I agree with the bulk of those who recommend a good honest talk about the topic. I would like to also suggest maybe a side gig to help differ the cost. I am an electrician so I collect scrap copper which can be fairly lucrative. The money I get from copper pays for brewing and nothing comes out of any house money
I agree!
...feels that you may start drinking too much, can create resentment of that hobby.
...
Just to point out the silliness of this, I've never been married, we've never met, you know nothing about me, and you're asking me for relationship advice.
First day on the internet?
I also try to make sure that I fully clean up plus a little more. Like when I make my yeast starter the kitchen is clean and dishes done. She likes brew time because she gets a cleaned and sanitized kitchen.
Tell her you could use the same equipment to make meth... would she prefer that?
A lot of good advice in here. Going to try to keep this short.wow! thanx for all the feedback. money is not an issue. I make more than the average income. In reading your comments I think the bigger issue is the time that I put into my beers.
Didn't read the whole thread, but as far as time goes I do try to minimize the impact on SWMBO. Whether its only brewing if she goes to visit her sister, or just during the day when she'll be out and about, that seems to help. My wife is supportive but would get annoyed if my brewing put her out a lot. I also took my brewing operation outside (Bayou classic burner), which also minimizes impact. Good luck!wow! thanx for all the feedback. money is not an issue. I make more than the average income. In reading your comments I think the bigger issue is the time that I put into my beers.
a lot of good advice in here. Going to try to keep this short.
Obviously the problem isn't brewing. It sounds like you're a younger guy in a new relationship. I'm not so old myself so i can relate to your social situation.
what i've come to understand is that the modern american woman is ridiculously insecure. They're raised to look for a knight in shining armor. In today's society that means someone who will cook,clean,work and give her the pants in the relationship. Basically, as a man, you're supposed to finish raising daddy's little girl for him. Since they don't know how to take care of themselves they act out and get insecure.
best way i've found to handle these is to not handle it. You want a husband or a dad? I'm no good? Find someone else. Nine times out of ten the neediness is to appease their lack of self esteem. If you start down that path and play the game she'll keep asking herself if you'll do another thing. Before you know she's cheating on you because you've let her push it that far. "if he can forgive me he really loves me." there's no end to that self serving, depressed state of mind.
Be the man in the relationship. Make the tough decisions. Even if it hurts.
A lot of good advice in here. Going to try to keep this short.
Obviously the problem isn't brewing. It sounds like you're a younger guy in a new relationship. I'm not so old myself so I can relate to your social situation.
What I've come to understand is that the modern American woman is ridiculously insecure. They're raised to look for a knight in shining armor. In today's society that means someone who will cook,clean,work and give her the pants in the relationship. Basically, as a man, you're supposed to finish raising daddy's little girl for him. Since they don't know how to take care of themselves they act out and get insecure.
Best way I've found to handle these is to not handle it. You want a husband or a dad? I'm no good? Find someone else. Nine times out of ten the neediness is to appease their lack of self esteem. If you start down that path and play the game she'll keep asking herself if you'll do another thing. Before you know she's cheating on you because you've let her push it that far. "If he can forgive me he really loves me." There's no end to that self serving, depressed state of mind.
Be the man in the relationship. Make the tough decisions. Even if it hurts.
wtf?
Totally true. Finding a woman without serious insecurities today is very difficult.
Totally true. Finding a woman without serious insecurities today is very difficult.
I guess I should feel lucky that my husband puts up with all my hobbies and allows me to make my own decisions about things I would like to do.
Oh, wait... did I mention I brew him beer?
I'm feeling pretty lucky reading this thread. My wife loves the smell when I brew (about the only smell I create she enjoys). She'll help me if I ask and she likes my brews better than any commercial or craft beer she's ever had (as do I). Her mom likes the stuff too, in fact I just gave my MIL a 12-pack to take home this past weekend.
I'd like to think that even if my wife didn't like beer or the smell, she'd still be OK with my homebrewing, since we want each other to be happy and support one another.
And you know what? Neither of us "wears the pants" - we actually treat each other as equals. Seems to work pretty well.
Actually, sometimes, yeah! Probably not so much as winter approaches, though.OMG you both run around naked from the waist down? Must be a fun household!
That's where that guy lost me. We're not all incapable of taking care of ourselves and we're not all looking for someone to take care of us.I agree with that sentiment. We do exist however. The main objection that I had was the generalization was made that all women are unable to take care of themselves.
That's where that guy lost me. We're not all incapable of taking care of ourselves and we're not all looking for someone to take care of us.
OP: Speaking only as a woman, if I felt as though I wasn't getting enough face time with my SO and he started a new hobby that took more time away from our time together, then I would likely feel some resentment. Likewise, I try to be cognizant of the time I spend on my hobbies. If my week rounds out to a point where there is only time to brew or time to spend with the better half then I will spend it with the better half, if he doesn't like brewing with me.
FWIW, I've been with guys who are insecure and have no hobbies. They bitched and moaned about my hobbies and it came down to time spent with them. So men can act and think similar to women. They tend not to admit it as freely.
Talk to your spouse, that will always result in a better outcome than asking online and hoping there is a cookie-cutter answer for everything. There is no shame in facing your problems and your balls will still be considered to be in tact, if that is a concern.
I love these marriage advice threads. It gets iffy when when you ask for marriage advice on a beer forum.
Sounds like you got a couple of pains in the @#$% in your life. This is more than a beer issue. Good luck.
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