The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

CornyKegs 728
Homebrew Talk - Beer, Wine, Mead, & Cider Brewing Discussion Forum

Help Support Homebrew Talk - Beer, Wine, Mead, & Cider Brewing Discussion Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
Dear Untappd user,

Thank you for turning my hobby into an obnoxious hipster pissing contest. I used to love just chatting about beer and making it, now I'm expected to prove how "beer" I am by revealing my Untappd medal status.

Sincerely,

Guy who's last refuge from social media has been unfortunately compromised.

P.S.
Get off my lawn.
 
Dear people who live in small mountain towns:

I'm trying to enjoy the clean mountain air and relax a little. Sorry for nor driving 85 mph constantly while visiting your little town while spending hundreds or thousands of dollars at your local family owned businesses. If you're in such a ****ing hurry I know a place you might fit in well: the large city I just left so I could unwind for awhile.

Sincerely, everyone who's ever tried to take a deep breath and relax for a moment.


Sent from my iPad using Home Brew
 
Dear fellow drivers --
If someone behind you flashes their lights or honks their horn, YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FSCKING SLOW!!! (In Georgia the law states you are to move over for other drivers who want to go faster...too many people don't follow THAT law either!)
 
Dear Drunk Tourist,

Get the f*** off of my bike. That motorcycle in the parking lot is not some part of the attraction/tourist trap you are visiting. It is my personal means of conveyance, which I use to get here every day. You're lucky I'm the type of person that offers a polite warning first instead of just unceremoniously knocking you on your ass. Enjoy the rest of your visit.

Sincerely,

Guy who works here

P.S. - I'll be waiting for you in the driver's seat of your car when you get back, just to see how you like it. Sorry about all the broken glass, but you should've thought to leave me a key.
 
Dear Apple,
Listing "Cloud photo storage" as a feature and marketing it may not be a good idea less than 2 weeks after a bunch of your clients were victims of a very public hack.

Sincerely
Non-marketer.
 
Dear Head Brewer at CAP brewery,
What's the point of using cascade and amarillo in a beer if I can't taste them?

Sincerely
Scele.
 
Dear Average Microbrew/CraftBrew/Beer Fest Attendee,

You do not actually know what good beer tastes like, so stop imparting your sophomoric opinion on people who actually know what they're talking about--you're annoying. Picking up a sixer of Boston Lager does not make you a beer connoisseur. Anyone who thinks that Sam Adams is a good example of a craft beer, a craft beer, or a good beer in general should be waterboarded with aforementioned Boston filth until they come to Jesus. Please leave the festival and study up on how beer is supposed to taste and leave the actual sampling to the professionals.

Sincerely,
All of Us

p.s. You also can't hold your liquor because you've been downing [insert crappy name here] light for your whole life. Yet another reason that you need to drink good beer.
 
sconsi said:
p.s. You also can't hold your liquor because you've been downing [insert crappy name here] light for your whole life. Yet another reason that you need to drink good beer.
Click to expand...

Proposed rule change: You can only make statements about how well you hold liquor after having whiskey or moonshine.
 
sconsi said:
Dear Average Microbrew/CraftBrew/Beer Fest Attendee,

You do not actually know what good beer tastes like, so stop imparting your sophomoric opinion on people who actually know what they're talking about--you're annoying. Picking up a sixer of Boston Lager does not make you a beer connoisseur. Anyone who thinks that Sam Adams is a good example of a craft beer, a craft beer, or a good beer in general should be waterboarded with aforementioned Boston filth until they come to Jesus. Please leave the festival and study up on how beer is supposed to taste and leave the actual sampling to the professionals.

Sincerely,
All of Us

p.s. You also can't hold your liquor because you've been downing [insert crappy name here] light for your whole life. Yet another reason that you need to drink good beer.
Click to expand...

Dear Jim Koch,

I'm a bit of a beer snob, and I just found out recently that I REALLY like Boston Lager. But I hate that the label says that it was the first recipe you ever tried and haven't changed it since. Lucky bastard.

Sincerely,
A New Fan of Boston Lager
 
Dear beerfest/Oktoberfest bathroom campers and 'grunters':

If I wanted to wait 10 minutes to hit the head I'd get in the ladies' line.

Sincerely,
People with fiber in their diets
 
Dear housekeeping,

Please quit putting 1/2 ply toilet paper in the bathrooms....the majority of my diet is protein supplemented with beer.

Sincerely,
Guy who uses the Think n Stink


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew
 
Dear IPA haters,

Stop hatin' on hop heads just because you don't like hops. We don't give you a hard time for being only into malt do we? Do you really feel better about yourself because you think you have a more "refined" pallet? Sheesh.

Sincerely,

Fan of many beer styles




Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew
 
geoffey said:
Dear IPA haters,

Stop hatin' on hop heads just because you don't like hops. We don't give you a hard time for being only into malt do we? Do you really feel better about yourself because you think you have a more "refined" pallet? Sheesh.

Sincerely,

Fan of many beer styles




Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew
Click to expand...
Dear IPA lovers,

Pass me another beer.

Sincerely,
Where's My Beer?
 
Arrheinous said:
Dear beerfest/Oktoberfest bathroom campers and 'grunters':

If I wanted to wait 10 minutes to hit the head I'd get in the ladies' line.

Sincerely,
People with fiber in their diets
Click to expand...

Dear beerfest/Oktoberfest campers and grunters,

Why are you taking a dump at a beer festival? That's just poor planning.

Sincerely,
Someone with hygiene
 
Dear New Brewers,

It's ok. You don't need to secondary.

Sincerely,
Guy with one fermenter
 
Dear bathtub of cold water,

We've had some good times together. We've made some quality beer. Unfortunately you're holding back my potential. I think it's time for me to move on. Don't blame yourself, you've done your very best.

Sincerely,
Guy with immersion cooler in the mail.
 
Dear MSDS,

You really need to list hemorrhoids as a side effect of using welding rod and/or welding wire. Obviously it comes from the smoke produced.

Sincerely,
FOX News
 
Dear overly ambitious brewer,

We regretfully must decline accepting the position of taste test dummy for your latest creation. While we assume somebody may like it, the thought of your pumpkin/ coriander/ vanilla/ pomegranate/ kumquat (yes, it's really fermented in a kumquat) with musk ox bladder secondary beer made us throw up a little in our mouths.

Sincerely,
Reinheitsgebot Enforcement Department
 
Dear Adrian Peterson Jersey,

You'll not be seeing the outside of my closet anytime soon, perhaps ever.

Sincerely,

Sad Vikings fan


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew
 
Dear Friends,

Your beer consumption effort at my wife's birthday party was above my expectations. Thank you for clearing out my back stock and freeing up empties. I now have guaranteed bottling capacity for at least my next two brews.

Sincerely,
-Jason


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew
 

Similar threads

Brewernaut51
Just got a free pound of Jarrylo hops
Replies
1
Views
151
hotbeer
hotbeer
rodwha
Single Hop Pale Ales
Replies
10
Views
509
mac_1103
mac_1103
L
What is Fresh?
Replies
24
Views
864
madscientist451
madscientist451
K
single pitch for double batch?
Replies
0
Views
133
kennyconley0269
K
D
Birch sap hop water
Replies
0
Views
205
divrack
D

Latest posts

Back
Top