Bottle carbonation conundrum: What would you do?

[clickondan]

Brewed an IPA. All grain, OG 1070 FG 1014, 7.4% ABV. Pitched healthy US-05, 62F fermentation for 3 weeks, cold crashed at 34F for a week then bottled with priming dextrose and shelved at 68F. Sat on it for 3 weeks, completely flat. Figured I forgot to add the priming sugar so I uncapped, added carb tabs, recapped. Sat on it for 2 more weeks, opened a tester and still completely flat.

I believe what I have now are bottles with yeast tuckered out or floc'd out from cold crashing, and double the amount of priming sugar.

Can you think of a better idea than adding a bit of fresh yeast to each bottle, putting them behind some bulletproof glass and pulling up a chair for the show?

 

[eastoak]

68 degrees is too cold, warm up to 70+.

 

[d3track]

Yikes.....does that mean you have 2x the priming sugar in each bottle?