Things that happen to all New Yorkers over time

[CreamyGoodness]

Living in New York, for as short a time as a single year, makes one kind of weird. A lot of people cant hack it, and a lot of people (like myself) cant fathom living anywhere else. I figured maybe sharing some truisms about what happens to all residents of New York City could shed some light on why we (read: why Creamy) is/are so odd.

* You purchase a granny cart.

* You have the number to a laundromat, liquor store, 24 hour diner and grocery store that deliver directly to your apartment.

* You know what the Vendy Award is.

* If you live long enough, you will run into everyone you have ever met a second time.

* When traveling, someone has asked you "oh you're from New York! Do you know this guy Bill I know?"

* Shoes come in one color. Black. No other colors.

* You actively enjoy seeing huge rats on the subway tracks. You watch them as if they are entertainment. If the same said rat gets up on the platform, you will be an active participant in the panic that breaks out.

* You spend more time than one would expect explaining that the murder your friends or family saw on the national news actually happened quite far away from you, and you are currently as safe as you have ever been.

* Drag Queens and Transvestites are so commonly seen that you dont even notice half the time. On at least one occassion such a person has rung up your purchase at the register, and you have had at least one drunken conversation with another.

* You develope a new label for people you meet. "Harmless Crazy". The lady that chatted you up on the grocery store line with the live parrot on her shoulder was in no way frightening... she was just harmless crazy.

* You know at least one homeless person by name, and have given him either change or returnable bottles on a number of occassions. You decline to shake his hand, however.

* A dog not on a leash with no owner to be seen has the potential of causing a panic.

* The idea of a TGI Fridays opening up near you pisses you off. The idea of a Starbucks opening near you makes you rejoice.

* You werent thrilled to pay $9 for a Becks that one time... but you did it.

* You have spent upwards of a month NOT driving a motor vehicle. In fact, you might not have driven one in 10 years.

* Every single man in NYC, despite the smell of rotting garbage, counts the summer as his favorite season.

* You have absolutely no idea where you can get a can of Fixaflat.

* You or someone you know has paid >$400 for a pair of sunglasses

* You have never seen a police officer pull over a motorist in the 5 boroughs ever.

* Movie filmings are an annoyance. You have heard yourself say "If you get between me and the door to my apartment one more time because you are filming, I am going to kick your ass". You meant it.

* You know what Ethiopian, Cypriot, Columbian, Dominican, Egyptian, Syrian, Korean, and Vietnamese food taste like. In fact, you have a favorite restaurant for each.

* You still cant believe California and even... sigh... Texas have better Mexican food.

 

[satph]

I never owned a granny cart, but my wife did, so I guess I did too.

I don't remember liquor stores delivering. But I bought my first DVD player and a pint of ice cream from kozmo.com or maybe it was urbanfetch.com. It was delivered in under an hour and it was cheaper than anywhere else.

Speaking of Vendys, how about midtownlunch.com?

I like my cordovan shoes. But that's as far from black as I'll venture.

I never liked Starbucks. But you can see at least two from anywhere along Broadway on the UWS.

I have some cousins that are in their 60s and have never driven a car or held a driver's license.

I saw a motorcycle cop with a radar gun operating a speed trap in Central Park near the entrance 90th and 5th once in the 1990s.

I had Himalayan food once. I don't have a favorite, but I do have a least favorite Himalayan joint. La Caridad is my favorite BYO Cuban Chinese restaurant. I used to like Penang for Malaysian on Spring Street, but it's long gone.

They were filming Die Hard 3 on West 72nd when I lived there. Some idiot with a headset told me I couldn't walk to my apartment building. Luckily he/she didn't try to stop me, because the headset probably wouldn't have tasted very good.

The only homeless person who's name I knew was in Philly. Speaking of Philly, the school newspaper sent an issue out the summer before my freshman year, and there was a murder across the street from my dorm. But they do have better cheesesteaks in Philly.

 

[Inkleg]

Please expand on the dog + no leash + no owner = panic?

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Please expand on the dog + no leash = panic?

Outside of dog parks you never ever see a dog that isnt on a leash (and if he IS off leash his guy is right next to him). The only possible explanations for a dog running around off leash are some sort of emergency. Hell, if the dog simply got loose you can almost always hear "Fido! Get back here!"

 

[Inkleg]

Outside of dog parks you never ever see a dog that isnt on a leash (and if he IS off leash his guy is right next to him). The only possible explanations for a dog running around off leash are some sort of emergency. Hell, if the dog simply got loose you can almost always hear "Fido! Get back here!"

Gotcha, was curious if it was like rat panic on the platform.
On the rat note, remember if it's smaller than a bread box it can be punted.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Dude yesterday I saw one at 14th st. with a missing tail that had to be as big as my friend's 13 lb. cat. If you kicked that sucker you'd just piss him off, and you wouldnt like him pissed off.

 

[hunter_le five]

I drove through New York City once, about two years ago. Never stopped to get out. Seems like a strange place.

 

[unionrdr]

We had pack rats 2 feet long in the Ford Foundry in Cleveland. Not like the baby ones y'all got. These things hunt the cats...

 

[Tin4]

* You still cant believe California and even... sigh... Texas have better Mexican food.

We should. We were Mexico before we were Texas (the food here is amazing).

 

[CreamyGoodness]

We should. We were Mexico before we were Texas (the food here is amazing).

Yes Yes of course but do you know how many hundreds of thousands of Mexican and Mexican Americans we have in NYC? Youd think we'd get it right!

 

[hunter_le five]

Yes Yes of course but do you know how many hundreds of thousands of Mexican and Mexican Americans we have in NYC? Youd think we'd get it right!

[sarcasm font] Good point, we don't have any here. All our Mexican food is cooked by native-born whities. [/sarcasm font]

 

[Zuljin]

I'm really surprised Taco Bell is a thing in Texas. Really. We can get better and cheaper from a gut truck.

 

[unionrdr]

I was just wondering if you NYC types get those red hot dogs from Texas? They're full of cayenne pepper. Good grilled.

 

[Homercidal]

This has in no way increased my desire to visit NY City.

 

[HarborTownBrewing]

I can empathize with this, living in Chicago. Some similarities, some differences, but similar things in general (particularly the dog not-on-a-leash. That's terrifying).

It's funny - growing up in rural Michigan and watching Seinfeld, I didn't think much of some of the characters' problems. After moving to a big city though, I discovered a whole new meaning to so many of the jokes!!!

 

[Beernik]

Don't be too impressed the list of ethnic food choices. I can get all that in the SLC metro.

What there isn't anymore is a Cuban-Puerto Rican restaurant. But I married a Puerto Rican, so I have a steady supply of lechon asado.

Over all it sounds fun. But I'd still rather live where the deer outnumber people 10 to 1.

 

[The_Bishop]

You just made a list of why I avoid all overcrowded metro areas at any cost, and moved as far away as I was able as soon as I could. When I retire it will be farther still.

 

[Darwin18]

New York City folks think they're New Yorkers........hahahahaha.

You guys are your own breed that's for sure.

 

[Tin4]

Yes Yes of course but do you know how many hundreds of thousands of Mexican and Mexican Americans we have in NYC? Youd think we'd get it right!

I do. Clearly they don't want to share it with you. Mexican food in terms of international cuisine doesn't get enough attention.

I'm really surprised Taco Bell is a thing in Texas. Really. We can get better and cheaper from a gut truck.

I love Taco Bell. Don't know why, just do.

 

[hunter_le five]

The key is to realize that Taco Bell is not actually Mexican food. It's in an entirely different class altogether. Druck food. Then its existence makes sense.

If I want Mexican food, I'll go to a taco truck or hole-in-the-wall taqueria.
If I'm druck or stoned (hypothetically) and its 3am, I'll go to Taco Bell.

Of course one has to apply to term "food" liberally when referring to Taco Bell.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

The best Mexican I have had (and Ive been to Mexico) was in San Francisco. My sister-in-law, who lives in San Francisco and was with me at the time, claims the best Mexican she has had was in Austin. I tend to believe her.

I grew up in a town that can best be described as "in between two other towns you might or might not have heard of". The population in the town itself was 1780 last census. Quite frankly the idea of living like that ever again makes me panicky. When people brag about how few people they have in their zipcode I think they must be complaining at first.

 

[HarborTownBrewing]

Not that this thread is about Mexican food or anything (kinda), but the best mexican food I ever had was in Houston, at a kinda-sorta-fast-food joint called Torchys. Holy crap it was freaking fantastic.

But I've learned over the years that everyone's opinion of Mexican food varies greatly - especially whether or not they believe it's "real" Mexican food. From what I've read and overheard, the Mexicans need a sort of Reinheitsgebot just to set straight what "real" Mexican food is.

 

[hunter_le five]

Not that this thread is about Mexican food or anything

It is now.

but the best mexican food I ever had was in Houston, at a kinda-sorta-fast-food joint called Torchys. Holy crap it was freaking fantastic.

They're a chain. 29 stores I think? Pretty good tacos, but more geared towards hipsters and yuppies than authentic Mexican cuisine.

But I've learned over the years that everyone's opinion of Mexican food varies greatly - especially whether or not they believe it's "real" Mexican food. From what I've read and overheard, the Mexicans need a sort of Reinheitsgebot just to set straight what "real" Mexican food is.

Troo. Most American's perception of Mexican food is either "Tex-Mex", "Southwestern" or "Taco Bell". Neither of those three are really authentic though. My standard is "what do actual mexicans from Mexico eat" and the answer is not "On The Border" or "Chipotle".

 

[Rockn_M]

Not that this thread is about Mexican food or anything (kinda), but the best mexican food I ever had was in Houston, at a kinda-sorta-fast-food joint called Torchys. Holy crap it was freaking fantastic.

But I've learned over the years that everyone's opinion of Mexican food varies greatly - especially whether or not they believe it's "real" Mexican food. From what I've read and overheard, the Mexicans need a sort of Reinheitsgebot just to set straight what "real" Mexican food is.

If you are talking about Torchy's Tacos, you are correct. They are awesome tacos. There is also a secret menu that you can order from.

 

[HarborTownBrewing]

Torchy's Tacos it is indeed. Yeah, I understand they are out of Austin and are a spreading franchise. I had no expectations, but couldn't believe the flavors coming from a freaking taco and queso dip. I wasn't even hungry when I ate it!

Also tried Ninfa's Original on Navigation Blvd in Houston. That was pretty good, but maybe a bit too "authentic" for me

We have lots of Mexican food here, but I never go to the areas to get it. I'm really missin' out!

 

[Zuljin]

Yeah. I get that. Taco Bell is American industrialized fast food. But still...

I went to Mexico and ate gyros. They were delicious!

 

[Zuljin]

And tonight's dinner was left over pot roast, toasted in the toaster oven, with potatoes, with some Tony's sprinkled over it, on warm tortillas with a little mayo and some brown drippings gravy for dipping.

 

[Yooper]

I do. Clearly they don't want to share it with you. Mexican food in terms of international cuisine doesn't get enough attention.

My favorite Mexican is a hole-in-the-wall place with sloping floors (but a roof and everything) just near Shiner, TX. They have the most wonderful al pastor I've ever had and other great things.

But one in Rockport is pretty awesome, too. The funny thing is, they were looking for a waitress last winter and the sign said "MUST be bilingual", but I've never heard even one person speak English in there. Except for Bob. And he mostly points in English. At lunch time, it's filled with Mexican men worker types, as it's pretty fast.

Bob whispers to me, "What's lengua? What's barbacoa? What's menudo?" I just tell him, "Oh, you'll LOVE that", and he always does.

I love visiting cities, but wouldn't ever be able to live in one anymore. We live in town, and last night after I went to bed and a car drove by and it woke me up. It's DARK at night here (ask some of the HBT'ers that have come up to visit!) and very very very quiet.

We have less than 10,000 people and one traffic light in our whole COUNTY. I know literally everybody in the area. I like it that way, most of the time. I don't lock my house or car and kids play outside in the yard. It really is a nice place to be, except for the winter.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

And tonight's dinner was left over pot roast, toasted in the toaster oven, with potatoes, with some Tony's sprinkled over it, on warm tortillas with a little mayo and some brown drippings gravy for dipping.

what the flocc is wrong with you?!? I thought I knew you.

 

[Zuljin]

Hey. You get out whut you put in.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Hey. You get out whut you put in.

NNNNnnnnnoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! stop talking!!!! lalalalallalalalalalalallalalalalala!!!!!!!

 

[Zuljin]

It was kind of greasy, too. Glistened. With little bits of carrot, potatoes and meat in it.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

I'd still rather live where the deer outnumber people 10 to 1.

Same here!
I'd like to visit NYC once though, eat at some of the greatest delis & pizzarias in the world, see some of the sights; and then get the hell out of there!
Regards, GF.

EDIT: And have a beer or 6 with Creamygoodness.
Regards, GF.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

With all my complaining I can also wax poetic for hours. Tourists and residents almost magically have very different experiences here. This place demands utter loyalty from her inhabitants, and always gives back what she is given tenfold. Love her and she will love you. For this reason when people say "New York City is alive" they mean it literally. She is a living organism. She is capable of love, hate, brutality and generosity.

At some of my lowest points in life some of the most amazing things have happened. I wasnt watching once, when I stepped into the crosswalk and felt a hand grab my coat. When I finally got my head out of my ass I realized that a suburban had sped by literally less than 3 inches from my toe, and had the man behind me not grabbed me I would have been hit. He yelled at me, in Cantonese, most likely "watch you idiot" and I never saw him again.

I was one of 3 people who helped a man on a subway platform who collapsed, and I think more would have helped if there had been more room to do so. By the way, Officer Otega, the response to "Officer, I just saw a man collapse downstairs" is not "Word?"

The watering hole where I met my wife and most of my friends hosted the local homeless guy's birthday one year.

The owner of the same watering hole spoke at my wedding.

Beer here is pretty good.

Whether you are straight, gay or bisexual, if you are walking on the sidewalk for a combined hour each day, there will be at least one person that passes by that you will consider a 10. Every day. If you pass by that person from May to the end of August, they will be clad in enough material to make two cocktail napkins. And $400 shoes.

We still have old-school butchers, bakers, barbers, shoe repair guys, and actual real delis. There is nothing wrong with WaWas, Subways, or 7-11s, but they are not real delis.

 

[Mongrel]

* You spend more time than one would expect explaining that the murder your friends or family saw on the national news actually happened quite far away from you, and you are currently as safe as you have ever been.

Heh, my sister wouldn't leave my apartment after seeing a news story about a guy on a bicycle riding around stabbing random people. ****, they had just caught him...

* Every single man in NYC, despite the smell of rotting garbage, counts the summer as his favorite season.

No, the Fall is the best. It wasn't the rotting garbage that put me off summer, but always hated the stench of evaporating urine.

They were filming Die Hard 3 on West 72nd when I lived there. Some idiot with a headset told me I couldn't walk to my apartment building. Luckily he/she didn't try to stop me, because the headset probably wouldn't have tasted very good.

Those bastards got in my way in the East Village too.

 

[unionrdr]

Like the time I had to use damn side streets to go around the strip in down-town Cleveland when they were filming Spiderman 3. During rush hour no less.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Having a lousy couple weeks so I thought Id reflect on some of the good stories. Every year I help at least one person push their car out of the snow. Every year another passerby gives me a hand.

About a year ago my father and I were on my balcony. The next door neighbors, an absolutely huge Greek family, were having a birthday party for their daughter/granddaughter's first birthday. As we are sitting there, a cop car pulls up and two police officers get out and knock on their door. I'm thinking, what could possibly warrant a visit from the NYPD at a 1 year old's birthday party on a Saturday afternoon? Noise complaint? Too much smoke from the grill out back? I couldnt figure it out. About 10 minutes later the cops left... with paper plates and plastic forks with a slice each of birthday cake.

Im thinking one of the cops was family and his partner got a slice too as a professional courtesy.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

About a year ago my father and I were on my balcony. The next door neighbors, an absolutely huge Greek family, were having a birthday party for their daughter/granddaughter's first birthday. As we are sitting there, a cop car pulls up and two police officers get out and knock on their door. I'm thinking, what could possibly warrant a visit from the NYPD at a 1 year old's birthday party on a Saturday afternoon? Noise complaint? Too much smoke from the grill out back? I couldnt figure it out. About 10 minutes later the cops left... with paper plates and plastic forks with a slice each of birthday cake.

Im thinking one of the cops was family and his partner got a slice too as a professional courtesy.

Pure awesomeness!
Regards, GF.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I wear a Navy surplus Pea Coat in to work when its cold. This coat has big ole flat buttons on the font.

This morning, manuevering through a crowded train to exit at my stop, one of my buttons somehow got caught in a lady's button loop on HER coat. We were stuck like that for a minute, trying to mentally navigate the least obtrusive way to release ourselves and each other without ripping our clothes.

Luckily, she was a good sport and I didnt miss my stop. But talk about awkward.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

One more slice of NY life this morning... I feel like you are unlikely to see this elsewhere.

On my way to the train this morning the patriarch of the family next door (same family as in the previous birthday cake story) calls me over.

"James, I hate to bother you but maybe you know how?"
"Know how to what George?"
"Tie my son-in-law's neck"
"hmmmm.... oh you mean tie the necktie, yeah sure I can help with that"

For the record George and his family are truly nice people... something little like this isnt an imposition. I think his son-in-law is a blue collar guy, thus not knowing how.

So there I am in his driveway tying his tie on my own neck before handing off for the transfer.

"So, you have a wedding to go to?"

"Yeah actually, mine!"