Mistakes in Parenting

[Hoppity]

My 1 year old wanted to drink from my beer bottle so I put some beer on my finger (an IPA) thinking he would hate it and that would be the end... well he loved it and now he is obsessed with beer bottles. He will yank a bottle right out of your hand and cram it in his mouth before you know what is happening. He hasn't managed to upend one yet but it's just a matter of time until he ends up with a mouth/face/outfit full of beer.

My wife is not pleased.

My eldest was drinking O'Doule's with me when I came home from the train for dinner at 3-4 years old. We thought it was cute.

When he drinks now, his nickname is "Scotch". Not quite the progression we were hoping for, but at that time we didn't know any better. Beware of early influences on your children. It has a lasting impression.

 

[kirbcheck]

I was carrying my 1 Year Old son to bed just the other night and just as I was standing in the threshold my wife said something behind me so I turned my whole body to look at her and banged his head on the doorway. Not only did he wake up bawling, but I felt like the worlds worst father.

Also, my wife took him outside to play after all the snow melted and she did a meticulous job picking up dog turds out of the back yard. The dog dropped a fresh bomb and within my seconds my son was there playing with it in his hands... I wish I could say we didn't have to call poison control over this incident...

 

[Hoppity]

I was carrying my 1 Year Old son to bed just the other night and just as I was standing in the threshold my wife said something behind me so I turned my whole body to look at her and banged his head on the doorway. Not only did he wake up bawling, but I felt like the worlds worst father.

Also, my wife took him outside to play after all the snow melted and she did a meticulous job picking up dog turds out of the back yard. The dog dropped a fresh bomb and within my seconds my son was there playing with it in his hands... I wish I could say we didn't have to call poison control over this incident...

My youngest was nicknamed "Rat-Boy" because he was digging in the woodpile as a 3 Year old, hugging his new doll: a dead rat. Certainly freaked me out when I first saw it, as I wasn't sure it was dead yet. Lots of washing of clothes and promises from the older brothers to not tell "Grammy". Mommy was on the list of informants and I never lived that one down.

 

[CB_in_Tokyo]

My son and I were playing when he was about 2.5 years old. He was against the wall and I did a somersault (ukemi actually) towards him. As I was in mid roll he launched himself from the wall towards me and as I righted we banged heads so hard I saw stars.

I still feel bad about that one to this day.

 

[watermelon83]

Boy, where to start? My three or four year old son wandering around our one year old and supposedly childproofed house, found a bottle of tire shine and decided it looked like water. Luckily, it tasted like crap and he spat it all over the carpet.

My three year old daughter in response to my five year old son constantly blowing the whistle on the train under the Christmas tree "I hate that flargging thing!"

One night I was slightly drunk and changing in front of my daughter, we don't stress hiding the body in this house, not nudists but you know. She pointed at the package and asked what's that. I thought she wasn't listening, I thought she would never remember when I said "Mommy's lollipop". Three weeks later, mommy and her were in the laundry room while I shed my work clothes, my daughter pointed at my junk and said "lollipop!". Yeah explain that one to the wife.

My boy, now 12, has taken to saying "mother beeper" as opposed to dad's version. One day he was playing some Xbox shot crap game and I happened to be close to the stairs. I heard the real deal, full daddy, worked in a steel mill for 21 years, curse like a sailor language out of his mouth. I shot down the stairs, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into the service room. I told him EXACTLY what would happen if I ever heard those words out of his mouth in my home again. Then I reminded him what his mother and grandmother would do... have never heard a curse since.

 

[Hoppity]

"Mommy's lollipop"

Heck of a legacy. How merciless will your children be 20 years hence at the Thanksgiving table?

 

[andrewmaixner]

My 1 year old wanted to drink from my beer bottle so I put some beer on my finger (an IPA) thinking he would hate it and that would be the end... well he loved it and now he is obsessed with beer bottles. He will yank a bottle right out of your hand and cram it in his mouth before you know what is happening. He hasn't managed to upend one yet but it's just a matter of time until he ends up with a mouth/face/outfit full of beer.

My wife is not pleased.

I tried that with my coffee. Now the 2 year old asks for coffee Wife similarly not amused.

Last night, 2YO opened a beer faucet while watching me do some hardware mods on the keggerator. That resulted in a pointed discussion about why that was a bad idea, why daddy was mad, and what (aside from making a mess) happens if he touches it again. His takeaway was "beer come out hole bad choice daddy make mess clean it up"
I really need to get around to making some kind of basic tap handle lock.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Hey I started drinking coffee at age 10.

What was I saying again?

 

[Psylocide]

My 2 year old thinks everything I drink is "beer."


She's right about 98% of the time.

 

[pointcity-homebrew]

When my son was ~10 months old he was gifted this dancing hulk doll. He was so terrified of it that he would not go anywhere near it. I would put him in the living room and place the doll in the doorway and he would be confined to the living room.

Now he is 7 and still not a fan of dolls, especially ones with black eyes. We watched that old 80's movie Dolls.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

1. After I dry off my 4 year old son from his tubby, I taught him to run around the house naked and tell anyone who'll listen "Don't act like you're not impressed." He's to say it whenever he's naked. It's pretty damn funny!

2. Whenever he hears the words "tattle" or "tattle tale" he yells "Snitches get stiches."

3. My son's middle name is Danger.




At some point, this is all going to backfire on me...

I don't have a kid but I'll be sure to remember that one for a rainy day.
Parenting win.

 

[ArkotRamathorn]

I am getting so many good ideas from this thread when I become an uncle (no plans to have children, SWMBO is much more anti-child-bearing than I am). Since I have no children I shall regale you with a story about the shenanigans my brother and I would get into due to mom/dad.

One day my father was playing air plane or whatever with my younger brother, throwing him up into the air and catching him. Wasn't paying attention to the ceiling fan that was running in the bedroom. My brother was like 1 or 2 maybe, head first into the ceiling fan.

One game my brother and I played was with these big rubber tubing things you'll see people use in the gym, basically a HUGE rubber band with handles on either end. My mom used these for working out and stuff. My brother and I figured out a *fantastic* game to play. 1. each person grabs a handle and we see how far we can stretch it 2. first person to let go loses

Naturally this lead to plastic handles flying across the room and smacking people in the face.

Moral of the story if you are a parent: if its something that could be used to cause any damage at all, its probably something that should be locked up and hidden.

 

[Owly055]

The first mistake most people make in parenting is in the bedroom when they failed to or decided not to use birth control.......... After that it's down hill.


H.W.

 

[beernbourbon]

if its something that could be used to cause any damage at all, its probably something that should be locked up and hidden.

Or given as a present when hanging out with their favorite Uncle Ark, and definitely taken home with them when they leave.

 

[watermelon83]

Heck of a legacy. How merciless will your children be 20 years hence at the Thanksgiving table?

I have, and will continue to, pray daily they forget.

 

[SnakeRidge]

1. After I dry off my 4 year old son from his tubby, I taught him to run around the house naked and tell anyone who'll listen "Don't act like you're not impressed." He's to say it whenever he's naked. It's pretty damn funny!

2. Whenever he hears the words "tattle" or "tattle tale" he yells "Snitches get stiches."

3. My son's middle name is Danger.




At some point, this is all going to backfire on me...

I taught my 3 yo niece to say "no pants, no problem!" Yeah, sis in law didn't appreciate it much

 

[Billy-Klubb]

at the beginning of our 7 y/o's first grade year, they were talking about different jobs. the teacher asked the class if they knew what police officers do. my boy said loud & proud, "Nothing. They just eat doughnuts." now that's a thing when we see cops driving: they're going for doughnuts.

 

[ButcherBoy]

I have, and will continue to, pray daily they forget.

My youngest is 22, oldest 33. My guess is they won't forget, but lots of prayer certainly can't hurt!

 

[myelo]

When my oldest was a toddler there were a lot of fun games we would play. One was "human cannonball". I don't need to go into details other than to say we only did this when mom wasn't home. One time we had a substantial elevation miscalculation involving a ceiling fan.

Another fun game: I would lift up her shirt, start rubbing her belly and say "Fat belly! Fat belly!" She would crack up.

One day her and mom were in line at the grocery store check out. Behind them was this really fat guy with a T-shirt that came only about 2/3 the way down his enormous gut. My 3-year-old daughter turned around and started rubbing his belly, laughing and saying "Fat belly! Fat belly!"

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Another fun game: I would lift up her shirt, start rubbing her belly and say "Fat belly! Fat belly!" She would crack up.

One day her and mom were in line at the grocery store check out. Behind them was this really fat guy with a T-shirt that came only about 2/3 the way down his enormous gut. My 3-year-old daughter turned around and started rubbing his belly, laughing and saying "Fat belly! Fat belly!"

Now that's funny!
Regards, GF.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

When SG was even smaller than he is now (he is rather small) he would cry more than necessary, in my opinion. After a while, sometimes I would take my pointer finger and fan his mouth as he cried, making the "wah wah wah" sound. Think a native American in a bugs bunny cartoon.

We are "Ferberizing" now, which is a fancy way of saying we let him cry it out at bedtime for a few minutes and see if he falls asleep.

If he is tired and the crying was an act, he falls asleep silently. If he really needs attention, he continues wailing... and now if he is somewhere in between he continues to cry but "soothes" himself by making that noise with the back of his wrist. "WAAAAAAAAAA-*WAHWAHWAHWAHWAH*"

Abuse or brilliance?

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

When SG was even smaller than he is now (he is rather small) he would cry more than necessary, in my opinion. After a while, sometimes I would take my pointer finger and fan his mouth as he cried, making the "wah wah wah" sound. Think a native American in a bugs bunny cartoon.

We are "Ferberizing" now, which is a fancy way of saying we let him cry it out at bedtime for a few minutes and see if he falls asleep.

If he is tired and the crying was an act, he falls asleep silently. If he really needs attention, he continues wailing... and now if he is somewhere in between he continues to cry but "soothes" himself by making that noise with the back of his wrist. "WAAAAAAAAAA-*WAHWAHWAHWAHWAH*"

Abuse or brilliance?

Yes.

 

[Tin4]

When SG was even smaller than he is now (he is rather small) he would cry more than necessary, in my opinion. After a while, sometimes I would take my pointer finger and fan his mouth as he cried, making the "wah wah wah" sound. Think a native American in a bugs bunny cartoon.

We are "Ferberizing" now, which is a fancy way of saying we let him cry it out at bedtime for a few minutes and see if he falls asleep.

If he is tired and the crying was an act, he falls asleep silently. If he really needs attention, he continues wailing... and now if he is somewhere in between he continues to cry but "soothes" himself by making that noise with the back of his wrist. "WAAAAAAAAAA-*WAHWAHWAHWAHWAH*"

Abuse or brilliance?

I'm of mixed mind on this. My favorite part of the day, any day, is putting him to bed. He's 2, 3 next month.

There's a moment when he's on my chest that he releases. Deep breath in, deep breath out. His worries for the day are over. His war has been waged. It's in my he finds his respite.

I live for that.

So he gets rocked till he's ready to not be. He's already starting to fight it, and that's fine, but I'm holding onto it as long as I can. One more night. At least one more night.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I'm of mixed mind on this. My favorite part of the day, any day, is putting him to bed. He's 2, 3 next month.

There's a moment when he's on my chest that he releases. Deep breath in, deep breath out. His worries for the day are over. His war has been waged. It's in my he finds his respite.

I live for that.

So he gets rocked till he's ready to not be. He's already starting to fight it, and that's fine, but I'm holding onto it as long as I can. One more night. At least one more night.

I love getting him to sleep. Sometimes he's in my lap or lying next to me on the "big bed" in the nursery and after the mandatory reading of "If I were an Owl" and a very down-tempo rendition of "There was a Giraffe in my loft" he looks at me with those big blue eyes and says "dadadadadadadadada" and falls asleep. I pick him up and hold him to me and bring him to the crib, insert his binky in his mouth and cover him up, being sure to turn on the whitenoise lamb toy and Twilight Turtle. I then leave the room on tiptoe. This is when he starts crying...

 

[Psylocide]

I'm of mixed mind on this. My favorite part of the day, any day, is putting him to bed. He's 2, 3 next month.

There's a moment when he's on my chest that he releases. Deep breath in, deep breath out. His worries for the day are over. His war has been waged. It's in my he finds his respite.

I live for that.

So he gets rocked till he's ready to not be. He's already starting to fight it, and that's fine, but I'm holding onto it as long as I can. One more night. At least one more night.

That was a very cool and eloquent way to put it.

Agree completely.

 

[Homercidal]

My method was to yell, "Shut the F$%* UP!" from across the house. Our bedrooms were separated by a fair distance, so crying at bedtime was never a problem.

You may choose a different approach. Maybe read to them:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1934649503/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20

 

[afro_lou]

There's a moment when he's on my chest that he releases. Deep breath in, deep breath out. His worries for the day are over. His war has been waged. It's in my he finds his respite.

There is nothing in the world that is better than this.
Mine is 19 months, and he is getting very good at sleeping on his own, which is good, but also sad, cause I don't get to do this much anymore...
*sigh*
Well, with another one due in a couple months, I guess we'll get to do it some more.

On topic, when he was born he ended up fracturing his clavicle. The doctors didn't catch it for about a week or so, and I was CONVINCED that my clumsy ass broke it putting clothes on him or something... That was rough. It took the doctor another week or so to tell me there was no way I did it, it happened during delivery... I'm still kind of mad at the doctor for that.

Oh well, I'm sure there will be more ways I'll screw this kiddo up! [emoji1]

 

[Homercidal]

There is nothing in the world that is better than this.
Mine is 19 months, and he is getting very good at sleeping on his own, which is good, but also sad, cause I don't get to do this much anymore...
*sigh*
Well, with another one due in a couple months, I guess we'll get to do it some more.

On topic, when he was born he ended up fracturing his clavicle. The doctors didn't catch it for about a week or so, and I was CONVINCED that my clumsy ass broke it putting clothes on him or something... That was rough. It took the doctor another week or so to tell me there was no way I did it, it happened during delivery... I'm still kind of mad at the doctor for that.

Oh well, I'm sure there will be more ways I'll screw this kiddo up! [emoji1]

Mom probably broke it when she was delivering. I'd start using that as guilt leverage.

 

[afro_lou]

Oh, I just can't stay mad at her hooha...

 

[1977Brewer]

I'm of mixed mind on this. My favorite part of the day, any day, is putting him to bed. He's 2, 3 next month.

There's a moment when he's on my chest that he releases. Deep breath in, deep breath out. His worries for the day are over. His war has been waged. It's in my he finds his respite.

I live for that.

So he gets rocked till he's ready to not be. He's already starting to fight it, and that's fine, but I'm holding onto it as long as I can. One more night. At least one more night.

3 1/2 year old still falls asleep on my lap, on the couch. When I can't carry him to bed, he can stop. Until then no biggie.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

3 1/2 year old still falls asleep on my lap, on the couch. When I can't carry him to bed, he can stop. Until then no biggie.

My 9 year old is almost there. He'll fall asleep on couch, head in my lap, while I run my fingers through his mop. I shouldn't, but I still find ways to carry him to bed.

 

[Pyg]

My 1 year old wanted to drink from my beer bottle so I put some beer on my finger (an IPA) thinking he would hate it and that would be the end... well he loved it and now he is obsessed with beer bottles. He will yank a bottle right out of your hand and cram it in his mouth before you know what is happening. He hasn't managed to upend one yet but it's just a matter of time until he ends up with a mouth/face/outfit full of beer.

My wife is not pleased.

Both my son and daughter help me make wine or bottle beer/wine.
My daughter likes to go down the the wine cellar/beer room, pull out all my clear wine bottles and draw on them with with either window marker or a perm pen.
For a while she was using empty beer bottles as water glasses. I even capped on for her to keep in her room.
Luckily one day I was packing her backpack for school and found a beer bottle in he bag. Her explanation was she needed a water bottle at school since she could not find hers.

My 5 yr old daughter came to me the other day and said- "I know the L word".
Me- what'?
Her- Hell!
Her- I know the eck word. "Heck" hehehe
Me- Ok hunny.
Her- I know the f word. ****!
Me-
.

I rarely curse (except when I hit my thumb with a hammer, or someone cuts me off in traffic), SWMBO less often as me.
My son came to me an said:
"I know a word that rhymes with chip"
"what"-me
"$h*t"

weeks later he told me he knew the "F" word. being 7 I had to tell him I knew all the words and I dont need him to repeat them to me.
a week late her came to me and said "I know a bad word that begins with N".
I told him to go speak to his mother about it. I was not going anywhere near this discussion.

However when he was beginning to speak he would stand in the window and yell truck as they passed by. unfortunately his "T" sounded line an "F", so it came out like "fruck", except with no real R sound.
So I had a 2 year old screaming the F word from my window as everyone walked by the house!

 

[brewkinger]

Sooo many things that I could discuss here that are similar in nature to some already mentioned, most of which are not parenting fails.

Last July walking down to lakefront in Burlington for rehearsal dinner for BIL wedding.
Had my son on my shoulders because it was about 1/2 mile walk from parking deck and hot/muggy night (this is important)

Got to the boat area and decided to hoist my son up off my shoulders and toss him straight up and catch him.
As I did so, he panicked and in addition to the vertical launch distance, he projected himself slightly forward and as I reached out to snag him, he slipped right through my slick (remember I told you that the muggy part was important) hands.

As he was falling, I briefly thought about trying to grab him by the feet, but something instinctively prevented me from doing so.

He fell straight and parallel to the ground and bent his elbows up to protect himself and he landed flat on the wooden decking by the boat launch area.

I believe that the flexible nature of the boards, combined with with the manner in which he fell made the outcome favorable.

I snagged him up off the ground expecting to see nothing but facial disfigurement and all I saw was a 3 y old gasping for air (wind knocked out of him) and when he finally caught his breath, he exclaimed "Daddy... why you do that??"

Worst part of all was that the deck area was filled with family and friends that were there for the rehearsal dinner as well, so my parenting fail was well witnessed.
My wife walked up about 30 seconds after the incident and gave me a look that could have castrated me (if I wasn't already that is)

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Yesterday, after bringing him home from urgent care because of the hives, we discover he has soiled his entire onesy. Just terrible. So my wife runs and bath, and I get him undressed and cleaned up. I pick him up... and his leg got caught in a slot in the changing station. He freaked out, and I freaked out and felt like the worst dad ever. Luckily it didn't even bruise.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

I never did manage to use a changing table regularly. We had one like thisView attachment ImageUploadedByHome Brew1431986571.049046.jpg
where we kept baby clothes. Every freaking day, my son would tear everything out of the storage areas.
Always wound up changing diapers on the sofa.

 

[hunter_le five]

I freaked out and felt like the worst dad ever.

 

[fijigus]

Our 5 1/2 year old now chooses to "go commando" half the time. Got a little pee on your underpants? No problem, go commando.

Meanwhile we have a 2 1/2 year old who hasn't quite decided yet to lose the diapers and pacifier because he has twin 1 year old siblings. Now instead of brewing, I buy cases and cases of diapers. It's awesome. And lots and lots of microbrews.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Our 5 1/2 year old now chooses to "go commando" half the time. Got a little pee on your underpants? No problem, go commando.



Meanwhile we have a 2 1/2 year old who hasn't quite decided yet to lose the diapers and pacifier because he has twin 1 year old siblings. Now instead of brewing, I buy cases and cases of diapers. It's awesome. And lots and lots of microbrews.

My son was commando. Got a bee sting on the wiener once.

I always advise against banning the binky. Binky gets eaten by a monkey at the zoo, and the kids starts sucking a thumb or some fingers, which is a much harder habit to give up.

 

[madscientist451]

My biggest parenting mistake was when the kids were young I was running my own business and was a total workaholic. I did take time to coach soccer for 7+ years with all three kids, spent time teaching them how to ski and went to the beach every summer, but still I worked late most nights instead of getting my ass home and playing with them and spending time with them.
Now they are 20 somethings and teenagers and hanging with dad isn't cool and they moving away. You can't get the years back, once they're gone they're gone. You can always make a buck later after they've left.
Sorry, just my 2 cents.

 

[jbaysurfer]

our oldest has been calling everyone "sissy". my bad. still though, kids need to harden the flocc up. our neighbors 10 y/o had a screaming fit where she was flopping around the ground like a fish out of water covered in bees that were on fire while having a seizure over a pair of roller blades. when I confronted her about it she just giggled like she was getting away with something. our 4 y/o knows better than to try crap like that with us.

I'm confused. Not sure whether it was the fish having a seizure or the burning bees?