How to mess with a 5 year old brain

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

My step-grandson has finally cottoned on that I speak differently to the rest of the family. He asked me where I come from. He is a huge Thomas the tank engine fan.

Well, Brody, I come from the island of Britain. It's a bit like the island of Sodor, except that it is a bit bigger, and the people there are very, very stupid. They are SO stupid that they still have a king like in the fairy stories. Their king is a woman, so they call him a Queen. The trains can't talk there, so the drivers don't know where they are going. Sometimes, they all end up in a huge pile and the Queen has to get in amongst them and tell them off.

The policemen all have pointy heads and have to wear pointy hats to hide their pointy heads. Sometimes, people are born with pointy heads, but they don't want to be policemen when they grow up, so they become politicians instead. All the stupid people laugh at the pointy head politicians, and all the pointy head politicians laugh back.

Then they burn buses. Some of the buses have names, like Bertie Bus and Betty Bus. The buses don't like being burned and often complain to the Queen............


I regard this BS as paying it forward for when I was 5 years old myself, and my OWN pub-fightin' Grandpa told me that the scar on his arm was from when he was bitten by a lion.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

I am confused, so the only thing you lied to him about was that the buses don't like to be burned?

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Did I say I was lying?

Edit: oh yes, I mentioned BS in passing. Sorry if that confused you. I meant it as accurate.

 

[stevo155]

Your Grandpa was fighting a lion in a pub? Britain is surely a strange place.

 

[paulthenurse]

He was afraid to tell you that the Queen got a bit carried away and bit his arm whilst he was plunging Excalibur in and out of her Saxon. Grammy was in the next room.

 

[WhyBeNormal]

I prefer to mess with kids by explaining philosophy and asking their opinion. I once explained the ship of Theseus to a 9 year old and the look on his face was gold. hahaha

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ship_of_Theseus

 

[bengerman]

My step-grandson has finally cottoned on that I speak differently to the rest of the family. He asked me where I come from. He is a huge Thomas the tank engine fan.

Well, Brody, I come from the island of Britain. It's a bit like the island of Sodor, except that it is a bit bigger, and the people there are very, very stupid. They are SO stupid that they still have a king like in the fairy stories. Their king is a woman, so they call him a Queen. The trains can't talk there, so the drivers don't know where they are going. Sometimes, they all end up in a huge pile and the Queen has to get in amongst them and tell them off.

The policemen all have pointy heads and have to wear pointy hats to hide their pointy heads. Sometimes, people are born with pointy heads, but they don't want to be policemen when they grow up, so they become politicians instead. All the stupid people laugh at the pointy head politicians, and all the pointy head politicians laugh back.

Then they burn buses. Some of the buses have names, like Bertie Bus and Betty Bus. The buses don't like being burned and often complain to the Queen............


I regard this BS as paying it forward for when I was 5 years old myself, and my OWN pub-fightin' Grandpa told me that the scar on his arm was from when he was bitten by a lion.

the more i read your posts, LGI, the more i think it would be awesome to go to a bar with you. hang out, enjoy beer, talk politics, religion, philosophy, etc.


and then never see you again.

 

[edmanster]

you forgot to tell him that what we call a ocean you call a pond...lol..

 

[scrambledegg81]

Your Grandpa was fighting a lion in a pub? Britain is surely an epic place.

Fix't.

 

[pksmitty]

Over the weekend, I was discussing our trip to Michigan last summer. I noted that it took 12 hours to drive there, and 14 hours to come home. My 11 year old son asked why it took longer coming home. I immediately explained to him that, since the earth rotates from west to east, our trip west was faster, since we we were traveling against the rotation of the earth. Coming home, we took longer because we were traveling the same direction as the earth was rotating.

It's sort of like walking with or against a treadmill. Sadly, he accepted my explanation.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

It's sort of like walking with or against a treadmill. Sadly, he accepted my explanation.

Well, it DOES make a kinda sense!

 

[paulthenurse]

Only if you started drinking at noon.

 

[bengerman]

Only if you started drinking at noon.

well that depends on the timezone...

 

[edmanster]

well that depends on the timezone...

its always noon somewhere...lol...

 

[pksmitty]

In his defense, he has known me all his life, so he may have just been humoring me.

And we were still in the eastern time zone.(just barely) It was weird. It didn't get dark until 10 at night!

 

[bengerman]

In his defense, he has known me all his life, so he may have just been humoring me.

And we were still in the eastern time zone.(just barely) It was weird. It didn't get dark until 10 at night!

that's lattitude, not longitude

 

[OntarioBeerKegs]

that's lattitude, not longitude

Not if he went the longitude way.

 

[Bedlam]

I was explaining to my step daughter that the cattle here in East TN are bred to have shorter legs on either one side or the other so they could stand comfortably on the steep inclines we have around here. Also, that farmers had to be careful to make sure that the herd had about half of the cattle with the short-legged side on the left, and half on the right, so that they could face each other and not get lonely. I had her rapt attention (she was 16, and a city girl). I was about to get into a discussion about tragic genetic accidents where the short legs didn't share the same side, when El Hubbo (also a city person) suddenly burst out incredulously "That can't be true".

Hilarious!

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I was explaining to my step daughter that the cattle here in East TN are bred to have shorter legs on either one side or the other so they could stand comfortably on the steep inclines we have around here. Also, that farmers had to be careful to make sure that the herd had about half of the cattle with the short-legged side on the left, and half on the right, so that they could face each other and not get lonely. I had her rapt attention (she was 16, and a city girl). I was about to get into a discussion about tragic genetic accidents where the short legs didn't share the same side, when El Hubbo (also a city person) suddenly burst out incredulously "That can't be true".

Hilarious!

Now, if, when I was 16 myself and met more 16 year old girls that gullible, I would have had a LOT more sex!!

 

[ksbrain]

I think this is the whole point of even having kids, to warp their brains with our distorted fantasies about how the world operates. I love using adult words to describe things to them, or rationalize my opinions or behaviors.

Like if they ask me for a cookie, then I bring it to them. Then I ask them for a bite. They, of course, refuse. Then I tell them I am the taxman so they need to give me just a small bite since I brought it to them. Then it really depends on my mood where I go from there. Could lead anywhere. Usually I at least get a bite of cookie while they're confused. Winning!

 

[brewmonk]

you is all nasty (funny), horrible (hillarious), evil (twisted), *****ewadd-esque (uh, twisted-ed), m-effers. dat 'splains why i keep readin' on! (then there's Ptn).

 

[beaksnbeer]

Only if you started drinking at noon.

So you don't???????????

 

[Hammy71]

For years my kids thought that Giraffes were "nature's aquatic mammal". They have long necks so they can wade across the rivers in Africa.... Isn't that what kids are for? My wife hated it and said that someday the kids would make a fool of themselves to a teacher and their class. I PRAYED that day would come. Never did though....sigh.

 

[bengerman]

I think this is the whole point of even having kids, to warp their brains with our distorted fantasies about how the world operates. I love using adult words to describe things to them, or rationalize my opinions or behaviors.

Like if they ask me for a cookie, then I bring it to them. Then I ask them for a bite. They, of course, refuse. Then I tell them I am the taxman so they need to give me just a small bite since I brought it to them. Then it really depends on my mood where I go from there. Could lead anywhere. Usually I at least get a bite of cookie while they're confused. Winning!

my niece (6 year old, who i live with) has a very firm grasp of the "grown-up tax"