Honestly, I do think she was pregnant. I always figured she never told me because we were already going downhill. But her claims were 100% false. Even when she threw hot tomato sauce on my face, i never fought back a single time.
She wants my brewery
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Honestly, I do think she was pregnant. I always figured she never told me because we were already going downhill. But her claims were 100% false. Even when she threw hot tomato sauce on my face, i never fought back a single time.
If her sole intent is to hurt you by taking it let her have it and be happy about it. You will have a better one soon. She looses. You win.
HeavyKettleBrewing
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Restraint is the true measure of a man. I, personally, consider myself a child. Brush your ass with her hair brush. Put some Cayenne pepper on her lipstick. Get creative. On the real, you should be more worried about the kid(s). Children are the ones that suffer most.
Note to self: never get married. seriously though, ive been reading so many stories where the guy gets completely ****ed because the judge is biased and thinks the man is always at fault. and if I ever do get married im gonna make sure we both sign some sort of iron clad prenup or something.
But seriously, I hope you figure it out. It sucks to be in a situation where someone has your balls in a vice and is getting enjoyment out of tightening it
But seriously, I hope you figure it out. It sucks to be in a situation where someone has your balls in a vice and is getting enjoyment out of tightening it
beergolf
Well-Known Member
Reading this thread really makes me appreciate my wife.
She is great.
Moved our wedding day so I could play golf with my friends, bought me the stuff to get started brewing. Always asks what I am drinking and offers good suggestions.Never questions anything that I need to brew betterr beer. Of course I do not overdo it.
I feel sorry for your problems, but I would suggest get away as fast as you can and get on with you life. If you have to start over just gat a brew pot, go BIAB, and work your way up from there.
Good luck.
She is great.
Moved our wedding day so I could play golf with my friends, bought me the stuff to get started brewing. Always asks what I am drinking and offers good suggestions.Never questions anything that I need to brew betterr beer. Of course I do not overdo it.
I feel sorry for your problems, but I would suggest get away as fast as you can and get on with you life. If you have to start over just gat a brew pot, go BIAB, and work your way up from there.
Good luck.
SuburbanBrewer
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I read a story once where a guy put fish eggs in the curtain rods in every room of the house. Then his wife got the house as requested in the divorce. Long story short he bought it back from her for next to nothing when she couldn't get rid of the smell and couldn't sell it to anyone else.
I don't know if it's true or not, but that would be an amazing way to win one battle.
I don't know if it's true or not, but that would be an amazing way to win one battle.
b33rmug
Active Member
You guys have it all wrong. Go spec and price out your dream setup (within reason). Value the current setup at double that estimate. Let her have the current gear but demand half the value back. Buy dream setup.
Mixed feelings, and probably being a bit self righteous with my repsonse.
This is a homebrewing site and our homebrew rigs are near and dear to us, especially if you built them yourself or spent a lot of money on them.
Having gone through a divorce 12 years ago and losing all of my assets. It was nothing compared to the ex getting custody of our kids.
I say the more important question is how to get custody of your children. I was basically told by the courts that since I was in the military at the time and had to deploy I was a bit lower than dirt in their eyes. I didn't lawyer up and got effed.
Items can be bought again. Children can not. I enjoy a very loving relationship with my grown up kids and didn't let a divorce get in the way of that, but should have lawyered up and got custody of them from the beginning.
This is a homebrewing site and our homebrew rigs are near and dear to us, especially if you built them yourself or spent a lot of money on them.
Having gone through a divorce 12 years ago and losing all of my assets. It was nothing compared to the ex getting custody of our kids.
I say the more important question is how to get custody of your children. I was basically told by the courts that since I was in the military at the time and had to deploy I was a bit lower than dirt in their eyes. I didn't lawyer up and got effed.
Items can be bought again. Children can not. I enjoy a very loving relationship with my grown up kids and didn't let a divorce get in the way of that, but should have lawyered up and got custody of them from the beginning.
A good reason to have a brew club that owns all the equipment.
Side note; what does swmbo(?) mean?... I'll start off with a brief history of my life.
I'm a baby. Very young, about to get married, but when I was a kid I didn't have a "real" dad, my sister did, my older brother did, and my younger brother has one ( who I despise btw. ) I grew up being ridiculed in school as the kid with no dad. My older brothers dad essentially adopted me with no paperwork, I love that man like a father.
But what I'm trying to get at now that I have a baby girl ( almost 3 weeks old <3 ) is blut ist dicker als milch. ( blood is thicker than milk ) should I ever get a divorce with my girl she can have my Xbox, brew stuff, pet snake, anything materialistic, as long as I can at least see my baby. And at the end of the day that's all that matters, having no "real" dad growing up made me appreciate what I do have and take to heart the relationships I form with good people. If the judge gives her the brew kit, turn a cheek and buy a 20$ mr beer meet and start small again.
Best wishes to you, happiness will come in the midst of chaos and despair.
Brew on.
I'm a baby. Very young, about to get married, but when I was a kid I didn't have a "real" dad, my sister did, my older brother did, and my younger brother has one ( who I despise btw. ) I grew up being ridiculed in school as the kid with no dad. My older brothers dad essentially adopted me with no paperwork, I love that man like a father.
But what I'm trying to get at now that I have a baby girl ( almost 3 weeks old <3 ) is blut ist dicker als milch. ( blood is thicker than milk ) should I ever get a divorce with my girl she can have my Xbox, brew stuff, pet snake, anything materialistic, as long as I can at least see my baby. And at the end of the day that's all that matters, having no "real" dad growing up made me appreciate what I do have and take to heart the relationships I form with good people. If the judge gives her the brew kit, turn a cheek and buy a 20$ mr beer meet and start small again.
Best wishes to you, happiness will come in the midst of chaos and despair.
Brew on.
brewski08
Well-Known Member
dear lord this is a depressing thread.
give her the rig and teach her how to use it. be the bigger man. i know it's hard from your unclear perspective at the moment, but when you look back on this time period, you'll be glad you acted mature about the situation.
give her the rig and teach her how to use it. be the bigger man. i know it's hard from your unclear perspective at the moment, but when you look back on this time period, you'll be glad you acted mature about the situation.
Stauffbier
Well-Known Member
BrutalBrew
Well-Known Member
Sorry to hear about your situation.
Do you have friends with brewing equipment? If she gets your rig maybe they would let you come over and use there stuff until you can restore a setup. Plus getting out and hanging with some friends would help keep your mind busy after going thru a divorce.
Do you have friends with brewing equipment? If she gets your rig maybe they would let you come over and use there stuff until you can restore a setup. Plus getting out and hanging with some friends would help keep your mind busy after going thru a divorce.
Slipgate
Well-Known Member
Why do divorces cost so much? Because they are worth it.
CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
My GOD, I must be the luckiest SOB on the planet. I have more than my share of failed relationships under my belt, but the worst they ever ended with is some tears. Some of you folks really went through the wringer.
Close friend of mine had to get divorced about a year or two ago when her husband failed to adequately hide his numerous affairs, and then shoved her to the floor when she confronted him. She's a lawyer, so I would have thought she'd have taken him to the woodshed. He's the luckiest yutz I've ever seen, because she let him have almost everything he asked for and didnt drag his name down outside their circle of friends. Really proved to me that a divorce CAN be civil, even when the actions taken during marriage were vile.
Close friend of mine had to get divorced about a year or two ago when her husband failed to adequately hide his numerous affairs, and then shoved her to the floor when she confronted him. She's a lawyer, so I would have thought she'd have taken him to the woodshed. He's the luckiest yutz I've ever seen, because she let him have almost everything he asked for and didnt drag his name down outside their circle of friends. Really proved to me that a divorce CAN be civil, even when the actions taken during marriage were vile.
On second thought, you should clean it well, pack it And let her have it if that is what she wants. If she gets it and sell to some unsuspecting home brewer, you will not be messing with a brother brewer. Look at this as a chance to begin again and only get the stuff you really need. All of the great brewing equipment makes it easier but the Egyptians brewed in earth pots , probably without boiling. A quick brew could be made from stuff at goodwill. Also you can find lots of free stuff on Craigslist
Let me clarify my above statement. If my wife wanted a divorce and was being amicable about it I'd have no problem splitting up the stuff with her choosing. If she's being completely unreasonable, the more you give in, the more she's going to try and take.
In any situation where children are involved, it's the kid(s) that are the most important things, and the ones who will get hurt the most. If she's being vindictive already, it's time to lawyer up. First and foremost make sure you get a custody agreement that's acceptable to you, then worry about material assets.
People do sh*tty things when a marriage ends. I've seen Mother's lie about Father's (and vice versa). One of my Aunts (by marriage) who was getting divorced after getting caught cheating went so far as to try and get my Uncle jammed up at work (Federal LEO). Then fought for and got 90% custody (because of the age of the children), claimed poverty level income (she worked a cash job so hid 80% of her income) and milked him for Alimony and child support. Then started telling the kids that they lived with her cause their father didn't want them anymore.
Lawyers are expensive, but worth it.
solution = .40
zeg
Well-Known Member
Here are my suggested rules for this situation.
Rule 0: Get a lawyer.
Rule 1: Do not do anything sneaky, vindictive, or in bad faith.
Rule 2: Do not do anything that might be perceived as sneaky, vindictive, or in bad faith.
Rule 3: Be reasonable.
Rule 4: Do not acquiesce to a demand that you believe is unfair.
Ok, so Rule 0 is really the most important one, because if you get a decent one he'll keep you on track to the others. A lawyer can be expensive, but a long, drawn out, painful divorce can be also. Better to pay the costs up front and make sure that you have a qualified legal advocate making sure you are protected. That means both in terms of getting a fair deal, but also in making sure that things progress efficiently. Think of it like tearing a band-aid off---it's going to hurt no matter what you do, so you might as well do it quickly.
For the other stuff, basically, remember that judges are (in general) not morons, and they are not amused by people trying to abuse their system. It's in your interest that he (or she, but I'll stick to the masculine pronouns here) understands that you are being fair and reasonable. If you do anything that makes him think you're trying to game the system or otherwise manipulate things, that's bad for you. This means, first, that you don't actually do anything that is trying to manipulate him. However, you also need to avoid situations where it looks like you might be.
For example, the suggestions above to arrange a sham sale of your property to hide it are extraordinarily bad advice. That won't work, is a completely transparent ruse, and will probably cost you more than just the equipment in terms of goodwill with the judge. However, suppose you had been thinking about selling the rig (or, for the sake of example, a car) prior to the demand. Even though you aren't doing it to "hide" the assets, now is probably not the time to make the sale, just because it might look like that's what you're doing. At the least, you will want to have documentation that you began the process of selling before the asset became an issue, but if you can hold off until after the divorce is settled that will be better.
Of course, you do have the right to a fair shake, and while you should be reasonable, don't let your ex walk over you. A lawyer will help with this in many ways. Not least in terms of providing a more neutral perspective, but presumably he/she will better know what sorts of demands are reasonable. As was said above, you don't want to just hand things over because that's not likely to stop the demands for more. Get your lawyer in, set up the process so that you get the whole settlement out on the table, then negotiate (or accept the deal) if needed. But don't do that until it's a final agreement, otherwise the piecemeal BS will continue.
Rule 0: Get a lawyer.
Rule 1: Do not do anything sneaky, vindictive, or in bad faith.
Rule 2: Do not do anything that might be perceived as sneaky, vindictive, or in bad faith.
Rule 3: Be reasonable.
Rule 4: Do not acquiesce to a demand that you believe is unfair.
Ok, so Rule 0 is really the most important one, because if you get a decent one he'll keep you on track to the others. A lawyer can be expensive, but a long, drawn out, painful divorce can be also. Better to pay the costs up front and make sure that you have a qualified legal advocate making sure you are protected. That means both in terms of getting a fair deal, but also in making sure that things progress efficiently. Think of it like tearing a band-aid off---it's going to hurt no matter what you do, so you might as well do it quickly.
For the other stuff, basically, remember that judges are (in general) not morons, and they are not amused by people trying to abuse their system. It's in your interest that he (or she, but I'll stick to the masculine pronouns here) understands that you are being fair and reasonable. If you do anything that makes him think you're trying to game the system or otherwise manipulate things, that's bad for you. This means, first, that you don't actually do anything that is trying to manipulate him. However, you also need to avoid situations where it looks like you might be.
For example, the suggestions above to arrange a sham sale of your property to hide it are extraordinarily bad advice. That won't work, is a completely transparent ruse, and will probably cost you more than just the equipment in terms of goodwill with the judge. However, suppose you had been thinking about selling the rig (or, for the sake of example, a car) prior to the demand. Even though you aren't doing it to "hide" the assets, now is probably not the time to make the sale, just because it might look like that's what you're doing. At the least, you will want to have documentation that you began the process of selling before the asset became an issue, but if you can hold off until after the divorce is settled that will be better.
Of course, you do have the right to a fair shake, and while you should be reasonable, don't let your ex walk over you. A lawyer will help with this in many ways. Not least in terms of providing a more neutral perspective, but presumably he/she will better know what sorts of demands are reasonable. As was said above, you don't want to just hand things over because that's not likely to stop the demands for more. Get your lawyer in, set up the process so that you get the whole settlement out on the table, then negotiate (or accept the deal) if needed. But don't do that until it's a final agreement, otherwise the piecemeal BS will continue.
It's pretty obvious who in the thread has been through a divorce, with maybe 1-2 deviations. The above post is pretty much exactly what all of us who've dealt with this are saying. Anything different is probably not coming from someone with experience in this realm.
cheezydemon3
Well-Known Member
Rule # 1 Hope she doesn't see this thread.
Find a bargaining chip. My ex was obsessed with control over a life insurance policy. I wasn't going to change it from my kids, so I didn't care so I let her have control with the agreement that she never change it from the kids, and I got to keep my 401K.
Find a bargaining chip. My ex was obsessed with control over a life insurance policy. I wasn't going to change it from my kids, so I didn't care so I let her have control with the agreement that she never change it from the kids, and I got to keep my 401K.
One thing for sure, do not bad mouth the ex to your children. If they grow up with both people that love trashing the other, they will be. In for a bad future. In fact, you should make sure you say positive things about your ex to your children. If you ex trashes you, your children are not dumb and will get it when old enough. Try to make the break up as calm and painless as possible. Goods can be replaced. Do not be the same as her and become vindictive Your children will lose.
ao125
Well-Known Member
Here is what I'd do.
Price out all of the gear.
Divide that price in half.
Buy her out of that half.
The gear is half-yours and she'd get less than fair-market value craigslisting it.
Alternately wait until she does craigslist it and then get a buddy to buy it on the cheap.
Price out all of the gear.
Divide that price in half.
Buy her out of that half.
The gear is half-yours and she'd get less than fair-market value craigslisting it.
Alternately wait until she does craigslist it and then get a buddy to buy it on the cheap.
2brewishuman
Well-Known Member
I agree with zeg. Divorces are hard on everyone, but especially the kids. My divorce was painful in that I gave everything away thinking that it would keep her and the kids happy. It didn't work out that way. She constantly bad mouthed me to the kids, I did my best to keep my mouth shut and not say anything derogatory over the years. Now, at 18 and 21 years old, they see what she has done. I have a feeling she is going to die a bitter, jaded woman. After 12 years, I am still fighting to get my name off the mortgage. I offered to pay for half, she refused because she was afraid I would take it from her.
I feel your pain, brother.
I feel your pain, brother.
PistolsAtDawn
Well-Known Member
zeg is 100% correct in his "rules" for this. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but don't forget that you have to look out for your kids first and yourself after that.
As someone else suggested, the evil witch needs to be shown that you'll not allow her to walk on you, thus discouraging her from trying any more lawsuits or legal maneuvering in the future.
Get a lawyer. Let us know how your brew rig fares.
As someone else suggested, the evil witch needs to be shown that you'll not allow her to walk on you, thus discouraging her from trying any more lawsuits or legal maneuvering in the future.
Get a lawyer. Let us know how your brew rig fares.
She can say what she wants. She is wrong. Looks like you are in Florida. That state divides property according to what is known as "equitable distribution." In other words, marital property should be divided fairly or equitably (that doesn't always mean equally).
Vengeance and anger are powerful emotions that cause people to be irrational. Do yourself a favor and get a lawyer and let him/her do the thinking for you. Don't talk to this woman again until you do.
OP
OP
Well, she has given up on the home brewery request after I told her she can take anything she wants in physical property. She asked me why I was smiling more and I told her I was at peace with my decision and I have new found happiness by being able to be myself and not try to please her anymore. And is now trying to use the kids against me. She wants to move back to her hometown which is 300 miles away and take the kids.
I have come to see stuff just as stuff, and whatever stuff she wants is a fair price to pay for my sanity and happiness. However, I will fight to my death on the kids. This period is just reaffirming why I am leaving her and I see how shallow and misearable of a soul she is. I also see she has many issues in her mind she needs to deal with before she can be happy.
I have come to see stuff just as stuff, and whatever stuff she wants is a fair price to pay for my sanity and happiness. However, I will fight to my death on the kids. This period is just reaffirming why I am leaving her and I see how shallow and misearable of a soul she is. I also see she has many issues in her mind she needs to deal with before she can be happy.
amrmedic said:
Dammit, now I gotta cancel that 1$ check...
Good to hear you have come I terms, and she is showing her true colors by switching to whatever she thinks will cut you the deepest. Don't let it get too ya, too much. Best if luck.
If you haven't already, Lawyer up now. A decent lawyer should be able to prevent this from happening. Going before a judge in a custody hearing without one is madness
cheezydemon3
Well-Known Member
A LITTLE.....ok....A LOTof $ now, but worth the price 1000 times over to get legal advice.
Bernie Brewer
Grouchy Old Fart
I don't know how it is done in Fla, but when I got divorced in WI a few years ago everything we owned was itemized, and a monetary value was attached. She took what she wanted, I took what I wanted, the values were added up, and whoever had the most (her) had to pay in cash to make up the difference. If it was not done that way, there is no way I would have been able to buy my house.
As far as the kids go, I consider myself a very lucky man, as far as one can be lucky in a divorce. My ex realizes the importance of both parents being involved in the kids' lives, and so I get to see my boys almost every day. I get them for a couple hours every day after school, and every other weekend. I intentionally bought a house in the their school district (I only live about 4 miles from my ex) so that if she suddenly decided to move across the country, my kids could then stay with me and not have to uproot their lives any more than is necessary. sometimes it is uncomfortable living so close to my ex and her new husband, but the proximity to my boys makes it worthwhile.
My point? Not really sure. But get a lawyer. If for no other reason than the fact that she will. And her lawyer will prolly be only about two clicks above pond scum in the ethics department, so you need to be prepared. God luck to you, and keep us posted.
As far as the kids go, I consider myself a very lucky man, as far as one can be lucky in a divorce. My ex realizes the importance of both parents being involved in the kids' lives, and so I get to see my boys almost every day. I get them for a couple hours every day after school, and every other weekend. I intentionally bought a house in the their school district (I only live about 4 miles from my ex) so that if she suddenly decided to move across the country, my kids could then stay with me and not have to uproot their lives any more than is necessary. sometimes it is uncomfortable living so close to my ex and her new husband, but the proximity to my boys makes it worthwhile.
My point? Not really sure. But get a lawyer. If for no other reason than the fact that she will. And her lawyer will prolly be only about two clicks above pond scum in the ethics department, so you need to be prepared. God luck to you, and keep us posted.
moscoeb said:
I'm a noob here but I'd be happy to send a fiver your way to help you get a new rig. All I ask is that you enjoy the fact that you won't have to wake up with such a nasty person anymore. Any beer you make from here on out will taste better than any you made while your soul was being sucked dry.
Welcome back to the land of the living!
bottlebomber
Well-Known Member
amrmedic said:
Ok this is what you need to do, and you need to not wait. You need to file for divorce if you haven't already, and you need to file for child custody - present a reasonable plan. This will do a few things.
For one, it will establish a legal date of separation. That will make all debts accumulated after this date as separate. Another thing it will do is make you the "Petitioner" in the case. It's a small edge, more of a psychological one in front of the judge, but every bit helps. Finally and most importantly, this will open the Family Law case IN YOUR COUNTY. I'm not familiar with the child laws in Florida as far as her leaving with your child, but I do know that wherever you are if you have that case open she is going to have to deal with court. In other words it is going to at the least make it very difficult to move 6 hours away when she has to be to court once a month.
Also, as has been mentioned before, judges see right through this stuff. Unless you have been beating her, and have criminal records to prove it, the court is not going to support her "fleeing" from you. She is going to look like just another irrational female putting her own interests ahead of those of your childs.
Finally, I don't know if you are still under the same roof as this woman but if you are and you mean business about this you need to get out of that situation immediately. Don't think for a second that it is above her to <insert self-inflicted injury here>, file a police report, and have you arrested. It exposes a huge flaw in our legal system but frankly if something like this happens you do not have a chance of defending yourself. Your side of the story will mean nothing, and she will have a huge leg up.
This stuff is not a joke or a situation to be taken lightly, it happens every day and there is virtually no way to protect yourself short of preventing it from happening. If I seem paranoid about it is is because it has happened to me. I was handcuffed and arrested from the parking lot of my employer, in front of my coworkers, and the only by the grace of God I was able to avoid charges when an officer who knew me personally went to my house and confronted my now ex-wife, called her bluff and gave her an opportunity to drop the charges before it was thoroughly investigated. Most people are not so lucky. Good luck with your situation.
bottlebomber
Well-Known Member
Guarantee you they reconciled 
mikeysab
Well-Known Member
That, or hes looking for somewhere to make her "corpse" "disappear".
bottlebomber
Well-Known Member
mikeysab said:
Good point. I would probably keep quiet about that as well. And now I'm starting to think instead of us sending him checks, it should work the other way around.
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