Chuck Norris dammit!

[vanishingpint]

Today is Chuck Norris' birthday.Did he turn 75 or did he spin it?

 

[m_c_zero]

Chuck Norris doesn't teabag the ladies, he potato sacks them.

 

[Glasscloud]

Oh man did I travel back to 2005.

 

[Fedora]

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his own two hands.

 

[JINKS]

There is no global warming. Chuck Norris got cold and turned up the sun.

 

[pumpkinman2012]

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

 

[gestyr]

When Chuck Norris enters a room he doesn't turn on the lights, he turns off the dark.

 

[ol-hazza]

Chuck norris is always on top during sex because he never f*<ks up

 

[NFB]

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

 

[Fedora]

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just called "The Islands"

 

[Psylocide]

Chuck Norris uses the Total Gym.

That's the joke.

 

[Psylocide]

Chuck Norris uses the Total Gym.

That's the joke.

Oh god... I take it back... I take it all back.

 

[FlyBoyKnight]

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

Chuck Norris's gmail account: [email protected]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity....TWICE

 

[Auger]

Oh god... I take it back... I take it all back.


View attachment 262606

HA! Chuck Norris is watching you. That's not a joke, you're just f'ed now.

 

[m_c_zero]

Chuck Norris's gmail account: [email protected]

I lol'd a bit at that one.

 

[bob1852]

I wonder how many regular users we'll lose to this Chuck Norris thread?

 

[JINKS]

Chuck Norris can cut a knife.......with butter

 

[BigPicture]

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

= my new favorite.

 

[JonM]

Chuck Norris once sold his soul to the Devil, but then promptly kicked the Devil's ass and took his soul back. The Devil acknowledged he should have seen that coming.

Chuck Norris knock-knock joke:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Look behind you.

 

[estricklin]

Hilarious guys!

 

[JINKS]

Chuck Norris once peed in a semi truck's fuel tank as a joke.

That truck is now known as Optimus Prime

 

[JonM]

Giraffes didn't exist until Chuck Norris decided to uppercut a horse.

 

[jmendez29]

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

 

[Hamaki]

 

[b-boy]

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his house. The bear is not dead he is just too scared to move.

 

[JonM]

Chuck Norris is the exception to Rule 34.

 

[JINKS]

Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.

 

[sensortech]

Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats unicorns.

 

[Roadliner]

Now I have to cut the sleeves off my Three Wolf Moon shirt....

 

[DakotaRules]

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons consisting of two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called "Nun Barrys". No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

 

[lschiavo]

Chuck Norris is a red haired businessman that blows bubbles with other businessmen.

 

[JINKS]

There was a movement to carve Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore, but they found out the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.

 

[SierraBravo]

There are no such things as tornadoes...
Chuck Norris just really hates trailer parks!