It's a homebrew thing... you wouldn't understand.

There's some aspects of homebrewing that when you pick up the hobby, you don't necessarily expect.

1.) If you brew outside, you become a master at the garden hose. Spraying kettles and pitchers, bags, carboys, heck, you even find yourself spraying the hose itself. You also have about $50 in garden hose accessories, that you didn't even knew existed before you started brewing.

2.) You become a master stirrer. And stir you will. Stirring wort, stirring extract, stirring minerals into water, sometimes asking yourself, why am I stirring this? But you continue...

3.) It's really easy to spend lots of money on accessories for this hobby. I don't know about you, but I have a plastic bin where all of my old gear goes for processes that didn't work out so well. Reluctant to throw it out, the bin keeps getting bigger. Nevermind that homebrewing library in your office.

4.) You become a master cleaner. You can clean a pile of dishes in the sink with one hand in just under a minute. Cleaning old food is quite pleasurable in fact, when comparing it to a carboy that has had krausen caked to the top for the the last couple of weeks.

5.) Thinking to yourself "why didn't I start homebrewing sooner?" Man, if I had only started brewing when I was 22 or so, I'd have that much more experience!

You'll clean a stack of dirty dishes for the wife, just so you can wash bottles & other, more important stuff.
You just have to stir everything to make absolutely sure it's mixed thoroughly.
And if I'd started home brewing sooner, I might've developed a way to negate the heavy lifting...
Old brewers never die...they just can't lift their sacks!

You have about 12 different temperature measuring devices in the house and they all read differently

"You have how many gallons of beer?"

"Five...and another five will be brewed before that five is ready. I'm shooting for ten in various stages. I'd have twenty if I could."

"How...how..."

I make the same stupid joke with my wife every brew day and she rolls her eyes every time.

Her: How's the brew going?
Me: Good, I'm just heating up my sparge water. *Snicker* That's a funny word. "Water."

True this. I have 3 or 4 myself.
When you get to the point where when finally bottling...you're beginning to enjoy it.
Then, while watching the airlock on the next batch, you think, ugh, I think I'd rather just keg it.
The wife makes room in the kitchen because you're cleaning up after a brew or bottling day to get it all cleaned, dried & stored away again.
When spring comes & you gotta start doing yard work again, but you'd rather be brewing, bottling...anything but honey do stuff.

lol my hose has like 4 attachments on the end. It looks like it was designed to steal cattle from earth.

1977Brewer said:

"You have how many gallons of beer?"

"Five...and another five will be brewed before that five is ready. I'm shooting for ten in various stages. I'd have twenty if I could."

"How...how..."

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"5 gallons!? Holy crap! How long does that last you?"


"About 2 weeks."



O.O

1. You have to explain to non-brewers how the concept of "pipeline" works. And why it's necessary to have 5 gallons of each type of beer.

2. You don't have a snarky name for non-brewers, but you're thinking of one.

3. You have become a bit of a germaphobe.

4. When you walk through a hardware store or home center, you're constantly thinking about how items on the shelves could be adapted to homebrewing use.

5. At the beer store, your choice has at least a little to do with whether the bottles will be good for homebrew. But if you keg, you don't care if it's cans.

unionrdr said:

You'll clean a stack of dirty dishes for the wife, just so you can wash bottles & other, more important stuff.

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So much this. We generally take turns but due to brewing I get quite a bit more than my fair share.

MaxStout said:

1. You have to explain to non-brewers how the concept of "pipeline" works. And why it's necessary to have 5 gallons of each type of beer.

2. You don't have a snarky name for non-brewers, but you're thinking of one.

3. You have become a bit of a germaphobe.

4. When you walk through a hardware store or home center, you're constantly thinking about how items on the shelves could be adapted to homebrewing use.

5. At the beer store, your choice has at least a little to do with whether the bottles will be good for homebrew. But if you keg, you don't care if it's cans.

Click to expand...

I'm thinking either "muggles" or "normies."

Psylocide said:

"About 2 weeks."


O.O

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You're not trying hard enough.

The Mrs is learning. All those empty bottles in the basement are a resource not a trip to the recyclers waiting to happen. If it's at a yard sale or thrift store and it's stainless steel I may be interested. Every beer I brew is worth a taste at least and I will brew again those she likes.

Rockn_M said:

You're not trying hard enough.

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That's restraining myself so I don't have to explain to the wife that I drank 5 gallons of beer in a week.

I have a 20 gal kettle now... won't be an issue any longer.

You have enough Flasks, tubing, various glassware, and funnels to make the neighbors question wether or not you are cooking meth.

You just can't bring yourself to throw that mayo jar away b/c you just know it will come in handy later for yeast storage, even though you already have more jars than you will ever need.

6. Non-brewers have a different interpretation of the term "brewing." I had this conversation with a co-worker recently:
Co-worker: "How long does it take to brew a batch of beer?"
Me: "About 4 hours."
Co: "Cool. So you can brew in the morning and start drinking it in the afternoon?"
Me: "Well, no, it has to ferment a few weeks. Then I bottle it and it takes some time to carbonate. So, about a month or more, grain to glass."
Co: "Oh...not much instant gratification in that hobby, is there?"

BadWolfBrewing said:

You have about 12 different temperature measuring devices in the house and they all read differently

Click to expand...

Ditto on the dishes. Swmbo loves brew day as I clean and sanitize the kitchen.

I have nearly a dozen of the thermometer strips stuck to:
inside beer fridge
outside beer fridge
outside mini beer fridge
inside mini beer fridge
cabinet of the brew room.
in garage (I dont know why)
on carboys
on inside igloo cube
on ferm bucket
on my wine barrel.
inside kitchen cabinet door (not sure why)
Not to mention the 3 different thermometers in my brew room, all within 5 to 10 ft of each other.

I had a non homebrewer try my cream ale, did not like it.
He asked what I do with a batch that I did not like.
it is still beer-you drink it was the response.

leaving any party, BBQ, gathering, family dinner with the beer bottles because you intend to use them to bottle!

BreezyBrew said:

There's some aspects of homebrewing that when you pick up the hobby, you don't necessarily expect.

Click to expand...

I didn't expect to become so picky about beer. To me, almost all commercial "craft beer" is bland, overpriced, and not worth drinking.
Ok, there are plenty of exceptions, but I didn't realize how much mediocre beer is being served, sold and consumed.

Pyg said:

Ditto on the dishes. Swmbo loves brew day as I clean and sanitize the kitchen.

I have nearly a dozen of the thermometer strips stuck to:
inside beer fridge
outside beer fridge
outside mini beer fridge
inside mini beer fridge
cabinet of the brew room.
in garage (I dont know why)
on carboys
on inside igloo cube
on ferm bucket
on my wine barrel.
inside kitchen cabinet door (not sure why)
Not to mention the 3 different thermometers in my brew room, all within 5 to 10 ft of each other.

I had a non homebrewer try my cream ale, did not like it.
He asked what I do with a batch that I did not like.
it is still beer-you drink it was the response.

leaving any party, BBQ, gathering, family dinner with the beer bottles because you intend to use them to bottle!

Click to expand...

Yeah... tell that to my first batch that's slowly rotting away on my shelf. Can't find the motivation to dump it and I know it will never be good.

1977Brewer said:

"You have how many gallons of beer?"

"Five...and another five will be brewed before that five is ready. I'm shooting for ten in various stages. I'd have twenty if I could."

"How...how..."

Click to expand...

How about 25 on tap and 15 in queue... and you have to take growlers everywhere because you can't brew more till your friends finish it off for you.

Do you have homebrew on all 5 taps?

Yes I do.

At all times?

Yes and 2 more kegs carbing in case one of the kegs kicks.

Wow! That's a lot of beer!

Ha ha ha ha, well if you look to the left there is 80 gallons of cider and another 30 gallons of beer aging just in case one of my backup kegs kicks.

....are you an alcoholic?

I just like variety!

I went through 160 gallons of cider and 80 gallons of beer in 2014.

Cider is done in dual 40 gallon batches and beer is 10 gallons per brew day, fyi.

I like the pipeline approach and typically age my ciders 8-12 months

mkyl428 said:

You have enough Flasks, tubing, various glassware, and funnels to make the neighbors question wether or not you are cooking meth.

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Buddy of mine is a DEA Agent and when he first saw all of my brewing gear he said "are you sure this is legal?" haha

MaxStout said:

4. When you walk through a hardware store or home center, you're constantly thinking about how items on the shelves could be adapted to homebrewing use.

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Thank you for this... I questioned whether or not I had lost my mind.... maybe that it what i keep searching for in the hardware store.

smAllGrain said:

Buddy of mine is a DEA Agent and when he first saw all of my brewing gear he said "are you sure this is legal?" haha

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The mail delivery person asked me the same thing... she was concerned with all the stainless steel stuff from homebrewing sites and then the 55 gal SS Big Poppa Smoker was the last straw. She had to stop and ask again if I was making 'shine.

Psylocide said:

Yeah... tell that to my first batch that's slowly rotting away on my shelf. Can't find the motivation to dump it and I know it will never be good.

Click to expand...

When in doubt...add Brett

People at parties think I'm weird when I'm so generous with my brew. I would give away a whole keg to a bunch of strangers if I could watch them thoroughly enjoy it. I'm not sure I would home brew if I didn't have anyone to share with.

CorporateHippie said:

When in doubt...add Brett

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Gross.

It's bottled and a high-finished, hot fermented, untreated tap water (chlorine), scorched LME (that had a best by date of 2009), mess of a beer.

That was before I found HBT.

madscientist451 said:

I didn't expect to become so picky about beer. To me, almost all commercial "craft beer" is bland, overpriced, and not worth drinking.
Ok, there are plenty of exceptions, but I didn't realize how much mediocre beer is being served, sold and consumed.

Click to expand...

In the past year seems every restaurant now carry at least one or more craft brews (usually local), but 5+ years ago I would ask the wait person what draft beers they have (wife rolls eyes) and the wait person can't remember one of them exactly, so far I've not liked any she mentioned (all Mega Brewery beers), so I send the wait person off to find out ( wife rolls eyes), they come back and still no joy, so I order tea! (wife rolls eyes).

Now days The wait person rattles off a list of craft brews and they have one that I've never heard of and I ask a question regarding what type of beer or where the brewery is located (wife rolls eyes) and the wait person has to go find out (wife rolls eyes), they come back and I order it or one of the others (wife rolls eyes).

Psylocide said:

Gross.

It's bottled and a high-finished, hot fermented, untreated tap water (chlorine), scorched LME (that had a best by date of 2009), mess of a beer.

That was before I found HBT.

Click to expand...

But you still drank it up, didn't you?

MaxStout said:

But you still drank it up, didn't you?

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Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.

You spend a LOT of time standing there looking at water in a big pot. And you enjoy it!

Psylocide said:

Gross.

It's bottled and a high-finished, hot fermented, untreated tap water (chlorine), scorched LME (that had a best by date of 2009), mess of a beer.

That was before I found HBT.

Click to expand...

Psylocide said:

Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.

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You have the patience of a saint.... DUMP IT!!!!

Those bottles are being punished, they could be filled with something way better.

how about:
You come home from work to find empty bottles on your doorstep from your neighbors like a drunken milkman exchange

or:
you wake up in the hospital after a week in a coma. You are more concerned with what your friends did with your 5 batches of beer you had fermenting than where you are or why you are in the hospital

MaxStout said:

6. Non-brewers have a different interpretation of the term "brewing." I had this conversation with a co-worker recently:
Co-worker: "How long does it take to brew a batch of beer?"
Me: "About 4 hours."
Co: "Cool. So you can brew in the morning and start drinking it in the afternoon?"
Me: "Well, no, it has to ferment a few weeks. Then I bottle it and it takes some time to carbonate. So, about a month or more, grain to glass."
Co: "Oh...not much instant gratification in that hobby, is there?"

Click to expand...

That is why we have a pipeline of beer waiting for us.

m00ps said:

how about:
You come home from work to find empty bottles on your doorstep from your neighbors like a drunken milkman exchange

Click to expand...

ROTFL This has totally happened to me on more than one occasion

madscientist451 said:

I didn't expect to become so picky about beer. To me, almost all commercial "craft beer" is bland, overpriced, and not worth drinking.
Ok, there are plenty of exceptions, but I didn't realize how much mediocre beer is being served, sold and consumed.

Click to expand...

For sure. I didn't realize how much beer can completely change for the better from being flat and room temp to cold and carbonated. Also, how much the flavor changes over time.

brewkinger said:

You have the patience of a saint.... DUMP IT!!!!

Those bottles are being punished, they could be filled with something way better.

Click to expand...

Yeah... I keg now, don't really need the bottles, hence the procrastination.

You never taste a craft brew without wondering: "Can I clone this? Should I?"

Your wife has sprained her eyeballs three times rolling them when you sip a commercial beer and say "Meh, my IPA is better."

I tell SWMBO with the start of every batch:

"If something were to happen to me, make sure you figure out how to finish the process and bottle. The Batch is going to be great and I want to be remembered for it"

Fortunately I am still here,
Unfortunately none of my batches have been legacy builders!