Gonna have a baby, is my life over

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sorefingers23

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So I found out I'm gonna be a dad for the first time, the baby is coming in November. I really excited and really happy, but at the time I'm freaking out, all I hear and read is people telling me my life is over, no more social life, no more sports, no more hobbies, no more sex... Will I be able to hang out with friends, make beer, go on 100km bike bike rides? I'm sure It can't be that bad, I expect it to change my life completely, but I'd it to the point that I'm only living for the baby? I'm just curious as to other people experience when they had newborns/young children.
 
Things you should've considered beforehand, eh?


sorefingers23 said:
Will I be able to hang out with friends, make beer, go on 100km bike bike rides? Yes. I'm sure It can't be that bad, I expect it to change my life completely, but I'd it to the point that I'm only living for the baby? Yes. I'm just curious as to other people experience when they had newborns/young children.
Click to expand...
 
More than likely, you will find yourself wanting to be involved in his/her life in many ways. This doesn't mean that your hobbies will fade away; however, some may change. I still brew beer. At first (maybe two months or so), it's harder because of the sleepless nights and such. But for months after that, it's fine. And it's even better when your kid becomes old enough to help out (and wants to help out). I stopped brewing beer for about two months after my first child was born. It then picked back up. Sure, I don't brew 200 gal a year anymore, but that's more because we don't have as many parties now that we know someone's getting up at 6:30am the next day. And, for me, that was the biggest change. Going to bed late is not a desired option anymore.
 
Don't worry to much kids are pretty awesome. Just don't let them hold the hydrometer because it will probably end up shattered on the floor. Not that that happened to me ;)

Life does become much more difficult but it will make you better at prioritizing and planning your time. When it happened to me I sort of fell out of my circle of friends and then I figured out that if I just planned things instead of doing them spur of the moment it all worked out.

Congrats!
 
Your life is just beginning my friend. Your needs, wants, priorities will change. Your cash flow will go from Hops to Huggies, but man what a blessing it will be to bring your own child into the world.

Congratulations to you and your wife buddy.
 
Your life will absolutely change. Your bike rides will get shorter and you'll have to invest in a bike trailer to pull the kids. Brewing will be pushed into the later hours of the day/night (firing the burner under your mash water just before you put the kids to bed), and even then, you'll occasionally miss the timing on a hop addition because you need to change a diaper or find a pacifier. You'll still hang out with your friends, not all of them, but the ones that are truly your friends will understand the change in your life. Plus you'll make new friends: Other dads. Dudes that you never in a million years thought you'd speak to, but the common interest you have, children, will bring you together. And these other dads, these are the dudes you'll be sharing home brews with. (They'll welcome you with open arms!) Regarding sex, you and your lady need to make sure that you're making time for each other (and not just sex, though it's equally important). Believe me, there will be days that you will both be exhausted, and all you'll want to do is cuddle in bed and zone out to Netflix. Embrace it. it's YOUR time. The two of you created a human together, and your child's well being and development and growth all start and end with the two of you. So make sure you never lose sight of the lady you fell in love with.

A friend of mine at worked emailed me the other day, freaking out about becoming a dad, and this is what I said to him:

"Dad life is the best exhaustion ever! Sure, I sit up some nights, stuffing my face, drinking beers and watching bad TV so I can have "me time," but I wouldn't trade being a dad for anything. Not even a billion dollars and a basket of puppies that never get bigger."

It really is the best thing in the world. Cheers to you. And congratulations!
 
As the father of 4 year old twins, it's terrifying. You have someone that is solely dependent upon you and your SWMBO. I was a partier in college, worked in the oilfields, spent 6 in the USAF, and nothing that I've done has been more rewarding than hearing those two say 'I love you, dada!' Can you still do everything that you did before, sure, maybe not as frequently at first, but it returns. In a couple years you might even have an assistant brewer on your hands. RDWHAHB. Like Bob Marley said, every little things gonna be alright. Congrats to the both of you!
 
sorefingers23 said:
So I found out I'm gonna be a dad for the first time, the baby is coming in November. I really excited and really happy, but at the time I'm freaking out, all I hear and read is people telling me my life is over, no more social life, no more sports, no more hobbies, no more sex... Will I be able to hang out with friends, make beer, go on 100km bike bike rides? I'm sure It can't be that bad, I expect it to change my life completely, but I'd it to the point that I'm only living for the baby? I'm just curious as to other people experience when they had newborns/young children.
Click to expand...

Your life changes, your priorities change, but not necessarily for the worse. You can maintain your social life if you are willing to. It is amazing where and how easy it is to get a child to fall asleep if you don't let them rule your life and they join and become a part of your life. You do lose some of your hobbies, but not the ones your a really passionate about. As for sex, truthfully, my wife and I have more sex now and more meaningful sex now than we did before children (although I know we are more of the exception). The biggest thing is making sure that the time that you spend with your spouse is meaningful and dedicated.

Just as an example, I have 3 children (ages 6, 3, and 18 months) and we have friends over at least once a week, typically two nights a week. My wife exercises daily. And I currently am in the process of opening my own brewery. We also make sure that we spend time with our children on their level.

The biggest thing is making sure that you are willing to spend un-distracted time (without a phone) with your children, your wife, and your friends. Everything becomes more deliberate, but it provides a focus to your life and more meaning to your life.
 
Your are definitely in for some big changes and your hobbies are necessarily going to have to take a hit. You will have to figure out which ones are most important and prioritize. You are probably not going to get to go for an all day bike ride on Saturday and then brew on Sunday, but you may get to do one or the other.

That said, it's all worth it.
 
PJ is 8.5 yrs old now.

The first year is ALL about them - your only job is to serve them! Get used to that right now !
Nothing can change that - your only job is to drive them to grandparents house every weekend !

But, later on, one of your new hobbies is Hot Wheels & Mine Craft !
Bey Blades, and Disney becomes your favorite everything

Cars is one of the Best movies ever !
Everything PIXAR is new again ! Monsters Inc !! The Incredibles !!!

You get to be a kid again ! and the toys are way cooler now !

And when they get a little older - they want to help you with your hobbies !
They will want to ride bikes with you....

I brewed 14 batches of beer the year before my son was born
I brewed 2 his first year - yup you will not have any time of your own - see note above.

You will love your child more than anything else you can think of now.
And years from now, you will look back on yourself, and realize you are better with a kid than with out.
Life is better with kids............:mug:

Just my 2 cents, your mileage may vary.

Steve

It was 30 F in the garage that day, and PJ still wanted to come outside, and help me brew

photo13.jpg


photo12.jpg
 
Thanks everyone, this makes me feel alot better, from what I've been reading online and what people have told me I was expecting it to be a nightmare a was starting to wonder why anyone would ever have kids, but I guess it's like looking on Webmd for a little thing and all of a sudden your dying. I'm really excited about having the baby, a possible brewing assistant, I'm already planned on getting a bike trailer a hiking bag to put the child in and many other plans. I'm not to worried about not seeing my friends I have a small group of good friends that I've had for 20 years and me and the wife share the same group of friends which should make it easier to see them more often.
 
Congrats!

There are going to be so many variables depending on your wife, the kid, and what kind of structure that you have in your life.

Our first (and last) is almost 1 1/2 years old. I've been brewing about 2 1/2 years and I brew more than ever. I'm also an avid fisherman. Brewing is just a secondary hobby for me.

For me, my wife has done most of the caring for the kid. She was definitely born to be a mother. That being said I didn't get up in the middle of the night for the kid. She did all of that. Now things are pretty different as he sleeps through the night. That makes her a LOT happier.

Her parents also live right down the street. Her family structure is a little abnormal in my opinion. She has 3 sisters and she is the oldest. All of their hobbies include just hanging out with each other. That's it, those are all of their hobbies. It's strange to me but it seems to work well.

All this being said it has impacted more of my fishing than brewing. Still it's hard for me to change 100% into Mr. Family guy. That just isn't going to happen.

You'll be fine and I can tell you that things will change. Just don't think that life is over because that won't happen unless you let it.
 
I was scared nearly to death when I found out we were having our first. I was working 6-7 days a week, remodeling a house, going to college nearly full time. The thought of raising a child on top of all of that was immensely overwhelming.

It was fine.

Yes, there were some changes. It won't be as easy to just pick up and do things on the spur of the moment. But with a few extra minutes you can have a kid packed up ad ready to go most places you are going. Honestly, kids are pretty resilient. They can be involved in more than you might think.
 
I started homebrewing and cycling after we had our baby, but I need to say, your previous life is over, that's correct :)
 
I should also add that I'm very lucky in the sense that both of our parents are less than 10min car ride away
 
It's been over 10 years, but I still remember when I ran a Starbucks, and a guy came in early on New Years day 2005. I asked him how was his New Years. He said something like, "It sucked because I have a wife and kids."

I couldn't help but think that day, that the thing that millions of men count as their biggest blessing, this ********* counted as a curse. The point is, if you're like him, the answer is yes. Your ****ty little life is over.

And, regardless, your OLD life is over. Some of the things you love will fall to the wayside or at least take a back seat. And, if you fail to embrace the new things that will come your way, then you're going to be that guy.

For me, the payoff to the sleepless nights, stinky diapers, tantrums, melted crayons on the upholstery, etc., was seeing the world through his eyes. As adults, it's easy to forget what an amazing world we live in. Seeing him discover what I had forgotten was worth it all.
 
Congratulations! Speaking as a father of four (2 boys 9 1/2, 8 and 2 girls, 5 and 2 1/2), and as an engineer who LIKES ROUTINE sometimes...the trick for me was getting used to the new normal. Changes yes, and some things, you won't be able to do as much or frequently, but I believe you gain much more in return. And there are the WTF moments - we came home with our first, put him in the crib, then asked ourselves..."uhh...now what do we do with him???". But getting to that new routine (and you and your wife will) really makes things easier. As soon as you can, take junior out for an outing yourself - your wife will love you for it, but it'll do wonders for your confidence as a new father. You will adapt - I planned on us being done at three, #4 was a surprise to us both, but wouldn't change things up for anything - we adapted fine. PM anytime if you think of some questions or need to vent.

To another specific point of your post - I still have a lot of interests from before, and still partake - brewing, running (trained for and ran my first full marathon last year) - just look for an equitable balance with your wife so she has some interests of her own w/o baby too (just sending her out by herself to a bookstore and coffee is great).
 
QuadConPana said:
I couldn't help but think that day, that the thing that millions of men count as their biggest blessing, this ********* counted as a curse. The point is, if you're like him, the answer is yes. Your ****ty little life is over.

And, regardless, your OLD life is over. Some of the things you love will fall to the wayside or at least take a back seat. And, if you fail to embrace the new things that will come your way, then you're going to be that guy.
Click to expand...

Perfectly said.
 
sorefingers23 said:
@psylocide
I didn't ask for any stupid answers. I asked for experience from other people of what it's like having a kid for the first time
Click to expand...

I didn't give you any stupid answers.

When I had my first, my hobbies/friends/everything took a back seat to making sure that kid was healthy and happy. Then as she grew up a little, I started to incorporate those things back into my life more heavily. I still was able to find time to squeeze that stuff in every once in a while... but I cared more about her and it was all about the baby for a time. As it should be.

So, as I stated before... yes and yes.
 
YOUR time will become an endangered species, as will sleep. That being said, it can be the most rewarding experience of your life - as well as the most frustrating and time consuming. So, there are some parallels between brewing and having kids. Congrats on the news.
 
Congrats!!
Father of 3 here (all now teenagers) and I can say the toughest parts are the first 3 years of their life and the 16-19 years.
First part is the lack of sleep you will suffer and just constant attention they will need to literally get on their feet and get a jump on life.

The last part is wanting to throttle them to keep them on the straight and narrow as the 16-19 years is when they are most likely to run their life off a cliff depending on who they hang with and how attentive/loving a parent you are. Its these years you have to be a parent and a friend to your kids so there is mutual trust built.

The payoff? Having my 14 year old daughter brew beer with me is awesome!

Having my 18 year old son with me under his truck turning wrenches to install a lift kit that he is just over the moon to get and put in himself with my help is something he nor I will ever forget and will be talked about long after I am in the ground.

All in all, you will certainly have a new life, but as others have stated, your old hobbies never go away, they just get reduced due to higher priorities now until the kids get older.

Seeing your child come into this world and holding them in your arms as well as watching them grow into young adults is something the best batch of beer or a bike ride on the most beautiful day cannot match.

:tank:
 
sorefingers23 said:
@psylocide
I didn't ask for any stupid answers. I asked for experience from other people of what it's like having a kid for the first time
Click to expand...

You watch yourself man, or Psy's trained army of cardboard tube and/or broom wielding ninjas are coming for you. BTW the guy's had infinitely more experience as a father than you
 
Congrats that's great. Life is over as you know it. Your life just got better. Yeah it's worth freaking out over but it'll all work out and to have a family is awesome.
 
" For me, the payoff..... was seeing the world through his eyes. As adults, it's easy to forget what an amazing world we live in. Seeing him discover what I had forgotten was worth it all."

well said - QuadConPana

S
 
Congrats. Coming from a father of a 2 year old and a 7month old both boys(yeah I'm dying inside). Your life will, change but for the better. There's nothing like someone relying solely on you for their every need. Hearing daddy! And their unconditional love is just awesome. Get as much sleep now as you can. I never took that to heart until it was too late. Stock up on beer now bc you will be solely devoted to that baby for at least a couple of months. Everyone will give you advice don't listen, what worked for their child might not work for yours. You will make mistakes, it's ok it's a learning curve. Remember both you and your spouse need "me" time. So she lets you brew one weekend and you let her go out with the girls one weekend. Otherwise 1. You will go crazy not having some free time and 2. If you guys don't flip flop "you time" you could have resentment towards each other. One last thing, everything is awesome in the hospital with nurses and Drs there to help you with your newborn, but once you are home it's a whole new ballgame. I suggest you find the dvd "happiest baby on the block" we went 2 days at home before watching it and we should have done 0!!!! I almost started crying once I realized how just by watching the videos I could make my sleepless nights shorter. I may complain to my single/baby less friends sometimes, but I wouldn't take their lives for anything now. Kids are truly a joy....good luck
 
m00ps said:
You watch yourself man, or Psy's trained army of cardboard tube and/or broom wielding ninjas are coming for you. BTW the guy's had infinitely more experience as a father than you
Click to expand...

The OP obviously understands his life choice is a game changer and that He is an outsider looking in just asking for advice on what to expect. Basically saying you should have pulled out isn't helpful. No one is ever truly ready for a baby. Your defense of his answer is dumb.
 
RunNakeDnECU said:
The OP obviously understands his life choice is a game changer and that He is an outsider looking in just asking for advice on what to expect. Basically saying you should have pulled out isn't helpful. No one is ever truly ready for a baby. Your defense of his answer is dumb.
Click to expand...

Lol, wut? Sure, I was being a tad facetious, but didn't say anything like that.
 
Like many have said your life will change, you will have less time for your interested but you will still get to do them.. The positives kids bring to your life far outweighs the loss of free time, etc.
Congratulations and enjoy every min. They grow up much faster than you think!
 
Here's a few things I did AFTER having kids (3 daughters).

Bought a vintage sports car
Acquired a room full of fine archtop guitars
Recorded and released a couple of CD albums
Started cycling and completed a Century ride
Started running and finished a marathon
Learned to brew beer ;)

And that includes none of the special things I've done with my kids, or the pride gained from watching their accomplishments.

As long as YOU are alive, life's just beginning.
 
Ah, it's okay. Unless you wanted to be a world traveller it is good for you, really.

One is super easy. At two you are outnumbered, they by definition are faster than you are.

I have four. I did it the hard way. I adopted all of mine internationally. All are different, and that is the case even with biological children.

You will be fine. Human beings don't have many natural instincts left, but being able to raise children is one. As long as you are not already a nasty person all will be well.
 
It's really great to see that so many of you are saying how great it is to have a child, and that not only have you kept your social lives and hobbies, many of you have taken on new pass times. I'm sure I'm just freaking out over nothing it's still not really real for me, I'm sure it won't really hit me til I see the baby.
 
I really want to add to this thread, but I'm having a hard time coming up with something that won't earn me a warning from a moderator.

I'm a married, 40-year old male with no kids (very much by choice).

Yes, your life will change. Some of those changes will be for the better. Some will be for the worse. For the first year, the worse will far outweigh the better, at least in my opinion watching numerous friends and relatives going through having their first child. Few of them will admit regretting the decision to have their kid(s), so it's likely that in the long run, you'll be happy with the path your life has taken.

On everything else, I'll defer to the advice offered by actual parents here. But I'm just very, very glad I'm not one of them. Sounds pretty miserable, but what do I know.
 

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