Messing with SWMBO

iaefebs · Oct 3, 2012

Yuri_Rage said:
No more namecalling and bickering...and certainly no more suggestions that one might intentionally use bottle bombs as a prank or ****y trap.

I would love to be a Mod and see what that was all about.

emjay · Oct 3, 2012

Yuri_Rage said:
No more namecalling and bickering...and certainly no more suggestions that one might intentionally use bottle bombs as a prank or ****y trap.

Sorry. I'm not sure what role I played in that but I apologize if I started anything... that was not my intention whatsoever.

dallasdb · Oct 3, 2012

I rarely prank my wife anymore. She goes straight for the genitals!

Whattawort · Oct 3, 2012

masonsjax said:
I like to follow her most serious comments with "that's what you think". She loves that.

That's what she said.

I like to stand behind the bathroom door in the mornings. I'll usually wait until she sits down to do her thing before I scare her. Figure if she's gonna have the pee scared out of her, what better place. I'm considerate like that. That and I can get away faster if she's in-process.

CreamyGoodness · Oct 4, 2012

New one: Prepare Cornish Game hens for dinner. Present her a pretty plate of dinner and wait till she takes her first bite.

Now pick up the whole game hen in your bare hands, take a huge bite out of the moist "oyster" area on the bottom and growl "mmmmm!" Make sure you get gravy and/or grease on your mouth when you do so.

paulster2626 · Oct 4, 2012

CreamyGoodness said:
New one: Prepare Cornish Game hens for dinner. Present her a pretty plate of dinner and wait till she takes her first bite.

Now pick up the whole game hen in your bare hands, take a huge bite out of the moist "oyster" area on the bottom and growl "mmmmm!" Make sure you get gravy and/or grease on your mouth when you do so.

Just eat something on the way home, then make dinner. But you don't eat anything because you "aren't hungry". Just sit there and watch her eat. Creeeepy.

TyTanium · Oct 4, 2012

dallasdb said:
I rarely prank my wife anymore. She goes straight for the genitals!

Some would consider that a good thing.

paulster2626 · Oct 4, 2012

If you've got one of those pull-out sprayer things on your kitchen sink, just aim it outwards and tape the handle shut. When she turns on the water, she gets sprayed. It's so annoying.

Hamsterbite · Oct 4, 2012

CreamyGoodness said:
New one: Prepare Cornish Game hens for dinner. Present her a pretty plate of dinner and wait till she takes her first bite.

Now pick up the whole game hen in your bare hands, take a huge bite out of the moist "oyster" area on the bottom and growl "mmmmm!" Make sure you get gravy and/or grease on your mouth when you do so.

I like it. Get a little more dressed up than you normally would too...get her wondering.
Spitting the bones onto the floor would also be a nice touch IMO. Then, present her with a gift wrapped coffee travel mug and tell her how special she is to you.
Optional: You may want to put a real gift inside the coffee mug, otherwise you may get hit with it. There is always the risk that you'll get hit with it anyway though.

the_bird · Oct 4, 2012

I'm going to show this thread to the_Wife, just so I can tell her "see, relative to these ********s I'm not THAT immature!"

velorider11 · Oct 4, 2012

"Ask who her favorite US President was. If she is awesome, she will say Lincoln. If she's not so awesome she will say Washington, because seriously what a copout. If she's Canadian, I dont know what to tell you"

Not to hijack the thread Creamy but you said it. Why would picking Washington be a cop out?

CreamyGoodness · Oct 4, 2012

velorider11 said:
"Ask who her favorite US President was. If she is awesome, she will say Lincoln. If she's not so awesome she will say Washington, because seriously what a copout. If she's Canadian, I dont know what to tell you"

Not to hijack the thread Creamy but you said it. Why would picking Washington be a cop out?

Well it was definitely more an attempt to be funny than anything, but Washington is the President everyone claims to like best, out of a feeling of duty and/or because they dont know any other presidents.

HawksBrewer · Oct 4, 2012

CreamyGoodness said:
or because they dont know any other presidents.

I think this is more often the case. Sad.

paulster2626 · Oct 4, 2012

Here's one. Make a horrible mess on the ceramic stove when she's out. I tell ya, I looked away for one bloody second...

She's gonna kill me.

dataz722 · Oct 4, 2012

paulster2626 said:
Here's one. Make a horrible mess on the ceramic stove when she's out. I tell ya, I looked away for one bloody second...

She's gonna kill me.

View attachment 78340

I like how you made sure to take the time to take a pic while it was still bubbling instead of cleaning it up. We appreciate the devotion but it might be best if she didn't know that part.

paulster2626 · Oct 4, 2012

I can't exactly clean it while its still in liquid hot magma form though!

Actually found out a good tric for cleaning it - took some ice cubes from the sink where the starter was cooling and just rubbed em around the mess. Literally a 2 minute clean up job.

nukebrewer · Oct 6, 2012

I just found one that I'll probably put into my permanent repertoire. Remember the movie Waiting where they play the game about getting each other to look at their balls? Did that to SWMBO three times just now. What? It's her own fault for looking. Obviously I don't take credit for the idea, but I had completely forgotten about it until I was randomly sitting around in nothing but my robe and decided to show her the goods.

bottlebomber · Oct 6, 2012

nukebrewer said:
I just found one that I'll probably put into my permanent repertoire. Remember the movie Waiting where they play the game about getting each other to look at their balls? Did that to SWMBO three times just now. What? It's her own fault for looking. Obviously I don't take credit for the idea, but I had completely forgotten about it until I was randomly sitting around in nothing but my robe and decided to show her the goods.

I have one that's kind of similar. You cut a hole in a box and pull your Johnson out of your zipper through the hole. Then you walk up to the wife all business like and say "Hey honey, where do you think I should put this?". She will naturally look in the box, 100% of the time. It helps if she doesn't see you shuffling trying to keep it in the hole.

emjay · Oct 6, 2012

bottlebomber said:
I have one that's kind of similar. You cut a hole in a box and pull your Johnson out of your zipper through the hole. Then you walk up to the wife all business like and say "Hey honey, where do you think I should put this?". She will naturally look in the box, 100% of the time. It helps if she doesn't see you shuffling trying to keep it in the hole.

Hmmm... where have I heard that idea before? It sounds so familiar...

[ame]www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg[/ame]

nukebrewer · Oct 6, 2012

bottlebomber said:
I have one that's kind of similar. You cut a hole in a box and pull your Johnson out of your zipper through the hole. Then you walk up to the wife all business like and say "Hey honey, where do you think I should put this?". She will naturally look in the box, 100% of the time. It helps if she doesn't see you shuffling trying to keep it in the hole.

Nice. I have yet to try that one. I feel like mine would only fall for it once, but I'll give it a shot.

bottlebomber · Oct 6, 2012

emjay said:
Hmmm... where have I heard that idea before? It sounds so familiar...

Video Link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

Lol! I knew I couldn't have been the only person to do this. I haven't watched any SNL later than the 90's but maybe they deserve a second chance

Beer_is_good_for_you · Oct 6, 2012

nukebrewer said:
I just found one that I'll probably put into my permanent repertoire. Remember the movie Waiting where they play the game about getting each other to look at their balls? Did that to SWMBO three times just now. What? It's her own fault for looking. Obviously I don't take credit for the idea, but I had completely forgotten about it until I was randomly sitting around in nothing but my robe and decided to show her the goods.

I do that probably daily, so often she just raises an eyebrow like "Really, again?"

bottlebomber said:
Lol! I knew I couldn't have been the only person to do this. I haven't watched any SNL later than the 90's but maybe they deserve a second chance

Check out Lonely Island on Youtube, there's some funny stuff on there.

Probably one of my favorite things to do is crack open the bathroom door while she's showering and peek in the curtain ( I can do this standing in the hallway) and see how long it takes her to notice.

emjay · Oct 6, 2012

Beer_is_good_for_you said:
Check out Lonely Island on Youtube, there's some funny stuff on there.

Indeed. This is one of my favorites but I think "**** in my Pants" and "I'm on a Boat" take the cake (and after the first one, I really don't want it back!) The Chex Mix one is another that I really remember.

Zuljin · Oct 6, 2012

static said:
It you have one and can, park your motorcycle or bring your roll away tool box or any other garage related item like the lawn mower into the living room. When she freaks out tell her it was cold out and you didn't want it to get lonely.

I've drug so many things in the house to work on that it's normal to her now.

bottlebomber said:
...shuffling trying to keep it in the hole.

This made me think of two dogs doing it.

Zuljin · Oct 6, 2012

Act like you have something in your closed hands and try to give it to her. I don't know why she thinks I'd be holding something that is stinging or biting me just to give it to her, but she does.

Act like you're throwing something at her. Every now and then, do.

BrewerBear · Oct 7, 2012

HawksBrewer said:
I think this is more often the case. Sad.

It may be that they do know other presidents.That is sad too.

static · Oct 9, 2012

Slap her butt and tell her she had a mosquito. Works best in the winter.

stamandster · Oct 10, 2012

Why harass just the wife? Harass the kids too!

H-ost · Oct 10, 2012

HAHA! Kid can dance better than I can.

CreamyGoodness · Oct 10, 2012

Hide one of each of her shoes.

Messing with SWMBO

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