Overheard At Work...

I overheard this at work today:
"I'm getting her a vacuum cleaner & a case of slimfast."
I laughed so hard I spit coffee on the floor & I'm still giggling about it.
What did you overhear at work? Or anyplace else for that matter?
Regards, GF.

I can only imagine what Creamy overhears on the train.

you'd be surprised how often I hear" I hate it when they forget to put the dead bodies away" while I'm at work

"How were the stripers last night." Of course we are taking about rockfish and not naked people dancing around. The fun of working in a tackle shop.

gratus fermentatio said:

I overheard this at work today:
"I'm getting her a vacuum cleaner & a case of slimfast."
I laughed so hard I spit coffee on the floor & I'm still giggling about it.
What did you overhear at work? Or anyplace else for that matter?
Regards, GF.

I can only imagine what Creamy overhears on the train.

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[ame]http://youtu.be/Twivg7GkYts[/ame]

Goofynewfie said:

you'd be surprised how often I hear" I hate it when they forget to put the dead bodies away" while I'm at work

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I hope you work at a morgue. :cross:
Regards, GF.

Years ago, a colleague had to look into whether it was legal for a particular municipality to sell a piece of seized property - the item happened to be real ivory. Without knowing the backstory, I overheard him on the phone with a Treasury agent saying "I'm sorry, officer. I don't know what kind of elephant it was."

"Am I gonna need gloves for this?"

"I knew I shouldn't have slept with him, but what can I say it was good." And this was coming from a guy.

There's a lot of corn and potatoes in it today.

...and he was sitting in his car wearing a purple spiked dog collar.

SharonaZamboni said:

"Am I gonna need gloves for this?"

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That too

1. "I'd never be here today if I hadn't gotten blotto and bought that horse back in 1992."--Never did get to hear the whole story. I still wonder about it from time to time.

2. "The guy...THAT guy I was telling you about...the one who got admitted for removing his own eye? Yeah, him. You aren't going to believe what he did yesterday."--Yeah, I asked about that one and got the whole story. Wish I hadn't. Jeebus.

Heard on the elevator at work....

"If your farts smelled like Cinabon, I'd eat your a$$..."

Not kidding...

Anybody else overhear anything interesting?

Usual conversation on the cooking line to me! Hahahaha.

fenderbass said:

Heard on the elevator at work....

"If your farts smelled like Cinabon, I'd eat your a$$..."

Not kidding...

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Won't be long till you see that written on a tshirt.

During the campaign in a Starbucks heard someone behind me say "yeah I'm not seeing Lincoln, we have him to blame for Obama since he freed them".

gratus fermentatio said:

I can only imagine what Creamy overhears on the train.

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I don't think anyone would believe some of the doozies I've heard at work over the years. To this day, people amaze me with the lies they come up with. I'll have to doubt my own humanity if I ever get to the point that some of them no longer surprise me.

Well, not at work but at a doctor's office, pregnant woman walks in. A little girl sitting near me whispers to her mother, "What's that in her belly?". Mother: "Oh, that's her baby!". Little girl: "Why did she eat her baby?"

BobbiLynn said:

Well, not at work but at a doctor's office, pregnant woman walks in. A little girl sitting near me whispers to her mother, "What's that in her belly?". Mother: "Oh, that's her baby!". Little girl: "Why did she eat her baby?"

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This isn't something I overheard but read. My ex and I were at my daughter's school for parent/teacher conferences and when I came back from smoking she pointed at picture on the wall and told me to read it and it said "If I were an old lady I would swallow a baby." Of course I thought wow what a weird kid then I read the name on the paper and it was my weird kid.

Its the first really nice day of spring, Just before the beginning of the shift my phone rings.

Me: Hello
Employee: (coughing) I don't think I am going to make it into work this afternoon, I'm feeling pretty bad (cough, cough)
Me: That sounds like a pretty bad cough you have there
Employee: Yea, I think I caught that (cough) bug that has been going around.
Me: Oh yea which one is that.
Employee: I think its that sickle cell or what ever it is that's going around, I feel horrible. (cough)
Me: That is pretty bad stuff, I think you should probably get in contact with the CDC or Mayo clinic.
Employee: I really feel bad, but I don't think its that serious is it (Cough)?
Me: Well since sickle cell is a genetic blood disorder that rarely affects middle aged white guys, I would say its serious. You could be a really rare case, and they may want to do a study on you. So unless you have a Dr slip, your day off is unapproved, have a nice golf game.

Airplanedoc said:

Its the first really nice day of spring, Just before the beginning of the shift my phone rings.

Me: Hello
Employee: (coughing) I don't think I am going to make it into work this afternoon, I'm feeling pretty bad (cough, cough)
Me: That sounds like a pretty bad cough you have there
Employee: Yea, I think I caught that (cough) bug that has been going around.
Me: Oh yea which one is that.
Employee: I think its that sickle cell or what ever it is that's going around, I feel horrible. (cough)
Me: That is pretty bad stuff, I think you should probably get in contact with the CDC or Mayo clinic.
Employee: I really feel bad, but I don't think its that serious is it (Cough)?
Me: Well since sickle cell is a genetic blood disorder that rarely affects middle aged white guys, I would say its serious. You could be a really rare case, and they may want to do a study on you. So unless you have a Dr slip, your day off is unapproved, have a nice golf game.

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Wow, what an idiot. I've never heard of someone of calling out cause they caught sickle cell.

I used to work in a print shop, and as some may be aware when you print an image that needs to go all the way to the edge you call it a bleed. So to ensure this you oversize the image and trim it with some left over (the bleed).

One day we were printing a set of manuals for some hospital or medical agency. Saddle-stitch binding with and image of a mother holding a baby and this image went all the way to the edge.

As we were inspecting the finished product we were instructed to "Make sure that the baby's head bleeds".


We had to keep saying it over and over... poor baby.

Co-worker 1: "I don't have an ATM card. I'm not going to pay a bank to get my own money."
Co-worker 2: "Ok I gotta go, I don't want to catch your old."

The back story An employee gets a call on valentines day from his girlfriend who informs him that "he needs to go get tested".

Fast forward to next day, employee calls and says he was a little later leaving the free clinic than anticipated and he will be a bit late for work. (this is on afternoon shift)

Employee shows up, with a note from the said clinic, saying that he left at whatever time, blah blah blah...

For the curious He also tested positive, nothing penicillin wouldn't kill.

Here is the good part...

Then he tells me "He is dumping the former GF but it's not a total loss, because there was a hot chick waiting in the (free clinic) lobby also, and I got her phone number."

I wanted to Gibbs head slap this kid so bad it wasn't funny.

When the shock of this statement wore off, I replied something along the lines of " WTF is wrong with you, you don't pick up women at the free clinic.... She is there for the same reason you were or worse.... She could have something penicillin doesn't kill....." (Begin confused stare on employees face) I follow up with "Your junk could turn green and fall off or something"

To which I get more Beavis and Butthead type stare and vocal response while he processes the mental picture I just gave him, but the lights are starting to come on now.

After sufficient time for this to sink in I said "Show me where you got her number," so he pulls out of his pocket and hands me a name and number written on a piece of STD literature. I opened a desk drawer and rummaged around and found a lighter and burned it right in front of him. He replies "what are you doing, she was really hot?"

I replied "trying to save you life, get down there and get to work"

I think I am still traumatized about this several years later, What is wrong with some peoples kids?

Well, since I work from home full time, the only odd things I hear/read at work come from you guys. The most recent came from Creamy's okra video...."Its got an aftertaste of boot"

I work for a really wealthy suburb north of Chicago, and the residents there are really demanding and, quite frankly, spoiled most of the time. Since I am the Forester, I get to deal with the angry morons when the Village has to remove a dying tree in the parkway. I hear a lot of variations of the same old ****: "you can't remove that tree. It's hundreds of years old" (no, it's a poplar, they don't live that long). " what do you mean you are going to remove the tree? What will I tell my neighbors? It will be an embarrassment!" (Really?)

Well you guys have some doozies...I'm an exterminator for a living...I dont have much that I've heard thats too far out.........but some of the things I've seen?!?!?! I think thats even worse in some cases because its not just an ill thought out mistake!

I was on a framing crew and a new kid was hired. The kid was the son of the contractor's friend. Our foreman put him right to work:

"Pick up that sawzall and go downstairs. Cut out all the thresholds-'
"The what?'
"This!" he kicked the bottom of the stud with his boot "This right here, wherever you can walk through the wall, wherever we're gonna put a door."
"OK."

5 minutes later one of the framing crew came upstairs laughing, telling us we had to go check this out. The kid was on his knees cutting out the threshold, but he was just pushing the blade back and forth, and hadn't plugged it in.

"You know, you can plug that in."
"You can?" the kid beamed back "that's cool"
"Yeah, but don't bother. You're f**king fired."

Hahaha^
yeah..stay away from the power tools that 'bite' kid!

^^ you should have let him run the table saw before you fired him. Could have been entertaining.

The first week of summer break for the highschool kids. My female boss's cell phone ran, it was home, she ingnored it. Rang three more times in a row from home, so she answered it and it was her teen daughter talking about her teen son. It was one of those Bob Newheart type phone calls.

Yes, o.k. o.k calm down, he what, ok put him on the phone.

(pause)

hello, no, no, STOP YELLING. (pause) I DON"T CARE NOW TAKE THE REMOTE OUT OF YOUR PANTS AND GIVE IT BACK TO YOUR SISTER.

We laughed about that one for years.

From a coworker
" my dad like dogs so much he doesn't eat them anymore"

"I want my woody to smell like lemon pledge!"

Bartender talking to the janitor...

I've got a new one! A colleague told me about a conversation he overheard at a Hardee's in Lebannon, VA between a little old man and woman talking about an upcoming church tent revival:

"Well, I don't know what they're using our tithes for, if we have to bring our own snakes..."

"Pull the skin back and put it in your mouth." One coworker telling another about how to eat the fresh bacon he smoked this weekend... Literally just happened.

"First of all, I like to poop naked... so I can feel free. When I start the wipe process, I put one leg on the sink, and use one hand to help spread, so I can get a good ol' cleaning done"


I am crying of laughter still!

I work at a gym. so I have no shortage of great stuff.

Goofynewfie said:

you'd be surprised how often I hear" I hate it when they forget to put the dead bodies away" while I'm at work

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Mortician?

OrdinaryAvgGuy said:

Mortician?

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No, I work at a university

Goofynewfie said:

No, I work at a university

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AAH, medical school.

"I mean, really... at our age, who gives hickeys anymore? I'm 25 -- that's a junior high move"

Our office "playa", after getting ribbed about the obvious reminder of his weekend.