Stinky Cheese

[Schol-R-LEA]

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please
We wanna give you a warning
'Cause I found out this morning
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus
If you should get it, an email with the subject, 'stinky cheese'
Better off protecting your chances
Under no circumstances, should you open it
Or else it will

Translate your documents into Swahili
Make your TV record "Gigli"
Neuter your pets, and give you laundry static cling
Look out!
It's gonna make your computer screen freeze
Look out!
Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs
Look out!
Erase your hard drive and your backups too
And the hard drive of anyone related to you

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls
It'll make your keyboard all sticky
Give your poodle a hickey
And invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney
Then, it will tie up your phone, making prank long-distance calls
It'll set your clocks back an hour and start clogging the shower
So just trash it now, or else it will

Decide to give you a permanent wedgie,
Legally change your name to Reggie,
Even mess up the pH balance in your pool

Look out!
It's gonna melt your face right off your skull
Look out!
And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
Look out!
And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep
Look out!
And make you physically attracted to sheep
Look out!
Steal your identity and your credit card
Look out!
Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards
Look out!
Then cause a major rift in time and space
And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place
That's right it's a

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now

If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born
So before it emails your grandmother all of your porn
Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down
Drop it in a forty-three-foot hole in the ground
Bury it completely; rocks and boulders should be fine
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were online!

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
What are you waiting for?
Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know!
Hit send right now!
- A. Yankovic

 

[dxbq48]

Dafuq?

 

[TheSmithsEra]

Dafuq?

.

 

[unionrdr]

WHODAWTF?

 

[Homercidal]

Aw Yeah! We got some straight up dope Weird Al in da house!

It's all about the Pentiums, Baby!

Aw man, now I have to dig up that album and give it a spin. Well, not literally, it's an MP3 these days, but I could pretend the bits were spinning inside the computer like a Tron movie.

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

 

[aiptasia]

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

You're sort of famous
A minor celebrity
And so it only makes sense
The world would be
Obsessed with every
Single thing you do

They're running 'round
With their camcorders in the night
They lurk impatienly
In hope that they just might
See something really embarrassing
You do

The bad hair day and sweat-stained t-shirts
That's the story that
They are gonna feature
With exclusive pics
Of your flabby behind
You think you're all alone
But that's right when you'll find

A bunch of paparazzi
Popping out of nowhere
Cameras in your face
And then suddenly
You're on TMZ
You're on TMZ

Following you
When you're walking down the street
And asking stupid questions
While you're trying to eat
So you cover your face
Thinking to yourself
"Hey, isn't this creepy?"

And they are there praying
You'll have a big meltdown
And take a mono-lethal car chase
Through this whole town
They'll be there with you
When you're going to jail
First on the scene
For every wardrobe fail

You just picked up some transvestite
Seconds later
It's up on the website
Get a vegas wedding
A quickie divorce
And they'll be
Sneaking in
Snapping pictures, of course

And if they ever catch you
Picking your nose
Or storming down the street
In a drunken spree
You're on TMZ

Stalking you, just waiting by a frontal
Trailing you through
Airport security
They were TMZ

They were TMZ

(We caught this oscar nominee picking up DOG POOP
Is that a baby back there?
I pronounce you guilty, of leaving the house while FAT
Look Who's drinking COFFEE,
Everything celebrities do is FASCINATING)

Oh, let me tell you
It's getting to the point
Where a famous person can't
Even get a D.U.I
Or go on a racist rant
Those guys are all around
So you really shouldn't dare
Go to every club in town
If you just lost your underwear

Seems that every single time
A star decides to shave her hair
Or ram their car into a tree
They're on TMZ

If they catch you peeing in the bushes
Later on, that night
Well, I guarantee
You're on TMZ
You're on TMZ

You're on TMZ

Every single celebrity
Knows they're gonna be

They're on TMZ

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

I moved out to Langley recently
with a plain and simple dream
Want to infiltrate some third world place (Whoa)
and topple their regime
those men in black with their matching suitcases
where everything's on a need to know basis
agents got that swagger
everyone's so cloak and dagger
I'm feeling nervous but I'm really kinda wishing
for an undercover mission
that's when the red alert came on the radio
and I put my ear piece on
got my dark sunglasses on
and I had my weapon drawn

So I get my handcuffs
my cyanide pills
my classified dossier
tapping the phones like yeah
shredding the files like yeah
I memorized all the enemy spies I gotta neutralize today
yeah it's a party in the CIA
yeah it's a party in the CIA

I've done a couple of crazy things that have almost gotten me dismissed
like terminate some head of state who wasn't even on my list
burn that microfilm, buddy, will you?
I'd tell you why but then I'd have to kill you
you need a quickie confession?
We'll start a water boarding session

no hurry on that South American dictator
I'll assassinate him later
that's when he walked right in my laser sights
and my silencer was on
and my silencer was on
and another target's gone

yeah we got our black ops all over the world
from Kazakhstan to Bombay
paying the bribes like yeah
plugging the leaks like yeah
interrogating the scum of the earth
we'll break 'em by the break of day
yeah it's a party in the CIA
yeah it's a party in the CIA

Need a country destabilized (stabilized)?
Look no further we're your guys (we're your guys)
We've got snazzy suits and ties (suits and ties)
and a better dental plan than the FBI's

better put your hands up and get in the van
Or else you'll get blown away (Blown away!)
staging a coup like yeah
brainwashing moles like yeah
we only torture the folks we don't like
You're probably gonna be OK (You're gonna be OK!)
yeah it's a party in the CIA
yeah it's a party in the CIA

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

I starred in every high school play
Blew every drama teacher away
I graduated first in my class at Juilliard
Took every acting workshop I could
And I dreamed of Hollywood
While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard

Hit the boards and paid my dues
And got phenomenal rave reviews
I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt
I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone
Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
But the years have come and gone
And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out

I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
And every time it's the same
Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears
Just like they've done for the last 50 years
Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside
Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride

Oh, the critics, they used to say
I was the new Olivier
Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes
Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me
The only place you might possibly see me
Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland
It ain't exactly what I planned

But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I'm doin 34 shows every day
And every time it's the same
I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow"
But what's the difference, that's all behind me now
Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride
And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride

I should be there on Broadway
Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men"
But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes
Again and again and again and again and again and again and again

Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!
That's an African bull elephant...
And there it is, the backside of water!
What have I done with my life?!

I shoulda listened when my grandfather said
"Why don't you major in business instead?"
Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
And every time it's the same
Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears
Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears
Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied
Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes
And before long, they were cloning DNA
Now I'm being chased by some irate velociraptors
Well, believe me... this has been one lousy day

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone shut the fence off in the rain
I admit it's kinda eerie
But this proves my chaos theory
And I don't think I'll be coming back again
On no

I cannot approve of this attraction
'Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad
A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawyer
Well, I suppose that proves... they're really not all bad

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone let T. Rex out of his pen
I'm afraid those things'll harm me
'Cause they sure don't act like Barney
And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend
Oh no

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
What a crummy weekend this has been
Well, this sure ain't no E-ticket
Think I'll tell them where to stick it
'Cause I'm never coming back this way again
Oh no... oh no

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

I sued Taco Bell
'Cause I ate half a million Chalupas
And I got fat!

I sued Panasonic
They never said I shouldn't use their microwave
To dry off my cat

Huh, I sued Earthlink
'Cause I called them up
N' they had the nerve to put me on hold

I sued Starbucks
'Cause I spilled a Frappucino in my lap
And brrr, it was cold!

I sued Toys'R'Us
'Cause I swallowed a Nerf ball
And nearly choked to death

Ugh, I sued PetCo
'Cause I ate a bag of kitty litter
And now I got bad breath!

I sued Coca-Cola, yo
'Cause I put my finger down in a bottle
And it got stuck!

I sued Delta Airlines
'Cause they sold me a ticket to New Jersey
I went there, and it sucked!

Yeah!!!

If you stand me up on a date
If you deliver my pizza 30 seconds late

I'm gonna sue, sue
Yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna sue, sue
Yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, yeah I might even sue you!

Ugh!!

I sued Duracell
They never told me not to shove that double-A
Right up my nose

I sued Home Depot
'Cause they sold me a hammer
Which they knew I might drop on my toes

I sued Dell Computers
'Cause I took a bath with my laptop
Now it doesn't work

I sued Fruit of the Loom
'Cause when I wear their tightie-whities on my head
I look like a jerk

I sued Verizon
'Cause I get all depressed
Any time my cell phone is roaming

I sued Colorado
'Cause you know, I think it looks a little bit too much
Like Wyoming

I sued Neiman Marcus
'Cause they put up their Christmas decorations
Way out of season

I sued Ben Affleck
...
Aw, do I even need a reason?

Ugh!

If I sprain my ankle
While I'm robbing your place

If I hurt my knuckles
When I punch you in the face

I'm gonna sue, sue
Yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna sue, sue
Yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, that's right I'm gonna sue you

Ugh!
Ugh!
Ugh!

I'll sue ya!
I'll take all of your money
I'll sue ya!
If you even look at me funny

I'll sue ya!
I'll take all of your money
I'll sue ya!
If you even look at me funny

I'll sue ya!
I'll take all of your money
I'll sue ya!
If you even look at me funny

I'll sue ya!
I'll take all of your money
I'll sue ya!
If you even look at me funny

I'll sue ya!
Ha-ha ha ha-haa
I'll sue ya!
What'chall think of that?

I'll sue ya!
Ha-ha ha ha-haa
Boo ya!
I'll sue ya!

Ugh!

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

I know that you
Don't know me very well
We've barely met
But I can surely tell
No one will ever
Love you like I do

I like to feel
The warm spot on your chair
Sometimes I drool
And usually I stare
My precious one
I saved that gum
That you threw in the garbage

You're the one I dream about
But the only question with me now
Is "Do I creep you out?"
Everytime I shake your hand now
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
Do I creep you out?

Call you every night and hang up
Gonna carve your name in my leg
In my leg, oh-oh!

Somethin' I should ask about
Can I sniff the pit-stains on your blouse?
And do I creep you,
Do I creep you out?
(Your restraining order's out)
(Still the only question with me now)
Oh the only question
(Is "Do I creep you out?")
Is "Do I creep you out?"
Know exactly where you live now
Follow you from work right to your house
Well, do I creep you out?
Do I creep you out?

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

Help me out! Dig!
All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off, told me to cough
Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss

Living with a hernia
All the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia
Gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation
Feel so old

Too much bad pain
Good gawd, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall
Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl
You can't even do the splits now... Say it!
Better call it quits now
Now I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow

Living with a hernia
Hurts me bad in a tender location
Living with a hernia
Had enough humiliation
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation

I live with a hernia
Can't get up, can't bend over
Now I live with a hernia
Wait a minute...
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get
So just settle down, let me clue you in
There's incomplete
Epigastric
Bladder
Strangulated
Lumbar hernia
Richter's hernia
Obstructed
Inguinal and Direct

Living with a hernia...Rupture!
I said it's causin' me such irritation
Living with a hernia
Have to have my medication
Living with a hernia
I feel bad!

 

[Homercidal]

I visit Mr. Frump in the hospital
I see him most every day
And when I see Mr. Frump in his iron lung
This is what I hear him say

[deep breathing]

Y'know, Mr. Frump is my very best friend
He's never a chump or a tease
He never tells me lies, and best of all
He never disagrees

I bring him candy and flowers every afternoon
Sit down by his side and say "Hi"
And then I ask him his opinion of the world situation
And I wait for Mr. Frump's reply, and Mr. Frump would say

[deep breathing]

Well, unfortunately, soon it came to be
Mr. Frump's dying day
And now I bring to you the very last thing
That Mr. Frump had to say....

[deep breathing, that fades and dies off]

Amen

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

[Verse 1:]
I never seem to finish all my food
I always get a doggie bag from the waiter
So I just keep what's still unchewed
And I take it home, save it for later

[Pre-Chorus:]
But then I deal with fungal rot, bacterial formation
Microbes, enzymes, mould and oxidation
I don't care, I've got a secret trick up my sleeve
I never bother with baggies, glass jars, tupperware containers
Plastic cling wrap, really a no-brainer
I just like to keep all my flavours sealed in tight

[Chorus:]
With aluminum foil (foil)
Never settle for less
That kind of wrap is just the best
To keep your sandwich nice and fresh
Stick it in your cooler (cooler)
Eat it when you're ready
But maybe you'll choose (you'll choose, you'll choose, you'll choose)
A refreshing herbal tea

[sip] Mmm, lovely!

[Verse 2:]
Oh, by the way, I've cracked the code
I've figured out these shadow organizations
And the Illuminati know
That they're finally primed for world domination

[Pre-Chorus:]
And soon you've got black helicopters comin' cross the border
Puppet masters for the New World Order
Be aware: there's always someone that's watching you
And still the government won't admit they faked the whole moon landing
Thought control rays, psychotronic scanning
Don't mind that, I'm protected cause I made this hat

[Chorus:]
From aluminum foil (foil)
Wear a hat that’s foil lined
In case an alien's inclined
To probe your butt or read your mind
Looks a bit peculiar ('culiar)
Seems a little crazy
But someday I'll prove (I'll prove, I'll prove, I'll prove)
There's a big conspiracy

 

[Homercidal]

One of my favorites from the good old days



I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
"Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into the truck

And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr

They sucked out my internal organs
And they took some polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of
Colonel Sanders started yelling

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty papercut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died

So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
By the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like
The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code

Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
For all eternity
And every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you'd never disrespect
He stood eight feet tall, wore glasses, and had a third nipple on the back of his neck
He ate his own weight in coal, excreted diamonds everyday
He could throw you down a flight of stairs, but you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France with two flat tires and a missing chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry, I'm telling you the man was insane
He could rip out your beating heart, and show it to you before you died
Everyday he'd make the host of Match Game give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene

Ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, Oh yeah
Oh yeah
He had his very own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya

Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toe nail clippings as a potent aphrodisiac
He ran a four minute mile blindfolded with an engine block strapped to his back
He could eat more frozen waffles than any other man I know
Once he fell off the Chrysler building and he barely even stubbed his toe
Had a tiny little scratch on his toe, Didn't even hurt

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion, but he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw, and swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel if you didn't treat him like a star
You could spit at the wind, or tug at Superman's cape
But Lord knows you don't mess around with CNR
No, no, no
Talkin' about CNR

 

[Homercidal]

Oh, great. Now the guitar riffs are stuck in my head!

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

It's BAAAACK!

Tacky

[Verse 1:]
It might seem crazy, wearing stripes with plaid
I instagram every meal I've had
All my used liquor bottles are on display
We can go to see a show but I'll make you pay

[Chorus:]
(because I'm tacky)
Wear my belt with suspenders and sandals with my socks
(because I'm tacky)
Got some new glitter Uggs and lovely pink sequined crocs
(because I'm tacky)
Never let you forget some favor I did for you
(because I'm tacky)
If you're okay with that, then, you might just be tacky, too

[Verse 2:]
I meet some chick, ask her this and that
Like 'Are you pregnant girl, or just really fat?' (what?)
Well, now I'm dropping names almost constantly
That's what Kanye West keeps telling me, here's why

[Chorus:]
(because I'm tacky)
Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants
(because I'm tacky)
Got my new resume it's printed in Comic Sans
(because I'm tacky)
Think it's fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review
(because I'm tacky)
If you think that's just fine, then, you're probably tacky, too

[Bridge:]
Bring me shame, can't nothing
Bring me shame, I never know why
Bring me shame, can't nothing
Bring me shame, I said
Bring me shame, can't nothing
Bring me shame, it's pointless to try
Bring me shame, can't nothing
Bring me shame, I said

[Chorus:]
(because I'm tacky)
43 Bumper Stickers and a YOLO license plate
(because I'm tacky)
Bring along my coupon book whenever I'm on a date
(because I'm tacky)
Practice my twerking moves in line at the DMV
(because I'm tacky)
Took the whole bowl of restaurant mints. Hey, it said they're free
(because I'm tacky)
I get drunk at the bank
And take off my shirt, at least
(because I'm tacky)
I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased
(because I'm tacky)
If I'm bitten by a zombie, I'm probably not telling you
(because I'm tacky)
If you don't think that's bad, guess what, then you're tacky, too

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

In honor of yesterday's posts to the Meme thread:


[Inhale]
Beautiful tats
All over my back
Makes me so proud
I'm gonna shout it out loud
I got another tattoo baby
Yeah another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo)
(Noth noth nother tattoo)
No part of me is blank I'm really ink obsessed
It's like an art show the moment that I get undressed
At every job interview they're just so impressed
Cause I got all my ex-wives' names on my chest
Over here is Clay Aiken
There's a side of bacon,
And a Minotaur pillow-fighting with Satan
Next to Hello Kitty and a zombie iceskating and wait
It's Ronald Reagan

I got these dragons
I got these dolphins
All inscribed on me indelibly
I've had bad reactions
Bad infections
Even hepatitis c
My friends think that I need therapy
Maybe some laser surgery
For the flaming goat skull on my knee
Knee (knee) knee (knee) knee hey

Beautiful tats (yeah) all over my back (all over)
And I've got some space here
On the side of my face here
For another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo) another tattoo baby
(Noth noth nother tattoo) another tattoo baby
No I'm not high (high)
I'm really ok (ok)
I just love these scribbles (haha) that won't go away
I got another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo a noth noth noth nother tattoo)
Another tattoo baby
(Noth noth nother tattoo babe)
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo)

Yeah
Yes there were a few
I got from a losing a bet
I misspelled a word or two
Still there's nothing I regret
My shopping trips are no sweat
There's never stuff I forget
Check out this rad Boba Fett
He's playing clarinet
Beautiful tats (yeah) all over my back (all over)
And what the heck (haha)
There's still room on my neck (waa)
I'll get another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo) another tattoo babe
(Noth noth nother tattoo)
I don't know why (why)
But every day (day)
Whenever folks see me
They just back away (wo)
I got another tattoo
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo babe)
(Noth noth nother tattoo)
Another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo babe)
(Noth noth nother tattoo)
Yeah

[Bzzt]
D'ow
Dehh... ok right there by my elbow. see?
Yeah I got a couple of square inches left
So maybe a squid or a tarantula or something
I dunno surprise me
D'ow
Mother...

 

[CreamyGoodness]

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up up with more secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slip my mind the last two times
Silly me, so now I gotta give you part three of my confessions
First I told you about the skank that I was cheating with,then I mentioned she's having my kid
That's not all, now I recall more you see, so I'll give you part three of my confessions

Now this is gonna be the hardest thing I ever had to do,
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two
Like remember when I told you I knew Paulie Shore (Paulie Shore)
That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for
I borrowed your chapstick (from you)
Without asking I tried out your nose hair trimmer (too)
And by the way your diamond ring is cubic circonium,
I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I needed to get some things off my chest right away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
I threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink
There have been times when I've peed in your sink
Don't know why, but you and I should agree that belongs in part three of my confessions

Baby forgive me I'm still trying to figure out why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grought
Oh and sometimes in private, I really like to dress up as Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)
My boss thinks I'm a jerk, I didn't get that raise.
I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days!
And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you as a midget
I'm so sorry Debbi! I mean Bridget!

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I got a few more secrets I'd like to convey
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Gave you buttered toast I dropped and then picked up off the floor
FYI it was not a cold sore
Oops my bad, but you'll be madder at me when I finish part three of my confessions

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this, but remember that shirt that you got me for my birthday?
Well, I returned it for store credit. That thing was hideous, what were you thinking?
O and by the way, I wasn't really sick last week,
I just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic
Oh and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of rice krispies,
What I meant was that there was only enough left for me. Sorry.

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say, I thought of some more things that should scare you away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Once I blew my nose and wiped it on your cat
And I lied, yes that dress makes you look fat
Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore 'til I give you part four of my confessions

 

[Schol-R-LEA]

Hehehe... you thought this thread was gone, but no...

Nature Trail to Hell
Coming this Christmas to a theater near you
The most horrifying film that hit the screen
There's a homicidal maniac who finds a cub-scout troop
And he hacks up two or three in every scene
Please don't reveal the secret ending to your friends
Don't spoil the big surprise
You won't believe your eyes when you see

Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D

See severed heads that almost fall right in your lap
See that bloody hatchet coming right at you
No, you'll never see hideous effects like these again
'Til we bring you "Nature Trail to Hell Part 2"
So bring the kids along it's good clean family fun
What have you got to lose?
If you like the 6 O'Clock news then you'll love

Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D

Backwards
Satan eats Cheez Whiz!

Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature Trail to hell in 3-D

Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell
(Can you wait for?!?)
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D 3-D
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to heeeeeeeeeell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D