one lost sober moment waking over and over and over again. I close my eyes, I am not asleep. I see the dreams, I am not asleep. I can't see what's ahead of me and trying to forget the distan past. I can't close my esyes. I'm not asleep I can't break anything. I'm not asleep. disdain, discollaboration, waking dreams. that guy died a long time ago, he went to sleep. just a memory dream to haunt my sleep. I can't close my eyes, he's not asleep. I can still hear the hum of that lone florescent light, sitting alone. keeping them all at bay, all night traded for all day. there was nothing left to look behind. don't look behind. don't close my eyes. don't sleep don't dream. one fist over the other. are they still looking? why do I still wake from them? when can I sleep? when can I dream again? broken teeth and bloody dreams scream of snitches and stitches. one fist over another. discontent dreams to close your eyes. just close your eyes. just dream of sleep. just dream of feet. just dream like sheep. 17 lost never found, maternal instincts failed at every turn. show me who you are and I'll show you right back. I'm tired of smiling with you on my back. that guy died long ago. you're still there when I close my eyes. you created this monster still inside. that guy died. I can't break the chain. my boys will break the chain. paternal discord full of lies. the apple has rotten far from the tree, remember this when you look at me. remember this whne my boys look at you. where were you? where are you? dream of them when you fall asleep. close your eyse and dream. open your mind when you look at them. they are not me.