Blissfully Child-Free

[1977Brewer]

I love you Mary Jane.
- Cypress Hill, before half the planet was born. (Probably grossly inaccurate)

 

[GuldTuborg]

He'd have to have kids first to be a grandpa. PKU.

Zing!

 

[Billy-Klubb]

maybe he has baby goats...

 

[FloppyKnockers]

View attachment 279797

apparently I'm raising children wrong. I'm not supposed to be able to relax on the patio alone with a beer.

amirite???

The difference is you do that when you can. I do it when I want.

 

[1977Brewer]

The difference is you do that when you can. I do it when I want.

I get to do it with one of the best kids I've ever met.

 

[FloppyKnockers]

I get to do it with one of the best kids I've ever met.

Mom?...

 

[1977Brewer]

Mom?...

I lack baby making equipment.

 

[Rock_Toy]

The difference is you do that when you can. I do it when I want.

Well, I see both sides of this story because I kind of have it both ways. Had a kid with wife #1 and then divorced. Wife #2 is not interested in having kiddos so 1 is all I'm gonna have. And I love it that way. My ex and I co-parent, which means that I have my daughter during the week and she gets her on weekends. Seriously, its the best of all worlds. I totally get the satisfaction of raising a child, which is definitely AWESOME but then again, I get the freedom of being child free on my days off so I can do "adult stuff" with the current wife :rockin: We have a built in babysitter when we go on vacations and I get to do all of the cool stuff that every parent loves to do, like soccer games, homework, school projects, etc.

I didn't end up here by chance....I made choices that lead me to this place. But had I known how good it would be, I would have felt more comfortable in making the difficult choices.

Kids Rock!! And not having kids is just as good in a different way

 

[Venari]

After having waded through 43 pages of this cheesy derailment, I'd like to weigh in.

Being 31 and child free, I have to say I'm happy-ish. While my money is currently partially not my own, I'm taking steps to make it all mine. I'm glad that I can spend my free time as I please. I'm glad I don't have to stop and pick up some kiddy item on my way home from work. I'm glad I don't have to meet with some poor schmuck who got suckered in to being a teacher at the school, to talk about how the kids are doing at various subjects.

My friend has three kids, and they like spending time with "Uncle Venari" more than uncle venari likes spending time with them. While they are adorable, they are a handful just to be around. Constantly trying to decipher what they're saying because nobody has bothered to get them to speak correctly (two of them are old enough to stop talking like teletubbies), gets old after half an hour.

I cook for myself, and I don't have to plan fussy-kid menu items. I can watch whatever I like on TV without needing to check if it's kid friendly.

I've dated some women with kids of their own, and when things don't work out, I don't have to worry about the kids - they're not mine, after all. Kinda like getting a refund.

Kids are indeed a sacrifice, and a huge responsibility. I'd rather not have to commit the greater portion of my day to care for them. Do I want to give up the things that I enjoy to give an ungrateful child something they'll play with for 5 minutes? Not particularly.

I have enough siblings that my folks have all the grandpuppies they need. I've always known I don't want kids, and as such, I take precautions.

 

[Yesfan]

I love you Mary Jane.
- Cypress Hill, before half the planet was born. (Probably grossly inaccurate)

Nope. Rick James did that tune. (great one by the way).

 

[Yesfan]

I have to applaud those who decide (or have decided) that kids aren't in their future. I don't think either decision would be an easy one to make. I don't look down on those who decide that. It ain't easy, that's for sure, and it ain't for everyone. I'm in my mid 40s and have two boys, 5 and 2. There are days I ask, "WTF did I get myself into?", but still I try to do my best.

I know there's probably some parents who may look down on those who don't want kids as not understanding, but really I see how some people treat their kids these days and I have to stand back and ask which group here has really made the right decision??

BTW, that comment isn't saying that those who choose/chose to be child free would have been bad parents. It's the exact opposite.

 

[kombat]

Stories like this one scare the bejeezus out of me. One of the reasons why I don't want kids is I'd be terrified of ending up in circumstances like this poor woman, with a child that is entirely dependent on you and who will never be able to function independently. Who will look after the autistic daughter after the parents pass away? The poor woman basically has no life. What a miserable and depressing existence.

 

[motobrewer]

Stories like this one scare the bejeezus out of me. One of the reasons why I don't want kids is I'd be terrified of ending up in circumstances like this poor woman, with a child that is entirely dependent on you and who will never be able to function independently. Who will look after the autistic daughter after the parents pass away? The poor woman basically has no life. What a miserable and depressing existence.

Stories like this one scare the bejeezus out of me. One of the reasons why I don't leave my house is I'd be terrified of ending up in circumstances like this poor guy, with a wife that is entirely dependent on you and who will never be able to function independently. Who will look after the wife after the husband pass away? The poor guy basically has no life. What a miserable and depressing existence.

in all seriousness, you have a very, very bleak outlook on life. It seems like you spend your days hunting for the 1% of misery in every situation. I feel sorry for you.

 

[TheCADJockey]

When I cooked at the steak house, we had a few autistic kids that would come in and help us prep a few days a week. They had more personality than the majority of people I've met in life. Sure we didn't give them the sharp knives, but they all helped immensely. Nobody has ever made me laugh as hard as they did. I miss them every time I cook.

 

[kombat]

One of the reasons why I don't leave my house is I'd be terrified of ending up in circumstances like this poor guy, with a wife that is entirely dependent on you and who will never be able to function independently.

I understand the point you are trying to make, but the situations are not analogous. The husband chose to marry a handicapped woman. Nobody chooses to have a mentally disabled child.

in all seriousness, you have a very, very bleak outlook on life. It seems like you spend your days hunting for the 1% of misery in every situation. I feel sorry for you.

I'm a realist. I seek to minimize my misery and maximize my happiness. If you have a kid, there is a risk of a great many different types of complications. Genetic disorders, disabilities, diseases, behavioural issues, and so on. And the surest way to reduce that risk (indeed, eliminate it altogether) is to simply not have kids at all. I can comfortably know that I will never end up in a situation such as that woman with the disabled daughter, so such fears don't keep me up at night.

 

[motobrewer]

I understand the point you are trying to make, but the situations are not analogous. The husband chose to marry a handicapped woman. Nobody chooses to have a mentally disabled child.

she chose to be in a debilitating car crash? Are you saying if your current wife got injured and was paralyzed you'd divorce her?

I'm a realist. I seek to minimize my misery and maximize my happiness. If you have a kid, there is a risk of a great many different types of complications. Genetic disorders, disabilities, diseases, behavioural issues, and so on. And the surest way to reduce that risk (indeed, eliminate it altogether) is to simply not have kids at all. I can comfortably know that I will never end up in a situation such as that woman with the disabled daughter, so such fears don't keep me up at night.

Sure, but, what are you going to do about reducing the risk of dying in a car crash? plane crash? eaten by shark? mets winning the world series?

Listen, you've decided that the potential downsides of having children outweigh the upsides. I respect your decision-making. But I'll reiterate that I find your focus on the 1% of misery very bizarre and I really do feel sorry for you.

 

[kombat]

she chose to be in a debilitating car crash?

Of course not, re-read what I wrote. I said it was the husband's choice whether or not to introduce such an individual into his life, while the mother of the disabled child did not get such a choice.

Are you saying if your current wife got injured and was paralyzed you'd divorce her?

Of course not. And that's not the scenario you originally laid out.

Sure, but, what are you going to do about reducing the risk of dying in a car crash? plane crash? eaten by shark?

Of course, I take whatever precautions possible to minimize such risk, including avoiding needlessly risky situations that increase such threats (i.e., I don't swim in shark-infested waters). But I don't fret that much about death. Once I'm dead, I won't care how I died or that I'm dead. Being a caregiver for a permanently mentally-disabled individual, however, that's a life sentence.

Listen, you've decided that the potential downsides of having children outweigh the upsides.

Is it that obvious?

I respect your decision-making.

Doesn't really feel like it.

But I'll reiterate that I find your focus on the 1% of misery very bizarre and I really do feel sorry for you.

I don't "focus on 1% of misery," but I do try to minimize misery in my life when things are a real threat and easily avoidable.

 

[Opiate42]

Does having three cats count as still not having kids?

Other than getting underfoot, hair on all my santized gear, hair in my wort, hair in my bottles, and knocking over glassware, hair on everything and anything.

Love the little furrians.

 

[GuldTuborg]

Nobody chooses to have a mentally disabled child.

Sure they do. Mentally disabled kids are adopted quite regularly. Not as often as non-disabled kids, of course, but it happens all the time.


As to the other debates going on, surely we all must realize the likelihood of having kids with debilitating disorders is quite low. If the risk is enough to cite as a reason for not having kids, I'd have to believe in most cases it is merely serving as a surface argument for someone who otherwise does not feel the urge to reproduce. I can't seriously imagine, for anyone who does not have known issues that greatly increase risk of severe disorders, it would be sufficient to prevent one from having children when they would otherwise want them.

The analogy to car accidents is apt. On a societal level, they happen all the time, but are rare for individuals. Most of the time, they are minor and manageable, but there are horrific examples, and that's what people focus their attention on, even though these worse types are very rare. If this risk is cited as a reason to not drive, it probably either is offered up as some kind of example from someone who has other, more compelling reasons, not to drive, or because there are other risk factors involved (e.g., blindness).

In the end, though, why does it matter why some people don't want to have kids? Why should they want to? What is strange, confusing, or threatening about them simply not wanting to have children? And what is strange about wanting to find others who have made similar choices?

It's funny that I started off this thread thinking I had no similar interests with the OP's desire for such community talking and such. But if most of your friends are roughly you own age, there comes a point when, in all likelihood, they will most all of them be reproducing at the same time. When that happens, you've largely lost your friends. Their lives are mostly about their young children, and they can't do much unless it's a play date or they've arranged a babysitter. Without children of your own, it's difficult to find time to spend doing things you all enjoy. It's a strange feeling, and it's really no surprise that someone in this position would want to find and make friends with other people that also do not have children. It's the only way you're going to have some semblance of a social life.

 

[motobrewer]

Of course not. And that's not the scenario you originally laid out.

splitting hairs a bit, but, sure. Let's say you're married, and, bam: paralyzed wife. are you going to walk away?

Doesn't really feel like it.

? Why not? I respect the decision to not have kids. I can't think of anything that I've said to convey otherwise.

I don't "focus on 1% of misery," but I do try to minimize misery in my life when things are a real threat and easily avoidable.

then, why on earth would you possibly rent a lambo to drive on a racetrack?

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

I understand the point you are trying to make, but the situations are not analogous. The husband chose to marry a handicapped woman. Nobody chooses to have a mentally disabled child.

Advances in genetic screening over the last decade have proven this to be false. People do have a choice these days. And many choose to proceed.

 

[Gavin C]

I for one am avidly awaiting the time the thread reverts to photoshopped images of censored feet.

 

[losMythos]

The most entertaining thing on this site is reading the first and then the last post on a long random thread.....How the hell do they stray so far.

 

[kombat]

Had a couple child-free friends visit us for the weekend for the craft beer festival in town last weekend. They drove down Friday night, we sampled a bunch of craft beers and devised an ad-hoc recipe for a Pale Ale. Saturday morning, I brewed 10 gallons of the pale ale (5 each) with the husband while the girls went shopping. Then we BBQ'd some burgers for lunch, and headed out to the festival. Stumbled back home that evening, met up with more mutual friends and hung out Saturday night. Sunday morning, slept in, then made a nice breakfast and watched "John Wick" with them before they headed back home.

We've got a lot of stuff planned in the next few weekends, things that would be more difficult or impossible if we had kids. Still enjoying the child-free life.

 

[Psylocide]

Haha... looks like your "somebody is talking about having a kid" sensor went off.

TO THE komBAT CAVE!

 

[kombat]

LOL! At least I'm not corrupting their precious thread with my "it's your funeral" talk.

 

[hunter_le five]

it's your funeral

Speaking of which, I was planning on starting a "Blissfully unmarried" thread, but then I remembered that will cease to be true for me in a few months.

Damned tricksy woman.

 

[TheCADJockey]

Speaking of which, I was planning on starting a "Blissfully unmarried" thread, but then I remembered that will cease to be true for me in a few months.

Damned tricksy woman.

I have completely unused, spare bedrooms if you need to run away.. rent is 2 cases of Dankosaurus per month.

 

[Psylocide]

I have completely unused, spare bedrooms if you need to run away.. rent is 2 cases of Dankosaurus per month.

Hey... what if I send my 2.5 year old with beer... put her up in a nice room over there?

 

[TheCADJockey]

Hey... what if I send my 2.5 year old with beer... put her up in a nice room over there?

If she can lift 50 lbs and drive a forklift, yeah I guess.