Dark Lord 2016

[disapowzment]

No smarmy twats allowed too, which is nice.

I was skeptical with the amount of people I heard were coming. I hate crowds and figured there would be one person hogging pours or in my case eating all of the mac and cheese, but they must have learned from their past mistakes and quadrupled the mac and cheese recipe. There was a mead table ffs. That should be a big enough draw on its own. Rant over see you ******* in november..... except if any you jokers want to come to my party since Gonzoillini and the LT have graciously offered to host it.

 

[drgarage1]

Proof.

Eat before you drink! My god, man.

 

[furley]

I'd love to see a sting operation set up where someone leaves an unattended back pack and when some low life scum tries to steal it he gets his ass kicked by about 5 people.

I don't normally condone violence but that may be the only way some of those ***** learn a lesson to not steal from others.

with some of the stories about people being black out drunk, miscommunication between friends, forgetting where the tent they were drinking at was located.. how many of these "my beer got stolen" stories are actually "i was so ******* hammered and forgot we drank that/i dropped it/i gave it to some random"?

at least 25%, right?

 

[Lansman]

"yeah, I think I'm about done with this share. like, some guy brought de garde, am I supposed to be impressed?"

On the opposite end, bringing a random De Garde bottle through the bottle line was a lot of fun. I looked for folks who "looked" as though it was their first time, maybe drinking a Robert the Bruce or some 18th St. or something like that, and seeing folks faces as they react to tasting a relatively well made sour-like product with that unique Tillamook funk for the first time was nice. A lot of "dude, what is that?" or "Wow, where is that from?" or "Wow and here I thought Upland made the best sours in the world" was neat.*









* One quote completely made up and inaccurate.

 

[cfh64]

additional lightweight stories for yr amusement:

sharing with a cool group under the metal tent. guy is super hyped that I brought grey Monday and says he'll take "literally as big of a pour as you'll share. seriously. I've never had this and love the other ones. like fill this glass." *shakes a 20 ounce cup around*. I probably poured eight to ten ounces in there. not an hour later he's screaming incoherently about how he's the designated driver and his buddy escorts him out of the tent as he almost falls. so, uh, sorry?

the combination of no tables, crowded conditions, and bottles discarded on the ground made the metal tent pretty hazardous after a while. a giant dood was brought down by the weight of his backpack and his flailing about and landed on some discarded bottles.

there was a dude in the little tent near the end who kept putting his thumb in his dark lord and holding it in front of peoples' mouths for some reason. that was fantastic.

at the courtyard bottle share, there was a small group of the most epic shitlords that could compete with the #str8grossin lawyer squad. they were getting ready to pack it in until they saw a BA Abraxas chilling in an ice bath. they proceeded to sit right in front of it and ask loudly every 5 minutes "SO ISN'T IT COLD ENOUGH NOW? IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE COLD." other gems they said:
"yeah, I think I'm about done with this share. like, some guy brought de garde, am I supposed to be impressed?"
"I have a KBBS gold wax and KBBS silver wax. I am going to sell them for $4,000 so I can buy a new car."
"What whales have you had recently? I have had [lists only **** from TG]"
"Those guys over there *gestures to my buddies, including the guy who brought the BAA*, they're new money. we're old money. you can just tell."

Thank you Wish I could have seen the flailing and the thumb guy seems awesome. First good laugh I've had from these stories.

My only problem is I could be one of the stories if I don't mind myself. Once I get going, I have a serious problem with self limitation. Sad, I know.

 

[RedCoffee]

Gotta say I'm pretty disappointed in the lack of funny stories. Between people losing things, scum bags stealing, standing in piss due to lack of bathrooms in line, north entry issues, somewhat lame guest taps, the rain, etc this is more depressing than anything.

I don't know what I was thinking, just another typical DLD.

Here's my stories of people that made me feel better for merely day-napping:

- I counted 5 ambulance trips at the north gate alone.

- Guy who was so drunk he was practically dancing in the streets while waiting to leave. By that, I mean he couldn't even stand up. Fell a few times. When I asked if he needed help, he said he was just "stretching his back."

- I saw at least a couple people in the North line peepee run who had no rain gear whatsoever - not even a cheap poncho. I didn't get to see the end of their story but it couldn't have been good.

- Guy and his buddy just straight up fell over on their backs right next to me out of nowhere. All of their bottles miraculously survive. Less than five minutes later, one of them gets angry at the bus expediter and starts shouting at him. To demonstrate how ready he is to throw down, he hurls his bag of Dark Lords side arm to the pavement.

Again, all bottles miraculously survive and his buddy walks him away before things escalate to the point where cops get involved. Luckiest ****** at DLD by far.

No smarmy twats allowed too, which is nice.

Incorrect. They let me in twice before.

 

[MarkIntihar]

I enjoyed DLD this year. Spent 95% of my time at the Rose-Hulman tent. The other 5% was spent in the B group bottle line, which was slow, and then fast. Put my bottles right in my car when I got back to our tent area, wish I had advised others to do the same. Too many randoms popping into the tent to try and watch everybody coming in and out, no matter how vigilant you think you're being. Additionally, too many drunk people forgetting whether or not they grabbed their own bags and grabbing another either way. Disappointed that people in our group seem to be missing bottles as well.

 

[MarcatGSB1]

This all sounds so much like deer camp it's not even funny. Ya'll should come up mid-November.

All the Old Milwaukee Light you can handle, plenty of canned food, light provided by kerosene lanterns, and you can piss and **** wherever you want. Make the journey, I'll provide all this for no cost.

 

[lb304854]

I enjoyed DLD this year. Spent 95% of my time at the Rose-Hulman tent. The other 5% was spent in the B group bottle line, which was slow, and then fast. Put my bottles right in my car when I got back to our tent area, wish I had advised others to do the same. Too many randoms popping into the tent to try and watch everybody coming in and out, no matter how vigilant you think you're being. Additionally, too many drunk people forgetting whether or not they grabbed their own bags and grabbing another either way. Disappointed that people in our group seem to be missing bottles as well.

The Rose-Hulman tent was crammed tight too. Almost no way to keep your **** safe.

If any of you remember back to DLD 2010, that guy from Minnesota that held that invite only bottle share by his camper and all of the **** everyone including me gave him. That idea was really ahead of its time. It sucks, but it might be the only way to keep the degenerate shitheels away. It sucks we can't be as inclusive at big events like this without repercussions.

 

[MarkIntihar]

The Rose-Hulman tent was crammed tight too. Almost no way to keep your **** safe.

If any of you remember back to DLD 2010, that guy from Minnesota that held that invite only bottle share by his camper and all of the **** everyone including me gave him. That idea was really ahead of its time. It sucks, but it might be the only way to keep the degenerate shitheels away. It sucks we can't be as inclusive at big events like this without repercussions.

I'm just mad people stole folks' Dark Lord bottles rather than the bottles that I brought to open up that I was trying to get rid of......

 

[JulianC]

First time I tried the whole "camp outside the gates approach" and man was I thankful we did. Met up super early with the usual crew, and that was awesome seeing everyone killing some great bottles before the rain started. I had group D, and many in my group had C or D as well so we pitched a pop up gazebo and marveled for hours how bad the north gate line was. Just astounding how ****** that must've been. Ended up combining our compound with the adjoining tents and made some good friends. I didn't even attempt to enter until 330pm, when the line was finally under control. Our groups cleaned up all the strong wine barrel variants, oh well, hope they're decent.

Pretty pissed about the voucher situation, once I did go in I waited 20min for a reg DL, skipped the food and just retreated back to the camp outside to continue the bottle share. Most vouchers went unused. No tables under the main tents inside this year?! Really?

Overall had a great time because we were 100% prepared for rain, did not participate in the entry line, and of course the company of all y'all. See ya next year bright and early.

 

[disapowzment]

I think I'm more upset at leaving my elk sticks that elkhunter36 gave me in Lansman frige than anything this weekend. I've also now realized the way to eat burger antics is to not eat for an entire day before going. It makes the portion size perfect.

 

[MarcatGSB1]

I think I'm more upset at leaving my elk sticks that elkhunter36 gave me in Lansman frige than anything this weekend. I've also now realized the way to eat burger antics is to not eat for an entire day before going. It makes the portion size perfect.

Nah man, your stomach will shrink. You're going the wrong direction. You need to train yourself and stretch that **** out for weeks ahead of time.

 

[ridglens]

Bummer I missed this year, extra bummer from MarkIntihar the there were some sketchies at the Rose tent... 1st rule of DLD: put your **** right into your car after you buy it. Having your **** stolen is a quick way to ruin your day really fast.

Lulz at FFF hilariously but not surprisingly mandating that everyone buy $40+ in food and adding no additional bandwidth to the food lines. Obviously should have kept the voucher/pre-pay system to the bottles and variants, sounds like that worked ok.



Can't help but wonder why we continue to collectively suffer through the limitations of DLD instead of hosting an annual big talkbeer bottle share or something, but i guess that's all part of the adventure/experience. Really wish they would move this thing to June or something though, why the hell wouldn't they at this point?

 

[MarcatGSB1]

Bummer I missed this year, extra bummer from MarkIntihar the there were some sketchies at the Rose tent... 1st rule of DLD: put your **** right into your car after you buy it. Having your **** stolen is a quick way to ruin your day really fast.

Lulz at FFF hilariously but not surprisingly mandating that everyone buy $40+ in food and adding no additional bandwidth to the food lines. Obviously should have kept the voucher/pre-pay system to the bottles and variants, sounds like that worked ok.



Can't help but wonder why we continue to collectively suffer through the limitations of DLD instead of hosting an annual big talkbeer bottle share or something, but i guess that's all part of the adventure/experience. Really wish they would move this thing to June or something though, why the hell wouldn't they at this point?

not metal

 

[mjohnson171]

I'm stilling chuckling at the through of the disgusted looks on the few females who did brave DLD. The looks on their faces when they'd turn around to see some dude peeing a few feet from them with no regard in the North line's "slaughter corral" was priceless. There was also plenty of drunk dudes trying to act like they weren't watching, but they were checking out the other dude's goods. And they liked it.
I also saw someone (a fellow TBer friend who shall remain nameless) hike one foot up on the gates of the corral and took a wiz no handed, Captain Morgan style. I've never seen someone piss with such bravado.

A few other funny antidotes:
The aforementioned bridge to the porta-johns on the east side. Well I saw more than a couple people fall off that bridge and faceplant into about a foot of mud. I also saw someone hammered step into said mud, loose his shoe, and say "aw man, I lost my shoe! **** it! I don't need it!" and then continued walking with only one shoe.

 

[cfh64]

Here's my stories of people that made me feel better for merely day-napping:

- I counted 5 ambulance trips at the north gate alone.

- Guy who was so drunk he was practically dancing in the streets while waiting to leave. By that, I mean he couldn't even stand up. Fell a few times. When I asked if he needed help, he said he was just "stretching his back."

- I saw at least a couple people in the North line peepee run who had no rain gear whatsoever - not even a cheap poncho. I didn't get to see the end of their story but it couldn't have been good.

- Guy and his buddy just straight up fell over on their backs right next to me out of nowhere. All of their bottles miraculously survive. Less than five minutes later, one of them gets angry at the bus expediter and starts shouting at him. To demonstrate how ready he is to throw down, he hurls his bag of Dark Lords side arm to the pavement.

Again, all bottles miraculously survive and his buddy walks him away before things escalate to the point where cops get involved. Luckiest ****** at DLD by far.



Incorrect. They let me in twice before.

Lol, "just stretching my back".

 

[Dunt1]

Im going to be first to say that if you want to come to the midwest premier beer festival its 100% Gonzoillini and trickytunadicky birthday party.

I love that party as much as the next guy, but come on, they will even admit the Great Taste is the mecca of all beer amazingness.

Random thoughts:
-@ApocalypseZombie - Thanks for sharing one of my personal biggest white whales with me. I've tried so many ******* beers at this point, that it always brings me a great deal of pleasure to try something I've wanted forever but never had the opportunity to try. You are the man!

-Those guest taps were noticeably worse than previous years, right? Seems like adding in the cost of drinks and food really made them give less ***** than usual in trying to provide a good experience.

-Food options were solid if you were a carnivore, but I actually felt bad for the vegetarians there. mishuggah had the sorriest looking tacos I've ever seen in my life.

 

[disapowzment]

I love that party as much as the next guy, but come on, they will even admit the Great Taste is the mecca of all beer amazingness.

Random thoughts:
-@ApocalypseZombie - Thanks for sharing one of my personal biggest white whales with me. I've tried so many ******* beers at this point, that it always brings me a great deal of pleasure to try something I've wanted forever but never had the opportunity to try. You are the man!

-Those guest taps were noticeably worse than previous years, right? Seems like adding in the cost of drinks and food really made them give less ***** than usual in trying to provide a good experience.

-Food options were solid if you were a carnivore, but I actually felt bad for the vegetarians there. mishuggah had the sorriest looking tacos I've ever seen in my life.

I almost said something about GTMW. It just depends on the weather. Last year was amazing. I blacked out and ended up in jay and pattys room drinking mead. The year before it was like 100 and everyone huddled in the tents. I enjoy the day before more than the fest itself.

 

[ChicagoGuy]

Metal bands in one tent and the DJ playing a killer drunk playlist of 80s/90s/early aught stuff in the other tent provided a great choice of entertainment. I wish I could post my Snaps, but seeing 100s of drunk, wet, beer geeks singing Vanilla Ice, TLC, Eminem, etc was quite entertaining.

Jill (and her husband Aaron) killed it last year as well. I'll let her know at bowling night that her playlist was appreciated by drunk asses other than my own

Can't help but wonder why we continue to collectively suffer through the limitations of DLD instead of hosting an annual big talkbeer bottle share or something,

Yes! I'm sayin':

Proposal: next year, on the day of DLD, let's rent out a block of rooms & a conference room at a hotel in one of the near Chicago suburbs, and have an epic anti-DLD bottle share. It'll basically be what most of us go to DLD for anyway, only without the ****** weather and exposure to the greater beer community*.

For the same price as this year's DLD tickets (or previous year's ticket+bottles+food+draft pours), we can each probably get half a room, the conference room, a ton of Kirkland bottled water, and a food spread (and/or a bunch of pizzas), and all the room in the world for beer pong, bags, cards, tunes, whatever.

Thoughts?

*

 

[Scalzo]

You Umbrella people can all **** off

 

[IronDave]

Im going to be first to say that if you want to come to the midwest premier beer festival its 100% Gonzoillini and trickytunadicky birthday party. Hands down the best thing I've been to in the last 9 months. Momma D makes the best mac and cheese, theres 2 bathrooms that flush, the LT, and everyone from TB

God, the food was so good.
Good to know there are no hard feelings about the beer (Sam Adams Triple Bock, right?) causing you to boot for the first time in your life.

 

[Lansman]

Proposal: next year, on the day of DLD, let's rent out a block of rooms & a conference room at a hotel in one of the near Chicago suburbs, and have an epic anti-DLD bottle share. It'll basically be what most of us go to DLD for anyway, only without the ****** weather and exposure to the greater beer community*.

For the same price as this year's DLD tickets (or previous year's ticket+bottles+food+draft pours), we can each probably get half a room, the conference room, a ton of Kirkland bottled water, and a food spread (and/or a bunch of pizzas), and all the room in the world for beer pong, bags, cards, tunes, whatever.

Thoughts?

*

To make it feel more like Dark Lord Day though, can we do the following?

- Artificially impose a time when the doors open and force people to get in line or live in fear of 'missing out' on $12.50 mini snifters, random merch, and a variant of some beer that says 'vanilla' in the description?
- Have a makeshift security line that snakes around the hotel a few times, and have someone look through bags while simultaneously being responsible for checking IDs and not actually enforce taking anything out of said bags?
- Hire a couple random security people and don't give them any guidance and just tell them to 'police the line'?
- Have Gonzoillini convince LT to release a special Imperial Oak bottle for those in attendance?
- Hire people to come in and not bring any bottles to share and then fawn over how amazing DLD is while drinking everyone else's bottles that they brought to share?
- Hire a ****** DJ to play music in the room at a ridiculous volume so we all are forced to shout over the music?

Think that covers about 75% of it. I'm down.

 

[JulianB1]

God, the food was so good.
Good to know there are no hard feelings about the beer (Sam Adams Triple Bock, right?) causing you to boot for the first time in your life.

The Table of Terrors was a great high(low?)light of this year's festivities (the only one I've attended, granted). Batch 31 Blue Lady was impressively awful, as was Bitch Please (thanks rmalinowski4!).

Other highlights were shotgunning all the Busch cans that Jaminjohnson brought, using a pickaxe to puncture the sides. Also the shirtless dancing, can't remember who all was involved in that but I recall Jaminjohnson, Gonzoillini, and LSMroz being around, or maybe I'm full of **** and remembering some other point of the night. And that ******* incredible venison chili. And Carleton (is he on here?) bringing that old dontdrinkbeer pre-condolambic. And lots of other ****. Glad I flew in for that party.

 

[MarcatGSB1]

Jill (and her husband Aaron) killed it last year as well. I'll let her know at bowling night that her playlist was appreciated by drunk asses other than my own



Yes! I'm sayin':

I'm actually interested in something like this. Although I don't have access to many WHALEZ bro I'd see Anjila and I heading down with Arlo, staying in a hotel with a nice pool or something and her allowing me to get **** wasted if it was all in the same building. Of course numerous other family activities would have to be planned, but keep me posted. I think I could swing it, and I'd be happy to contribute in whatever I can.

 

[franch]

Im going to be first to say that if you want to come to the midwest premier beer festival its 100% Gonzoillini and trickytunadicky birthday party. Hands down the best thing I've been to in the last 9 months. Momma D makes the best mac and cheese, theres 2 bathrooms that flush, the LT, and everyone from TB

was this the legendary party I heard about on BA five years ago that involved two BAs inviting the internet into their home and someone wiped their ass with the shower curtain?

 

[franch]

God, the food was so good.
Good to know there are no hard feelings about the beer (Sam Adams Triple Bock, right?) causing you to boot for the first time in your life.

oh my god are you the person who brought that to the ******* courtyard share?

that rivals Infectious Diseases In Cattle (MayorBieber's abomination of an imperial milk stout aged in scotch/mescal/ginger liqueur barrels) as one of the worst things I've had.

 

[Gonzoillini1]

was this the legendary party I heard about on BA five years ago that involved two BAs inviting the internet into their home and someone wiped their ass with the shower curtain?

Nope thankfully that was oreo and AleWatcher's shindig where someone abused the privilege of being able to use indoor plumbing...

I did destroy a toilet about 3 years ago however.

 

[franch]

there's a post on BA right now where a guy admits to fishing his dark lord out of a porto and then got them stolen

 

[IronDave]

oh my god are you the person who brought that to the ******* courtyard share?

that rivals Infectious Diseases In Cattle (MayorBieber's abomination of an imperial milk stout aged in scotch/mescal/ginger liqueur barrels) as one of the worst things I've had.

Nope, I don't remember who brought the 1994 Triple Bock to Gonzoillini 's house. Actually I didn't think the beer was that bad, but for some reason it was the kryptonite for powz87 that day. That Blue Lady, however . . .