Greatest Beer Insults

[hiroller173]

There's an old but rediscovered thread discussing how to nicely let a brewer know that his beer sucks. As a BJCP judge and one of the elders in our club, I provide honest but gentle feedback myself.

But there's room to have a little fun with it. Most brewers have a great sense of humor and self-deprecation, and you may never deliver one of these "in anger", but the art of the creative beer insult can be highly entertaining.

To start off, two of my favorites. The first was something I heard and have never delivered, and my kudos to whoever first invented it. Best delivered with a bad British accent.

"Excuse me sir, but I believe your horse has diabetes."

The next one WAS delivered, and in order to be more gentle, was asked in the form of a question.

"Has your beer come in contact with any melted computer components?"

What are the best insults you've heard or delivered (hopefully not received!)?

 

[Bierliebhaber]

Have you noticed any missing bandaids? Because I think I found one.

 

[mattd2]

I have heard a homebrew be described as "when your kid forgets to take their lunchbox out of there bag on Friday night and you discover it Monday morning!"

 

[brokebucket]

My LHBS owner described one of my beers as "plastic goat".

He didnt want to say it, but I told him "go ahead, I know it's not good"

 

[Homercidal]

I once had a smell of a beer so bad words could not describe it. IIRC someone at the brewday actually managed to get a sip. I think he even managed to not spew his food and drink afterward too, but I'm not sure how.

Maybe rename the beer, "Ipecac Ale"?

 

[unionrdr]

This beer tastes like T-Rex wizz! And you call those dinosaur farts aroma?!

 

[JohnSand]

My darling wife who has a more refined palate than I: "Are there vegetables in it? It tastes like soup!"
I already knew it had a problem.

 

[mattd2]

my darling wife who has a more refined palate than i: "are there vegetables in it? It tastes like soup!"
i already knew it had a problem.

dms?

 

[Piratwolf]

One of each (received/given)

The former prez of our brew club to me: "At least it's better than that infected piece of sh*t you brought to the first meeting."

A clubmate last month: "What category should I enter this Belgian golden strong under?"
Me, "Cider".
Him, laughing: "No, really".
Me, "I'm serious."

 

[paperairplane]

Do you spell "phenolic" with an F or a PH? No reason, just asking...

 

[smccarter]

So... Do you pee in every glass of water you pour?

 

[TyTanium]

"Maybe you should find a new hobby."

..."maybe you should find a new source for free beer"

"Well, it's growing on me I think. It's not too bad."

 

[Chadwick]

Ah yes, this is quite like an early beer style. A naturally fermented brew with open air fermentation. Much like early man would have made at the very dawn of civilization. A remarkable experience. Do bring something else next time please.

I have to add. The first brew I ever made was done using 15 year old canned malt extract and dry yeast packets that was kept at room temp for over 15 years as well. I didn't know better at the time. Remarkably, it fermented just fine (in a room at 82F). The result was a beer that escapes definition. It wasn't infected, per say. But it tasted like a color of green that only exists in the world of Tolkien's Orc colonies. Aging it did not help it in the least. It didn't help that I over carbed it and stored it in green glass bottles in straight daylight either. It wasn't really beer. It was it's own thing. And I'm certain that Tolkien's Orcs would have been the only creatures that could enjoy them. I wish I still had one now. It would be a great example of the worst beer ever made that didn't suffer an infection. It was almost as bad as a 2 year old bottle of Newcastle Founders Ale. Almost.

 

[unionrdr]

Sounds like my description in post #6 would fit...

 

[JohnSand]

dms?

No, infection I think. It's also rather over-carbed. It's the most tolerable infected beer though.

 

[cjgenever]

I had fermented one of my first in front of my wood stove with a heating pad under it. Hey, it's great for rising bread. I figured it would make the yeast happy. It sure did!

I also didn't rinse my sanitizer which was mixed one cup beach per gallon.I had used it liberally again and again.

It was absolutely undrinkable. I aged it... it got worse. I dumped all but one bottle. After eight months in the bottle I handed it off to a drunk friend of mine. I told him it was not the best but he could have it if he'd like.

He was rendered speechless as he spit the throw up out of his mouth. No words needed. It was the the best of the worse insults ever.

 

[unionrdr]

A cup of bleach per gallon likely was the cause. Def too much.

 

[porto88]

Wet dog nuts with a hint of Orange

 

[cjgenever]

Wet dog nuts with a hint of Orange

: Cheech voice:
hey, I wonder what great Dane taste like man! Haha!