I need a push

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bmason1623

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A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed
and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
 
Not only does he want a push,he wants an underdog. but we all know he really wants to sleep with your empathatic wife. Ohh. i didnt.
 
So a guy walks into a barbers shop and asks the barber how busy he is that day and when he'll be done. The barber replies that he has a few appointments before he leaves and can fit him in in about an hour. The gentleman agrees, leaves but doesn't go back that day.

A few days later the gentleman goes back to the shop and again asks how busy the barber was and when he would be finished. The barber replies that he can fit the man in in around 2 hours. The man leaves, but doesn't go back that day.

This becomes a bit of a routine, once or twice a week the same situation would prevail.

Eventually the barber told his assistant that if the gentlman came in again and left to follow him and see where he is going all days.

The next week, sure enough, the man came in and asked "when do you expect to be finished today, I could use a hair cut". When the man left the assistant followed him out. Half an hour later the assistant came back with a smirk on his face. The barber asks "where has that a.. hole been going every day!?" The assistant just shrugs and says "well....your house".
 
Pascal said:
So a guy walks into a barbers shop and asks the barber how busy he is that day and when he'll be done. The barber replies that he has a few appointments before he leaves and can fit him in in about an hour. The gentleman agrees, leaves but doesn't go back that day.

A few days later the gentleman goes back to the shop and again asks how busy the barber was and when he would be finished. The barber replies that he can fit the man in in around 2 hours. The man leaves, but doesn't go back that day.

This becomes a bit of a routine, once or twice a week the same situation would prevail.

Eventually the barber told his assistant that if the gentlman came in again and left to follow him and see where he is going all days.

The next week, sure enough, the man came in and asked "when do you expect to be finished today, I could use a hair cut". When the man left the assistant followed him out. Half an hour later the assistant came back with a smirk on his face. The barber asks "where has that a.. hole been going every day!?" The assistant just shrugs and says "well....your house".

Heh

Sent from my SGH-T959 using Home Brew Talk
 
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop...

Sent from my SGH-T959 using Home Brew Talk
 
A lender from Beer101:

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
 
Pascal said:
A lender from Beer101:

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Ha

Sent from my SGH-T959 using Home Brew Talk
 
A little Mead humor....

Maltodextrin: Hey honey, need a date?

Honey: Hey man, what do you think I am?! Some sort of Braggot?!
 
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