Funny things you've overheard about beer

[tre9er]

Here's a good one...

I made up a bunch of beer to serve at a charity event in town. We took the mobile kegerator and were serving beers out of the side. We got there a little late and were in a bad spot. There was a Bud/Bud lite truck there and the lone was about 25 people deep. No one was coming over to us. So I walked over and yelled (it was loud), "Hand crafted brew over here! The line is short!". Immediately about 2/3 of the line left and came over and we started serving beers. It was great and people had all sorts of misconceptions. Word got around that the good beer was here and my amber ale was being described as "like amber bock but, really damn good". We had an IPA and a stout as well. The IPA wasn't as popular for the BMCers, but the stout and amber was going fast. The comparisons to Amber Bock made me cringe, but the people loved the beer so I was happy.

Then Billy came...

Billy was a red neck (most of them were - me too) He was wearing a Dale Jr long sleeve T-shirt with Budweiser written on it down each sleeve, across the chest, on the back and just about everywhere you could possibly fit it on the shirt. He was a walking bill board for Budweiser. Billy was interested in why we went through all the trouble to brew this beer when there are perfectly good beers on the shelves just about everywhere. Billy proclaimed that he drinks about a 12 pack of Budweiser just about every day, I'd believe it too. But, he was a good sport, he had a Budweiser in his hand. He said, "You know, Budweiser is like a fine woman (makes big ****s gestures with hands). When you have a fine woman, you don't cheat on her, you don't hit her or be mean to her. You caress her (he caresses the plastic cup), you love her, and you treat her right (takes a long sip and smiles)."

Then he says, "but I'm a good sport, what do you recommend I try?" I recommended the amber. He said, "Naw, amber bock gives me the farts, I'll try the stout." Billy, now holding a pint of stout and his half finished Budweiser, starts to drink the stout. "Say, this is pretty good!" He lingered around and kept coming back to the stout tap, but he didn't put down his budweiser. After about 10 minutes he set the Budweiser on the fender and was just drinking my stout. After his 3rd pint in over an hour he came back and telling everyone how good the stout was and that it was a damn good beer! Then he comes up to me and says, "You know, sometimes you get tired of that old woman and you gotta find a new one with better tits. I think I'm ready to kick that old hag to the curb and get me a new woman, pour me another pint!"

I had converted a die hard redneck. My mission in life is complete.

This is probably the winner. Great storyteller you are, too.

 

[jaylakejr]

Here's a good one...

I made up a bunch of beer to serve at a charity event in town. We took the mobile kegerator and were serving beers out of the side. We got there a little late and were in a bad spot. There was a Bud/Bud lite truck there and the lone was about 25 people deep. No one was coming over to us. So I walked over and yelled (it was loud), "Hand crafted brew over here! The line is short!". Immediately about 2/3 of the line left and came over and we started serving beers. It was great and people had all sorts of misconceptions. Word got around that the good beer was here and my amber ale was being described as "like amber bock but, really damn good". We had an IPA and a stout as well. The IPA wasn't as popular for the BMCers, but the stout and amber was going fast. The comparisons to Amber Bock made me cringe, but the people loved the beer so I was happy.

Then Billy came...

Billy was a red neck (most of them were - me too) He was wearing a Dale Jr long sleeve T-shirt with Budweiser written on it down each sleeve, across the chest, on the back and just about everywhere you could possibly fit it on the shirt. He was a walking bill board for Budweiser. Billy was interested in why we went through all the trouble to brew this beer when there are perfectly good beers on the shelves just about everywhere. Billy proclaimed that he drinks about a 12 pack of Budweiser just about every day, I'd believe it too. But, he was a good sport, he had a Budweiser in his hand. He said, "You know, Budweiser is like a fine woman (makes big ****s gestures with hands). When you have a fine woman, you don't cheat on her, you don't hit her or be mean to her. You caress her (he caresses the plastic cup), you love her, and you treat her right (takes a long sip and smiles)."

Then he says, "but I'm a good sport, what do you recommend I try?" I recommended the amber. He said, "Naw, amber bock gives me the farts, I'll try the stout." Billy, now holding a pint of stout and his half finished Budweiser, starts to drink the stout. "Say, this is pretty good!" He lingered around and kept coming back to the stout tap, but he didn't put down his budweiser. After about 10 minutes he set the Budweiser on the fender and was just drinking my stout. After his 3rd pint in over an hour he came back and telling everyone how good the stout was and that it was a damn good beer! Then he comes up to me and says, "You know, sometimes you get tired of that old woman and you gotta find a new one with better tits. I think I'm ready to kick that old hag to the curb and get me a new woman, pour me another pint!"

I had converted a die hard redneck. My mission in life is complete.

This story is full of so much win!

 

[Krovitz]

Why do people always ask if we brew Guinness?

 

[neosapien]

"But the lacing!!!!!! JUST LOOK AT THE LACING and that head!"


OH, AND THE LACING!

thanks TSA

 

[Grannyknot]

I was visiting a brewery in western North Carolina called Pisgah brewing company.
They have a sweet bar there and an outside patio area, amongst other things.
My wife and I were sitting outside having a few beers. They had planted a few hop rhizomes, and they had grown to about 10 feet tall.
I'm pretty sure one of the employees had just planted them there for fun, & not for use in the brewery, but who knows.
All of a sudden, a brewery tour ended and a door opens to the patio and a group of 10 emerge, led by the man himself.
We called him John-Ralphio (if you've ever seen parks and recreation). He was the perfect blend of frat daddy & king duche (albeit not a rare blend).
He brings his group over to the hop plants and starts explaining to them how he has done extensive research on growing hops.
He had this theory on latitude & longitude that makes a certain 10 acres in Western North Carolina a hotbed for growing hops.
And as it just turns out, his parents had bought him the property, and he had plans for a large scale hop farm.
Interestingly, as flawed as his theories were (more or less pre-fabricated lies), he actually knew a few hop varieties.

Later on in the afternoon, I found myself waiting at the bar right next to him. I mentioned that I overheard his plans to grow hops.
He kind of muttered under his breath something like, "yeah, but I'm too cool to talk to you about it".
I asked him if he had ever been to the pacific northwest. He said yes, but it was way too rainy there to do any good growing hops.
Still haven't heard anything in the brewer news about John Ralphios hop farm.

 

[Whattawort]

Indeed Brewmech wins the interwebs today.

 

[tre9er]

I was visiting a brewery in western North Carolina called Pisgah brewing company.
They have a sweet bar there and an outside patio area, amongst other things.
My wife and I were sitting outside having a few beers. They had planted a few hop rhizomes, and they had grown to about 10 feet tall.
I'm pretty sure one of the employees had just planted them there for fun, & not for use in the brewery, but who knows.
All of a sudden, a brewery tour ended and a door opens to the patio and a group of 10 emerge, led by the man himself.
We called him John-Ralphio (if you've ever seen parks and recreation). He was the perfect blend of frat daddy & king duche (albeit not a rare blend).
He brings his group over to the hop plants and starts explaining to them how he has done extensive research on growing hops.
He had this theory on latitude & longitude that makes a certain 10 acres in Western North Carolina a hotbed for growing hops.
And as it just turns out, his parents had bought him the property, and he had plans for a large scale hop farm.
Interestingly, as flawed as his theories were (more or less pre-fabricated lies), he actually knew a few hop varieties.

Later on in the afternoon, I found myself waiting at the bar right next to him. I mentioned that I overheard his plans to grow hops.
He kind of muttered under his breath something like, "yeah, but I'm too cool to talk to you about it".
I asked him if he had ever been to the pacific northwest. He said yes, but it was way too rainy there to do any good growing hops.
Still haven't heard anything in the brewer news about John Ralphios hop farm.

Not sure how you didn't tell him that most of US hops are grown there...I mean, guy has Google, right? I would have to correct him. Just can't let egregious lies go on.

 

[Grannyknot]

Not sure how you didn't tell him that most of US hops are grown there...I mean, guy has Google, right? I would have to correct him. Just can't let egregious lies go on.

I did the rest of the world a favor.
I thought he could bring humor to more peoples lives if I left him alone.
He was way above taking advice or info from me anyway.

 

[Xpertskir]

I did the rest of the world a favor.
I thought he could bring humor to more peoples lives if I left him alone.
He was way above taking advice or info from me anyway.

Here's the real question...how was his beer?

 

[Whattawort]

Here's the real question...how was his beer?

Probably asking if it's ruined.

 

[Obliviousbrew]

"But the lacing!!!!!! JUST LOOK AT THE LACING and that head!"


OH, AND THE LACING!

thanks TSA

Can be that lacing and head because of all the lotion TSA used to rub on his arms and chest?

 

[Raenon]

Now you have. Tastes like rusty water to me. Not hatin' b/c I know tastes vary--I just won't drink it. Oh, and I live two states away, have had it in many different places & formats. Just not my cup of tea.

Then again, I've gotten to where if there's no craft beer in a place I just won't drink.

Ah, right. I forgot the beer snobs that won't drink it because they make more than 3 bottles a year, or because sell it at a price that their working class customers will pay.
My mistake.


-Realize I should probably note, I'm really not trying to be argumentative or accusatory here... I know full well tastes vary, but I still think there is something to the theory.
Preconceptions are a powerful thing, and while I try not to dispute any one person, beer snobbery is a massive trend on boards like this.

 

[RCCOLA]

Ah, right. I forgot the beer snobs that won't drink it because they make more than 3 bottles a year...
Preconceptions are a powerful thing, and while I try not to dispute any one person, beer snobbery is a massive trend on boards like this.

I love all beer that's brewed well and without flaws and even enjoy an occasional Bud or Coors. Just brewed a rice lager similar to Coors Banquet.

That being said, there's something wrong with the way Yeungling handles their yeast. All of their beers taste like banana to me. I toured the brewery in Tampa and ended up belching banana for the rest of the day.

 

[SweetSounds]

The wife and I were at an Old Chicago a few months back. I ordered a Fat Tire. Waitress comes back maybe 3 minutes later and says "we're out of Fat Tire". I was in a hoppy mood, so I said "what's the hoppiest thing you have on tap?" She gets this really thoughtful, serious look on her face and replies "Guinness - it's really hoppy"
My wife - a beer snob-in-progress - busts out laughing, and then chokes it back when the waitress gave her the "you doubt me" look.

I smiled and ordered a Two Hearted

 

[tre9er]

I love all beer that's brewed well and without flaws and even enjoy an occasional Bud or Coors. Just brewed a rice lager similar to Coors Banquet.

That being said, there's something wrong with the way Yeungling handles their yeast. All of their beers taste like banana to me. I toured the brewery in Tampa and ended up belching banana for the rest of the day.

I taste banana in Bud Light sometimes, especially draft.

 

[zeg]

Ah, right. I forgot the beer snobs that won't drink it because they make more than 3 bottles a year, or because sell it at a price that their working class customers will pay.
My mistake.


-Realize I should probably note, I'm really not trying to be argumentative or accusatory here... I know full well tastes vary, but I still think there is something to the theory.
Preconceptions are a powerful thing, and while I try not to dispute any one person, beer snobbery is a massive trend on boards like this.

If you're not trying to be argumentative or accusatory, I recommend not being argumentative or accusatory. It's much more effective than being argumentative and accusatory, then claiming you didn't mean to be.

Before I tried a Yuengling, I had only heard positive things. I was not brewing my own beer yet, and I wasn't (nor am I now) opposed to BMC beers as a valid taste preference. I thought, "I haven't tried one of those, I've heard they're good, let's find out what the buzz is about."

Then I hated it.

There's no snobbery going on here, it's just a matter of taste. Even the guy who claims only to like craft brews (or however he phrased it) isn't necessarily showing bias against mass market beers. It's a simple fact that those beers cover a very narrow range of styles, and styles outside that range are much, much better represented among craft/microbreweries. (Just in terms of number, not necessarily "better" meaning quality.)

 

[tre9er]

I used to like Yuengling when I predominantly drank Busch Light and Killians. I later switched to mostly craft brews and even not drinking at all for a year and a half. The last time I had a Yuengling I expected to like it as I always had, but I didn't. I notice the same thing when I try Busch Light and the other BMC beers I used to drink.

Ever upgrade your coffee and then go back to Folgers? Your taste buds get familiar with what you got.

I drink a lot of pales and IPA's, flavorful beers, too. When I have my neighbor's Pilsner (he's an excellent, long-time brewer) I often don't like it very much. It's not a bad beer, just not my style.

 

[bovineblitz]

Ah, right. I forgot the beer snobs that won't drink it because they make more than 3 bottles a year, or because sell it at a price that their working class customers will pay.
My mistake.


-Realize I should probably note, I'm really not trying to be argumentative or accusatory here... I know full well tastes vary, but I still think there is something to the theory.
Preconceptions are a powerful thing, and while I try not to dispute any one person, beer snobbery is a massive trend on boards like this.

I used to drink a lot of it. Was happy to see it on tap recently.

Too sweet for me now. Often the Yuengling taps aren't clean around here too. But even when it's clean, I don't really like it.

 

[bovineblitz]

I taste banana in Bud Light sometimes, especially draft.

I get green apples from Bud. It's pretty faint but over time disgusts me more and more. I can handle most of the macro beers, but have a hard time with Bud.

 

[tre9er]

I get green apples from Bud. It's pretty faint but over time disgusts me more and more. I can handle most of the macro beers, but have a hard time with Bud.

When we go to this bowling alley they have Bud Light or Boulevard Wheat on tap. The Boulevard always tastes funky, like feet or something, and it's WAY more expensive. So we pay the $11 or whatever it is for a pitcher of Bud Light. I usually end up having a hard time not thinking about how it tastes like salt and has banana hints.

 

[bovineblitz]

When we go to this bowling alley they have Bud Light or Boulevard Wheat on tap. The Boulevard always tastes funky, like feet or something, and it's WAY more expensive. So we pay the $11 or whatever it is for a pitcher of Bud Light. I usually end up having a hard time not thinking about how it tastes like salt and has banana hints.

Could that be beer gas? I've had a similar 'saltiness' issue before at a not so great place. Literally all their beers tasted salty. It's gotta be some sort of common cost-cutting shortcut.

 

[Whattawort]

When we go to this bowling alley they have Bud Light or Boulevard Wheat on tap. The Boulevard always tastes funky, like feet or something, and it's WAY more expensive. So we pay the $11 or whatever it is for a pitcher of Bud Light. I usually end up having a hard time not thinking about how it tastes like salt and has banana hints.

Can't say I've ever tasted bananas and salt in Bud Light before. All I taste is fizzy rice water that never fails to give me a headache. My pool team (mostly craft beer drinkers and homebrewers) rather deal with Amberbock than Bud Light. Sucks they won't let us bring in our own. We have been known to congregate in the parking lot prior to the match with foam cups full of "sweet tea" though. It's like an impromptu homebrew club meeting.

 

[Hamsterbite]

Putting my 6 pack of Zywiec on the counter to pay, the kid behind the register goes "Oh man, I didn't know we had the zy-wick. That stuff will get you F'd up!"

Now, I am only Polish by association, but man did he murder that pronunciation. It's supposed to be zhih-vee-ets. And it's a light lager...how's that supposed to f me up?

 

[Obliviousbrew]

Putting my 6 pack of Zywiec on the counter to pay, the kid behind the register goes "Oh man, I didn't know we had the zy-wick. That stuff will get you F'd up!"

Now, I am only Polish by association, but man did he murder that pronunciation. It's supposed to be zhih-vee-ets. And it's a light lager...how's that supposed to f me up?

Well someone can hit you in the head with one of those bottles that could f u up.

 

[Raenon]

If you're not trying to be argumentative or accusatory, I recommend not being argumentative or accusatory. It's much more effective than being argumentative and accusatory, then claiming you didn't mean to be.

Or, you could untwist your underpants and recognize that I had a debating point, and worded with tongue firmly in cheek.

 

[biochemedic]

Statistics nerd - but the probability of B isn't equal to the probability of A. All ales are beers, but all beers aren't ales. So the probability of B is equal to the probability of A minus the probability of C (ordering a lager).

My own personal statistics nerd says you are correct!

"The statistics nerd is ABSOLUTELY right. The professor should be shot. - statistics nerd 2"

 

[EnjoyGoodBeer]

How bout this one?? "beer?? All beer tastes the same, nasty!" Thats what some of my family said until they tried REAL beer!

Yup my nephue on his 21 bday I offered him a beer and he said they all tast the same and there nasty. Well I hand him a craft brew ( dont remember wich kind) and he said wow thats beer? Glad to say he stopped playing beer pong( choking down crappy beer with the beast light or ice) and now enjoys founders dirty bastard.

 

[elmito]

I work at a one of the only Brewpubs in Miami, Titanic Brewery (shameless plug) so I hear a ton of these.

Customer: Yeah man, i'm totally a beer guy, what do you have on tap?
Me: Well, we have 12 brews we make ourselves, what do you like?
Customer: You know, Miller Lite, Miller 64, I really like Corona too.
Me: .... ???

 

[Piratwolf]

I had a debating point, and worded with tongue firmly in cheek.

It didn't come across that way. Glad to hear that's how you meant it.

As for preconceptions, all I've heard is how great Yeungling is. I happen to disagree. Nor do I look down on BMC/mass lagers. I'm not a good enough brewer to make them. But I'll be damned if I'll pay for something I don't like just to be cool or to get a buzz. If that's snobbery, so be it.

 

[ciphin78]

We went to a bar, sat down at a bar table. Waitress came over and asks for our order. I said, "What do you have on tap?". She replied, "We don't have a tap."... ("Crickets" for a minute...) Then I said, "Okay, what do you have in bottles?". She replied, "The case is over there, you can go look.". I seriously thought I was on candid camera...