Parenting a teenage daughter

[Hamaki]

When I was young and throughout the decades since I've observed that the kids who seem less likely to end up in the hospital, morgue, jail or with an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy were those who had parents that were there for them - both physically and emotionally. I've had plenty of friends and acquaintances end up in those places and I know what their home life was like. I moved around a lot growing up, more often than not living in bad neighborhoods but this pattern seemed to be pretty consistent whether rich or poor, black or white, etc.

 

[Homercidal]

I spent a couple of hours sitting at the kitchen table with my 15 yo doing her homework with her. Honors Algebra II.

She probably outdid me in high school math in the 7th grade, but she needs some assistance now, so lucky me go to learn how to work with logarithms.

I think we had fun and I think she learned more by teaching me and having me ask questions. Plus, we had a disagreement over the answer on one trick question, and I got it right. I may have been a bit out of line when I yelled out, "Suck it!" But I think we still had fun.

She had a week of catch up to do after being sick with a fever, so it took a long time. Gotta get her smartened up so she can support us in our old age..

 

[Melana]

You all sound concerned, and it's kind of sweet, but you may be thinking about this in the wrong way.

Raise your daughters to be confident, informed, and forthright. Girls are not delicate flowers that need to be protected from boys who would tarnish their souls/ravage their bodies. Don't let your daughters get the idea that they can't take care of themselves. Feeling vulnerable leads to being vulnerable.

Raise your sons to also be confident, informed, and forthright, as well as respectful. Girls like that stuff.

//end feminist rant//

Indeed. OMG if my parents knew half of the stuff that I was up to from ... very early in my teenage years to lets say 25 they would have run away screaming. Now I have a daughter of my own (5) and I keep telling her daddy that he has no idea what he's in for. I'll know and because I am raising her to be a strong, confident, and most of the time kick ass woman she'll be fine. If any of the boys disrespect her they will have to deal with her daddy (6'6" and always grumpy) or her big brother.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

I spent a couple of hours sitting at the kitchen table with my 15 yo doing her homework with her. Honors Algebra II.

She probably outdid me in high school math in the 7th grade, but she needs some assistance now, so lucky me go to learn how to work with logarithms.

I think we had fun and I think she learned more by teaching me and having me ask questions. Plus, we had a disagreement over the answer on one trick question, and I got it right. I may have been a bit out of line when I yelled out, "Suck it!" But I think we still had fun.

She had a week of catch up to do after being sick with a fever, so it took a long time. Gotta get her smartened up so she can support us in our old age..

Sounds to me like you're doing parenting right

 

[Homercidal]

Sounds to me like you're doing parenting right

She was starting to get a bit cocky with all of her, "Right Answers" and "Knowledge", so I only thought it fair to enjoy the moment.

 

[Devin]

Indeed. OMG if my parents knew half of the stuff that I was up to from ... very early in my teenage years to lets say 25 they would have run away screaming.

That's sort of a "young" sounding thing to say. I remember my parents always telling me "you forget that I was young once". I never used to think that they were nearly as bold and crazy as I was. Then, the older I got and the more that I learned, I found out just how much of a hellion my father really was. I had nothing on him.

I experience it now with my kids. They do not comprehend that we went through youth once, also. And honestly, you can't expect them to at their age. But eventually, you find out that not only did they go through it and do the crazy things also, but odds are that they do in fact know a lot of the stuff that you are doing.

I remember talking to my dad after I had left the house, and I said something to the effect of what you said in your post. "If you only knew the stuff that I did....". He said "try me". Turns out he pretty much knew everything that I did - at least when I was living at home.

 

[Melana]

That's sort of a "young" sounding thing to say. I remember my parents always telling me "you forget that I was young once". I never used to think that they were nearly as bold and crazy as I was. Then, the older I got and the more that I learned, I found out just how much of a hellion my father really was. I had nothing on him.

I experience it now with my kids. They do not comprehend that we went through youth once, also. And honestly, you can't expect them to at their age. But eventually, you find out that not only did they go through it and do the crazy things also, but odds are that they do in fact know a lot of the stuff that you are doing.

I remember talking to my dad after I had left the house, and I said something to the effect of what you said in your post. "If you only knew the stuff that I did....". He said "try me". Turns out he pretty much knew everything that I did - at least when I was living at home.

Oh, really? I am not young and I do have proof that my parents were in fact naive. *shrugs*

 

[Tin4]

That's sort of a "young" sounding thing to say. I remember my parents always telling me "you forget that I was young once". I never used to think that they were nearly as bold and crazy as I was. Then, the older I got and the more that I learned, I found out just how much of a hellion my father really was. I had nothing on him.

I experience it now with my kids. They do not comprehend that we went through youth once, also. And honestly, you can't expect them to at their age. But eventually, you find out that not only did they go through it and do the crazy things also, but odds are that they do in fact know a lot of the stuff that you are doing.

I remember talking to my dad after I had left the house, and I said something to the effect of what you said in your post. "If you only knew the stuff that I did....". He said "try me". Turns out he pretty much knew everything that I did - at least when I was living at home.

My Dad's stories make me sound lame. He was a cop in 69'. Oh all the stories he tells.

Makes me blush.

 

[Devin]

Oh, really? I am not young and I do have proof that my parents were in fact naive. *shrugs*

I wasn't trying to insult you. I was just making an observation based on what you said. Many kids believe that their parents are completely ignorant and have absolutely no clue what is going on. Perhaps sometimes that is true. In my case, it most definitely wasn't. Like Austin said above, my Dad's stories make mine seem pretty unadventurous.

 

[Melana]

I wasn't trying to insult you. I was just making an observation based on what you said. Many kids believe that their parents are completely ignorant and have absolutely no clue what is going on. Perhaps sometimes that is true. In my case, it most definitely wasn't. Like Austin said above, my Dad's stories make mine seem pretty unadventurous.

Try or not it worked.

My point was... most parents don't want to know what their 'little girls' are up to.

 

[Devin]

My apologies for offending you.

You are correct, I will not want to know what my little girls are up to in some cases. However, if they are getting hurt - I would like to know about it.

 

[GHBWNY]

I'm a father of three daughters, now all grown, married to wonderful husbands, and all hard-working, successful adults. I'm very blessed. I don't take credit for doing everything right, but the one thing my wife and I always strived for was consistency. We agreed upon and set rules and boundaries. If there was a need for amending the rules, we'd discuss it. I became a single parent (widower) when two of my daughters were still teenagers. Thankfully, the stability in the home and confidence in parental authority that had been established remained unshaken by their mother's absence. Not everyone has the advantage of a 2-parent home, which I can only imagine makes parenting that much more of a challenge. Either way, what is important to know is that kids want boundaries. That's right, want. What kid doesn't want to know how far they can safely go doing this or doing that? At the same time, did my kids always like the rules? Of course not. But they knew what they were.

Prior to dating and when they reached the age where they could understand, we sat each of them down and they got the Facts of Life talk. Daughter #1 cried. #2 said, "OK, can I go play now?" #3 just sat there, looked at us and said, "Is that all?" While I suspect they had all had some "hallway tutoring" on the subject long before our talk, we felt it was not only important, but our responsibility, for them to hear it from us.

With the ownership of that understanding tucked away inside, a couple years later they started "liking" a boy enough to want to invite him over to the house (while we were home), or hang around with him along with 3 or 4 other couples of friends that "liked" each other (at ours or someone's else's parents' house). Eventually came the driver's licenses, proms, movies, concerts, etc.. And at that point, all you can do is hope and pray that the groundwork you laid down will mean something.

You want to do everything right in raising your daughter (and/or son) and you try, but you won't do it perfectly. And even when you fail, the times you did the best you could is what they will take with them when they are adults. Besides being loved, of course.

 

[Dixon9717]

I would like to say thanks to my 2 daughters who are veterans, 1
Air force and 1 Navy. Next month my youngest boy will be enlisted in the Marines. That'll make 3 out of 3.

 

[GHBWNY]

I would like to say thanks to my 2 daughters who are veterans, 1
Air force and 1 Navy. Next month my youngest boy will be enlisted in the Marines. That'll make 3 out of 3.

You have to be proud. Congrats and hopefully your son serves safely.

 

[Tin4]

Try or not it worked.

My point was... most parents don't want to know what their 'little girls' are up to.

Mine writes me notes with "I love you" every morning and sets them next to my coffee.

You mean that will change?

 

[Melana]

Mine writes me notes with "I love you" every morning and sets them next to my coffee.

You mean that will change?

It might but it will be back.

 

[Tin4]

I hope so.

I just broke my own heart a little bit there.

 

[Remmy]

Reading this thread scares me to death. I couldn't imagine being a father to a girl, considering what I've done to them. From the time I turned 12-13, the exploring began and didn't stop 'til after I settled down years after college.

Luckily, I have boys and not girls. I, too, like most of the dads here, would worry about the teenage years. I think it's somewhat natural for guys to worry about that time period.

 

[Tin4]

Reading this thread scares me to death. I couldn't imagine being a father to a girl, considering what I've done to them. From the time I turned 12-13, the exploring began and didn't stop 'til after I settled down years after college.

Luckily, I have boys and not girls. I, too, like most of the dads here, would worry about the teenage years. I think it's somewhat natural for guys to worry about that time period.

What we've done to them. You have to have one to make one.

I'm not scared of that. Not at all.

I think my job as a parent is to teach her consequences and let her figure it out.

If she ever needs me she knows where to find me.

Deep in the mountains, hunting mountain lions with my bare hands, sharpening my skills.

 

[MaddBaggins]

Two girls here. My oldest is 22 and married, my baby is 12.

It's mostly fun, sometimes it hurts and it is survivable.

 

[Dixon9717]

Pete_NWY
Thank you and I am very proud....

 

[chisena]

Who wants to brew some beer?


Sent from my iPad