CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
I like to root for the little guy. Food service workers, nannys, store clerks, Mini Me, all of them. However, there is one group of people who are known to have a rough job that I just have... limited sympathy towards. That would be you, NYC cab drivers.
Well... some of you. Admittedly, I've had far more decent to top-notch cab rides than bad ones. I tip 25% and more on holidays. I even had a guy give me a pack of gum when I told him I was going on a date free of charge years ago (there is a place for him in my lunar colony). But, the bad ones really stand out. Below are my... suggestions.
1) Drive in a manner consistant with existing traffic laws. I would like to get there in a reasonable amount of time, yes, and employing short-cuts or deft manuevering is appreciated, but I want to get there in one piece.
2) Don't assume I share your political affiliation. If you are playing Savage Nation on your radio you have made my ride less than stellar. I will not be tipping you. If you decide you would like to enlighten me with your brilliant philosophy I will "take a phone call" while you are mid-sentence. I will be as rude to you as you are being to me.
3) If you dont know your way around, invest in Tom-Tom. I am not a navigator. Part of why I am paying you is because I dont know how to get there myself. I dont mind if you give me two options because I know people have preferences (ie. BQE vs. Manhattan Bridge) but I seriously dont want to hear "where is it?" I will also make allowances for "can you show me how to get there once we are on 21st Street?"
4) I absolutely, positively, and without a doubt do not and will never care that 5% is taken out of my fare if I use a credit card. Telling me so is a waste of your time, and much more importantly, mine. (I know I sound like an elitist dick on this one, but it is egregiously annoying)
5) Take me WHEREVER I ask you to go. It is indeed the law in the city of New York that you do so. If you do not, I will have PLENTY of time to call 311 from the sidewalk you have left me on (usually in the snow, cold, or rain, increasing my ire and my need for self-righteous vengence. I will remember your car number. And I will let this go to court... from a phone. While I handle this from work... which I will be getting paid for... you will lose a day on the road and pay upwards of $1k for a brilliant lawyer. Nothing will happen to you of course, this being New York, the case will get thrown out on a technicality, but I have made my thoughts known. Drive to Queens or I will make your day miserable. Period, **** you.
6) Go ahead, play music, even bad music. Just keep it at a decible where you can hear me when I say "hey I think thats it there!" or "the near corner is good, thank you." Because of cab drivers I have kind of grown to love arabic music, so thank you for that.
7) If its just me in the car, and you want to smoke, go ahead. I'm an ex-smoker and I like the smell. I am not an unreasonable man. Thank you for asking first, though.
8) stopping the car to talk to your buddy through the window is obnoxious. I dont care if you do this at a stop light, however, just dont get into an argument.
9) Racing your buddy is neither cute nor amusing. Depending on my level of terror elements of suggestion #5 might apply.
and finally 10) If I tell you I want to take the HOV lane, and you have never heard of the HOV lane, I will not be upset if you ask me. I will, however, be ****ing livid if you ignore me and then drive right into a traffic jam on the lower level. The fact that this seemed like an option to you leads me to believe that you must have a pre-existing mental health problem or perhaps have sustained serious head trauma... both of which are conditions that should have precluded you from the job.
For the sake of a better New York and indeed a better world I hope you take my suggestions to heart. I recognize the fact that being a driver has a unique set of challenges and I sympathize, but know that there are literally thousands of people who would take your job without complaint. They'd probably use the frigging HOV lane too.
*Sigh* I feel a little better now.
Well... some of you. Admittedly, I've had far more decent to top-notch cab rides than bad ones. I tip 25% and more on holidays. I even had a guy give me a pack of gum when I told him I was going on a date free of charge years ago (there is a place for him in my lunar colony). But, the bad ones really stand out. Below are my... suggestions.
1) Drive in a manner consistant with existing traffic laws. I would like to get there in a reasonable amount of time, yes, and employing short-cuts or deft manuevering is appreciated, but I want to get there in one piece.
2) Don't assume I share your political affiliation. If you are playing Savage Nation on your radio you have made my ride less than stellar. I will not be tipping you. If you decide you would like to enlighten me with your brilliant philosophy I will "take a phone call" while you are mid-sentence. I will be as rude to you as you are being to me.
3) If you dont know your way around, invest in Tom-Tom. I am not a navigator. Part of why I am paying you is because I dont know how to get there myself. I dont mind if you give me two options because I know people have preferences (ie. BQE vs. Manhattan Bridge) but I seriously dont want to hear "where is it?" I will also make allowances for "can you show me how to get there once we are on 21st Street?"
4) I absolutely, positively, and without a doubt do not and will never care that 5% is taken out of my fare if I use a credit card. Telling me so is a waste of your time, and much more importantly, mine. (I know I sound like an elitist dick on this one, but it is egregiously annoying)
5) Take me WHEREVER I ask you to go. It is indeed the law in the city of New York that you do so. If you do not, I will have PLENTY of time to call 311 from the sidewalk you have left me on (usually in the snow, cold, or rain, increasing my ire and my need for self-righteous vengence. I will remember your car number. And I will let this go to court... from a phone. While I handle this from work... which I will be getting paid for... you will lose a day on the road and pay upwards of $1k for a brilliant lawyer. Nothing will happen to you of course, this being New York, the case will get thrown out on a technicality, but I have made my thoughts known. Drive to Queens or I will make your day miserable. Period, **** you.
6) Go ahead, play music, even bad music. Just keep it at a decible where you can hear me when I say "hey I think thats it there!" or "the near corner is good, thank you." Because of cab drivers I have kind of grown to love arabic music, so thank you for that.
7) If its just me in the car, and you want to smoke, go ahead. I'm an ex-smoker and I like the smell. I am not an unreasonable man. Thank you for asking first, though.
8) stopping the car to talk to your buddy through the window is obnoxious. I dont care if you do this at a stop light, however, just dont get into an argument.
9) Racing your buddy is neither cute nor amusing. Depending on my level of terror elements of suggestion #5 might apply.
and finally 10) If I tell you I want to take the HOV lane, and you have never heard of the HOV lane, I will not be upset if you ask me. I will, however, be ****ing livid if you ignore me and then drive right into a traffic jam on the lower level. The fact that this seemed like an option to you leads me to believe that you must have a pre-existing mental health problem or perhaps have sustained serious head trauma... both of which are conditions that should have precluded you from the job.
For the sake of a better New York and indeed a better world I hope you take my suggestions to heart. I recognize the fact that being a driver has a unique set of challenges and I sympathize, but know that there are literally thousands of people who would take your job without complaint. They'd probably use the frigging HOV lane too.
*Sigh* I feel a little better now.
