Best News Headlines

[day_trippr]

OWEEEE!!!!

Seagull rips off man’s testicle as he sunbathes naked.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Irony...

 

[Homercidal]

Irony...

Is that for real?

Paging Mike Hunt! Paging Mike Hunt!

 

[JonM]

He's out with Ben Dover, Oliver Klothesov, and Hugh Jass.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Is that for real?

Paging Mike Hunt! Paging Mike Hunt!

It's real, but she wasn't arrested for meth; here's the story:
http://kron4.com/2014/11/03/woman-named-crystal-metheney-shoots-missile-into-occupied-car/

 

[nmfree]

Man accidentally shoots nail into heart, drives himself to hospital

 

[harleybug88]

Photobombing at its greatest.

 

[bleme]

View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Brew1502989054.859222.jpg
Where did she teach? School for the Blind?!!?!?

 

[Hanglow]

 

[Inkleg]

So should I put a warning on my "Your N Gonna Like This Ale" that I have on tap?

 

[Murphys_Law]

This isn't a news headline but it made me think of this thread, and it made the inner teenager boy in me laugh...

I was in my bedroom and had the TV on (but not really paying attention) and I heard a commercial for the USPS, "This is about mail and packages..." and I had to do a little Bevis and Butthead laugh!

 

[nmfree]

 

[nmfree]

 

[Hanglow]

 

[KayaBrew]

Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all...nothing at all...nothing at all...

 

[hagar]

Some patients treated for putting sunblock in their eyes during eclipse

 

[nmfree]

Tinder date gets stuck in window after trying to retrieve own faeces[sic]

 

[day_trippr]

Obviously this isn't going to top ^that^
And it's more sobering than "Best".
But this is a wicked example of low-level nitwits wreaking potential havoc on an epic scale...

Failure to patch two-month-old bug led to massive Equifax breach

 

[nmfree]

Two drivers brawl in Lincoln Tunnel after one spray-paints penis onto the other’s truck

 

[Homercidal]

Two drivers brawl in Lincoln Tunnel after one spray-paints penis onto the other’s truck

Total D*** move.

 

[nmfree]

Does eating pineapple really change the way your vagina smells?

 

[nmfree]

Topless carwash raises cash for deputies wounded in gun battle at Rastafarian pot farm

 

[nmfree]

‘Unusual substance’ found in soap dispensers at a Detroit airport believed to be man’s bodily fluid

 

[nmfree]

FBI SEIZES OVER 3,000 PENISES DURING RAID AT MORGUE EMPLOYEE’S HOME

 

[Murphys_Law]

FBI SEIZES OVER 3,000 PENISES DURING RAID AT MORGUE EMPLOYEE’S HOME

The headline, combined with the picture...you win!

Mods, please close this thread because everything after this will seem normal!! :fro:

 

[CGVT]

Satire sites don't count.

 

[nmfree]

As God as my witness...

DROPPING TURKEYS FROM PLANES TRIGGERS ARKANSAS FESTIVAL FLAP

 

[day_trippr]

That was the best "WKRP" episode ever!

 

[nmfree]

Amorous bull's mating attempt with motor scooter goes awry

It begs the question, doesn't it? How would a bull successfully mate with a scooter?

 

[day_trippr]

It begs the question, doesn't it?

Yeah, how many quarter pounders would he make?

 

[nmfree]

Man spanks Orlando police horse, gets saddled with charges, authorities say

 

[nmfree]

Man locked in Kwik Trip beer cooler stays and drinks

 

[radwizard]

Oldy but Goody

 

[tmendick]

View attachment IMG_1943.jpg
Sounds good to me

 

[nmfree]

KC detective ends interview after suspect answers question with ‘loud fart’

 

[nmfree]

Egypt bridegroom shot in genitals during celebrations

 

[jafo28]

KC detective ends interview after suspect answers question with ‘loud fart’

Same story, different headline. http://home.suddenlink.net/news/read/article/the_associated_press-police_suspects_overwhelming_gas_shuts_down_interr-ap/category/news

 

[HoppyDaze]

View attachment IMG_7378.jpg

...

 

[KCBrewer]

Escort accused of shooting man in the head because he was bad at oral sex

 

[nmfree]

Diplomat Plunges 5 Stories to His Death During Trust Game: Police

(Warning: Autoplay)