The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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divrguy said:
Holy sh^^ I don't know why i never saw this wicked fukked up thread here! Originally from Fall Riva been fun reading through some of these threads here and all the accents coming through I forgot what it was like to be wicked pissa. For years I only told stories about watching Randy Vataha running a 100+ return and playing golf with catfish hunter at fall riva country club but now I only have to mention the socks or patriots here and everyone's panties are up in a bunch! Lol wicked cool!
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No one farkin' cares. Honest. You move to West Buttfark, Cali-i-forn-ni- ay, trade in your wicked pissah New England accent, start growing dope out in the woods behind your house and start freediving? Freediving? Seriously? If God had wanted you to dive beneath the surface of the ocean without air on your back why did he create Jacques Cousteau and the two stage regulator? And what the F is with that absurd spear gun of yours? Overcompensating for something? You and Yeager will probably hit it off like you both put tooth marks on the same toys.

And Randy Vataha was a tool. As was Jim Plunkett. I had a high school English teacher who told us she was Jim Pluckett's ***** in college. She was short, flat, and had buck teeth. She was from California too. NO WAY Jim Plunkett tapped that.

OK look. I'm in a good mood. I spent the past two days working and the sun was in the sky. I'm going to give you a mulligan. Wanna try again? Here, I'll make it easy for you. Chose one of the following... Yeager is P whipped. Cape makes lousy beer. Bird is married to his sister. Mort has anoxic brain damage from all those dives below 300 feet on 10% FiO2. Rookie is a tard. AZ is a Masshole wannabe. Yoop wants to have my baby. Dakota slurps his soup. OG won't let Yeager boink his favorite sheep. Bulls Beers is a lurker. Big John has a curiously small and misshaped schlong and Melana is covering for him while she waits for Smurf to sweep her off her feet. BlowsMoose... Duh...! He blows moose. Shecky regrets moving to Connecticut and hates UConn with all his heart and soul.

And I'm the biggest ****** bag on HBT. It isn't a first line resume' sort of qualification but lets face it... Paulthenurse RN MSN BDBOHBT EIEIO is a pretty farkin' cool signature.
 
paulthenurse said:
No one farkin' cares. Honest. You move to West Buttfark, Cali-i-forn-ni- ay, trade in your wicked pissah New England accent, start growing dope out in the woods behind your house and start freediving? Freediving? Seriously? If God had wanted you to dive beneath the surface of the ocean without air on your back why did he create Jacques Cousteau and the two stage regulator? And what the F is with that absurd spear gun of yours? Overcompensating for something? You and Yeager will probably hit it off like you both put tooth marks on the same toys.

And Randy Vataha was a tool. As was Jim Plunkett. I had a high school English teacher who told us she was Jim Pluckett's ***** in college. She was short, flat, and had buck teeth. She was from California too. NO WAY Jim Plunkett tapped that.

OK look. I'm in a good mood. I spent the past two days working and the sun was in the sky. I'm going to give you a mulligan. Wanna try again? Here, I'll make it easy for you. Chose one of the following... Yeager is P whipped. Cape makes lousy beer. Bird is married to his sister. Mort has anoxic brain damage from all those dives below 300 feet on 10% FiO2. Rookie is a tard. AZ is a Masshole wannabe. Yoop wants to have my baby. Dakota slurps his soup. OG won't let Yeager boink his favorite sheep. Bulls Beers is a lurker. Big John has a curiously small and misshaped schlong and Melana is covering for him while she waits for Smurf to sweep her off her feet. Shecky regrets moving to Connecticut and hates UConn with all his heart and soul.

And I'm the biggest ****** bag on HBT. It isn't a first line resume' sort of qualification but lets face it... Paulthenurse RN MSN BDBOHBT EIEIO is a pretty farkin' cool signature.
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tl;dr
 
paulthenurse said:
No one farkin' cares. Honest. You move to West Buttfark, Cali-i-forn-ni- ay, trade in your wicked pissah New England accent, start growing dope out in the woods behind your house and start freediving? Freediving? Seriously? If God had wanted you to dive beneath the surface of the ocean without air on your back why did he create Jacques Cousteau and the two stage regulator? And what the F is with that absurd spear gun of yours? Overcompensating for something? You and Yeager will probably hit it off like you both put tooth marks on the same toys.

And Randy Vataha was a tool. As was Jim Plunkett. I had a high school English teacher who told us she was Jim Pluckett's ***** in college. She was short, flat, and had buck teeth. She was from California too. NO WAY Jim Plunkett tapped that.

OK look. I'm in a good mood. I spent the past two days working and the sun was in the sky. I'm going to give you a mulligan. Wanna try again? Here, I'll make it easy for you. Chose one of the following... Yeager is P whipped. Cape makes lousy beer. Bird is married to his sister. Mort has anoxic brain damage from all those dives below 300 feet on 10% FiO2. Rookie is a tard. AZ is a Masshole wannabe. Yoop wants to have my baby. Dakota slurps his soup. OG won't let Yeager boink his favorite sheep. Bulls Beers is a lurker. Big John has a curiously small and misshaped schlong and Melana is covering for him while she waits for Smurf to sweep her off her feet. BlowsMoose... Duh...! He blows moose. Shecky regrets moving to Connecticut and hates UConn with all his heart and soul.

And I'm the biggest ****** bag on HBT. It isn't a first line resume' sort of qualification but lets face it... Paulthenurse RN MSN BDBOHBT EIEIO is a pretty farkin' cool signature.
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Wow Paul working day shifts must really agree with you!
 
Hey everyone, good news Paul broke open the wine from a couple of years ago and drunk posted up a doozy. I bet we all get a pm today to tell us to stop by and pick up a few bottles.
 
paulthenurse said:
No one farkin' cares. Honest. You move to West Buttfark, Cali-i-forn-ni- ay, trade in your wicked pissah New England accent, start growing dope out in the woods behind your house and start freediving? Freediving? Seriously? If God had wanted you to dive beneath the surface of the ocean without air on your back why did he create Jacques Cousteau and the two stage regulator? And what the F is with that absurd spear gun of yours? Overcompensating for something? You and Yeager will probably hit it off like you both put tooth marks on the same toys. And Randy Vataha was a tool. As was Jim Plunkett. I had a high school English teacher who told us she was Jim Pluckett's ***** in college. She was short, flat, and had buck teeth. She was from California too. NO WAY Jim Plunkett tapped that. OK look. I'm in a good mood. I spent the past two days working and the sun was in the sky. I'm going to give you a mulligan. Wanna try again? Here, I'll make it easy for you. Chose one of the following... Yeager is P whipped. Cape makes lousy beer. Bird is married to his sister. Mort has anoxic brain damage from all those dives below 300 feet on 10% FiO2. Rookie is a tard. AZ is a Masshole wannabe. Yoop wants to have my baby. Dakota slurps his soup. OG won't let Yeager boink his favorite sheep. Bulls Beers is a lurker. Big John has a curiously small and misshaped schlong and Melana is covering for him while she waits for Smurf to sweep her off her feet. BlowsMoose... Duh...! He blows moose. Shecky regrets moving to Connecticut and hates UConn with all his heart and soul. And I'm the biggest ****** bag on HBT. It isn't a first line resume' sort of qualification but lets face it... Paulthenurse RN MSN BDBOHBT EIEIO is a pretty farkin' cool signature.
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Damm I miss this ****! ******** and attitudes everywhere... What a great thread! Btw I dive north coast California.. It's almost as cold as Mass.. Well maybe not. I don't need a dry suit. I also SCUBA when I want to kill a lot of fish.

And Randy was a tool as was Catfish. That bastard wouldn't give me an autograph cause I told him I hated the Yankees so could you please write "to Red Sox Fan" then he threw the card back at me and I flipped him off... Lol Puss couldn't even take a good shot!

Btw, doesn't anyone make any good beer in Mass? Besides that fake boston lager crap!
 
paulthenurse said:
No one farkin' cares. Honest. You move to West Buttfark, Cali-i-forn-ni- ay, trade in your wicked pissah New England accent, start growing dope out in the woods behind your house and start freediving? Freediving? Seriously? If God had wanted you to dive beneath the surface of the ocean without air on your back why did he create Jacques Cousteau and the two stage regulator? And what the F is with that absurd spear gun of yours? Overcompensating for something? You and Yeager will probably hit it off like you both put tooth marks on the same toys.

And Randy Vataha was a tool. As was Jim Plunkett. I had a high school English teacher who told us she was Jim Pluckett's ***** in college. She was short, flat, and had buck teeth. She was from California too. NO WAY Jim Plunkett tapped that.

OK look. I'm in a good mood. I spent the past two days working and the sun was in the sky. I'm going to give you a mulligan. Wanna try again? Here, I'll make it easy for you. Chose one of the following... Yeager is P whipped. Cape makes lousy beer. Bird is married to his sister. Mort has anoxic brain damage from all those dives below 300 feet on 10% FiO2. Rookie is a tard. AZ is a Masshole wannabe. Yoop wants to have my baby. Dakota slurps his soup. OG won't let Yeager boink his favorite sheep. Bulls Beers is a lurker. Big John has a curiously small and misshaped schlong and Melana is covering for him while she waits for Smurf to sweep her off her feet. BlowsMoose... Duh...! He blows moose. Shecky regrets moving to Connecticut and hates UConn with all his heart and soul.

And I'm the biggest ****** bag on HBT. It isn't a first line resume' sort of qualification but lets face it... Paulthenurse RN MSN BDBOHBT EIEIO is a pretty farkin' cool signature.
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Aw, Paul, you're getting sentimental! I wouldn't mind too much about the goats, except you all keep wanting to chase after the males!
 
ComcastWineRookie said:
smaht idea, you would have left in a stretcher like boychuck did
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I'm actually not that callous...I just posted that in the spirit of the "Masshole" thread.

Pacioretty goal (the bastard) was nice...he got a lot of mustard on that backhand.

Frikkin' Bruins are bi-polar...the team that was out there in the 2nd was not the same team that played the 1st and 3rd.
 
divrguy said:
Btw, doesn't anyone make any good beer in Mass? Besides that fake boston lager crap!
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There are a few small micro breweries around here that make pretty good stuff. SlumBrew, Jack's Abby, Blue Hills. There is another one out in the boonies that I keep hearing about, The Bog Something. I heard that it opened up in an old whorehouse. There are three owners, two are nice guys, the third guy we don't talk about...

And I was lying about Blue Hills making good beer. It's really, really bad.
 
paulthenurse said:
There are a few small micro breweries around here that make pretty good stuff. SlumBrew, Jack's Abby, Blue Hills. There is another one out in the boonies that I keep hearing about, The Bog Something. I heard that it opened up in an old whorehouse. There are three owners, two are nice guys, the third guy we don't talk about...

And I was lying about Blue Hills making good beer. It's really, really bad.
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I heard a rumor that that specific brewery got their yeast from the whorehouse before they were raided.
 
Robbie Cano appears to be headed to Seattle, the first time in major league history a player has left the Yankees for more money elsewhere. Takes a little of the sting away from their signing of Ellsbury and McCann; just from a pure baseball perspective, I'm not sure adding those two guys is enough to offset Cano's loss.
 
just getting back to earth after a lot of travel - boy, it takes a while to get caught up on things around heya.

PTN thrills co-workers (by leaving)- Comcast gets sheet on - Big John laughs at everyone - Mel sexes up her avatar - Cape throws an anniversary party that's sold out before the invitations arrive - Bird's wife trashes another car - there's yet more references to bad blueberry beah and Utopius XX - Hmm. Maybe I haven't missed anything.

Anywhoo - enough about you - let's talk about me.

But I bet my Fryday's better than your Fryday. I show up to the office after being gone for two weeks, and the office manager (we yoostah be able to call 'em secretaries......) comes into my office to say hello, and says,
"by the way, have you evah heard of a beyah called Heady Toppah, or summin'? Do you want some, cause someone gave us a coupla four packs last week when we were in Vermont, and my husband and I can't stand the stuff. It's sooo hoppy, and cloudy, and it comes in cans! Can you believe it?"


I promise to think of all of you. Maybe I'll save some to share.........NOT!
 
nhwrecker said:
just getting back to earth after a lot of travel - boy, it takes a while to get caught up on things around heya.

PTN thrills co-workers (by leaving)- Comcast gets sheet on - Big John laughs at everyone - Mel sexes up her avatar - Cape throws an anniversary party that's sold out before the invitations arrive - Bird's wife trashes another car - there's yet more references to bad blueberry beah and Utopius XX - Hmm. Maybe I haven't missed anything.

Anywhoo - enough about you - let's talk about me.

But I bet my Fryday's better than your Fryday. I show up to the office after being gone for two weeks, and the office manager (we yoostah be able to call 'em secretaries......) comes into my office to say hello, and says,
"by the way, have you evah heard of a beyah called Heady Toppah, or summin'? Do you want some, cause someone gave us a coupla four packs last week when we were in Vermont, and my husband and I can't stand the stuff. It's sooo hoppy, and cloudy, and it comes in cans! Can you believe it?"


I promise to think of all of you. Maybe I'll save some to share.........NOT!
Click to expand...

Now that's an awesome welcome back to the office!
 
the_bird said:
Don't save, it, dickwad; drink it fresh. Or better yet, put it up on Criaglist and sell it to some undercover cops.
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I just heard about this. Gotta love the part about "during an undercover sting operation.....".

VT is so poor that they want the extra tax on $300 worth of beer.....

Wonder how much the sting operation cost, and how many times they kept going back to her for cases of beer before they finally arrested her.

Of course, it's great pub for Alchemist. Now they'll never re-open the store at the factory, with the demand going up again.
 
I am Paul

I am I am

I'm Paul I am I am

I do not line that Rookie man

But I do like green eggs and ham

Join me for some beer, oh man

And we can eat green eggs and ham

No blueberries from a can.

To go upon green eggs and ham

I am Paul I am I am

I am I am

I'm Paul I am
 
paulthenurse said:
I am Paul

I am I am

I'm Paul I am I am

I do not line that Rookie man

But I do like green eggs and ham

Join me for some beer, oh man

And we can eat green eggs and ham

No blueberries from a can.

To go upon green eggs and ham

I am Paul I am I am

I am I am

I'm Paul I am
Click to expand...

Awesome!
 
Paul he is, that's what I heard
But me, myself? I am the_Bird
I am the_Bird, I like to sin
I like to sin at The Big Bog Inn
The Big Bog Inn, in Norton Town
With beer that tastes of wet, wet ground
The beer may taste like cold swampland
But it's quite a bit better than
A barrel of something that I heard
Is fifty gallons of vinegar
 

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