a few hours drive. So Grandparents come down for weekends here and there, but we can't just drop little one off for a few hours on a weekend. And I don't want to be the guy who leaves in the evening and makes my wife clean all the bottles, and dishes and cooking and . . .
People told us it gets easier after 3 months, and they were right!
LandoLincoln
Well-Known Member
Six of them. The other three don't have any kids of their own.
