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Funny things you've overheard about beer

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kscarrington

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A friend just asked me to let her husband try some of my homebrew. Naturally I asked what he liked. He told her, Alaskan Amber - lagers. I didn't have the heart to correct either of them, I just told her I had the perfect beer for him (either way, I won't be wrong!).
 

cluckk

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With the popularity of the show Moonshiners a whole new generation of stupid questions have been born:
"You brew beer? You mean like on Moonshiners?"
"You brew beer? Where is your still?"
"You brew beer? I love that. I watch Moonshiners all the time."
"You homebrew? I've always wanted to make my own whiskey."
Or the people who somehow think of homebrewing as inferior to distilling: "You brew beer huh? That's fine. But, I really want to learn to make whiskey." I see this same person all the time with a beer in his hand, but have never seen or even heard of him drinking whiskey.
Or the silliest: "You brew beer? Do you have a friend named Tickle, too?" I hope this last one was kidding.
 

snaps10

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My wife and I brewed up 9 kegs (and a case) for m brother in laws wedding this weekend.
We did 5 gallons of stout
10 gallons of IPA
10 gallons of honey wheat
And 20 gallons of my pale blonde

As I was setting up the jockey box and the groomsmen were taking the first few pours, one piped up, "I wonder how many people here are used to drinking unfiltered, non-pasteurized beer?"
I made some snide remarks about how there are going to be some serious beer farts and runs to the bathrooms later on in the night.
Fast forward 3.5 hours. All of the kegs are dry, my wife, myself, and another couple who brew are downing a ridiculously expensive bottle of Pinot while soaking the night away in the hot tub. My friend's wife pipes up, "Good Lord! Did you guys smell how bad it was in that tent! It smelled like everyone farted at once."
My buddy and I nodded at each other, clinked glasses, and proceeded to laugh about it for the rest of the night.
 

bergen69

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Evan_L said:
After laughing my @ss off to this thread for the past month, I finally have a contribution.

Sent a sixer of my first beer, a cooper's ipa extract kit, to my sister and BIL, been waiting for a few weeks for some feedback, was worried that they had tried it and were afraid to tell me it sucked. They normally drink BMC but i've caught 'em with some good stuff in the fridge now and then.

Sis texted me tonight, they had some people over and broke it out. "overall impression is that they like it, xyz said that it was a really good stout, almost like guiness"

She said she tried to explain the ipa part but to no avail. (in their defense, it did come out very dark, i guess the BMC crowd has 2 categories, light beer (fizzy yellow water) and guiness (anything darker than urine)
My urine is a nice copper color due to all the beer I drink. My wife says I need to drink more water...so I do I just cut it with about 5% alcohol and some hops.
 

bleme

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cluckk said:
With the popularity of the show Moonshiners a whole new generation of stupid questions have been born:
"You brew beer? You mean like on Moonshiners?"
Moonshiners is actually what got me into brewing. I was over at a friends house and we started joking about getting into the biz, asking our wives if they would keep the still running if we got caught. One thing led to another and we ended up in a serious conversation about making beer. We usually brew 5G batches together and split them when we bottle.
 

liquiditynerd

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My friend's wife pipes up, "Good Lord! Did you guys smell how bad it was in that tent! It smelled like everyone farted at once."

My buddy and I nodded at each other, clinked glasses, and proceeded to laugh about it for the rest of the night.[/QUOTE]

That's right home brewers are walking factories, we eat and wash it down with bottle conditioned home brew with live yeast cultures eating up all the digestible sugars in our stomach while farting co2 and pissin ethanol. Lol, I had that thought last night thinking about this thread.
 

Billy-Klubb

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"If you drink the stuff in the bottom, it can kill you. Humans can't have yeast." no s&%#, I've heard that more than once from different people.
 

Billy-Klubb

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WHAT??!!! How come no one told me! All this beer and bread....im a goner for sure!
I figure that people drinking "the stuff on the bottom" will ultimately lead to the Zombie Apocalypse. we should be immune from the many years handling yeast. brewers with beards should be able to command zombies by way of thought alone.
 

stat

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I figure that people drinking "the stuff on the bottom" will ultimately lead to the Zombie Apocalypse. we should be immune from the many years handling yeast. brewers with beards should be able to command zombies by way of thought alone.
Friday sounds like its going to be fun. I wonder if I'll be the first person to make an all zombie slave brewed beer.
 

Ryush806

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Tonight at a restaurant with fairly standard (aka bad) beer selection, my wife ordered a Stella Artois. After about 10 minutes the waiter came back and said "I'm sorry ma'am. What was the name of the wine you ordered again?" :facepalm: I figured Stella was pretty standard but I guess not.
 

Leadgolem

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I figure that people drinking "the stuff on the bottom" will ultimately lead to the Zombie Apocalypse. we should be immune from the many years handling yeast. brewers with beards should be able to command zombies by way of thought alone.
This bears investigation. I should have gnome something like this would arise...
 

cheezydemon3

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Yeast don't convert you into a zombie. That is preposterous.

I thought this was a serious discussion.

Consumption of an entire yeast cake would not make you die, though you might want to.....for upon the next Friday evening at 8:43pm you will transform into a half man half pig monstrosity which will become the bane of your community. Yep, yeast is were-pig juice.....and god knows we don't need more of those.(except for a few obscure beer recipes)
 

TyTanium

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Yeast don't convert you into a zombie.

Consumption of an entire yeast cake would not make you die...
True. I used to save the slurry in the fridge and mix it with OJ in the morning. Yeast is a superfood you know. Also nice in Belgian waffles.
 

ArrogantDusty

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I try not to correct people unless they are my closer friends and most of them know about beer now because of me. We were all there once and it is hard not to come off like a beer snob when talking to strangers.

The Guinness meal in a glass thing messes with me though. I just don't understand how a sane person can really think there are like 500 or whatever calories in such an easy drinking beverage.

I tried for a time to correct this by showing them the calories on my smart phone and tell them it is like drinking a bud heavy (that's what they lovingly call Budweiser here in St Louis). It's always a shock somehow and they say that they think the Guinness that they brew in Ireland is different then and that is like a meal in a glass. whatever...I have given up. I just have them try my actual heavy stout or IPA and watch their faces.

About a month ago, I was out with some friends and had someone in the group question my choice on ordering an IPA. He kind of did it loud enough that it was like calling me out in front of the group. He said, "I thought you were a beer guy, don't you brew?" I said I did. He asked why I was drinking a "pale beer" then. He of course had a Guinness in front of him and said that he figured that I would be drinking the same.

I told him that I was a fan of most beer styles and do enjoy Guinness, but wanted something a bit heavier. I chose these words on purpose because the little devil on my shoulder knew that it would set him off and he was already kind of being a jackass. He of course mentioned the meal in a glass and the color as proof that Guinness was the heaviest beer. I had him right where I wanted him.

I politely disagreed and told him that he could decide for himself and bought him one of what I was drinking, unfortunately for him, I was drinking a Stone Ruination...

The mingled look of horror and embarrassment that went over his face was well worth the price of a beer. He kept with it and tried to keep drinking it but in the end could not. He gave me the fact that it was a hard beer to drink but still said that it was just because it was a bad beer. He said that no one would drink that beer. We were at a craft beer lover bar so I pointed out how often the Stone beers were being poured.

I then told him since he didn't like bitter beers, he should try what my girlfriend was drinking, if he liked stouts, he would probably like it too. I guess I am the jackass at this point because she was drinking 2nd Shift Liquid Spiritual Delight. After that, he conceded that he didn't know as much as he thought but still blamed others for his faulty info.

Since then, he ha been trying a lot of beers though so that worked out alright. The only problem is, a well informed jackass is worse because he'll probably pull my trick on others who are less deserving.
 

gcdowd

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I try not to correct people unless they are my closer friends and most of them know about beer now because of me. We were all there once and it is hard not to come off like a beer snob when talking to strangers.

The Guinness meal in a glass thing messes with me though. I just don't understand how a sane person can really think there are like 500 or whatever calories in such an easy drinking beverage.

I tried for a time to correct this by showing them the calories on my smart phone and tell them it is like drinking a bud heavy (that's what they lovingly call Budweiser here in St Louis). It's always a shock somehow and they say that they think the Guinness that they brew in Ireland is different then and that is like a meal in a glass. whatever...I have given up. I just have them try my actual heavy stout or IPA and watch their faces.

About a month ago, I was out with some friends and had someone in the group question my choice on ordering an IPA. He kind of did it loud enough that it was like calling me out in front of the group. He said, "I thought you were a beer guy, don't you brew?" I said I did. He asked why I was drinking a "pale beer" then. He of course had a Guinness in front of him and said that he figured that I would be drinking the same.

I told him that I was a fan of most beer styles and do enjoy Guinness, but wanted something a bit heavier. I chose these words on purpose because the little devil on my shoulder knew that it would set him off and he was already kind of being a jackass. He of course mentioned the meal in a glass and the color as proof that Guinness was the heaviest beer. I had him right where I wanted him.

I politely disagreed and told him that he could decide for himself and bought him one of what I was drinking, unfortunately for him, I was drinking a Stone Ruination...

The mingled look of horror and embarrassment that went over his face was well worth the price of a beer. He kept with it and tried to keep drinking it but in the end could not. He gave me the fact that it was a hard beer to drink but still said that it was just because it was a bad beer. He said that no one would drink that beer. We were at a craft beer lover bar so I pointed out how often the Stone beers were being poured.

I then told him since he didn't like bitter beers, he should try what my girlfriend was drinking, if he liked stouts, he would probably like it too. I guess I am the jackass at this point because she was drinking 2nd Shift Liquid Spiritual Delight. After that, he conceded that he didn't know as much as he thought but still blamed others for his faulty info.

Since then, he ha been trying a lot of beers though so that worked out alright. The only problem is, a well informed jackass is worse because he'll probably pull my trick on others who are less deserving.
Epic.
 

Homercidal

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People never believe me when I tell them Guinness is actually a fairly light beer if you aren't considering color. But then if their beer isn't the color of a well-hydrated man's urine, they are afraid of it around here.
 

BigTuna

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guess the BMC crowd has 2 categories, light beer (fizzy yellow water) and guiness (anything darker than urine)
Haha, this is the truth. I just had my good friend over for some first pours of a brown ale I did and he brought a friend. When I poured the beer, mind you, BROWN ALE the friend of my friend said "OHHH, IT'S LIKE GUINESS!" I had to contain myself, not from laughter but from being extremely sarcastic haha. I just told him, Not every dark beer is guiness.
 

cheezydemon3

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Haha, this is the truth. I just had my good friend over for some first pours of a brown ale I did and he brought a friend. When I poured the beer, mind you, BROWN ALE the friend of my friend said "OHHH, IT'S LIKE GUINESS!" I had to contain myself, not from laughter but from being extremely sarcastic haha. I just told him, Not every dark beer is guiness.
It might have been this thread, but somebody said that their SWMBO drank 2 of some light amber beer from the bottle and liked it. When the same beer was poured in a glass for her third, she saw the color and refused the beer.

I am not sure I could let that go. ARE YOU SERIOUS??????Lol.
 

rodwha

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"That's actually why the black
Ipa was invented"

Why? To give people pause? I certainly like some of my darker beers just because people are hesitant.
 

rodwha

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I am in the process of trying to create a recipe that I call a mild ale which would be similar to a light BMC with ale yeast. If it works out well and is received well by those who took a long time to drink my blonde I'll attempt to make a version that is quite dark, black even...
 

Ostomo517

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I am in the process of trying to create a recipe that I call a mild ale which would be similar to a light BMC with ale yeast. If it works out well and is received well by those who took a long time to drink my blonde I'll attempt to make a version that is quite dark, black even...
Go with midnight wheat, I have a maple wheat beer that I used it in and its black as Guiness but looks are definately decieving
 

NateLTB

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Go with midnight wheat, I have a maple wheat beer that I used it in and its black as Guiness but looks are definately decieving
This /\

Midnight Wheat is great for color and not imparting much flavor.
 

MustBeZ

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cluckk said:
With the popularity of the show Moonshiners a whole new generation of stupid questions have been born:
"You brew beer? You mean like on Moonshiners?"
"You brew beer? Where is your still?"
"You brew beer? I love that. I watch Moonshiners all the time."
"You homebrew? I've always wanted to make my own whiskey."
Or the people who somehow think of homebrewing as inferior to distilling: "You brew beer huh? That's fine. But, I really want to learn to make whiskey." I see this same person all the time with a beer in his hand, but have never seen or even heard of him drinking whiskey.
Or the silliest: "You brew beer? Do you have a friend named Tickle, too?" I hope this last one was kidding.
I had that happen this weekend. We had some pals over for burgers and homebrew. Moonshiners was on the TV when my buddy walked in and stated "Oh damnit, turn this off, I shoulda known you would be watching some documentary on brewing!" I just had to shake my head.
 

Billy-Klubb

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Yeast don't convert you into a zombie. That is preposterous.

I thought this was a serious discussion.

Consumption of an entire yeast cake would not make you die, though you might want to.....for upon the next Friday evening at 8:43pm you will transform into a half man half pig monstrosity which will become the bane of your community. Yep, yeast is were-pig juice.....and god knows we don't need more of those.(except for a few obscure beer recipes)
quit misleading these good people. it's the Zombie Apocalypse for everyone. ever wonder why Trappist styles repel zombies? is Al Gore paying you to spout all this man-pig nonsense? I'll get Bob Ross to paint you a picture.
 

PapaBearJay

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Brewcrew02 said:
Funniest thing I heard about beer today?

2 guys bitttching about the economics and pricing of beer and distribution. We all make our own so who cares!?
That there is truth!
 

PapaBearJay

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TyTanium said:
Marginal benefit of potential future stories minus marginal cost of listening to econ theory;
Return if E(v) > 0
Best. Joke. Ever!
 

cheezydemon3

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I knew it! you guys are in on it! funny thing about paranoia: you only have to be right once.
OK, when you wonder who set the were-pig free in your brewery!!! it wasn't me.

Man bear pigs are made up. On southpark if I recall.

On a happier note... I GOT MY ZOMBIFIED GRIZZLY BACK!!!!!! Dead dead, but useable for at least 60 gallons of good beer.

He got zombified the REAL way. He got bit.

So if I am spreading propaganda, where DO were pigs come from????
 

Whattawort

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OK, when you wonder who set the were-pig free in your brewery!!! it wasn't me.

Man bear pigs are made up. On southpark if I recall.

On a happier note... I GOT MY ZOMBIFIED GRIZZLY BACK!!!!!! Dead dead, but useable for at least 60 gallons of good beer.

He got zombified the REAL way. He got bit.

So if I am spreading propaganda, where DO were pigs come from????
Yo momma
 
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