I think your point is beginning to be muddled a bit. Just because other foods exist that you eat with your fingers doesn't mean that all food should be eaten with your fingers. I don't think that's what you're saying, but then I don't know why it matters that people don't eat candy bars with a knife and fork.
The better comparison is to look at similar types of food. I can think of examples to support both cases - fingers & fork. I guess if the salad is served pre-dressed, the case for the fork is clearer - avoid getting your hands dirty. If it's undressed, who knows, maybe your daughter will be viewed as an innovator some day.
I think what it really comes down to is you and your wife getting together and deciding how to raise your daughter. Consistent messages and all that. If this is something your wife feels strongly about and you don't really care that much, maybe give this one to her.
Grain of salt here - no kids and only married for one year, haha.
I'm not sure my message is muddled. Lettuce is not a messy food until it gets the dressing. Until then it's like an apple, or carrot stick, or celery. Just a natural food that tastes better dipped.
There isn't any reason to assume our marriage may be at stake. The kid is nearly 15 and our older is going on 20. We've been married for 22 years. It's not that I even care if the kid eats her salad with a fork, I just wonder why it is we choose certain things to be especially polite about, and other, similar things, are handled differently.
I think that if we go to Wendy's and get chicken nuggets, then it's ok to dip. If we go to a slightly fancy Italian restaurant it's suddently not ok to dip your food. It's not messy food like ribs, either, and everyone knows you eat ribs with your fingers.
The snickers bar analogy was a reference to a Seinfeld episode. I thought everyone would get that one.
What will happen is that when the kid(s) and I are eating without the wife, we will most likely celebrate the freedom and order salad just so that we may dip our lettuce in a small container of ranch, where we can get just the right amount of dressing for each piece (Provided the lettuce is cut to the proper size). Then we will likely honor the wife's aversion to handling certain foods with our hands by using silverware when we are in her presence.
I can see myself ordering a side salad with my order of ribs. She may get away with controlling the plant matter, but she canna' take away my ribs!