When the zombie hordes come....

We're seriously fuqued!!!

Humans can be self centered a$$hats some times.

You get a bunch of people working together great...blasting zombies, collecting food and surviving fine...but you always end up with at least one twit that is either gonna horde food, or get's bitten and rather than swallows a bullet gets turned and bites all his friends in the a$$....Or some chickensh** goes and sells out his human friends to the zombie king in exchange for his own safety (though this one at least usually ends up getting eaten anyway...because even zombie kings have a sense of honor and abhor sellout bastards.)

Just like my drive in to work on the black ice today...You get 5 or 6 cars/semis slowly driving along together, leaving enough room on each side of each vehicle so no one has to hit their brakes on the black ice...

You know...Cooperating...

And inevitably some mofo in an suv with their highbeams blaring has to come up into the pack, ride our asses and/or dive in and around the gaps so s/he can get past us, which of course means that we all have to tap are breaks, and fishtail, and nearly pile up...

People can be self centered *****epaddles sometimes....

/rant

Well, if every single zombie flick ever is any guide, it will definitely be the selfishness, self-centered-ness, stupidity, or ego of the humans that are their ultimate demise. Which is why the genre has been a good vehicle for human self-reflection and criticism since NOTLD.

I've pretty much noticed that 9/10 jerkoffs on the highway are clouded by stupidity, ignorance selfishness or malice (or, more commonly, some combination of the above), which is why I have to drive extra-defensively. They should all be shanked.

but when you step back and look at it, it's probably more a case of noticing the bad drivers and getting worked up about them, while not really noticing the good drivers most of the time. Good drivers don't make the headlines, in other words. I mean, really, when you think about it, you have millions of these multi-ton hunks of steel and glass driving around at very high speeds in very close proximity to each other...all piloted by inherently flawed (and I mean in a practical sense, not in some sort of ******* hoobajoob "original sin" sense) hunks of blood, flesh and bone. It's actually a wonder we don't have more accidents.

My friend....you won't believe this...but when I wrote this rant...I KNEW you'd be the first responder....I figured the zombie title alone would sucker you in...




AND you're right about it...I'm kinda glad we DON'T have flying cars..can you imagine the people flying, doing their nails, talking on the cellphone and checking email several hundred feet off the ground?


I forgot I made this awhile back...

I hear ya barking!

But if it came down to it could you really survive the Outbreak?
The Outbreak
A fun zombie survival game.

glad I could live up to expectations.

speaking of zombies, just try going into a Sam's Club right before christmas. Seriously, with a little bit of makeup, that could have easily been a scene used in a zombie flick. The wife and I would just walk around and moan like zombies at everyone. Nobody really noticed. I guess it was a combination of all the old folks, with a sort of slowed-down attitude of the holidays...then you factor in that most Sam's Club customers are like that all the time, and, well, it's Dawn of the Dead in real life. Braaaaaains! BRAAAIIIINNNNSSSSS!!!! ugh, i can just see them now, lumbering along with a limp because one leg is fatter than the other, hanging onto the cart for dear life because they can't walk on their own, mouth hanging open, eyes glazed over, no particular path in mind. Squint your eyes, it's Dawn of the Dead.

I talked to my mom a few days before xmas, she was going to the grocery store and asked if I needed anything for the xmas dinner. I told her to watch out. "Watch out for what?", she asked. "The Living Dead", I said. "Huh? Where?" "The grocery store. You'll see."

Revvy said:

People can be self centered *****epaddles sometimes....

Click to expand...

"*****epaddle"? Is that like "up your own ****** without a paddle"? The thought of paddling through ****** is not a pleasant thought at brekkie time!

Evan! said:

I talked to my mom a few days before xmas, she was going to the grocery store and asked if I needed anything for the xmas dinner. I told her to watch out. "Watch out for what?", she asked. "The Living Dead", I said. "Huh? Where?" "The grocery store. You'll see."

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Why, for some reason, can I just picture that perfectly in my head. For you and ETOJ, that scene plays out perfectly in my head.

I'll be a food hording SOB when the zombie attack comes. Zombie or alive, anything that comes within 500 yards of the compound will get a 7mm round right between the blinkers. Unless it's Gwen Stephani. Even as a Zombie she would probably still be really hot.

Same goes for bad drivers.

Luckily for me, I have this book: The Zombie Survival Guide, Max Brooks, Book - Barnes & Noble

I actually know 2 other people who have read the book, and they are both gun nuts, so I might band together with them.

I just hope that it's not vampires. I'm totally unprepared for a vampire invasion.

Evan! said:

...9/10 jerkoffs on the highway are clouded by stupidity, ignorance selfishness or malice (or, more commonly, some combination of the above), which is why I have to drive extra-defensively...

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Try motoring around on a motorcycle.

Soccer moms on cell phones are the worst.

i'm going to hole up at my friends house with a bunch of firearms, ammunition, water, malt, propane and food. maybe i should get some chickens, too. eggs and chicken sounds good. i think i could survive off eggs, fresh chicken, canned goods, beer and water for a long time. ok, maybe i'll store a few bottles of scotch, too.

anyone comes through the door, you're getting your face blasted off. zombie or not, you're still trespassing

so, yeah, i'll be fine. and drunk. :cross:

DeathBrewer said:

i'm going to hole up at my friends house with a bunch of firearms, ammunition, water, malt, propane and food. maybe i should get some chickens, too. eggs and chicken sounds good. i think i could survive off eggs, fresh chicken, canned goods, beer and water for a long time. ok, maybe i'll store a few bottles of scotch, too.

anyone comes through the door, you're getting your face blasted off. zombie or not, you're still trespassing

so, yeah, i'll be fine. and drunk. :cross:

Click to expand...

So you're saying the zombie invasion will look like a typical Saturday night for you.

Decojuicer said:

I just hope that it's not vampires. I'm totally unprepared for a vampire invasion.

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I'll help you with vamps, if you help me with zombies...don't forget as a minister, if they just touch my Holy a$$ed self they burst into flames...plus I can consecrate GALLONS of Holy water, all we need is a firetruck and my spell book...er I mean my minister's manual and we'd be all set.

god i love zombies.

chainsawbrewing said:

god i love zombies.

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Hey we haven't had a good zombie thread in awhile...and I do believe this may be the first zombie thread of 2009!!!!!

alright...let's celebrate! i'm grabbing a beer at lunch!

oh, wait...i was gonna do that anyway...

maybe i'll have TWO!!!

here's a few zombie photos from my personal collection to commencerate this thread. god i love zombies.

shecky said:

So you're saying the zombie invasion will look like a typical Saturday night for you.

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pretty much, except the dead hooker won't be quite as fresh.

DeathBrewer said:

i'm going to hole up at my friends house with a bunch of firearms, ammunition, water, malt, propane and food. maybe i should get some chickens, too. eggs and chicken sounds good. i think i could survive off eggs, fresh chicken, canned goods, beer and water for a long time. ok, maybe i'll store a few bottles of scotch, too.

anyone comes through the door, you're getting your face blasted off. zombie or not, you're still trespassing

so, yeah, i'll be fine. and drunk. :cross:

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Hmm I was gonna reply but sh** DB already posted what I was gonna say.

Oh and I have four cats and a dog. They probably aren't tasty, but their fur could make blankets.

DeathBrewer said:

pretty much, except the dead hooker won't be quite as fresh.

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But at least this time she'd move on her own...

I might be able to scrounge up a fire truck or 2. In fact, I fire truck might be a good multipurpose vehicle for zombies OR vampires. Either way, if you use the water cannon on top, you can knock the zombies down or spray the vampires with holy water.

Not to mention, it wouldn't hurt to have another brewer along. You'll need to get you hands on at least 3 guns, a sword, a machete, and a Devo CD...no, make that a Night Ranger CD, the one with Sister Christian.

Decojuicer said:

I might be able to scrounge up a fire truck or 2. In fact, I fire truck might be a good multipurpose vehicle for zombies OR vampires. Either way, if you use the water cannon on top, you can knock the zombies down or spray the vampires with holy water.

Not to mention, it wouldn't hurt to have another brewer along. You'll need to get you hands on at least 3 guns, a sword, a machete, and a Devo CD...no, make that a Night Ranger CD, the one with Sister Christian.

Click to expand...

We figure on here that that when society collapses and water treatment no longer works that we brewer's will dub ourselves bringer of the sacred barley water, and trade our goods for nubile human slave wenches...We'd be treated as GODs...Gods I say!!! ooops...

That's one of the reasons for the https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f12/ga...r-experiment-69313/?highlight=Grocery+Produce thread...to be able to make beer even without the traditional ingredients....

And I'll bring BOTH CD's.

DeathBrewer said:

pretty much, except the dead hooker won't be quite as fresh.

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Ahhh, a 10-82.

Revvy said:

But at least this time she'd move on her own...

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indeed...that sounds much more pleasant. i wouldn't have to use the strings!

i'm all for the zombie apocalypse! bring it on, ****ers! we're ready!

(btw, revvy...you're one twisted freak. no wonder we get along.)

Revvy said:

We figure on here that that when society collapses and water treatment no longer works that we brewer's will dub ourselves bringer of the sacred barley water, and trade our goods for nubile human slave wenches...We'd be treated as GODs...Gods I say!!! ooops...

That's one of the reasons for the https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f12/ga...r-experiment-69313/?highlight=Grocery+Produce thread...to be able to make beer even without the traditional ingredients....

And I'll bring BOTH CD's.

Click to expand...

Lucky for me, I still can access the well on my property. I also have access to an artesian spring. My beer will be legendary!! The slave girls will be MINE!!!!!

My 16 year old daughter has dreams of making movies(as a writer and director), and she has been talking about making a zombie flick. This has given me a couple of ideas to pass along to her.

It has also given me a couple ideas for future parties at my place. What do you say Revvy?? How do you think a Zombipocalypse party would go??

Decojuicer said:

Luckily for me, I have this book: The Zombie Survival Guide, Max Brooks, Book - Barnes & Noble

I actually know 2 other people who have read the book, and they are both gun nuts, so I might band together with them.

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Great book... I have it as well... Very informative... I have my contingency in place...

Plenty of weapons and ammo... I know where I am headed in case of infestation... Large building, no windows, limited secure entrances, decent power supply... All I have to do it hit a few grocery stores on the way...

BRAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNS!!!!!

Decojuicer said:

Lucky for me, I still can access the well on my property. I also have access to an artesian spring. My beer will be legendary!! The slave girls will be MINE!!!!!

My 16 year old daughter has dreams of making movies(as a writer and director), and she has been talking about making a zombie flick. This has given me a couple of ideas to pass along to her.

It has also given me a couple ideas for future parties at my place. What do you say Revvy?? How do you think a Zombipocalypse party would go??

Click to expand...

OH yeah!!!!!!!!! That might nearly be as fun as your talk like a pirate day party!!!

Come as your favorite zombie or zombie slayer. What style of beer should we showcase at a zombie party?

Also, then we would have an excuse to have a bunch of the living dead still on my floor the next morning.

Decojuicer said:

Also, then we would have an excuse to have a bunch of the living dead still on my floor the next morning.

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Hehehe....That WAS NOT a problem at the Pirate Party was it?

Wow what is it with homebrewers and the zombie obsession. Tonight at the beer club meeting this very topic came up, and these guys don't even hang out on HBT... they decided that when the zombies come around, we'll all be safe, because we have hops and the zombies are BMC drinkers.

Not to mention, we'll get all the chicks, since we have beer and nobody else will. Neener neener neener.

What, you didn't get into homebrewing because you don't have any other post apocalyptic skills? I suppose you could get into whoring, but not everyone can be a whore, you know.

Now that I have my own place, it's time for me to start making.... preparations...

I think Maybe Northern Brewer ihas a lot to do with it, every now and then their BYO or Zymurgy ads or catalog covers talking about the coming zombipocalypse..

This one is recent.

Revvy, you think you could cram any more snark into your new sig

On a quasi-serious note, there are 'Versus' questions where one side will make beer and the other side will make pure, unadulterated evil. Like, for instance:

"Should I ferment my beer in a glass carboy, or the chest cavity of a felled elk?"

"Should I pitch S-04, or Fleishmann's?"

"Should I use Malted grains, or can I use feed from the Tractor Supply Company?"

"What's the difference between fermenting my beer at 85f versus 65f?"

"Is it okay to crush my grains with a hammer?"

"If I add granulated table sugar to water and ferment with bread yeast, and people laugh at me when I ask why my "beer" is cloudy, are they elitist ass-c*nts?"

etc., etc. You're prone to absolutism, I know (just look at your "never dump your beer!" thread---some beer SHOULD be dumped!), but, well...just wanted to give you sh*t.

Revvy said:

I think Maybe Northern Brewer ihas a lot to do with it, every now and then their BYO or Zymurgy ads or catalog covers talking about the coming zombipocalypse..

This one is recent.

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Is there any evidence backing up their claims?? I'd like to see the data. If Trappist style beers really do repel zombies, then I will start brewing now. Nothing like have 100 gallons of tripples on hand, "just in case".

Decojuicer said:

Is there any evidence backing up their claims?? I'd like to see the data. If Trappist style beers really do repel zombies, then I will start brewing now. Nothing like have 100 gallons of tripples on hand, "just in case".

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This guy seems to think so....Alcohol and Ammunition: Zombie Repellent

Well, even if it doesn't work, at least you'll be pretty druck when they eat your brains.

I dunno, if you read World War Z, it's humanity's selfishness that saves the race. The Redeker Plan sets up safe zones in small areas protected by a natural barrier (US capital moves to Hawaii, for instance) while small groups of people are kept outside of the safe zones to act a diversions for attacking zombies, giving preparation time to the safe zones.

It was a monstrous plan, but it kept the race going.

If I was to be caught up in a zombie apocalypse, I'd be the guy making all the preparations to save everyone then get shot when a soldier mistakes my exhausted ass for a zombie.

So, I'd basically be Ben, but... you know... white.

Has anybody seen my Shaun of the Dead DVD?? I can't find it any where. Mother F*****!!!

I threw it at a zombie in my backyard. The DVD is lodged in it's forehead, if you'd like to retrieve it!

Man, I knew that it would end up being something like that. I just want to know how it got from my house in Michigan, to Delaware?? Maybe it was carried by a couple of swallows.

Wait, forget I said that.