The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

Yakima 728
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Dear Buttholes at Work,

Can you please try to do that thing where you STFU and leave me alone for 12 hours while I listen to my MP3 player and try to get some work done?

Sincerely,
I Seriously Don't Care What You Had For Supper Last Thursday Nor How It's Prepared And This Stuff Is NOT Going To Weld Its' Self
 
Dear it's not going to weld itself,

If you throw a fire blanket over the area to be welded, and tap a rod on it 3x, and remove the blanket, said area will be perfectly welded... And slag free

Sincerely


David Copperfield


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew
 
Dear weather,
You forgot to turn in the heater out there. When visiting contractors from NY complain, it's too cold in Texas.

Sincerely,
Should have looked at zone maps before moving from an 8b to an 8a that also happens to get up to ohmygoditshot.
 
Dear son,
Glad you get home for thanksgiving and for Christmas this year! First time in 4 years, and we hope you enjoy your time away from the Marines. You only have a year more so no more helicopter crashes! Congrats on the promotion and we will see you on Sunday. Maybe we will have time to brew.
Sincerely,
:tank:
Dad
 
ubnserved said:
Dear son,
Glad you get home for thanksgiving and for Christmas this year! First time in 4 years, and we hope you enjoy your time away from the Marines. You only have a year more so no more helicopter crashes! Congrats on the promotion and we will see you on Sunday. Maybe we will have time to brew.
Sincerely,
:tank:
Dad
Click to expand...

Dear Dad,

God Bless your son.

Sincerely,
The United States of America
 
Dear drugs,

Please, please, PLEASE work, so my wonderful wife doesn't have to go through a kidney transplant,


Sincerely,
Terrified husband
 
Yoseff said:
Dear drugs,

Please, please, PLEASE work, so my wonderful wife doesn't have to go through a kidney transplant,


Sincerely,
Terrified husband
Click to expand...

Dear Terrified Husband,

Good luck to your wife.

If it comes it, transplants are rough but worth it. My mom got a new pair of lungs 4.5 years ago and she's still going strong. I'm grateful for every extra day that I've had.

Sincerely,

Registered Organ Donor.
 
Gixxer said:
Dear soon to be ex wife who thinks I suck...

I really don't suck anymore and would love another chance to show you...

Sincerely, soon to be ex husband that doesn't suck anymore
Click to expand...

Dear unfortunate sequence of events that happened today to cause my soon to be ex wife to give me another chance...

I am extremely extremely thankful for the chance to make things right and show her that I really do not suck.

Sincerely, the guy who is not a soon to be ex husband anymore.
 
Gixxer said:
Dear fortunate sequence of events that happened today to cause my soon to be ex wife to give me another chance...

I am extremely extremely thankful for the chance to make things right and show her that I really do not suck.

Sincerely, the guy who is not a soon to be ex husband anymore.
Click to expand...

Dear guy who is not a soon to be ex husband anymore,
Fixed it for you.
Sincerely,
Don't screw up this chance
 
Dear Old Friend,

You lived better than I, yet were struck down before your time. What can I say? I raise my glass to you.

Sincerely, Only The Good Die Young
 
Dear divorce,
You are awesome.

Sincerely,
I was a crappy husband and she a whoreable (sic) wife.
 
Dear Doesn't suck anymore

My ex-wife cheated on me while I was in Iraq. I was devastated. I came home single and figuring out how to split kids between my house and hers (my old house).

Turns out that was the best thing that could have happened to me. We were incompatible, and I didn't see it at the time, but her cheating on me gave me the way out of a bad relationship. I'm not telling you to give up... But there's life after divorce.

Sincerely,
Happily engaged to my dream woman
 
Dear Internet,

15164091014_7956cce61d_s.jpg
[/url]e58fe/IMG]

Sincerely,
Stop Making Stupid People Famous
 
Gixxer said:
Dear unfortunate sequence of events that happened today to cause my soon to be ex wife to give me another chance...

I am extremely extremely thankful for the chance to make things right and show her that I really do not suck.

Sincerely, the guy who is not a soon to be ex husband anymore.
Click to expand...

Dear soon to not be an ex-husband

Get the hell off the computer and go spend time with you not to be ex-wife.

Sincerely,

A guy that thinks marriage is wonderful
 
Dear hydrometer sample,
Are you showing IBUs or perceived bitterness without the use of hops? Carb and chill, then get back to me.
Sincerely
Brewer who may have completed the intended task.

*For those who haven't been stalking me I have a friend who enjoys some beer but has a strange physical intolerance to hops. I accepted this as a challenge.
 
Dear Victory: Hop Devil,

I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for beers like you. If you call my boss and tell him to let me leave, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will destroy you and all of your friends along with anyone else in your neighborhood.

Sincerely,
Thirsty Blue Collar
 
Dear Wyeast 3068,
You were supposed to stop eating at 1.016. Not have dessert and bring it to 1.010. Glutton! That 1.080 OG was for everybody to share.
Sincerely,
Owner of a dry Weizenbock-ish beer.
 
Dear Beer,
Please come over to my house and make yourself after you have made you into wort jump into my fermenter. Once you have been fully fermented crawl over to the keg and pour yourself in and turn on the gas. As soon as you are ready to drink please pour a glass of your goodness and hop up the stairs to me so I may partake of your greatness!
Sincerely guy without a home brew in 6 months and desperately needing one or maybe 6.
 
Dear Imperial India Pale Ale-to-be,

Why did you have to kick my a$$ today? Do you really have such a hard time coming into existence that you had to add 3 hours to my brew day? That said, thank you for being the OG I expected to get.

Now get fermenting, pronto.

Sincerely,
The Guy who makes wort


Dear Yeast:
Make beer now.
Sincerely,
The Guy who needs an Imperial India Pale Ale
 
Dear Jack,

I thought you were my friend. Remind me to never invite you over after beer has been here.

Sincerely,

Fuzzy on the details of last night.


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew
 
Dear Hometown,

Why has it taken my 6 years of visiting my parents before I realize I can goto a bar instead of sitting and doing nothing while my parents are busy being old.

Sincerely,
All my high school friends moved away
 
Zekk said:
Dear Hometown,

Why has it taken my 6 years of visiting my parents before I realize I can goto a bar instead of sitting and doing nothing while my parents are busy being old.

Sincerely,
All my high school friends moved away
Click to expand...

Dear This Guy,

We came over on different ships, and we're still on different ships. But if your ship sails this way, we'll have some brews together.

Sincerely,
Capt. Black Beer
 
Dear Anybody-who-drinks-my-bottled-beer,

I've told you this before but just to be clear, you have to rinse out the bottles when you empty them. If you don't, I have days like yesterday where I find 1/2 case of bottles with fuzzy green stuff growing in them mixed in with my "clean" empties while I'm prepping to bottle a batch of cider.

This is not happy-making.

Sincerely,
Keg-loving Brewer
 
Dear Keg-loving Brewer,
Stop expecting bottles back. And start bottling the beers you give to those inconsiderate jerks in the sam adams and other marked bottles. Save the nice pristine ones for comp submissions and home use.
Sincerely,
Consider it recycling
 
Dear Keg Loving Brewer,

If they aren't swingtops, I don't want them back.

Buy another six pack of cheapish craftbeer to replace them.

Sincerely,
Never cleaning another ashtray bottle.
 
Dear Never cleaning another ashtray bottle,

I like where you're going with this, but swingtops are kind of a pain too...

I still hate delabeling bottles...

Sincerely,
It might just be easier to buy a case of bottles from the LHBS...

PS:
Dear Winter and your pal "Arctic Vortex,"

F*c! both of you...I planned to brew early tomorrow morning, its the only day I had to brew, and your f-ing up my Heady Topper clone plans.

Go away. I want Charlotte weather in Pittsburgh...

Sincerely,
Can I move Pittsburgh to North Carolina?

PPS: I know all the Minnesota thru Alaska folks will scoff, but I'm not brewing when it's 10*F with a negative wind chill...
 
Dear auto-siphon,

Why did we have a bad day this afternoon? You quit working not once, not twice, but three times. You never did this before.... Wtf?

Sincerely,
All I want for Xmas is a Chugger
 
Dear swing top bottles that are in storage,
Please get to my house on your own, properly oxycleaned. I've a batch if two hearted that needs to be bottled, but I've been too lazy to go get you.

Sincerely,
Maybe I should have kept some of those 2.5 gal kegs
 

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