Funny things you've overheard about beer

[ericbw]

You may not find someone's off the cuff remark funny. But the good news is it gets WAY LESS FUNNY when it gets dissected, and the dissecting commentary gets dissected.

When you post something, you should also post why it's funny. Then we'll all get the joke.

 

[Hamaki]

When you post something, you should also post why it's funny. Then we'll all get the joke.

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.

 

[1977Brewer]

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.

I would certainly hope the frog was dead when you started.

 

[Hamaki]

I would certainly hope the frog was dead when you started.

Take your pick..

1. I remembered reading a quote about dissecting humor. Cut & paste as is.

2. If the frog was dead to begin with the comparison wouldn't fit the situation.

3. I've dissected a live, though anaesthetized, frog on at least one occasion. I think it was 8th grade science class. Saw the heart working, made muscles twitch.

4. I've stepped into your clever trap, justifying vivisection in support of science and analogies.

 

[1977Brewer]

Take your pick..



1. I remembered reading a quote about dissecting humor. Cut & paste as is.



2. If the frog was dead to begin with the comparison wouldn't fit the situation.



3. I've dissected a live, though anaesthetized, frog on at least one occasion. I think it was 8th grade science class. Saw the heart working, made muscles twitch.



4. I've stepped into your clever trap, justifying vivisection in support of science and analogies.

4. It's definitely 4.

 

[uatuba]

You did not dissect a live frog. You did vivisect a live frog.

 

[wobrien]

You did not dissect a live frog. You did vivisect a live frog.

Just because you left out the words "well, actually" doesn't make it any better

 

[Hamaki]

You did not dissect a live frog. You did vivisect a live frog.

I stand corrected - these orthotic inserts are fantastic!

 

[markvale5]

I like beer.

 

[Gameface]

I like beer.

What's that got to do with anything?

 

[Billy-Klubb]

What's that got to do with anything?

not this thread.

 

[WesleyS]

I like beer.

Please try to stay on topic

 

[markvale5]

Wait...there's a topic? 😊

 

[Kee]

What's that got to do with anything?

Explaining that would be like chopping up a frog.

 

[1977Brewer]

Explaining that would be like chopping up a frog.

Is the frog still alive?

 

[GuldTuborg]

Does anyone else have the urge to cook frog legs for dinner tonight?

 

[WesleyS]

Does anyone else have the urge to cook frog legs for dinner tonight?

I believe I'll fry up some of the holy grail of amphibian meat and wash it down with the holy grail of IPAs.

 

[brew_ny]

yum frog legs

 

[day_trippr]

Just because you left out the words "well, actually" doesn't make it any better

My nominee for "Post Of The Month".

Cheers!

 

[DoD_Ales]

I would certainly hope the frog was dead when you started.

Hmmm...dead frogs...I wonder if I could make beer out of that?

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Hmmm...dead frogs...I wonder if I could make beer out of that?

you need to do a cereal mash.

 

[1977Brewer]

I had a really terrible joke about the French and then I thought better.

 

[brew_ny]

you need to do a cereal mash.

thanks for clearing that up I hate to waste Kermit needlessly

 

[Bosh]

OK, let's finish up the partial mash chapter of Home Brewing Without Failures (cutting edge homebrewing recipes from 1965!) with *drum roll* Bravery's Best Bitter

Ingredients (4 gallon recipe):
-4 lb crystal malt (will count it as English caramalt as that's as good guess as any).
-2 lb golden syrup (this guy is incredibly arbitrary about what sugar to use, switching between glucose, golden syrup and table sugar without any reasons given).
-2 lb white sugar (but of course).
-5 oz hops (am assuming Fuggles because the author is English).
-Level teaspoon salt (salt is yeast nutrient, don't ya know?)
-1/4 oz citric acid (why?).
-Yeast (am assuming Safale English yeast or something similar).
-Nutrient.

WHY! WHY! Would you use FOUR POUND of crystal malt? WHY? Also perhaps using some base malts would be a good idea.

Here the 3 oz hops are boiled for 5 minutes instead of 1 minute like in all the other partial mash recipes and then simmer for 40 and then 2 oz more are simmered for 10 minutes. As before, not sure how exactly to count "simmering" so as a wild ass guess I'm assuming that it has 75% of normal hop oils extraction.

For this calculation I'm going to do what I should've done before an enter in the **** ton of caramalt in as steeping grains instead of mash since he's basically doing a ginormous steep as there's no base malts.

So let's enter this beast in:
Original gravity 1.042 Final Gravity: 1.011 ABV: 4.17% IBU: 37.05 SRM: 8.71 Matches Style: not really, but closest yet!

Makes we wonder what something would taste like with a pound of crystal per gallon and why anyone would describe that as "bitter."

Next chapter: mock beers, in which Bravery dispenses with the pretense of making beer and embraces the production of hop-flavored hooch.

 

[Trippel-A]

Thank you for the funny!

 

[orangehero]

Does he discuss what is actually meant by a "failure"?

 

[Bosh]

Does he discuss what is actually meant by a "failure"?

Not directly, but it's heavily implied that he's referring to his predecessors who were even worse at brewing than he is.

The most hilarious part of his book is his attitude of "well back in the bad old days people didn't have a ****ing clue what they were doing and did horrible **** like use baking yeast but NOW we've got it DOWN and we can make some real beer! Base malts? What are base malts? Onward with the 100% crystal malt recipes! Don't forget to skim off your krausen!"

 

[GuldTuborg]

The most hilarious part of his book is his attitude of "well back in the bad old days...

And in 60 years homebrewers will be laughing at us. Want to give them more fodder with a (yet another) glass v plastic debate?

 

[WesleyS]

And in 60 years homebrewers will be laughing at us. Want to give them more fodder with a (yet another) glass v plastic debate?

Ahh, yes. Some of the great homebrewing debates.
Glass v plastic
Stainless v aluminum
All grain v extract
Dry yeast v liquid yeast
And I'm sure I'm forgetting some.

 

[Bosh]

Ahh, yes. Some of the greatest debates.
Glass v plastic
Stainless v aluminum
All grain v extract
Dry yeast v liquid yeast
And I'm sure I'm forgetting some.

One that died down a while back: "how necessary is a secondary?" It wasn't that long ago that the old 1/2/3 rule had legs and people tried to get the beer into secondary the second that the beer hit FG.