( advice ) wife doesn't like me home brewing

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brewbeginner

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every time I brew my wife seems to get upset about money. How can I convince her it's cheaper. Not too mention the dumb things her mother says, but last time I brewed it went like this.
( while I was sanitizing her mother walks in and see's the jugs of spring water )

MOTHER IN LAW : what's going on are they shutting off the water?

ME : No. I'm brewing some beer.

Mother in law : what do ya think you ARE jesus

ME: HUH!:drunk:

MOTHER IN LAW : well he turned water into wine you think you can turn water into beer!

ME : Basically. Yes. It might take longer but I will turn this water into BEER.
 
Your mother in law sounds like fun! I am not sure you can convince your wife it's cheaper it's didn't get cheaper for me until I spent a bunch on various equipment and upgrades but eventually I think it actually is cheaper however I keep buying stuff here and there to make it easier or better
 
Let her know it relaxes you and it's a fun hobby...plus it keeps you home and not out at the bars, spending way more money. I bought a starter kit for my husband, but now I love to brew also! Make her some hard lemonaide or tea to get her excited and involved! Good luck!
 
Time for a wife. Sounds like anything you want to do for fun and enjoyment is going to be disliked.
 
If you're looking for serious advice, I think you need to actually sit down with your wife and have a discussion about why you enjoy homebrewing. Unless you're really being minimal with your equipment or if you've been doing it long enough, it's not cheaper in the beginning. Like any hobby, it costs money.

And it sounds like, from what you're saying, that your wife is concerned about your finances. Take the time to talk about it, and work out a budget. Maybe your wife would feel better about the money you were spending on your hobby if she knew you were only spending x-amount of money on it every month.

Can't help you with the mother-in-law. Those come with the package unfortunately.
 
Have an honest conversation with her..

Also ask her if she'd rather you do your drinking at a bar around loose women.

Living in the same town as your in laws is a bad idea, move.
 
Good advice

Got to get to the root of the problem and address it directly and respectfully
 
Hollyberries4343 said:
Let her know it relaxes you and it's a fun hobby...plus it keeps you home and not out at the bars, spending way more money. I bought a starter kit for my husband, but now I love to brew also! Make her some hard lemonaide or tea to get her excited and involved! Good luck!
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+1 to this. I got my homebrew set up kicked out of the house because my wife can't stand the smell, but she doesn't object to my brewing. She likes the finished product, I do as much or more work around the house than her. I spend more time with the kids than she does. I don't go out (except to my monthly homebrew club meetings). I only go golfing a couple times a year.
 
Quixoticosis said:
If you're looking for serious advice, I think you need to actually sit down with your wife and have a discussion about why you enjoy homebrewing. Unless you're really being minimal with your equipment or if you've been doing it long enough, it's not cheaper in the beginning. Like any hobby, it costs money.

And it sounds like, from what you're saying, that your wife is concerned about your finances. Take the time to talk about it, and work out a budget. Maybe your wife would feel better about the money you were spending on your hobby if she knew you were only spending x-amount of money on it every month.

Can't help you with the mother-in-law. Those come with the package unfortunately.
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This is what I was thinking also. She would quickly catch on if you told her its cheaper than buying beer. Then that would cause a deeper divide.

Include her in the budgeting. IF your monies are that tight then you may have to put the hobby on hold for a bit. But a calm conversation with pen and paper is needed if her main concern is money and not the hobby itself. All of this without the mother-in-law.
 
My guess is that you are a young newly wed couple. Sounds like it is time to decide who wears the pants. Word of caution whatever happens now will determine your level of happiness throughout the rest of your relationship.
 
A lot of good advice about a sit down conversation. One thing to take into consideration is the amount of time it takes to homebrew. My spouse doesn't like it when I brew on the days we could spend together. So I brew at other times. I figure a good beer is going to cost $1.25-$3 + if I purchase it. I do a partial mash and my batches run $30-$50 for approximately 45 12 oz beers.
 
cfonnes said:
My guess is that you are a young newly wed couple. Sounds like it is time to decide who wears the pants. Word of caution whatever happens now will determine your level of happiness throughout the rest of your relationship.
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Sounds like your speaking from experience.

I'm saying the hell with the sit down and talk about it crap, I like to walk around my house like I have a set. I went through that bull**** with my ex wife, NEVER AGAIN. If the one I'm with now up and decides she don't like homebrewing or how I spend my money, she can find the door, cuz life's short my amigos.
 
You need to find an upside for her in your brewing. My wife does not mind the smells too much, she enjoys the beer I brew (well most of them), and delights in the fact that I use the time to clean the kitchen for her! I spend time during mashing and boiling to wash any pots and pans, load the dishwasher, clean (and disinfect) the counters and I finish by cleaning the stove top.
 
I just told mine that the voices in my head told me I had a choice, brew beer or become a ax murderer. I choose beer. It relaxes me and less messy clean up later.
 
I brew a lot of stuff my wife likes so she supports my hobby :)

Making her a Milk Stout today, she's thrilled.
 
Make sure you also support her hobbies. I built my wife a craft room and I do not question her spending on her craft hobby. Other than to ask what she is making now.
My wife also sees the big grin on my face when I brew. I also try to make sure that I fully clean up plus a little more. Like when I make my yeast starter the kitchen is clean and dishes done. She likes brew time because she gets a cleaned and sanitized kitchen.
 
Cider123 said:
I love these marriage advice threads. It gets iffy when when you ask for marriage advice on a beer forum.

Sounds like you got a couple of pains in the @#$% in your life. This is more than a beer issue. Good luck.;)
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Bingo!

Any two people who decide to spend the bulk of their lives together are going to have issues from time to time. Maybe the hobbie isn't actually the issue that needs to be addressed. Home brewers are amature beer brewers... and certainly NOT marriage councellors.
 
Melana said:
Idk... Wives tend to resent things that we don't understand if they haven't been explained. Explanations and conversation build trust.
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I agree!

I think that ANY hobby where one spouse feels ignored and left out, or worse, feels that you may start drinking too much, can create resentment of that hobby.

Whatever it is- scuba diving, hunting, fishing, brewing- to not talk about your hobby and how much fun and relaxation and enjoyment you get out of it means putting up a wall that can lead to arguments.

We have different hobbies in our house, and since I know how much brewing means to me, I respect the time he spends on his hobbies.

The great part for us is he loves my beer and wine, and I love his garden produce and those are our main hobbies at home! :ban:
 
brewbeginner said:
.....every time I brew my wife seems to get upset about money.
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You need to get your cost down! Look to buy a sack of grain and a pound of hops, and start reusing yeast. In the meantime, PM me a simple recipe (maybe someone can help with that) and I will send it out to you for the price of shipping. Off hand, I know I have 2 row, pale malt, vienna, munich, C40, and C60...for hops I have nugget, CTZ and summit...recycle some yeast slurry, prime with some table sugar and your in business.

Cheers....all good advice above....figured If I can't help with advice, I can help with the cost....

wilser
 
Quixoticosis said:
If you're looking for serious advice, I think you need to actually sit down with your wife and have a discussion about why you enjoy homebrewing. Unless you're really being minimal with your equipment or if you've been doing it long enough, it's not cheaper in the beginning. Like any hobby, it costs money.

And it sounds like, from what you're saying, that your wife is concerned about your finances. Take the time to talk about it, and work out a budget. Maybe your wife would feel better about the money you were spending on your hobby if she knew you were only spending x-amount of money on it every month.

Can't help you with the mother-in-law. Those come with the package unfortunately.
Click to expand...

This. She might not really understand your hobby and a sit down conversation about it might be all it takes to clear up any confusion or butthurt she feels. Mine hates the smell of hops but fully encourages me to have a brewing hobby. She does usually like the finished product (with a few exceptions) so at least she'll drink some homebrew with a good meal, social get-together or football party.

Financially, show her the math on a typical all grain batch and break it down to a price per bottle amount. That's all it took for my Wife to get on board, when you can easily spend $9 on a 22 oz. Belgian Tripel (or Her favorite style) and show her you can brew one up for less than $1.00 a bottle.

If She feels neglected when you brew, involve her in the process. Show her how similar it is to following a recipe and you'll have a brewing partner. Believe me, who hasn't needed an extra set of hands on brew day?!?! Who knows, she might take an interest in brewing and start to look forward to brew days.

If she just can't stand it altogether, explain to her that it is your hobby, and not hers. Remind her how healthy it is to have a few hobbies that you can both do solo to save your sanity. My Wife's current obsession is photography and spends ample amounts of time outside taking pictures of this thing or that thing (which I fully support). I'll also take her on photo trips to new places on her day off so She can expand her subject matter.

In my beer world (beer friends and fellow local brewers), She's met most of them and has no mysteries as to whom i'm hanging around with or what i'm up to. It's no big deal to her.

DoWBrewer said:
Here is what I told my wife:

I have to have a hobby. Home brewing is cheaper than a sports car and less trouble than a mistress.
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Snarfle.
 
This is what works for my wife and me. YMMV.

First, foremost and always...mutual respect!

I have my hobby - home brewing. She has her hobby - jewelry making. We respect each other and when asked give honest, respectful, non-hurtful critiques.

We each keep our hobbies as contained as possible (i.e. we don't let them take over the house - when not brewing my stuff is in the basement and she has a spare bedroom made over into a jewelry studio).

We clean up after ourselves - more important for my hobby than for hers just because of the logistics.

I encourage her to buy what she needs for her hobby. She does the same for me. Of course, this is after the bills are paid, etc. and any large expenses are planned for and discussed or are given as gifts on birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas.

We do LOTS of stuff together. These things may or may not involve one or both of our hobbies. It doesn't matter and we don't keep score. Sometimes I'll suggest things we can do that involve jewelry making or crafts, she'll do the same about beer. We do them or not as we both decide together.

We don't let our families run our lives.

Variations on there rules have kept us together for over 30 years...31 at the end of October.
 
My lady has her things that I'm not too interested in, I moan about them but she is free to do them.

I have my things that the lady is not interested in, she moans about them but I am free to do them.

In my eyes that is exactly how a relationship needs to work in order to survive the test of time. If your woman has a problem with it then explain that a marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship.
 
paulster2626 said:
Woman needs a hobby - it's that simple. They seem to get jealous when you have fun and they don't.
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. Seems her hobby is bashing his ? Agreed needs a new hobby can't be fun for either
 
Communication. That's what gets my wife and me through difficult issues. Another angle you might try - though this could be a hard sell - have her join you for a brew day. Actually let her do some of the steps. She may roll her eyes at you the whole time, but you'll be doing it together and that may go a long way. My wife had me help her learn how to knit once. And I actually got better at it than her!
 
My wife also doesn't like when I spend so much money to brew. So I do my best not to brew all the time. Also, brewing with someone can help cut the cost, although you get half the beer which isn't always great! At the same time, I try to talk to her about it as much as I can. She loves good beer, so we go to the local breweries here in Cincy and talk about beer. This definitely helps. Also, I'm hoping to bring her in for a brew day soon and show her what it's about.

When you are young, money can be super tight. You just have to make sure you aren't blowing money on the side that's unnecessary. This will allow you to keep at your brew hobby (or that's what I've been finding at least).
 
I've been married for 14 years and we have an amazing marriage for one simple reason: so long as we're faithful to our vows, we can both do as we like.

I don't have to understand or appreciate her friends, her hobbies, her TV shows and movies, and so forth and she doesn't have to understand or appreciate mine. If it makes her happy, then that's fantastic because I like her better when she's happy. If it makes me happy, then that's fantastic because she likes me better when I'm happy.

After all, she married me because I'm me and I married her because she's her. Why the hell would one of us try to limit the opinions and interests of the other?
 
I've got it so that my costs (not including my labor; it is a hobby) are about 1/3 of what it would cost to buy craft beer. I buy my 2 row malt from a brewer in 50 pound sacks. Otherwise buy in bulk online. I buy hops by the pound online or from other homebrewers. I'm going to grow my own next year. I went from Smackpacks to Safale dry yeast and sometimes save and wash my yeast. My equipment (3 kegs) was all bought from brewers quitting the hobby or built my own.
One other note: I took everything outside to keep out of the kitchen. In bad weather, I can brew in the garage with the door open (no fumes). It is better for staying married. Outdoor cookers are much faster than a kitchen stovetop anyway.
 
It is a "control thing". I mean what else could it be... She wants to see how much she can control you. It might be harmless but then again if you start seeing a pattern you have a problem.

I mean "you can't see your friends", can't buy a motorcycle, can't visit you family or something along those lines you "really have a problem"!

DPB
 
My wife and I keep a pretty detailed budget, so we're well aware that the sunk cost for moving to 10 gallon all grain vs. 5 gallon extract, kegging, refrigeration, etc. pays back in about a year, especially since I'm not as tempted to walk down the street for a $4 pint or pay $10 for a six pack. In cost of goods, not including water and propane, my average beer is about $5 a gallon. Water is negligible, and propane may add about $1 a gallon. With extract, that was about $8/ gallon, and I couldn't produce as much in a year. Numbers don't lie. It's more fun, and if you're smart about it, definitely cheaper to brew your own.
 
Sit down with her and do a budget. Show her (hopefully) that brewing fits into your budget. If not you might have to put it on hold for a bit. Make sure you show interest in her hobbies and communicate how much enjoyment you get out of brewing, however do not let it become all consuming. As hard as it is to scale back...maybe suggest a once a month or every two months you do a brew.

My wife wasn't really onboard until she saw how into it I got but I also do a lot og things around the house and make sure I spend as much time with her and my son as possible.
ALl the best
 
eject8.jpg


But really - maybe try explaining it? My girlfriend never cared about it, but thought it cost alot more than what it actually does
 
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