Gonna have a baby, is my life over

[EcuPirate07]

You watch yourself man, or Psy's trained army of cardboard tube and/or broom wielding ninjas are coming for you. BTW the guy's had infinitely more experience as a father than you

The OP obviously understands his life choice is a game changer and that He is an outsider looking in just asking for advice on what to expect. Basically saying you should have pulled out isn't helpful. No one is ever truly ready for a baby. Your defense of his answer is dumb.

 

[Psylocide]

The OP obviously understands his life choice is a game changer and that He is an outsider looking in just asking for advice on what to expect. Basically saying you should have pulled out isn't helpful. No one is ever truly ready for a baby. Your defense of his answer is dumb.

Lol, wut? Sure, I was being a tad facetious, but didn't say anything like that.

 

[Cincybeer]

Like many have said your life will change, you will have less time for your interested but you will still get to do them.. The positives kids bring to your life far outweighs the loss of free time, etc.
Congratulations and enjoy every min. They grow up much faster than you think!

 

[EcuPirate07]

Lol, wut? Sure, I was being a tad facetious, but didn't say anything like that.

Lol my perception I guess.

 

[McKnuckle]

Here's a few things I did AFTER having kids (3 daughters).

Bought a vintage sports car
Acquired a room full of fine archtop guitars
Recorded and released a couple of CD albums
Started cycling and completed a Century ride
Started running and finished a marathon
Learned to brew beer

And that includes none of the special things I've done with my kids, or the pride gained from watching their accomplishments.

As long as YOU are alive, life's just beginning.

 

[hunter_le five]

@psylocide
I didn't ask for any stupid answers. I asked for experience from other people of what it's like having a kid for the first time

lulz

 

[UndeadFred]

Ah, it's okay. Unless you wanted to be a world traveller it is good for you, really.

One is super easy. At two you are outnumbered, they by definition are faster than you are.

I have four. I did it the hard way. I adopted all of mine internationally. All are different, and that is the case even with biological children.

You will be fine. Human beings don't have many natural instincts left, but being able to raise children is one. As long as you are not already a nasty person all will be well.

 

[sorefingers23]

It's really great to see that so many of you are saying how great it is to have a child, and that not only have you kept your social lives and hobbies, many of you have taken on new pass times. I'm sure I'm just freaking out over nothing it's still not really real for me, I'm sure it won't really hit me til I see the baby.

 

[kombat]

I really want to add to this thread, but I'm having a hard time coming up with something that won't earn me a warning from a moderator.

I'm a married, 40-year old male with no kids (very much by choice).

Yes, your life will change. Some of those changes will be for the better. Some will be for the worse. For the first year, the worse will far outweigh the better, at least in my opinion watching numerous friends and relatives going through having their first child. Few of them will admit regretting the decision to have their kid(s), so it's likely that in the long run, you'll be happy with the path your life has taken.

On everything else, I'll defer to the advice offered by actual parents here. But I'm just very, very glad I'm not one of them. Sounds pretty miserable, but what do I know.

 

[evchenko]

I find that I appreciate things more now that they are not in abundance.

 

[Calichusetts]

Having a baby is a lot like turning 21: You gonna have a lot of experiences you've never had before but you suddenly find life is a lot more expensive

 

[kh54s10]

No kids myself, but your life IS going to change. Your life changed some when you got married didn't it? You could make time to do all that you listed but you will not be able to do them whenever you want. You will have to make plans. You will probably want to spend time with the child through his/her life, so you might not even want to spend as much time doing your other hobbies as you have so far.

 

[Psylocide]

but what do I know.

Yep.

 

[steveoatley]

OP

Mine is 8.5 now....he likes to tell me that

I know that I will only get another 4 or 5 years - before he wants nothing to do with me - i was the same as a teen.... i can only expect the same from my own flesh & blood.

So.. You will WANT to spend every minute you can with your child.

I want to - and i try to spend as much time as i can.....because soon he'll be more interested in his friends, and then girls, and then Cars...
then i'll only see him at breakfast & dinner......and when he asks for money ( sound familiar? )

Save your hobbies for when you retire, they are just hobbies, right......?

And you can sleep when you're dead.

2 more cents

Steve

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

(1)... is people telling me my life is over, (2) no more social life, (3) no more sports, (4) no more hobbies, (5) no more sex... (6) Will I be able to hang out with friends, (7) make beer, (8) go on 100km bike bike rides? (9) I'm sure It can't be that bad, (10) I expect it to change my life completely, (11) but I'd it to the point that I'm only living for the baby? I'm just curious as to other people experience when they had newborns/young children.

I have an 9 year old, and a 7 year old. Both boys.

(1) My life began
(2) Possible, but over rated. chances are you'll be so busy being a good father, and husband it won't matter.
(3) Up to you, but they come back when the kids are old enough to be in them too.
(4) Hobbies come and go. You'll find several that coincide with the kid.
(5) that depends on her and how useful you are. My sex life got better after kids. Just saying.
(6) If you want to. Most likely their lifestyle won't jive and you won't care.
(7) Sure. Even drink it sometimes.
(8) Sure, if you want to listen to her about what you left her to do on her own while you were gone most of the day/all day.
(9) It's not.
(10) It will.
(11) Up to you.

 

[ajdelange]

I always remember going into the office of a young colleague to return a book to find him surrounded by a group of other young fellows one of whom was asking "When do they come home?" from which I deduced he had just sired his first. When he answered "Tomorrow" the other fellow responded with "I want you to go home and get the last full night's sleep of your life." Such wisdom from a young man!

 

[itsnotrequired]

Here's a few things I did AFTER having kids (3 daughters).

Bought a vintage sports car
Acquired a room full of fine archtop guitars
Recorded and released a couple of CD albums
Started cycling and completed a Century ride
Started running and finished a marathon
Learned to brew beer

And that includes none of the special things I've done with my kids, or the pride gained from watching their accomplishments.

As long as YOU are alive, life's just beginning.

this. the children simply get folded into the mix of what you do. yeah, it isn't exactly the same as before but it also isn't like you need to become a completely new person (unless you want to). i've finished two basements, built a bathroom, built an outdoor sauna, extensive business travel, etc. all with kids. mine are 8 and 9 now plus a new little guy that isn't even six months. hell, even with all that i've been working on my basement brewery build for the last eight months. you just fold them into the mix...

 

[theseeker4]

So I found out I'm gonna be a dad for the first time, the baby is coming in November. I really excited and really happy, but at the time I'm freaking out, all I hear and read is people telling me my life is over, no more social life, no more sports, no more hobbies, no more sex... Will I be able to hang out with friends, make beer, go on 100km bike bike rides? I'm sure It can't be that bad, I expect it to change my life completely, but I'd it to the point that I'm only living for the baby? I'm just curious as to other people experience when they had newborns/young children.

It isn't quite that bad, but it is a huge change in your life. 100km bike rides are probably going to have to be reduced, but sex, hanging out, watching sports, brewing, etc. are all still there, they will just be less frequent (at least some of them will be). Some people definitely go to the extreme and make it so they are only living for baby, and nothing else has any time or room, but it doesn't have to be that way. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship both with your spouse and your child, it SHOULDN'T be that way.

It does depend a LOT on your wife, of course. If she tries to make everything about baby, and no time for anything else, you will have a bad time unless you can convince her she doesn't have to do that to be a good mom. Talking early and often about how things will be is the best way to avoid conflicts as your lives change. Make sure to schedule time for just one another. If family is close and trusted to babysit, that is perfect. Even if no one is nearby, it is worth finding a reliable and trustworthy babysitter, because nothing will make the walls close in faster than NEVER having time for just the two of you.

Especially early on, babies are easy. Yes, they can be very demanding at times, especially with the crying, never sleeping longer than an hour or so, etc. But if you work early on getting the baby on a schedule for feeds and naps, you will have quite a bit of downtime during which you can do other things. You won't be as free as you are now, obviously, to go watch a movie on a whim, or stay out at a bar or show late without a lot of planning for who will watch the baby, but those things don't have to be eliminated entirely.

To put things in perspective, my wife gave birth to our son when I was working a 9-5 job, and our lives changed. Lots of the things we took for granted were reduced. However, I am right now finishing up medical school, which I started when our son was 1.5 years old, and even with that demanding schedule, I still have had time to spend with my wife, to pursue hobbies, etc.

Don't freak out, your life is not over, not even your social life is over, it is just changing. One last word of warning, don't be surprised if your single and childless friends seem to disappear. Suddenly, you will have a lot less in common with these friends than you used to, or at least you do in their minds if not yours as well, and that can definitely affect how willing they are to hang out. Even if that isn't a factor, simply having a lot less free time available can cause some friends to retreat a bit, so don't be shocked if you suddenly have a hard time getting some of your friends to hang out. Free beer is always a good motivator

Good luck, and again, talk to your wife, even if you don't think there is anything to talk about yet. Best to start these conversations when you aren't both running on 3 hours of sleep a night and mutually frustrated over how difficult and different it all seems at first.

 

[LandoLincoln]

@psylocide
I didn't ask for any stupid answers. I asked for experience from other people of what it's like having a kid for the first time

Well, to be fair, it is a pretty inane question that's been asked a million times. The question you need to answer is, "what type of dad are you going to be?"

A really crappy dad that values his own hobbies and desires over that of his family? Your life won't change that much, other than the child support payments.

A really good dad that values the upbringing of his child over his own desires? Yes, your life will change a lot, mostly for the better. You won't get to do many 100k bike rides, but you won't really miss them that much. But it's easy to get burned out, hanging out with a small dictator that demands constant attention and care. You're going to have to figure out the proper balance between fatherhood and personhood. Just like every other dad has had to figure out for themselves.

 

[phug]

"Not even a billion dollars and a basket of puppies that never get bigger."

I don't know... really? that basket of puppies sounds awesome! I've got two kids, trade you one for the puppies.

 

[m00ps]

this. the children simply get folded into the mix of what you do. yeah, it isn't exactly the same as before but it also isn't like you need to become a completely new person (unless you want to). i've finished two basements, built a bathroom, built an outdoor sauna, extensive business travel, etc. all with kids. mine are 8 and 9 now plus a new little guy that isn't even six months. hell, even with all that i've been working on my basement brewery build for the last eight months. you just fold them into the mix...

That little tike looks like hes in the splash zone

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

That little tike looks like hes in the splash zone

Better to not let him be the boil over alarm.

 

[itsnotrequired]

That little tike looks like hes in the splash zone

just running some leak tests with cold water

 

[mongoose33]

I should also add that I'm very lucky in the sense that both of our parents are less than 10min car ride away

Yes, you are lucky in that regard. One of the hardest things when parenting is arranging child care under any and all circumstances, and if your parents are willing, you have a lot of that done.

Will things change? Of course they will--but that's part of growing, of moving through your own cycle of life.

Having parents nearby means, among other things, they may take the little one on a Saturday or Sunday and guess what? You can brew!

My own take on this is that you might look at it as akin to a hobby. Lots of people want to have kids, but they DON'T want to be parents. You need to be a parent, which means being engaged, and not simply turning your kid over to others to raise, like the schools or whatever.

It's an adventure. Don't let anyone tell you it's not--and enjoy it as such.

Congratulations!

 

[sorefingers23]

Another thing I'm really happy about is my brother is gonna have His first baby a month before me, and we're very close so at least I will have someone who's going through the same thing at the same time

 

[1977Brewer]

Another thing I'm really happy about is my brother is gonna have His first baby a month before me, and we're very close so at least I will have someone who's going through the same thing at the same time

These 2 cousins are going to be best friends or mortal enemies.

Aside from that, congrats! Your life is going to change, for sure. You'll love the kid so much it won't even bother you.

 

[gspot]

You've got seven months for "the old you" to finish living. After that, "the new you" will be born at the same time as your baby. A year from now, you'll hardly remember what life was like as "the old you." You'll barely have the time to remember. My life was completely disrupted for about 10 years. But having kids was and will probably be the best thing I will accomplish in this life. It's important to get the right, positive mental mindset, because there is no going back. Congratulations!

Edit: oh, and as a father of a 10- and 12-year-old, I'll add: parenting is very difficult, but also very rewarding.

 

[schematix]

my life is over

Life as you know it is over.

no more social life

Not as you know it.

no more sports

Hope you like cartoons.

no more sex...

Not until she wants another one...

hang out with friends

Only friends with kids.

make beer

Tough one... but can be done with proper wife management.

go on 100km bike bike rides?

Cars are much more efficient to traverse great distances.

Overall it's a positive experience.

 

[beernutz]

My youngest daughter will be heading off to college in August and my wife and I will be empty nesters. I'll always be their dad but it is going to be different and difficult not seeing either of my kids for weeks or even months at a time.

So my advice is to try to enjoy every minute of fatherhood you can as I can't believe how fast the time has passed.

I started brewing in 1991 while in grad school and my first was born in 1993 and second in 1997 but I kept brewing right until I took a break around 2007. My girls have never shown the slightest interest in my brewing but they never got in the way of it either.

 

[Staestc]

Late to the thread, but father of two girls, both now married, and I still see them and there husbands all the time. Scanned all the responses and did not really see anything like this.

When you are confronted with the absolute awesomeness and wonder the day your child is born, it won't matter to you what it does to your life. There honestly is nothing cooler than the birth(s) of your children. You will instantly know that your life is more about them and you won't care because you will want it that way!

Will it change your life. Absolutely! Like everybody said, it will. But because YOU will change your priorities! You don't have to give up anything you love and should not. But trust me, you will love them more! Grats man. My babies are the best thing that has ever happened to me!