The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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How about a Kolsch? Does not require lagering (although some cold conditioning doesn't hurt), and is clean enough to reveal any mistakes.
 
Joos said:
Really? I think he'd rather laugh at drunken idiots than throw them out. And ya might wanna keep him off the slip'n'slide :D
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You'de be surpised. Dont get me wrong... he parties and is pretty laid back but when someone's outta line, he'll snap 'em back right quick. We've had to bring him down a notch a couple times here or there.
 
Cape Brewing said:
I dont hate the kolsch idea. We'll see if sleeping beauty has any thoughts when he wakes up.
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Meh. Do what you're going to do, and I agree that kolsch is a challenging style... but tripels and schwarzbiers are better drinking, IMHO. Kolsches are kind of boring.

I think I've talked myself into brewing a schwarz in the near future.
 
jeffmeh said:
Then I respectfully withdraw the offer. I hope he's bouncing again soon.
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Amen brutha...


Ok... A style.... A style.... Hmmmm.

What about just a nice straight forward German pils? I like the Kolsch idea but Kolsch is one of the few styles that are really tough to buy a true regional commercial representation of to compare to.
 
Cape Brewing said:
Amen brutha...


Ok... A style.... A style.... Hmmmm.

What about just a nice straight forward German pils? I like the Kolsch idea but Kolsch is one of the few styles that are really tough to buy a true regional commercial representation of to compare to.
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I believe Julio's in Westborough sometimes has the Riessdorf, which would qualify. Ballast Point makes one, and I guess Harpoon Summer is some representation.

I have made EdWort's recipe a few times, and it is great.
 
Crier? Crier? I'm not a crier. What are you talking about? I never cry. Ever. You've got your head up your ass if you think I'm a crier. I don't ever cry. Ever



Well, I cried at the end of "Rudy" but you would have to be a tool to not cry when Rudy gets carried off the field.


And I guess I get all choked up at the end of "Saving Private Ryan" but every one does.






"Steel Magnolias", ok I might get a bit of the sniffles with that one. Same thing with "Beaches". But it's not like I got caught by my wife sitting on the couch in my underwear with tears pouring down my face, singing along "Did you ever know you are my hero?". Nothing like that has EVER happened! Ever!!!!


Ok, I'll admit it... "Terms of Endearment" gets me a little choked up, but that's just cause I hate Jack Nickolson, that Laker Faker.



Oh I guess I should cop to crying on Opening Day of the 2005 season when the Sox got their rings. But that's the only time I was REALLY crying

Well, maybe at the end of "Forrest Gump". But that's it!



Crier? WTF are you talking about?
 
Ok, so I cried when Old Yeller died. Shoot me!

And I still get a little choked up whenever I hear "Puff the Magic Dragon" on the radio.

I didn't actually cry but it was close when Bourque went from 7 to 77, but I cried like a little girl when he lead Normand around the ice.

John Denver singing "Sunshine on my shoulders" gets me every f'ing time.

Just wrote a check to the Federal Gubmint. Bawled my eyes out.
 
Cape Brewing said:
Amen brutha...


Ok... A style.... A style.... Hmmmm.

What about just a nice straight forward German pils? I like the Kolsch idea but Kolsch is one of the few styles that are really tough to buy a true regional commercial representation of to compare to.
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Hey Bri, Marty's liquors in Newton has a few examples of Kolsch. I shop there often. Great selection of all kinds of beer.
 
I appreciate the offer but I think the Great Girth has spoken. Sounds like a tripel tro down.

When's judgement day Paulie?? I think the NIHFC is plenty of time... No?
 
From the BJCP Guidleines

18C. Belgian Tripel

Aroma: Complex with moderate to significant spiciness, moderate fruity esters and low alcohol and hop aromas. Generous spicy, peppery, sometimes clove-like phenols. Esters are often reminiscent of citrus fruits such as oranges, but may sometimes have a slight banana character. A low yet distinctive spicy, floral, sometimes perfumy hop character is usually found. Alcohols are soft, spicy and low in intensity. No hot alcohol or solventy aromas. The malt character is light. No diacetyl.

Appearance: Deep yellow to deep gold in color. Good clarity. Effervescent. Long-lasting, creamy, rocky, white head resulting in characteristic “Belgian lace” on the glass as it fades.

Flavor: Marriage of spicy, fruity and alcohol flavors supported by a soft malt character. Low to moderate phenols are peppery in character. Esters are reminiscent of citrus fruit such as orange or sometimes lemon. A low to moderate spicy hop character is usually found. Alcohols are soft, spicy, often a bit sweet and low in intensity. Bitterness is typically medium to high from a combination of hop bitterness and yeast-produced phenolics. Substantial carbonation and bitterness lends a dry finish with a moderately bitter aftertaste. No diacetyl.

Mouthfeel: Medium-light to medium body, although lighter than the substantial gravity would suggest (thanks to sugar and high carbonation). High alcohol content adds a pleasant creaminess but little to no obvious warming sensation. No hot alcohol or solventy character. Always effervescent. Never astringent.

Overall Impression: Strongly resembles a Strong Golden Ale but slightly darker and somewhat fuller-bodied. Usually has a more rounded malt flavor but should not be sweet.

History: Originally popularized by the Trappist monastery at Westmalle.

Comments: High in alcohol but does not taste strongly of alcohol. The best examples are sneaky, not obvious. High carbonation and attenuation helps to bring out the many flavors and to increase the perception of a dry finish. Most Trappist versions have at least 30 IBUs and are very dry. Traditionally bottle-conditioned (“refermented in the bottle”).

Ingredients: The light color and relatively light body for a beer of this strength are the result of using Pilsner malt and up to 20% white sugar. Noble hops or Styrian Goldings are commonly used. Belgian yeast strains are used – those that produce fruity esters, spicy phenolics and higher alcohols – often aided by slightly warmer fermentation temperatures. Spice additions are generally not traditional, and if used, should not be recognizable as such. Fairly soft water.

Vital Statistics: OG: 1.075 – 1.085
IBUs: 20 – 40 FG: 1.008 – 1.014
SRM: 4.5 – 7 ABV: 7.5 – 9.5%

Commercial Examples: Westmalle Tripel, La Rulles Tripel, St. Bernardus Tripel, Chimay Cinq Cents (White), Watou Tripel, Val-Dieu Triple, Affligem Tripel, Grimbergen Tripel, La Trappe Tripel, Witkap Pater Tripel, Corsendonk Abbey Pale Ale, St. Feuillien Tripel, Bink Tripel, Tripel Karmeliet, New Belgium Trippel, Unibroue La Fin du Monde, Dragonmead Final Absolution, Allagash Tripel Reserve, Victory Golden Monkey
 
I think we are narrowing in on a date really quickly. It is looking like the 16th of July.

It's on... Tripel... head to head... to be judged at the NIHFC
 
Now Paul... the pig challenge has been put out there also. You're not THAT insane that you're actually going to accept that challenge are you?? NOT on the NIHFC day??? Jesus... that's like asking a right-handed 8 year old to pitch in the World Series... lefty.
 
Motobrewer, you're right, the jpeg I posted probably does run afoul of the rules. Here's a less profane one:

masshole-tv-show.jpg
 
Does somebody really think that calling us "Massholes" is supposed to somehow be offensive? I mean, you saw the title of the thread, right?
 
the_bird said:
Does somebody really think that calling us "Massholes" is supposed to somehow be offensive? I mean, you saw the title of the thread, right?
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There's an entire drama series on TV dedicated to making fun of Chicagoans, "Chicago Rules" or something. Makes Chicagoans look like Mike Ditka stereotypes, or maybe those three guys from SNL who did the Bears fans bit. Oh well.

I say wear the tag Masshole with pride.
 
Cape Brewing said:
Now Paul... the pig challenge has been put out there also. You're not THAT insane that you're actually going to accept that challenge are you?? NOT on the NIHFC day??? Jesus... that's like asking a right-handed 8 year old to pitch in the World Series... lefty.
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Cape, Cape, Cape...

(sigh)


I will be the first to admit that your recently completed pigcowturduckenguica was a huge success, it came out better than you could have hoped. My hat is off to you. It was very, very good.

And now you are going to try to do it again, only this time on a much larger scale. I find that admirable. Hell, if there is anyone on this board who is a bigger proponent than I am of the idea of "That which is worth doing is worth overdoing", then I want to shake that man's hand. And now you want to up the ante by making it a throwdown? And talking smack in the bargain?

Look, your stuffed pig was good. It was really good. Sort of in the same way that an aging actress can put on a nice dress, a squadron of makeup artists can paint her up, and with stratgically placed camera angles the director can make her look good enough that you sort of forget that she's practically eligible for Social Security. Because lets face it, that's what you are doing. You're putting listick on a pig.

I, on the other hand, deliver the goods. Fresh, young, naked to the world. No bells. No whistles. No parlor tricks. No "Wardrobe Malfunctions." Not stuffed with a bunch of extra crap designed to make you forget that you are eating BBQ.

Straight up, slow smoked BBQ, like God himself intended. Barbeque, not bull****!

Game on, Biatch!
 
jeffmeh said:
I believe Julio's in Westborough sometimes has the Riessdorf, which would qualify. Ballast Point makes one, and I guess Harpoon Summer is some representation.

I have made EdWort's recipe a few times, and it is great.
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I stand corrected. I used a different recipe, though I am sure Ed's is quite good. Not that it is relevant since you are going for a Trippel, but one would hate to misinform.
 
paulthenurse said:
Cape, Cape, Cape...

(sigh)


I will be the first to admit that your recently completed pigcowturduckenguica was a huge success, it came out better than you could have hoped. My hat is off to you. It was very, very good.

And now you are going to try to do it again, only this time on a much larger scale. I find that admirable. Hell, if there is anyone on this board who is a bigger proponent than I am of the idea of "That which is worth doing is worth overdoing", then I want to shake that man's hand. And now you want to up the ante by making it a throwdown? And talking smack in the bargain?

Look, your stuffed pig was good. It was really good. Sort of in the same way that an aging actress can put on a nice dress, a squadron of makeup artists can paint her up, and with stratgically placed camera angles the director can make her look good enough that you sort of forget that she's practically eligible for Social Security. Because lets face it, that's what you are doing. You're putting listick on a pig.

I, on the other hand, deliver the goods. Fresh, young, naked to the world. No bells. No whistles. No parlor tricks. No "Wardrobe Malfunctions." Not stuffed with a bunch of extra crap designed to make you forget that you are eating BBQ.

Straight up, slow smoked BBQ, like God himself intended. Barbeque, not bull****!

Game on, Biatch!
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damn. cape just got served.

the best part was his pathetic comeback. "you're funny"!
 
And if you had a remote clue of what you were talking about you might have a point.

My response was perfectly appropriate given how ridiculous Paul's post was.

It is like you talking a ton of crap to Vinnie at Russing River on the proper way to make a sour. It's ridiculous.
 
And Paul... Who said I had to rely on the "scaled up" stuffed pig? Any one of the hogs I pull outta the groun would absolutely crush the effin shoe leather jerky you pull out of your rusted out oil tank.

You wanna talk smack about getting the megatun to work, ok, fine, I gotta sit back and take it but you're off the effin map now son. You goin down this path on the hogs is just plain insanity. Your hubris is finally causing outright stupidity.
 
:off:

Anyone wanna help a brother learn how to weld? I've got a big-ass oil tank coming out of my basement in the next month or so, seems a goddamn shame to throw it away! ;)
 
InkBird 300

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